Dojima sipped from his coffee cup as he tried to organize his scrambling thoughts.
"Th-There's no way that Yu is... Right?"
The aging detective shifted in his chair as the situation once again came crashing down on him.
It all started the previous night...
Dojima was tired... so very tired.
He had just gotten home, not even through the front door, when he was hit by a semi-truck of exhaustion. His bones and muscles ached with every centimeter of motion. The constant call-ins from the newbies were physically killing him...
His eyes were getting heavier, as were his legs, when he spotted the couch in the modest living room of the modest home. It looked like an oasis in a long and dry desert, one that Dojima knew better than to ignore.
He made his way to the couch, practically jumping on it in glee. The relief was instant as his aching body went numb with pleasure. The desire to sleep was getting almost voracious, pulling his eyelids down and raising them at slower intervals. Surely he had earned a quick cat nap? Keeping a town safe took a lot out of a guy, you know?
He placed the blue cap on the table next to him over his eyes, shielding them from the light. It was perfect, if a little too small. Dark enough to block out all light, but it took a little rearranging to get it just right. Still, he had found the perfect position to... wait.
'Whose hat is this?'
Did anyone he know wear a hat like that? He could have sworn...
"S-Senpai!"
He heard a voice from upstairs. It sounded incredibly familiar...
"Please! C-Continue what you are doing!"
'Is that Naoto?'
His nephew and Naoto Shirogane had actually grown quite close after the kid detective's disappearance. That was actually a common trait with the kidnapping victims. From the Amagi girl, to the idol Rise, to Kanji Tatsumi of all people, a friendship was established between them all. Must've been a weird group therapy thing. He didn't care. It was good that they were all helping each other... even if some of them were a little eccentric. Mainly that blonde kid... fuck that guy.
"Y-Yes! Just like that!" Shirogane's distinct voice rang out again. Dojima guessed that the two were up there playing some kind of video game or something. Kids are weird... But what got his attention was how shaky his voice was. Was that kid nervous about something?
"D-Deeeepeer!"
…
Okay. That was weird... It was almost as if-
"FUCK ME HARDER, SENPAI!"
…
Dojima tried to get off the couch, but he was paralyzed. All motor functions were unavailable for the moment. Even his brain was on the "REFRESH" list. All he knew was that he was very very scared at the moment. At that moment, he finally realized the... thumping coming from the upstairs bedroom. It was very quick and... Oh God...
'I think I'm gonna vomit...'
He had never realized that his nephew... swung that way, if you caught his drift. But it did make sense in a way...
He never invited any girls to his room, just that Junes kid and Tatsumi... OH DEAR SWEET GOD, NO!
His nephew-! His sister's son-! Nanako's unofficial Big Brother-!
"AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAhhhhh!"
Naoto's satisfied moans would haunt Dojima's nightmares for many years to come as he curled up in a ball, merely pondering where he went wrong.
'I knew I should've hit him more...'
Dojima was barely able to look at Naoto or Yu when they came downstairs. He merely stared out into space, unable to be contacted by any form of human life.
He nearly panicked when the boy detective retrieved his hat from the "sleeping" man's head, but it was not like he could have done anything about it anyway. He used the last bit of energy he had crying himself to sleep, being forced to listen to the same... performance repeat itself throughout the night. Naoto had serious issues due to some of the comments he made during the... sessions.
They included, but are not limited too:
"Senpai! Treat me like the woman I am!"
"Harder! Harder! Beat my vagina to death!"
"Not in there! I do not want children!"
"SUCK MY CLIT, AND CALL ME MAMA!"
A bit of bile came up in Dojima's throat as the memories came back. The girlish screams, the thumping, the groans of his nephew as he... finished.
So he merely sat at the kitchen table. His cup shaking violently in his hands as he took continuous sips from a drink long since finished.
"Uncle, are you alright?" Yu asked as he stared into Dojima's traumatized face. He had just stood there watching his uncle move that cup to his lips for the last two hours, and he was starting to get worried. Yu had never realized his uncle had returned home the previous night, too busy helping Naoto... discover her femininity. He guessed that his uncle had just crashed on the couch when he got home, but when he came back home after walking his new girlfriend home he saw Dojima just sitting at the breakfast table. His eyes held horror beyond imagination, as if trying to comprehend a mere fragment of a fragment of the terror would drive you irreparably mad.
"Yu..." Dojima said after a long, tension-filled silence.
"Yes?" Yu could not keep his worry down, his eyes going wide as he jumped from his seat across from his uncle.
"What is your opinion on penises?"
A/N
This is Plague. I'm bored, so I'm starting a one-shot thing. The influences include my own insanity, tears of the orphans I piss on, and Robot Chicken. Expect things to go fucking bananas. And let's face it, we all wanted this to happen in P4.
Edit: What the fuck is up with the first sentence? How the hell did I miss that? Seriously...