SNAFU – The Misadventures of Sierra-14 and Foxtrot-21
"Ever tried kicking an exo down there? Yeah, didn't know they could emit arc damage from there either… if they got anything." –Enya, Awoken Hunter
Episode 1 – The Crucible
Interview Log C183-1L-A1, Debriefing Room #01
Interviewed: [S14] Enya, Female/Awoken/Hunter
Lord Shaxx: So… Ms. Enya, I don't think I have to tell you who I am.
[Enya remains silent]
Lord Shaxx: I'm sure you're well aware the Crucible is a place for Guardians to hone their skills. Though I understand some of you kids might get a little wild out there. Your little stunt with the satellite was… disgraceful.
Enya: The tin head deserved it.
Lord Shaxx: Regardless if he deserved it or not, you're better than… than this.
[Lord Shaxx throws a still image of a strung up warlock hanging upside down]
Enya: I didn't do anything wrong. [Avoids eye contact]
Lord Shaxx: Enya, I've seen you grow so much over the years. So what on earth made you hang the man and snipe anyone who tried to help?
Enya: I don't know! Stop asking!
Lord Shaxx: It's my job to ask. Do you know what the committee is discussing? They're debating whether or not to ban you from the Crucible.
Enya: What?! Sure I may have overdone it a little but they can't just ban me forever!
Lord Shaxx: Should I take that as an admission of guilt?
Enya: Eep! [Covers mouth]
Lord Shaxx: And it's more like a suspension. You won't be able to participate for a week.
Enya: Huh, only a week? That's not that bad…
Lord Shaxx: ENYA!
Interview Log C183-1L-B3, Debriefing Room #02
Interviewed: [F21] Tau-11, Male/Exo/Warlock
Lord Shaxx: Hey, focus here. Are you with me?
Tau-11: … Oh, forgive me. I was just trying to recall the details.
Lord Shaxx: I know. I've been trying to get that out of you for the last half hour.
Tau-11: I'm sorry. But I've already told you about my condition.
Lord Shaxx: Yes-yes, you've told me almost a dozen times now. The rebirth process didn't go so well for you. Your mental capacity is slower, and I don't know how but common sense got thrown out the window, too.
Tau-11: I must interject, that's terribly incorrect, sir. I've come a long way to reintegrate social etiquette into my daily cycle since that time. And yes, it takes a moment longer for me to think things through, but that does not hamper me in combat. It seems my body remembers things better than I do. And what's more, I do not see this as a disability but a fresh learning experience.
Lord Shaxx: Your fresh learning experience is what got you into this mess in the first place, so I've heard.
Tau-11: Oh, so you already knew… Then why then am I required here if there's no need to explain the situation?
[Lord Shaxx massages his eyes]
Lord Shaxx: Tau-11, this interview is being conducted for the sake of record and to present facts of what happened during Incident C183-1L, in which you were deeply involved. Do you understand? Answer yes OR no.
Tau-11: … … …Yes.
[Lord Shaxx breathes a sigh of relief]
Lord Shaxx: Okay, we've finally got that established. So shall we move on and explain how this all started from YOUR perspective. Could you tell me that?
Tau-11: Of course, you only had to ask.
[Lord Shaxx attempts to grab Tau-11's neck before restraining himself]
Lord Shaxx: …Alright then, so tell me, what started this whole incident?
Tau-11: I think it all began when we were en route to the moon. It was my first crucible match with my fire team. They insisted that we should fight other Guardians, which I find hard to understand. We're in the midst of a war, are we not? Why are we fighting each other when we should be reclaiming our lost system?
Lord Shaxx: Oh dense one, you don't comprehend what the Crucible truly is. True that our foes are mighty, but do you not consider yourself mightier than your foe?
Tau-11: Hm, the last strike I've returned from proved challenging but nothing I could not have handled.
Lord Shaxx: And so this is what the Crucible provides, young scholar. What better ways than to test and gauge your mettle against the very force that will be the harbinger of our civilization's glorious return?
Tau-11: …Could you repeat that?
Lord Shaxx: [Long sigh] Fighting your fellow guardians is an efficient means to test and gauge your fighting potential and to improve yourself for the benefit of our civilization.
Tau-11: Oh… that was very easy to understand. I am impressed.
Lord Shaxx: We've digressed far enough. Back on topic, so you say this may have started even before the match started. Could you explain further?
Tau-11: … Yes, yes it did. I was looking over the roster of my opposition. I wanted to have a quick overview of what I'd be facing and that's when he… Excuse me, she stood out.
Interview Log C183-1L-B2, Debriefing Room #04
Interviewed: [F21] Rasputin, Male/Human/Hunter
Rasputin: I'm telling ya'. The dude needs to get out more and live a little, ya' know what I mean? To think that's the first time he ever saw a lady, that's… that's a sad thing.
Lord Shaxx: Rasputin-
Rasputin: Now hold on a sec there. I told ya' already when I came through that door. Everyone calls me "Raz". Kind of like a razz cocktail, finest drink from Aunt Hilda's Dive, so can we hurry this up 'cause I need a drink bad. My head shouldn't be hurting while I'm sober. You think I should get that checked?
[Lord Shaxx glares at the hunter but he is unflinching or oblivious]
Lord Shaxx: You might want to get some other things checked as well. Maybe even take a psyche exam.
Rasputin: Been there, done that. The doc was a real quack and a rip off, too! Hear this; he kicked me out when I still had a whole hour left in my session! But I'm over it. Speaking of over, when is this torture session gonna be over?
Lord Shaxx: …Just answer a couple of question, or we could turn this into a torture session… Raz. [A vein is bulging from Lord Shaxx's forehead] Tau-11 is a member of your fire team, correct?
Rasputin: Yup, I had my doubts at first. You don't run into too many exos who're warlocks, but boy he's a sturdy sonavagun. Ever see a guy nuke a whole hive squad and still take fire for the team, guy is robust! I decided it wasn't a bad idea to keep the big lug nut around. He's like a giant teddy bear shooting fireballs… that's covered in field plating. Man you don't want to get on his bad side.
Lord Shaxx: Okay, didn't need any of that.
Rasputin: Did I tell you about the time he used a killer left hook?
Lord Shaxx: Moving on! …Ahem, do you remember what happened in your last crucible match?
Rasputin: Oh do I? [Laughs] I don't know who but props to whoever managed to hang his thick plated ass onto that antenna, though I wish they didn't put a bullet to my head while I was enjoying myself.
Interview Log C183-1L-A3, Debriefing Room #03
Interviewed: [S14] Aegis-7, Female/Exo/Titan
Aegis-7: I don't believe my interview will provide any insight to the recent incident regarding my fire team leader.
Lord Shaxx: That is for me to decide, so please, could you tell me any detail that may be relevant to this incident. I'm hoping to get more from this interview than the last two.
Aegis-7: Who were the last two?
Lord Shaxx: Your leader and the… victim.
Aegis-7: …The first half of the match proceeded as normal. I'd say we were evenly matched but we were gaining a small lead. And I think that's around the time it happened. Leader and I were headed towards the Alpha control point. I stopped to pick up some ammo for my shotgun for only a second then found leader on the ground. I think she stumbled onto the big guy, knocked her down by accident maybe but turns out that big guy was our opponent.
Lord Shaxx: You're talking about Tau-11?
Aegis-7: If he's the victim, then yes. I knew it was too late to save her so I rushed forward to at least avenge leader. But the big guy… Tau-11 just pointed his gun and did nothing.
Lord Shaxx: Uh-huh, could you explain in your words why?
Aegis-7: I'm not human or awoken, so this may be a thing the… meat bags have problems with?
Lord Shaxx: Meat bags, really? Aegis, please mind your words. People will take offense to that.
Aegis-7: Forgive me as I could not find an adequate term. I may have been too literal? Perhaps flesh folk? Hm, this is difficult…
Lord Shaxx: How about organic?
Aegis-7: Are you suggesting that I am not natural? That my machine exterior is only an empty shell with no conscious?
Lord Shaxx: C-Calm down Aegis, I didn't mean it that way.
Aegis-7: Then what did you mean? Please tell me clearly a plain, inoffensive means to describe the difference between an exo and ORGANICS.
Lord Shaxx: L-Living…?
Aegis-7: Are you then suggesting that I am not alive…? [Glaring inches from Lord Shaxx's face]
Lord Shaxx: … …So you say it's something that flesh folks might take offense. Could you elaborate?
Aegis-7: He was staring at her boobs.
Interview Log C183-1L-B1, Debriefing Room #05
Interviewed: [F21] Kalan, Male/Awoken/Titan
Kalan: It was a beautiful scene, my lord. I stood awestruck by the poetry that was before me. A budding romance between two destined foes sent shivers up my spine!
Lord Shaxx: …We are talking about when Enya and Tau-11 made contact, correct?
Kalan: Not just any contact, sir! It was like their souls have touched, reaching… yearning for one another beyond the torrential heat of our conflict. [Pumps his shaking fist] I think I'm tearing up just thinking about it again. [Pulls out a handkerchief to wipe his eyes and blows his nose]
Lord Shaxx: Are you going to be alright? … Or am I going to be alright after this?
Kalan: Excuse me. It's just… I wish you could have seen it. It's much too difficult to describe with words alone. So that's why I'm… [Begins to choke on his words]
Lord Shaxx: Right… [Reclines back in his chair, slowly inching away from Kalan] so after they made contact. Could you tell me what happened next?
Kalan: Of course! Like a knight in shining armor, my dearest companion, Tau-11 extended his hand to aid the fallen maiden. His chivalry even in the face of his opponent, one has to have a heart of stone not to be moved. [Making grand gestures] But alas, that's when misfortune struck. His hand slipped and fell upon the fair lady's boisterous bosom.
[Lord Shaxx begins to cough profusely]
Kalan: Are you alright, sir? Do you require aid?
Lord Shaxx: No! I'm… [Cough] Ahem, I'm fine so p-proceed.
Kalan: Forgive me, but I'm afraid that's where my tale ends.
Lord Shaxx: And why is that?
Kalan: That's because I was-
Interview Log C183-1L-A2, Debriefing Room #06
Interviewed: [S14] Hikari, Female/Human/Warlock
Hikari: -standing there like an idiot, so I pumped him full of holes with my fusion rifle.
Lord Shaxx: Hm, that matches up perfectly with Kalan's interview.
Hikari: Is that his name? Hope that teaches him a lesson.
Lord Shaxx: I agree. But what I need to know is what happened after.
Hikari: Oh… yeah, the weirdest thing I've EVER seen. And I've seen a lot of crazy stuff happening in the Crucible, but this? [Throws up her hands in defeat]
Lord Shaxx: Again, I agree. So let's just get this interview sorted out for both our sakes.
Hikari: Of course, sensei. So after I blasted that titan guy out of the way, I see this warlock getting touchy feely with Enya-chan. And just past them, I saw Aegis-chan gawking at them as well. I swear it was like one of my romcom mangas come to life.
Lord Shaxx: Wait, hold on, romcom? Manga? Are we still using English?
[Hikari releases a condescending sigh]
Hikari: Sensei is really nothing but a battle-otaku, huh?
Lord Shaxx: Is that how a student supposed to talk to her teacher?
Hikari: At least you remember some of the things I taught you. [Smiles seductively but winces when Lord Shaxx smacks her on the head] Hey, what are you doing hitting a girl?!
Lord Shaxx: You're being a smug brat.
Hikari: I bet you liked it. [Looks away from Lord Shaxx's glare]
Lord Shaxx: You say something?
Hikari: N-Nothing…
Lord Shaxx: Anyways, what you were saying earlier?
Hikari: It's really simple. Romcom stands for romantic comedy, and manga basically means a comic from my cultural homeland.
Lord Shaxx: Then say so to begin with.
Hikari: Tch, that's no fun… [Again, avoids Lord Shaxx's glare] so as I was saying, just like a scene from a manga, Enya-chan reacted like any girl would if they were groped, a swift kick to the guy's crotch, the lucky pervert.
Lord Shaxx: Wait, she didn't know that Tau-11 was an exo yet?
Interview Log C183-1L-A1, Debriefing Room #01
Interviewed: [S14] Enya, Female/Awoken/Hunter
Enya: Jeez, I wish I knew because my foot is still sore. Put everything I got into it. Ever tried kicking an exo down there? Yeah, didn't know they could emit arc damage from there either… if they got anything.
Lord Shaxx: I doubt a kick would be felt through field plating.
Enya: You forget sensei, he was a warlock. Not as armored like yourself. I think even you would feel a good part of it, field plating or not.
[Lord Shaxx adjusted himself in his seat, closing his legs]
Enya: But just my luck, he happened to be an exo. I still got him back, with a little help I might add.
Lord Shaxx: Yes, I saw the footage. It's amazing you hit him so hard it sent him flying to the wall behind you, a bit rough but effective.
[Lord Shaxx shows Enya a clip of her fire team all firing on Tau-11 in synch]
Enya: Yeah, I felt a little better after that. [Giggle]
Lord Shaxx: And leads us to the prime reason for this interview.
Enya: You saw what he did! I already filed a complaint. Is this guy getting banned or what? I won't accept something like a suspension!
Lord Shaxx: The committee will address your complaint in due time.
Enya: Sensei!
Lord Shaxx: Enya! This is an interview. Mind your behavior.
Enya: Yes, sensei.
Lord Shaxx: And please stop calling me that in this interview. I can't believe Hikari got all three of you to call me sensei.
Enya: But it's got such a nice ring to it. [Lord Shaxx glares] Understood, sir.
Lord Shaxx: Back on topic, what led to the whole… hanging incident?
Enya: … After we took back control point Alpha, we split up. Aegis and Hikari went to Bravo that was under attack, and I went to Charlie. I stopped them from taking Charlie and set myself up on the small cliff. Marked five kills with my sniper rifle and was getting back into my flow then… [Look of utter disgust] he showed up again.
Interview Log C183-1L-B3, Debriefing Room #02
Interviewed: [F21] Tau-11, Male/Exo/Warlock
Tau-11: It had quite the volume yet a suppleness that piqued at my curiosity.
Lord Shaxx: Stop-stop-stop, you don't have to tell me the details. That's unnecessary for this interview and more than inappropriate.
[Lord Shaxx hangs his head, massaging his temples]
Tau-11: My apologies, I will attempt to refrain from engaging in further detail.
Lord Shaxx: Please do. So ignoring your post-death missive, what were you doing next?
Tau-11: …It took a moment to realize that I had already returned to the field. Lost in my thoughts I was. Noticing that Charlie was the closest control point and our team was already wrestling for control of Bravo, I hoped that Charlie was unguarded. I made my way to take possession of it and… and…
Lord Shaxx: That's when you saw her again.
Tau-11: Affirmative, it seemed that Enya's attention was placed elsewhere as I brought her into my rifle's sight. I was just moments from pulling the trigger until… … …
Lord Shaxx: What? Until what?
Tau-11: She fired her weapon, and the recoil had the strangest affect on her breasts. It must have incredible elasticity for it to form such intricate waves of-
[Lord Shaxx drops his head onto the table]
Tau-11: Did something happen, sir?
Lord Shaxx: Yes… no, as I said before, you can spare the details.
Tau-11: Ah, I did it again, my apologies.
Lord Shaxx: Just… continue.
Tau-11: It only took a moment for Enya to notice my presence. She was frozen as we stared at each other. Slowly she brought her hand cannon up but we didn't engage. I don't know why she did nothing, but I for one was… lost in my thoughts again.
Lord Shaxx: Tau-11, this is a big if but by any chance, have you lost or have no knowledge of the female gender or their anatomy?
Tau-11: …Is there a place for me to access that kind of database?! [Stands up so quick his chair fall backwards]
Interview Log C183-1L-B1, Debriefing Room #05
Interviewed: [F21] Kalan, Male/Awoken/Titan
Kalan: I will admit. My dearest companion is rough around the edges, but his heart is made of the purest gold. If anything, his innocence is like a cool summer rain that refreshes a barren soul.
Lord Shaxx: You need to get the boy's people skill up to date if you want him to survive within society.
Kalan: It is difficult as Tau-11 prefers to recluse himself in his study. Though my roguish friend Raz insistently invites him, he hardly joins our exhilarating jaunts amid the city's revelry.
Lord Shaxx: Do we really need to get a babysitter for this guy?
Kalan: Fear naught, for I shall guide him to the absolute best of my abilities!
Lord Shaxx: That worries me… So when did you see Tau-11 again after the initial event?
Kalan: It was not too long in fact! We had succeeded in capturing point Bravo. I saw our friend at Charlie and leaped to his aid on my sparrow. I could hear Raz lighting my path with encouragement.
[Audio excerpt, Rasputin: Where the hell are you going?! We got an interceptor inc-KSSSSHHHH!]
Lord Shaxx: Uh-huh… [Hides audio excerpt under some papers]
Kalan: Sallying forth with the lunar wind in my face, I was blessed to see a miracle not once but twice! Such bittersweet entendre, locked within the rage of battle yet hesitating by the pull of ones' heartstring. I could no longer stop the tears from fogging up my visor.
[Lord Shaxx face palms]
Kalan: But alas, I saw the fair lady draw her weapon. I could not bear to watch such tragedy any longer. I quickly rushed in with my sparrow. And between the two fated warriors, I declared with everything I could muster, "Can love not blossom amongst the hate-smeared fields of war?!"
Interview Log C183-1L-A3, Debriefing Room #03
Interviewed: [S14] Aegis-7, Female/Exo/Titan
Aegis-7: Was the most, corniest thing I've ever heard in my entire archived life… I'm surprised he didn't drop dead after saying something like that.
Lord Shaxx: I see you've still got that overbearing honesty of yours.
Aegis-7: Isn't it better to be honest?
Lord Shaxx: It sounds rude the way you said it, but I can agree with you a little a bit… this time. So, you and Hikari lost control of Bravo and headed to back up Enya. Moving through the building is when the two of you noticed Enya and Kalan but no visual on Tau-11.
Aegis-7: Yes, Tau-11 was hidden behind the crates, so for a moment I thought it was some strange tactic the titan was doing to throw us off guard, so I looked to leader for some kind of signal only to see her… shaking.
Lord Shaxx: Shaking you say? Do you know why?
Aegis-7: I do not know the reason behind leader's action. You must query her for a precise answer. But if I must guess… I believe it was shame.
Lord Shaxx: Shame…?
Aegis-7: Initially I thought it to be anger, pulling out her Arc Blade as she did. But she screamed something before she leapt forward to cut that titan down.
Lord Shaxx: And that was?
Interview Log C183-1L-A2, Debriefing Room #06
Interviewed: [S14] Hikari, Female/Human/Warlock
Hikari: I've said it before and I'll say it again. Enya-chan is your classic tsundere.
Lord Shaxx: Soon-… a what now?
Hikari: A tsundere, you know a character type where a person is hot and cold. It's a hallmark character trait! Normally she's all aloof or uber hostile but you've seen her turn soft and mushy when sensei was doting on her. [Giggle]
Lord Shaxx: Hikari… [Raises fist]
Hikari: Alright-alright, I was just kidding! Your lessons were hell anyways.
Lord Shaxx: Thank you, I try.
Hikari: Ugh… anyways, where was I? Oh yeah, I almost forgot the most important point. Usually characters like her end up being love struck with the guy closest to her.
Lord Shaxx: Love struck, as in, fall in love?!
[Brief pause]
Lord Shaxx/Hikari: Not possible.
Lord Shaxx: Enough of your hobbies, what did Enya scream after she activated her Arc Blade?
Hikari: [In a cute shrill voice] That's not truuueee~!
[Lord Shaxx covers his mouth, suppressing a chuckle]
Hikari: I'm telling Enya-chan sensei laughed~
Lord Shaxx: Please don't, ahem. [Takes a moment to compose himself] so what happened then?
Hikari: Oh-ho-ho-ho~, Enya-chan snapped is what happened. Even I was a little scared seeing her point an Arc Blade at us with a fresh corpse phasing out. For a second, we really thought she was about to turn on us until I noticed that warlock again. It all clicked after that.
Lord Shaxx: I'm scared to ask what happened next.
Hikari: He jumped straight through the window.
[Lord Shaxx raises an eyebrow]
Hikari: I know right? That should have been a double layered reinforced ballistic glass and he dove through it like it was made of sugar. Good thing too because Enya-chan sliced through those crates like they weren't even there. But too bad, she jumped right after him and pinned him down before he could get away. Now that I look back, it was kind of cute watching that warlock trying to stop Enya-chan from stabbing his face.
Lord Shaxx: C-Cute…?
Hikari: Yup, and he got lucky too. He managed to hold her off long enough until the Arc Blade ran out of energy. You can feel the frustration coming off of her, tee-hee.
Lord Shaxx: And this is where that unsightly scene began…?
Hikari: Sharp as always sensei. Warlock-kun thought he was in the clear until Enya stabbed her knife an inch from his face. He didn't move after that, maybe a defensive mechanism, playing dead? Anyways, there was a steel cable reel nearby. She got some slack, threw it over the antenna, tied up Warlock-kun's feet-
Lord Shaxx: And knocked the cable reel off the ledge, effectively suspending our poor victim.
Hikari: Bingo~
Interview Log C183-1L-B2, Debriefing Room #04
Interviewed: [F21] Rasputin, Male/Human/Hunter
Rasputin: And so as I'm going through the tunnel, this giant reel drops out of nowhere and scares the bejeezus out of me. I crouch in the shadow, waiting and listening. Nothing so I come out, trying to find out where the hell Kalan and Tau went.
Lord Shaxx: Still mad about that interceptor thing?
Rasputin: Hell yeah I was! Fortunately for them, I couldn't punish 'em since we're in the middle of a match.
Lord Shaxx: Isn't Kalan your fire team leader?
Rasputin: Trust me, would ya' feel confident having to lead that giant ham?
Lord Shaxx: …You exited the tunnel and?
Rasputin: So I checked my corners, seeing my radar is hot. No visuals, so I make my way up the hill and turn around to see Tau strung up like… like a fresh caught tuna.
Lord Shaxx: Interesting metaphor you're using.
Rasputin: Oh I could go on, but even now, just thinking about it I-
[Rasputin bursts into uncontrollable fits of laughter. Lord Shaxx waits patiently for a few minutes, not amused]
Rasputin: Ah… Ah-ha… [Rubs eye] Yeah, sorry about that. So anyways, I—pfft! [Chuckles] I'm sorry. Sorry about that, I'm okay now, really so… [Takes a couple of breaths] so I couldn't contain myself at the moment because I've never seen anything so hilarious in a Crucible match, right? It was a work of art, and I should have taken a selfie now that I think about it. But granted that he is a part of my team, I thought I should help the poor guy after I had my laugh but… Mm… [Rasputin makes a sour face]
Lord Shaxx: You saw the girls?
Rasputin: [Nods] mm-hm, those were some exotic assets they had, and I'm not talking about their equipment in case ya' didn't know. I wish I knew who that hunter was cause damn she had a fine set on that chest.
Lord Shaxx: Thank you… for clearing that up. [Snaps pen in half]
Rasputin: …And the rest, well… ya' already know. We got our asses ripped a new one.
[Still image of Rasputin fleeing from a hail of gunfire, his arms up and flailing]
Episode 1 – End Log
Fun Facts:
From Sierra-14 and Foxtrot-21, try switching the numbers to their alphabetical counterpart from their numerical order. See anything similar to the title?
C183-1L-XX - C stands for the Control game type, 183 was a randomly chosen case number, 1L stands for First Light on the moon, and XX at the end stood for Alpha team or Bravo team and their roster number.
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