Author's Note: Well, this is for the Phobia challenge. My phobia was lyssophobia, which is the fear of going insane. And what better character to pick for this then Bellatrix? I'm not really sure what I think about this, though, but...here it is. Please review :)
Madness
"Look at her," the whisper floated through the air. "Bellatrix Lestrange…she's mad!"
She heard the whisper, felt the cold fist of fury clench inside of her, and with a flick of her wand, the whisper was gone, silenced forever.
Not mad. No, no, no, not mad. I'm perfectly sane. That filth simply didn't understand, like I understand. The Dark Lord understands me. He is above all others, he understands perfectly. The Dark Lord…the most brilliant man. Even if that blood traitor said he was….no, it doesn't matter, I silenced him like I silence all who dare to speak out against me! That blood traitor doesn't matter, nobody matters, really, just my Lord. My Lord, who was pleased with me when I killed Sir- NO. That blood traitor, blood traitor, blood traitor, not Sirius, not anymore, not little Siri, just a filthy blood traitor. That blood traitor was filth, just like An- no, no, just like the other blood traitor, the scum of the earth. What would they think if they…no, it doesn't matter, I don't care, I'm not mad, they're the mad ones, oh God, oh God, I'm not mad, I'm not!
And she walked, a sneer adorning her face, as she passed the cowering wizards and witches that lurked in the shadows, desperate to escape her wrath. She did not have to be skilled at Legitimacy to hear their thoughts. Mad as a hatter, that one is…... Why, she shouldn't be out on the streets, with the rest of us! She's as crazy as a loon! Deserves to be locked up, I tell you……Look at her. Maddest woman I've ever seen. Frightening, really….
Bellatrix screamed with rage. Flashes of light intermingled with screams of terror as one after the other, the thoughts were silenced, the wizards and witches lying lifeless on the ground.
They're the mad ones, not me, I'm sane. I've been in Azkaban all those years, and they'd think I'd be weak, but no, I'm still sane, because look at me, I am fighting for the right cause, I am fighting for my Lord, and he doesn't listen to these nasty rumors, he doesn't think I'm mad, he thinks, no, he knows that I am his greatest warrior, his most loyal servant. So what does it matter what these scum think? These Mudbloods, these blood traitors, these cowering creatures, they're all filth, and they don't know what mad is, because I'm certainly not mad, look at me, look at me, I'm sane as anyone, I know what's right, look at me! Madness is for the weak, like those disgusting Longbottoms, and I'm certainly, certainly not weak. Everyone knows that, I'm not weak, I'm not!
Bellatrix was shaking with rage and fear. She screamed again, the kind of scream that struck terror in people's hearts, the kind of scream that Bellatrix was known for. There was a hint of madness in that scream, and Bellatrix recognized it, and screamed again in fear, in horror, in desperation.
No, no, no, no, no. Not mad, never mad. Sane, perfectly sane. Oh, please God, please, not mad, not mad!
She squeezed her eyes closed, her heart racing, an icy fear coursing through her veins. They all thought her to be mad, but what was Bellatrix if not one to defy expectations? She clung to the last shreds of her sanity with all her might, because giving in to the welcoming madness was surrendering, and Bellatrix never surrendered.
Surrendering was for the weak, madness was for the weak, I'm not weak, Bellatrix Lestrange, the Dark Lord's most loyal and loving follower, is not weak, no, no, no, not weak.
She told herself this, over and over, clutching to the reassurance. To think anything else, to give into that nagging whisper of doubt that she could never silence, no matter how many she killed, was to give into the terrifying madness that lurked within her. And Bellatrix Lestrange could never, ever do this, because Bellatrix does not give in, Bellatrix does not show weakness. She was a Black, after all, and Blacks are strong, Blacks look down on madness. Bellatrix didn't think about the underlying madness that had been in her family for generations, created by inbreeding, because it didn't matter, she wasn't inflicted. She was stronger than this, stronger than the current of insanity that ran through her blood, trying to overtake her, and she would show everyone that she could fight it and triumph.
Yes, in time, everyone will see. I'm not mad, I'm not. No, not mad, not mad, never mad.