Old Wounds
There is always a deep-rooted fear within Mika Ryuugu's heart and mind. It is a panic that overtakes her core and flops through, making her guilty of all of her sins committed. But knowing that there is no chance for the old wounds to finally be healed without trace of scars she continues on with life along with her daughter Ayano in Hokkaido. Life there for her daughter is good, and Mika intends to make sure Ayano never learns the truth about the rest of her half family. Currently the two are strolling down the street together, Ayano's mother just having bought her a crepe crammed with strawberries and cream and chocolate.
"Ayano-chan, your birthday is coming up," Mika gently reminds her six-year old daughter. She is faced with a pair of wide-set brown eyes staring up at her. Brown. Not blue. Not blue like they could have been- No. Mika pushes thoughts of her old life from her mind as the two continue down the street.
"I know that, Kaa-san," Ayano chirps as she chomps into her crepe.
"What would you like for your birthday?" Mika asks. Now here is something she will be able to find. A doll, maybe, or a new pair of shoes.
"Mm…" Still holding her mother's hand Ayano gazes up thoughtfully at the glittering Tokyo skyscrapers- well, as thoughtful as one can look when they have chocolate and cream smeared across their mouth. The tiny girl is left to ponder what she wants, pale pink dress tugged by the wind. At last Ayano decides to announce her verdict.
"A sister. I want a big sister!" Mika stiffens at the word, quickening her pace so her daughter doesn't see the tears mingled of fear, guilt, and anger. It gnaws at her like a worm inside of an apple core, tearing through the soft flesh of anything good and sweet and then the parasitic being leaves the apple to rot while it leaves.
Ayano continues, still oblivious to her mother. "I want a big sister because you and Tou-san aren't around a lot because of your work. So I want a big sister as a friend who can be home as much as I like! I want a sister who likes to play with dolls and read stories and braids my hair and hugs me and is funny and-" Ayano looks up to see her mother hunched over with sobs. The inquisitive redhead asks, "What's wrong?"
No answers come out through Mika's crying. She knows that what she did then was unforgivable, and it still hurts even years later. She is sorry, but she cannot let Ayano near Rena in Hinamizawa. Rena will hurt her, tell, call her and her half-sister a liar. But the worst part is all that her older daughter says will be one hundred percent true.
And she hates herself for it.