The idea of me writing this came from my friend. It was originally going to be in another person's point of view, but I decided not to. I just started a new log on LOZTP and named it Link2… don't ask… but anyway….

This is a sassy outlook on the famous Zelda series. This one is only limited to the Twlight Princess, but, that's okay, because I still haven't beaten the game, but I shall have my friend help me with this.

Please, please, please, tell me if I have some grammar mistakes. (if I do, I shall fix them).

~This is probably gonna suck, but please, don't be mean. This is my first fan fiction alone, and with no help whatsoever.

If your small inadequate brain can handle reviewing, please do. (Most of you do unless you're a complete moron who forgets their name every 2 minutes)

Be nice, if at all possible…

And constructive crit. only please!

DISCLAIMER: I do not, SADLY, own The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. If I did, Link would be named Jill, and he would instead be a ninja.

--

I AM LINK! The vicious pumpkin masher and the guru of chicken throwing! Welcome to my world.

Blackness was all around me. Nothingness surrounded my pupils. Where was I? Oh yes, my house. Tis a gloomy place, in my opinion.

I sat there in my bed, comfortably, lying there with no disturbances. I was thinking about last night, sitting there talking with Rusl, by the springs. It was EXHAUSTING. (Even though I didn't talk.) I mean, learning all that stuff he was telling me, which I, once again, do not remember, was physically and mentally draining.

"HEEEY!" My employer yelled at me from down below.
"Ga aah," I thought to myself, "He found me… I was comfortable, lying here… doing NOTHING."

"ARE YOU UP?!"

There was a chance of getting fired if I didn't get up and answer my money-giver's calls. So, basically, I had no choice- but to get up and go outside.

"CAN YOU HERD SOME GOATS?"

"AAH…. Not again! I hate work." I silently spoke inside of myself.

So, naturally, not speaking at all… I climbed down the ladder and jumped onto the ground.

"Where's Epona?!"

"Ah, great. Ilia took her again." I walked down to the springs where I would normally find this horse-stealing girl to see her with my ride to the ranch. If only I had an option to jump her…

"Oh hi Link…."

"Like it's a surprise to see me here… I come out here every freaking day to find you here with my horsie."

The usual… "I cleaned Epona for you, Link…" and "Be nice to her, Link."

Gawd.

Shut up.

The usual scene went through and I had no choice but to stand there and be amazed by her 'beauty'…

I walked back, with my horse, to find only that he was gone . But, the children were there. I like the children, except for the blond one, who's like 11 and I'm 17 which is kinda weird because she has some kind of munchkin crush on me.

"Could you herd those goats for me?"

Of course. It's my job. Goat-Herder.

My hands gripped tight to Epona's reigns. Faster! Faster! We must get the goats into the big square thing called a barn!

Goat in! Goat in!

Score. 10 Link. 0 goats.

"Thanks, Link. Want me to-"

"Please not the fences…"

"-Set up the fences for you?"

"Crap."

Once again- I had to jump over the fences. Day after day he made me jump!

Maybe he likes me to jump.

Maybe he has a plan of kidnapping me and then he's teaching me to jump so I can escape so it's more of a challenge for him.

Maybe he's gay.

I got to my house to find those little munchkins there again. Only if I could mall them…

But not the little one because he never did anything wrong… Nor their sibling, either. They're a pretty cool brood of midgets.

That leaves one- the pink wearing blonde one. B.E.T.H.

The word stings my brain, like a tiger's chomping down on my skull!

I walked over and overheard their conversation about some kind of slingshot.

What- Why did they want a slingshot?

Wait- can they see my thoughts on the bottom screen?

"WILL YOU GET IT FOR US LINK?!" She practically screamed in my face, "WE DON'T HAVE THE MONEY!"

"GA!" I answered "OKAY!"

I left, hoping that they didn't see my thoughts.

If they didn't, I was okay for now.

If they did, I was dead.

So, naturally, my mission was to get the pebble throwing toy at the shop.

Wait, what? I only have 4 rupees? It's 30 rupees?! Gawd. Link is poor!

"Kay- I guess I have to go throw some pumpkins." I marched off proudly towards the pumpkin patch where all of the good money producing fruits lie.

I walked over to the patch by the large stone extending out of the ground and the pond- type –thing beside it. I threw one; one rupee, another… FIVE! Hells yeah! I threw the other two; nothing. What a rip off.

"HEY! STOP WASTING FOOD!"

"I'm not wasting food, I'm just throwing orange things to get money, aimed at a plateau, which you are standing on…. That's all…"

"Try to talk to me using Z(target) and A to talk!"

Why? Why must I talk to EVERYONE?!

I just wanted rupees.

My face seemed to form into what was called a frown. My pupils widened, the edge of my mouth curved downward into a rainbow on my face.

Except it was only one color.

BUM-MMER!

The old guy talked to me for a while before he told me he'd like to hear a song, and that I should play him one with some bird shaped grass over on the other rock.

I did so, and, surprisingly, a giant bird came to me, and … and… I didn't know what to do with it! It was on my arm, a large hawk that could as soon bit my head off as flown away.

I let it go, there's no use to it if I can't do anything destructive with it.

I decided to blow this Popsicle stand and swim for a while.

So I jumped into the body of water floating below me like a little duck that flies in the air. (Hopefully the duck isn't rabid)

I swam and swam, until I decided to get out.

Yeah that's right. I decided to get out.

I ran and ran until I got to my house.

Rusl passed me, he said I had something waiting in my room.

"Link-" The midgets called.

I ignored them. No use in paying attention, I have a present in my house waiting for me. OOH! What if it's a sword?

I sped up the ladder like spider man and jumped into the door, and sure enough; there was the chest- waiting for someone to open it.

So- I did.

Wonder what's inside….

--

Sorry, that probably totally sucked, but OH WELLZ! It's all in fun and games!

I'd like to add that I was eating an orange at this time so that's why my hands are sticky… but you'd only know that if you were sitting right next to me and would be feeling my hands… Even if we were the best of friends, like Kelsem and I, I would not let you feel my hand.

Sorry for you stalkers. It's just not happening.

Thanks!

Oh! I should update next week.

This was a short one, but I plan for them to be a little longer.