"What…the fresh fuck…am I looking at?" Karkat's eyes followed strings of lights wrapping around poles in the New York mall. Tinsel was bordering every sign, a Santa hat at the you-are-here point instead of a star. A man was sitting in the corner, singing jingle bells to himself while playing to his guitar and Karkat swore he could smell peppermint. The dazzle of the Christmas season reflected in the trolls eyes.
Christmas trees were in red and silver pots at every corner, covered in strings of popcorn and cranberries. Next to a purple synthetic one was the entrance, where Karkat was now.
Next to the troll stood Dave, holding his hand with a red knitted mitten. A scarf covered his neck and mouth, letting only his shades show that there was a person underneath the dozens of layers Rose insisted upon. Karkat, as short as he was, fared no better.
"This is Christmas. The only time of the year when children can sit on a pedophiles lap and not have the cops get involved."
"What's a pedophile?"
"You don't need to know that. Do you wanna start at the stores or do you wanna talk to the big man himself?" Dave felt like he was talking to a little kid and, for all he cared, he was.
"I want to see the man whose face was on the coca cola billboard." Karkat stated, making no movement towards any store.
"Santa? Hell yeah dude, let's go ask for some shit. I'll ask for a rad new mixer, and you can asked to get laid!"
"Fuck you Strider." Karkat let go of Dave's hand. His voice didn't fool Strider though. Karkat was absolutely stunned and Dave could have sat in the corner of Victoria's Secret for the whole day in the perfume section with 40 year olds in denial spraying perfume in his face just to watch him. It was simply that time of year.
The blond boy started walking, taking the time to comment on every old dude who looked like and every asshole who didn't scrape all the snow off their boots before coming in. The nubby horned boy paid no attention.
It didn't take too long to get to the center of the mall, where Santa's seat was. In fact, Karkat would have walked all the way back to the entrance and back, just to experience the thrill of seeing Santa for the first time again.
See, when you are a little kid, you don't get to take part in the 'treasured moment' that is talking to Santa Claus. If you are a sensible toddler, you start to cry whenever you see a fat guy in a red suit with a beard and end up being carted away with your parents feeling embarrassed at your behavior. If you are a eight sweep old troll who's first experience with snow was five minutes ago, Santa is a god and you are beckoned to him like a bee to a flower.
In Karkat's case, he was already halfway through the line by the time Dave returned from the food court with mint hot cocoa.
Staring at the elves like they are precious jewels.
Drooling a little bit.
"Yo Karkat, how about you stay a bit and get off line to drink this with me." Dave held up a cup. "Santa will still be here when you're finished. I promise on my ecto-sister's dead cat ghost."
"No way! I'm almost at the front of the line and I think you can hold your reindeer covered panties for two seconds while I ask for some gifts."
"Listen, Karkat, I don't want to ruin the fun for you, but you know Santa isn't real, right?"
"What?" A little girl with brown pigtails and a red plaid overall dress burst into tears. Dave quickly left the bench he was sitting at, getting in line next to Karkat. The girl's mother gave him a death stare before distracting her daughter with a cinnamon sugar pretzel.
"Strider, you are wronger then Terezi when she tried to convince us that sticking a fork into an electrical outlet was safe. Santa clouds—"
"Claus"
"Claus is real. He is sitting in that chair, granting the wishes of every kid in line." Karkat huffed. He had shed his jacket and scarf on the bench, so his sweater sleeves hung off his crossed arms.
"You honestly expect me to believe you?"
"Yes! Why else I would I be waiting in this long as bulges line?" Karkat stole Dave's cocoa from his hands, taking a sip. Except to the troll, a sip meant draining the Styrofoam cup dry. Dave only shook his head, handing the cup to an elf girl who was passing by. She gave him a look as to say 'That's not my job' but quickly smiled when the manager elf looked over. This sure was a weird mall.
"Next!" The fake Santa bent down to drop off a little boy, lap now open for Karkat.
Yea, he was way too big for this.
"Why, aren't you a big boy! How old are you?"
"8" Karkat shrugged, getting more comfortable in the red man's lap. His knees were way too bony to be the fat and jolly guy Karkat saw on tv.
"You are quite a tall eight year old!" Santa chuckled, ruffling Karkat's hair. "I sure hope you've been a good boy this year!"
"Of course I have. What happens if I'm not?"
"Well, then you get coal in your stocking! I'm sure you won't be getting any though." The Santa laughed again. Coal? Stocking? What was this guy talking about? "What do you want for Christmas?"
"Some new pants would be pretty cool, and maybe a troll will smith figurine, oh and a romcom that isn't shit, like a Dan Cook movie or maybe Troll Adam Sandler." Santa winced at the curse but quickly moved past it.
"I will take that into consideration…" Santa stopped, leaning forward.
"Karkat."
"Karkat! Ho ho ho! Well Karkat, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!" The throne of candy canes and presents shook as the jolly man laughed. Karkat suddenly regretted drinking so much hot cocoa.
"Oh, and one more thing." Karkat started to mumble, taking a look at Dave behind him. The coolkid was too busy scrolling through twitter, listening to Eminem.
"Do you think you could get my friend Dave his bro back? He's been missing him ever since he died a few years ago and I think, since I heard you are a pretty big fucking deal, you could be able too. I think he'd pretty happy with that." The Santa nodded quietly, looking over the troll boy's shoulder at Strider.
"I'll try." With a solemn nod and a slight twinkle in his eye, the Christmas icon started to laugh again, handing Karkat to an elf man, who directed him back to Dave. The Texan boy looked up from his iPhone. It was about damn time this guy started paying attention.
"Well?"
"Well what? I asked for some presents, and now I'm back here."
"Alright, calm your shit. My turn."
"You're what?" In a matter of seconds, Dave was gone from Karkat's peripheral vison. The troll, who didn't see the human teenager climb up on Santa's lap and cut a ton of toddlers, left to go shopping.
…
Later that night, Dave and Karkat returned from the mall, bags and boxes at their feet. Kanaya opened the door to let them in. Rose was on the roof.
"Hey Rose, at what point are you going to come down so we can send you to a therapist? " Dave yelled from the snow covered front yard.
"Maybe tomorrow, if I'm feeling up to it." A smirk stretched across the Lalonde's face. She loved to tease her brother.
"Good, because you need serious help." Dave gestured towards Rose's master design. It was like an elf threw up all over the titanium roof, shitting ribbons as it bounced on its jingle bells slippers back to its homeland.
Red and green lights were strung around the main part of the roof, making a zig-zag pattern from a birds-eye view. Every window had a candle in it and a mistletoe hanging from the curtain rod.
The poles holding part of the house up were wrapped in lights and holly, leading up to the main door, which was wrapped in red and silver wrapping paper. The red and silver theme continued around the walls of the house. Lights covered every inch.
"Hey, at least we don't have to pay the electric bill." John appeared beside Dave, holding out a blue box.
"It's for you. An early Christmas present."
"Are you sure you want me to open this now? My sister is about to decorate her dick shaped dome room and I'd like to see just how phallic she can make it look." Dave looked down at his present, then up at the roof. As Christmassy and romantic as an early present was, there were just some traditions you couldn't miss out on.
"I understand. Looks pretty doesn't it? I think the green ribbons attached to the side of the bridge add a nice touch."
"I think you mean the red ribbons."
"How about both." Egbert sighed. His breath made steam, which quickly disintegrated, but not before he could watch his glasses fog up a little. The lights blended together on the foggy glass, and made the house look like it was in a Christmas picture.
Aside from the tinsel dicks Rose was hanging on the dome.
"Fucking incredible." Dave laughed, leaning back onto John's head. The steam from their mouths swirled together.
…
"Good night Karkat. Goodnight Dave. Goodnight John." Kanaya hugged everyone goodnight, leaving with her girlfriend half-asleep. The jade-blooded troll was wearing a Santa nightgown, which Karkat had failed to complement, but swore he would tomorrow.
It was going to be Christmas after all.
And the first one he had celebrated too. It was exciting for the trolls. Karkat would rather stab himself then admit it, but everything about this time of year was magical. Sure, twelve pedigree's was great, but it didn't have snowflakes that melted on your tongue, festive movies that played till midnight and definitely not a jolly 'pedophally' or whatever Dave had called him.
The Christmas tree was a comforting reminder, however. It had ornaments and lights and ribbons attached to its branches, just like home. It even smelled like the forest, which, while it was fairly new to Karkat, was homely to Nepeta. She slept under Equius's tree, by Dirk's apartment in Texas. Right underneath the Christmas smuppet extravaganza to be exact.
Speaking of Dave, he was curled up next to John, eyelids drooping. A knitted blanket was laid on top on top of the two boys, making Karkat shiver. He had declined a blanket and was wearing a reindeer onesie. Sure it was warm, but it wasn't as warm as if he was next to Dave. Grabbing a pillow and tip-toeing by a creepy wizard, Karkat made his choice.
The red-blooded troll had to tread carefully. He didn't want to wake Dave, especially since he had fell asleep the moment Karkat stood up.
And he especially didn't want to encounter Santa Claus.
Since Karkat had little knowledge of the pale, bearded creature, he wasn't quite sure how the whole 'getting the presents inside' thing worked. Did he walk in the front door? Certainly not, since Rose locked it after she came inside. Did he walk through walls? Probably not.
The most logical choice would be squeezing through the chimney. Of course, the milk and cookies Kanaya set out probably weren't going to help him get back up, but Karkat was too tired to think things through.
After all, he wasn't Santa. He was Karkat Vantas.
"Karkat the grumpy troll boy," Dave sang, earlier that evening, "Had some weird ass nubby horns! And if you ever saw him, he'd punch you for trying to look at his blood!"
"That doesn't rhyme!" You had groaned, taking a sip of Sugar Cookie eggnog.
"How'd you know it was supposed to rhyme?" John had questioned.
"You've heard the song before?" Dave leaned closer to Karkat, making him blush before pushing him away.
"No! I don't listen to your idiotic human music. I had just assumed that the song you were singing was a rap, which happens to rhyme." Karkat remembered leaving the kitchen a moment later to finish wrapping Dave's present, humming the tune along the way.
Now, Karkat had started to hum again. As he slid the horrorterror princess away from Dave, he slid himself into its former position.
As the last few notes left his throat, the troll fell asleep.
…
"Psst, Karkat. It's morning." Karkat opened his eyes, vison blurred from sleep. He started to sit up.
"Wait." Kanaya whispered, pushing Karkat back down. "I don't want you to see just yet."
"See what?" Karkat mumbled, earning a quick shush from Kan and an even quicker stir from John. Man, if anyone was a light sleeper, it was John.
"The tree."
"Where's Rose?" Karkat blinked his eyes, clearing his vision. Kanaya's hair was ruffed with bedhead, her eyes wide with excitement. Her fangs had a drop of blood on them.
"She's upstairs grabbing her camera. We wanted to film your reaction to your first Christmas and, I'm not quite sure you can tell, I'm very excited."
"I can barely tell." Karkat rolled his eyes.
"I'm a little anxious to be honest. What if we aren't celebrating it right?"
"How could we celebrate Christmas wrong? All we have to do is open the presents Santa left."
"Who?" Kanaya looked at Karkat quizzically.
"The guy who wears your pajamas. I like them, by the way."
"Thank you!" Kanaya blushed softly, giving a very genuine smile to her best troll friend. Moirail would be a better term, but the two hadn't reached that point quite yet.
"But yeah, it isn't a hard holiday to celebrate and I'm pretty sure the humans won't hate us if we fuck up." Karkat shrugged. He wasn't all that sure though.
He opened his mouth as if to speak, but Rose's soft footsteps echoed throughout the room. Kanaya loosened her grip slightly, motioning towards Dave and John. Putting her now recording camera down, Rose shook the two boys gently.
"Dave, John, its Christmas!" Her voice was soft, but urgent. Rose knew what was under the tree and there was no doubt that she knew Karkat wanted to see.
"Christmas? Christmas!" John gasped, flying forwards. He jumped off the couch, tangling his foot in the blanket. As John pulled his snowman slippers out of the wool, Kanaya moved out of Karkat's way, turning to wake Dave.
What Karkat saw was amazing.
The tree was lit, underneath it almost fifty presents. Each present was a different shape, some big rectangles and others a shape that really couldn't be identified unless you opened it. And every one had a tag with cursive letters reading 'Santa'.
The ones on the side were the ones the kids had gotten each other, each in their respective colors. And each present was sitting on top of snow.
Well, not real snow. That was covering the windows, letting in a soft glow which illuminated the dark wooden floor. The inside 'snow' was actually cotton, scattered to look like the presents had been taken straight out of the arctic. With lights tucked underneath the soft layer, the scene was complete.
Karkat was too hypnotized to move.
"Well? Aren't you going to open any? The ones with the red tags are yours." Rose helped Karkat off the couch, sitting him next to the tree. Kanaya started to hand him presents. Dave sat up behind him.
"Open mine first."
"No way, open mine first! I let him hold it last night!" John shoved the box into Karkat's arms.
"Unfair!" Dave joined the others at the tree. Karkat had already started to open John's gift, so Dave left his box next to the others Rose was piling up.
John had gotten Karkat a pile of movies, each one an original Alternian copy.
"How did you get these?" Karkat gasped. John only smiled, winking at Kanaya.
Now it was John's turn to open his first present. Since Karkat opened John's present first, John had to open Dave's.
"Holy shit, it's a pair of sunglasses!" John took off his glasses, putting on the shades. He faced Dave, who gave a thumbs-up.
Rose had gotten Kanaya a dress, with studs and sheer fabric covering the back, with lines of (fake) diamonds dipping down to her stomach in front. It fit snugly around her hips, curving in to touch her knees before spreading out once more, with more sheer fabric touching the floor.
"Oh Rose, it's beautiful." Kanaya held up the dress for the boys to see. Each one agreed that it was the prettiest dress that they had ever seen.
Kanaya, in return, had gotten Rose a shawl, as yellow as the sun, which orange beads lining the edges. The blonde girl immediately wrapped it around herself, thanking Kanaya and giving her a kiss on the cheek.
"Hey, save it for the mistletoe." Dave pushed his way between the two, reaching for a present.
"A what?" Kanaya folded her new dress and put it back in the box. A mistletoe? Wasn't that a human body part?
"A mistletoe. It's a plant that it hung up in the doorway and every time you are stuck underneath it, you have to kiss the person standing nearest to you." Rose explained.
"Gross." Karkat mumbled. He dug through his pile of presents, finding Dave's present behind the biggest one.
To be honest, the size of Dave's box was kind of disappointing.
"Open it. I swear you'll be all over me for getting this for you." Dave smiled. Karkat nodded, too busy ripping off the wrapping paper.
Opening the box, Karkat screeched.
"What is it?" John peeked into the red box. Inside was a pair of Will Smith tickets.
"He was having a little rap thing in Manhattan, which is weird since he doesn't rap anymore, so I thought I could take you." Dave couldn't help but laugh at Karkat's reaction. His face was priceless, tearing up at the sight of Will smith tickets. If Dave didn't know any better, he'd say Vantas needed a little Strider hug.
"Thank you so much." Karkat held the tickets up to his face, hands almost shaking. Then, he flung himself onto Dave.
"Yeah yeah yeah. Real question is, what'd you get me?" Dave pried Karkat off of him.
"Only the best fucking present ever." Karkat stood up, dragging a huge grey box out from behind the tree. Dave's glasses almost fell off his face.
"Holy shit dude, is that a couch?"
"Better!" Karkat took pride in his good present-picking skills. After all, he did get John a Nic Cage Collector's edition box set.
"Two couches?"
"What—no! C'mon strider, I don't have all fucking day and I'd really like to see your mind get fucked by just how thoughtful and best-bro material I am for getting you this." Karkat pushed the present towards Dave, who took no time in unveiling the so proclaimed gift of god that was a new mixer.
This thing had two spinny things, a whole bunch pf knobs, and played music twice as loud as Dave's old one (according to Karkat). It even came in black and red.
"Karkat."
"Yes?"
"I fucking love you so much." Dave hugged the box, eyes tearing up. John shook his head.
The rest of the presents were opened, which included Dan cook movies, a bottle of apple juice (Dave practically broke Rose's spine, he was hugging her so hard), pearl earrings, jade lipstick and a shit ton of clothes. Dave was practically swimming in ironic sweaters and Karkat could sleep in a bed made of all the high-waisted pants he got. Thanks Santa.
As the last few presents were being opened, Karkat was still waiting for the bro Santa promised. Dave was on the edge of his figurative seat as well.
"Hey what are these?" Kanaya, who had gotten up to make coffee, returned with an orange box and a silver box. Dave and Karkat gasped, running up to grab the boxes.
"Well that answers that question." Rose commented.
In the Orange box was a smuppet, red and green felt making its body, with a Santa hat on top. To everyone's surprise, Dave hugged it.
"You're in a huggy mood today." John noticed.
"No shit. God, I miss him so much." Dave whispered loud enough so only Karkat could hear. Although Dirk had been cool with his smuppets, nothing beat a beta Strider family smuppet and Karkat knew that. Although he did think Dave would be a little bit more repulsed considering he was hugging a pornographic object.
In the silver box was a photo frame, with all the trolls and kids lined up, smiling. In the middle, John was holding up an ugly Christmas sweater with Karkat's symbol. Underneath the group were the words 'Best Leader Ever'. The frame itself was grey and red striped.
"Just what I wanted." Karkat grinned.
After everything was said and done, the kids had decided to call the others, who were halfway across the country. Just hearing Vriska's voice made Kanaya smile, and John couldn't stop talking to Jade, even after Dave wanted a turn.
Karkat chose to sit that part out, watching the others crowd around the phone, bragging about their presents. It really was calming, just to sit back and stare at the tree and 'snow'.
Karkat felt right at home.