A/N - hello everyone! I'm so happy I'm finally posting this! Well, the November 18th was the birthday of my Wifey, my sweet awesome adriks. And to celebrate that I promised her an exclusive story, it took me forever but I finished. My original plan for this was totally different from what came out; this was going to be a simple drabble or something but I got carried away and now we have this. I don't know if it's better, but I do know I had the most fun writing it. Also, this is my first totally AU fic so bear with me, okay? The story is loosely based on the song Out of the Woods by Taylor Swift, which is a fucking awesome song. This is written from Emma's point of view (I love doing that) and as timeline goes, there are scenes on present time and flashbacks (which you can recognize by the italics); I hope it's not too confusing and forgive me for all the mistakes you'll find here. I guess this is all. Enjoy! xoxo
To my Wifey: happy belated birthday, babe! I pray to all gods you like this gift, I tried my best! Thank you for being so awesome and so understanding and for being there for me every step of the way. I seriously can't even begin to imagine my life without you; I probably wouldn't live at all. Thank you for accepting to be the Regina to my Emma! I love you so so so much with all my heart s2
ARE WE OUT OF THE WOODS YET?
Emma Swan did not like the idea of spending three whole days confined in this faraway ranch with a bunch of people she had never heard of. She wasn't an antisocial person, but she wasn't very friendly either. And she was just not getting a good vibe from this place, kind of a bad omen. Maybe it was just her trauma of weddings. Regardless, she wasn't comfortable at all and the only reason she was doing this was Ruby.
They were at some ranch in Maine, surrounded by miles of forest and a freezing weather. The nearest town was something like a village; it was named Storybrooke, and it looked as dead as Emma's enthusiasm with this little trip. Why anyone would deliberately want to marry the love of their life in this god forsaken place was beyond Emma. But there are all kinds of crazy in the world, right? So here they were.
Emma didn't even know the soon-to-be newlyweds, but apparently Ruby was long-term friends with the bride and was asked to be one of the bridesmaids. Thing is, she had recently broken up with her boyfriend and didn't want to go alone to the wedding, but couldn't skip the event either. So, being the awesome supportive friend she is, Emma accepted to accompany Ruby in this little journey.
Though by the time they got into the lobby of the house the guests would be staying at she was already regretting being such an awesome supportive friend.
"Rubes, this place is wrong in so many levels," Emma can't suppress her disapproval when they check in and collect the keys to their bedroom.
"Yeah, I know. This place is creepier than that downstairs neighbor of yours," her friend replies pulling her hair up into a ponytail, one of her red streaks hanging loose on the back of her neck. "And I'm pretty sure I saw him wearing a hook where he used to have a left hand once."
Emma shudders at this. Yeah, Killian is a creepy dude. Especially when he keeps hitting on her even though she made abundantly clear that she's gay. "Exactly. So why are we here again?"
Ruby sighs. "Mary Margaret and David are weird people, and I think that's why they're so great together," she smiles fondly at the thought. "But they're also good people and if this is important to then, I think we should respect and celebrate. I mean, how lucky they are to have found that one person who makes all worthwhile, right? God knows when we're gonna find ours, so let's give good vibes for them and hope it will come back to us."
Emma runs a hand through her golden locks and thinks about that. That one person who makes it all worthwhile. If this is really the foundation of a successful marriage, Emma has a lot more of thinking to do.
Ruby must have noticed the frowning on Emma's face, for she continued "And hey, if anyone can make a party out of this place is us, right tiger?"
Emma smirks at her. "Sure thing, kitten."
Ruby rolls her eyes at her friend and looks like she's about to make a remark about the depreciative nickname when her stare moves past Emma and she opens a grin. "And if we can't make a party, at least you'll have something to admire while we're here. I mean, check out the hot brunette who just entered the room."
Emma wants to roll her eyes too and reprimand Ruby for changing the topic to such a shallow thing but her curiosity gets the better of her and she immediately turns towards the entrance.
When her eyes fall on the brunette, she feels like all the air had escaped her lungs or she had just forgotten how to breathe, or maybe it was both. She grabs the handrail of the staircase for steadiness, and she desperately wants to run and hide but her feet just won't move.
As if it wasn't bad enough, the brunette looks right into her direction and their gazes meet, locking hard. It feels like the temperature has dropped at least five degrees in that room.
Noticing the cold stare and how pale Emma became, Ruby asks innocently "Do you know her?"
"I do," Emma manages a whisper after a few seconds. She clears her throat to elaborate the answer, but never breaks eye contact with the other woman nor releases her death grip on the handrail. "She's Regina Mills," and after a deep breath, "my ex-wife."
It's a fine Sunday with a beautiful sunset peeking out the window of the living room. Emma is sprawled on the couch, chewing her popcorn loudly, while Regina is going through the last few old boxes of stuff she brought with her when they moved to their tiny apartment.
"Babe, I'm feeling lonely here," Emma yells to her girlfriend. "Come out of the closet and join me."
A warm husky laugh comes from inside the closet in the hall. "You were dying to get this one out of your system, weren't you?"
Emma suppresses her own laugh. "My quirky sense of humor is what makes me so charming."
"I thought that was your heavenly foot massage," she replies while stacking the boxes in the closet.
"Oh yeah, that too. Am I the full package or what?" Emma says back. "Are you finishing? I saved you a seat, and giving the size of our couch that's a remarkable feat. Come on!"
"I'm coming!" Regina yells back.
"That little sentence brings back so many memories," Emma points out staring into nothing.
"Must you sexualize everything?" Regina says heading for the couch, the smirk on her face attesting she actually finds Emma's witty quip amusing.
"Says the woman whose voice is pure sex!" Emma says back faking offense.
Regina just rolls her eyes while taking a seat beside her silly girlfriend.
That's when Emma notices the thing she's holding. "What's this?"
"Oh," Regina holds up so she can see it better. "It's a Polaroid camera. I found in one of my old boxes; didn't even remember I had one of those."
"Cool!" Emma exclaims eyeing the camera. "I've never seen one before. Does it still work?"
"Just one way to find out," Regina says while snuggling her surprised girlfriend and taking a picture.
"Hey!" Emma protests while the camera spits out photo. "I wasn't ready."
"That's the fun of it all, babe," Regina says while shaking the photo.
The other woman just snorts. When the picture is clear Regina holds up for them to see. Emma looks like she's between a laugh and a barf.
"The universe hates me," Emma says whining. "I bet if it was you being taken by surprised you would look like the cutest thing ever."
Regina is fully laughing, and it's both the most annoying and endearing thing to Emma right now. "But you look adorable!"
Emma glares at her. "I'm gonna bitchslap you," she says between gritted teeth. "And you know that's not even my style."
"Fine, fine," Regina crumpled the photo with an eye-roll. "Happy now?"
"Only if you take another one with me," Emma displays her best puppy eyes. "No funny stuff."
"Okay, you take it this time," Regina says handing over the camera and embracing her girlfriend like a koala bear.
Emma doesn't need to put a minimal effort to smile for the photo, it comes automatically every time Regina holds her like this. She lifts the camera and takes another picture.
When the camera spits out the photo Regina takes it and shakes it. They look at each other for a moment, and then Regina leans in and kisses Emma chastely on the lips.
"What was that for?" Emma asks when they break apart.
"Because you're beautiful, even when you're making funny faces," Regina answers simply.
It's the honesty on those eyes that makes Emma hold her breath for a second longer. But the other woman is oblivious to it, staring lovingly at the picture they just took.
"Let me see," Emma says while Regina turns it to her. "Damn," it's the only thing she manages.
"We do look good together, yes," Regina voices her girlfriend's thoughts.
They stare at the photo for a long, long time. Emma looks at every detail of it; their honest smiles, the way they naturally lean in each other, the happiness in their eyes, the love involving them. The best thing that's ever happened to her there, eternalized on that picture. But was it though, eternal? She wanted it to be.
Then a thought crossed her mind, and she didn't even think before voicing it. "We should get married."
It takes a few seconds for Regina to process. "What?"
Emma looks at her. "Get married," she says again, like it's the most casual thing ever. "We should do it."
Regina just gaps at her a few times. "Have you been drinking fat again?"
"Okay, first of all, that only happened once," Emma was quick to defend her honor. "Second, it was your fault, I mean, who leaves fat in a glass and puts it on the refrigerator? And third, no I'm not crazy."
"Emma," Regina starts, but the other doesn't let her.
"No, think about it," she presses. "We're great together. We're great at living together, at being there to one another, at loving each other. We have good chemistry, the loyalty of a Labrador retriever and mind blowing sex. I've never been happier my whole life and nothing will be greater than this. I want this forever, Regina, I want you forever."
"You're serious about this," Regina says with a sense of realization.
"I am," Emma insists. "I'm always serious when it comes to us. Aren't you?"
"Yes, Emma, of course. But this is a big step," Regina stands up and starts pacing. "This is like, the biggest step."
"Actually I think having a kid it's the biggest step," Emma points out almost nonchalantly.
Regina snorts. "Yes, well, it's not like we can actually have a child."
"We can always adopt," at this Regina stops and looks at her girlfriend with slightly panicked eyes. "But marriage first," Emma adds to smooth things.
"You know what? You're crazy." Regina starts pacing again, a little more frantic. "What you're saying is crazy, and you're crazy. And you know the worst part? I'm even crazier, because I actually think it's a good idea."
"You do?" Emma stands too, surprised.
"I…" Regina starts, then she stops pacing and turns to Emma, still a little shaken. "I've thought about this probably a hundred times. I never mentioned because I was so afraid I was going to scare you, and the absolute last thing I want is to lose you. I just want to spend the rest of my life with you, and it's crazy because I never needed someone as much as I do you."
"Maybe I'm the one," Emma offers with a shy smile.
"Maybe you are," Regina whispers more to herself than to her partner. She has that look of adoration in her eyes when she cups Emma's cheek and smiles lovingly at her.
"So let's make it official," Emma says and kneels before the queen of her heart. "Regina Mills, will you marry me?"
"Yes, Emma Swan. I absolutely will marry you."
"Okay, now get your shit together and explain what the fuck are you talking about?" Ruby hisses once they reach the bedroom.
The soon the words "ex-wife" came out of Emma's mouth Ruby yanked her hand from the handrail and pushed the blonde up the staircase. She wanted answers but she wasn't about to make a scene in the lobby, especially with those two looking at each other the way they were.
But now that she and Emma were in the privacy (well, as much privacy as those thin walls could give them) of their bedroom she was sure as hell demanding some clarifications. "Hey Swan, I'm talking to you!"
"Yeah, I heard!" Emma hisses back. She knew Ruby had the right to be mad, I mean, your allegedly best friend keeping something big like a marriage from you? It's pretty frustrating. But she couldn't help feeling a little invaded; she did not feel comfortable talking about that at all, which is way she kept this from Ruby in the first place.
"Then answer me!" the other woman yells with an edge on her tone.
Emma sighs. Okay, it's truth time. "Fine, fine. Just give me a few seconds okay?"
Ruby crosses her arms and just stares at her friend from the other side of the room.
The blonde calms herself. "I don't even know where to start," she runs a slightly trembling hand through her hair.
"Try the beginning," comes the reply and Emma shoots a death glare at her.
Her annoying friend was right though, the beginning is always a good place to start. "We went to college together. As you know I got a scholarship in Columbia; she went there too. Her parents were really wealthy, she has pedigree you know. Which is why was the strangest thing when we became friends," her heart skipped a beat while brain dug out those memories. "On senior year our friendship became something more and we dated for six months before graduation."
"We were so young and stupid and reckless. We graduated and we didn't want to part ways, so we moved in together but it wasn't enough," she sighs. That's why she doesn't tell anyone about this ever; this particular failure in her life hurts her the most. "So we got married."
Emma shrugs and doesn't dare to look up at Ruby, she doesn't want to see the pity there.
The stay silent for a moment, then comes the inevitable "What happened?" from Ruby.
The blonde sighs. "We actually made it work for almost two years," she chuckles but there's no humor to it, just a dry sound that hurts a little. "But then reality came crashing us and we fell apart. And that was it."
"That can't be it. Not judging by the way you two were shooting murderous looks at each other just now," Ruby states. As Emma doesn't respond, she asks tentatively "Did she cheat on you?"
"No, no. It was nothing like that," Emma assures. "We hurt each other in a lot of ways, but that kind of betrayal never happened."
"How did she hurt you?"
Emma winces. She doesn't want to talk about this. She just wants to forget. She got so good at burying her feelings, especially the ones for Regina Mills. God, this is the bad omen she felt when they got here.
"Please Ruby, I don't wanna talk about it," Emma says, her frustration taking over her again. "This is why I didn't tell you before; this makes me feel really bad, I… I can't."
"Yeah, I can only imagine Emma but excuse me if I'm still a little hurt," Ruby bites back. "I told you everything, I told you about… about Peter, about how he died and you know how much that hurts me! But I told you anyway because that's what friends fucking do!"
"I know, I know, I'm sorry!" Emma runs to her friend and takes her hands. "Rubes, I'm really sorry! I know it's fucked up, I know! I wanted to tell you, I really did, I just couldn't! Every time I tried, I just couldn't!" she felt her eyes stink with tears. "I swear I never lied to you, I told you everything else about my life! Only this I kept to myself, and honestly I don't even know why but I just couldn't help it!" she was fully crying now, which was something she could count in one hand the times she did in her life.
That's probably what got to Ruby, for she was now holding Emma and hugging her tightly. "It's okay, Ems. I'm sorry too, I'm overreacting. You don't have to tell me everything, your life is yours," she pulls away and sweeps the tears from Emma's cheeks. "Hey, you wanna get outta here? I can probably ask MM if she can find you a ride back to the city. You don't have to stay."
But Emma was shaking her head categorically. "No, I promised I would be here with you, I won't break that."
"Ems, I can't ask you to stay here for three whole days with your fucking ex-wife around, especially since this is clearly a sour subject for you."
"No, Rubes, I'm fine," she receives a glare at this. "I will be," she concedes. "I won't leave you, I won't disappoint you again-"
"Emma-"
"I'm not afraid of her. She won't run me out of here, I won't give her the satisfaction," Emma says and it's firm and final, so Ruby doesn't argue. Honestly she thinks that Emma staying and confronting her past is actually a good thing, that way she can really move on. Maybe she's just being selfish, not wanting to stay alone here, but regardless she knows she won't be able to convince her friend to leave when she had already made up her mind.
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely," Emma says and takes a deep breath to steady herself. "Now let's go make a party out of this place."
They just had their first fight as a married couple. It was the most terrifying experience they've ever been through. Especially if you consider the fact that it was over a fucking bowl of soup that was left unwashed in the sink.
They're no stranger to fights; they love to bicker, it's fun, and sometimes it grows into something bigger because, well, they're both hot-headed. But they always work it out. However, now that they're married everything seems to have an extra weight, it's more serious, more definitive.
Emma doesn't like this. Their new level of commitment is supposed to deepen their good feelings, their love and happiness, not their temper and anger. This is making her anxious and she hates this feeling, so she seeks her wife out to make amends.
She finds Regina in their living room dusting the stereo, which means the brunette is anxious too (Regina always uses cleaning as excuse to hide her nervousness). She goes straight to her and takes the rag out of her hands so she can hold them and make the brunette look into her eyes.
"I'm sorry," Emma says as soon as her wife's eyes lock on hers. "I didn't mean to upset you and didn't want to fight with you. I know I said I'd do the dishes and even though it was just a bowl of soup I should have washed and not complaining to you about you complaining to me for not holding my end of the deal. This won't happen again, I promise, and I'll die before let something stupid as the dishes start a fight between us once more. I understand if you do but please please please don't be mad at me, I don't like not being okay with you. Pretty please?" the blonde says all of this in one breath and it's a little maddening but also incredibly cute.
So Regina chuckles and squeezes her hands. "I forgive you," she says and there's a relief on Emma's face. "But you're gonna have to prove me that you're really sorry and you love me too much and you really don't want to fight like that again," it's clear she's teasing but Emma goes along.
"Okay, yeah, I can do that," the blonde says nodding. "How?"
"Well, figure it out, Sherlock," Regina says with an eye-roll and a smirk.
Emma looks around to think of something. She eyes the stereo, and adopts a somewhat wicked smile. She goes around moving the furniture to make an open space in the middle of the room. Then she goes back to the stereo and put on a romantic song.
"Would you like to dance, milady?" Emma asks holding out a hand for Regina.
The brunette gives her an impressed smile and takes the hand letting herself be guided to the open space while embracing her wife for a well improvised slow dancing session in their living room.
With their heads rested on each other's shoulders they move around slowly for awhile, just reveling on the feeling of holding your loved one.
After the song ends, Emma asks with an impish smile "Is this enough to prove my deep regret and my undying love, Your Majesty?"
"It's a start," Regina says back teasingly. "But you still have some lengths to go through, Swan-Mills."
Emma beams at this. As a married couple they decided to take each other's last names, just hyphening them. It kind of makes it official that she's now half of Regina Mills and the brunette's half of Emma Swan.
And then a though strikes Emma. "You're half of me, Swan-Mills."
"I know, babe," Regina says with a wide smile and places a peck on her wife's lips.
Emma smiles back and let go of Regina's hands. The brunette assumes a confused expression as the blonde reaches behind her own neck and takes off her necklace. She looks lovingly at the pendant, the shape of a swan engraved on it.
Emma holds it for her wife. "I want you to have this."
"Your swan necklace?" Regina asks shocked; Emma just nods affirmatively. "No, Emma, I can't."
"Yes, you can," Emma insists.
"No, dear," Regina shakes her head. "You told me its story; that it was the only thing besides the baby blanket with 'Emma' embroidered on it that you had with you when you were found, and that's why they named you Emma Swan at the orphanage. It's a part of who you are; it's important to you."
"You're important to me," Emma says simply.
"I know and I have this to prove it," the brunette points to her wedding ring.
"It's not enough," the blonde is adamant.
"Why you want me to have it?"
"Because you're a Swan now," Emma says chuckling sheepishly. "Because you hold my heart and my soul and pretty much all I am. You're a part of who I am too. And I want you to have me with you all the time, even if I can't be there."
Regina looks with such an admiration at her wife that it's almost too much. "Are you sure?"
"Absolutely."
Emma is leaning on the fence around the area of the stables, just looking at the horses trotting around. Ruby was called to help with some bride-crises so she thought she could take the time to explore the vicinity, and stay away from the rest of the people there. Well, from one person in particular. And she was actually enjoying it; maybe this lost bit of land in Maine wasn't so bad after all.
"Never thought I would find you here," a husky deep voice says just behind Emma. The blonde sighs dejectedly; so much for staying clear of Regina Mills.
She thinks about not answering, about ignoring her and just go away. But she's too proud. "I could say the same," she says not turning to look at the brunette that leaned against the fence beside her.
They stay silent for what feels like an eternity.
"It's been a long time," Regina starts again, and Emma can feel her gaze taking in the blonde's boots, skinny jeans and white tank top. "But it seems you haven't changed a bit."
"Well, if you really think that you probably didn't know me at all," she knows she's just being bitter, but she can't help it.
Regina just sighs beside her. "That is probably true."
With this Emma doesn't resist looking at her. She's about to make another bitter remark but Regina's turning to her. It's been years since she had been this close to that face; those deep chocolate eyes boring into her emerald ones, and those full lips - now colored by a crimson shade - with that cute little scar just above her upper lip that Emma recalls vividly tracing it with her fingers and tongue.
She shakes her head slightly and glances over Regina's full form. The brunette has a different posture, more upright and maybe a little too tense; she's dressed a little more formal than Emma was used to see too. "You on the other hand look like someone else entirely," she says as nonchalantly as she can, but she can't help the sadness that makes an appearance on her tone.
Regina just looks away. "That is probably true too," she says and it's just above a whisper.
Emma has no idea of what to make of this. After a few seconds she asks "What are you doing here?"
Regina looks back at her. "Haven't you heard? There's going to be a wedding," she says sarcastically. That is pretty familiar to Emma though.
The blonde rolls her eyes. "So? Am I to assume you're a guest? They don't seem the type of people you hang out with."
The wince on Regina's face makes it clear that Emma's right and Regina hates that she still know her so well. "Yes well, they don't seem your type of gang either and yet, here you are" the brunette bites back. And that is oh so familiar; so much that it hurts, especially given that this constant need to pay back with the same coin that goes between them was one of the things that drove them apart in the past.
"I'm here for Ruby," Emma doesn't even know where this need to justify herself came from. "She's one of the bridesmaids, I'm her plus one."
Regina purses her lips at this. "Getting it on with one of the bridesmaids? Really? Talk about a cliché."
There's a pang of jealousy in there, Emma can feel it. And she wants to feed it, to tell her that Ruby is her girl and she's pleased and happy, and hasn't thought about a certain ex-wife for years. But she's a grown up now, she can't play games, she doesn't want to. "I'm not 'getting it on' with anyone. Ruby's my friend, my straight best friend, and I'm here just to keep her company," she thinks about stopping there, but her resentment gets the best of her for a second and she adds "because I made a vow that I would be here for her, and I don't go back on my vows as easily as other people do."
It's a low blow, Emma knows it. And she knows it had made the effect she wanted when something like hurt crosses Regina's eyes for a split second; and she revels on it, as wrong as it is to do it.
Regina then opens smile that is so fake it's probably painful to do it. "Good for you," she comments and obviously she doesn't mean it, then she looks away to the horses again.
"You didn't answer me," Emma points out still looking at her. "Do you know the happy couple?"
Regina looks slightly anxious, which only serves to pick Emma's full attention. "No," the brunette answers after a few seconds. "I'm also accompanying someone."
And as if the universe wasn't being brutal enough with them so far, an accented voice calls right behind them, "Ah, there you are."
Regina jumps at the sound of it, and her face loses all the color when the man comes to her and kisses her cheek, putting his hand on the small of her back. "I've been looking all over for you," he continues, oblivious at the full tension that took over her body. "I should've guessed you were by the horses though," he adds with a smile when takes in his surroundings.
And then he seems to notice Emma there, staring at them with curiosity. "And apparently you're making friends already," he says smiling at Emma. "Hi, I'm Robin," he extends his hand for the blonde to shake.
But Emma is putting the pieces together. Regina said she's here accompanying someone, and then this guy appears saying that he's been looking for her; he kissed her cheek and he's holding her protectively by the waist. The intimacy of the way he talks to and touches Regina makes it pretty clear what's going on here.
And Emma wants to scream. She wants to run, and scream, and shoot everyone in their fucking faces. She wants to grab Regina by the shoulders and shake her while screaming. YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! A DUDE? SERIOUSLY? THIS GUY? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! She can feel her face getting hot with anger and she closes her fists to prevent her from hitting anything, including herself. This must be some sick joke.
It's starting to get a little awkward. Robin still has his hand extended to her but his smile is faltering since Emma still hasn't made a move to shake his hand or at least say hi back.
The blonde is saved by the bell, sort of. One of the horses neighs loudly and gets everyone's attention; Robin lowers his hand - and Emma's glad because if she had to shake it, she would probably break it - and the blonde steps out of her anger trance enough to talk. "Oh, someone's upset," she jokes pointing the stables with her head, but she might as well be talking about Regina too.
She thinks about her next move; she can either make up an excuse to get the hell out of there, or she can introduce herself and watch the awkwardness take over Regina and her boyfriend. Emma likes to think that she's not a cruel person, but she's been hurt enough to let the devil out every now and then. "And no, Regina isn't making new friends, we already know each other very well," she says wearing an evil smirk. "I'm Emma Swan."
And she just waits for the embarrassment that is certain to settle on this Robin guy features. She's thirsty for it, actually. But it doesn't come.
"Oh, really?" he asks still smiling. "Where do you know her from?"
And then it downs on Emma. He doesn't know.
She immediately looks at Regina; the brunette's nervously picking at a thin metal chain around her neck and has her eyes closed, as if silently praying that this could all disappear, that this isn't really happening. And it all just makes Emma more furious. It shouldn't, because the blonde herself had kept the marriage thing from her best friend. Regina must have her reasons to keep it from her boyfriend; maybe they weren't dating for long enough, maybe she was ashamed of it, maybe she just had erased Emma from her life completely.
But on the heat of the moment Emma was just feeling betrayed by Regina, rejected once again, so she throws the low blow. "I'm her ex-wife."
Robin looks at her with an arched eyebrow, and then bursts into a fit of laughter. After a moment he realizes nobody has joined him, so he looks from Regina to Emma, confused. "What?"
"Oh no," Emma says gasping. "She didn't tell you?" she asks with faked remorse.
Robin looks back at Regina, apparently noticing just now how pale and tense she is. "Tell me what?"
"That she was married to a woman for two years," Emma can't help but twist the knife. "What a shame, Regina," she adds shaking her head, "And here I thought your coldness had a limit."
"And here I thought you were a grown mature woman instead of a vengeful 15-year-old girl," the brunette spits out, finally getting a hold of herself. Shit had already hit the fan after all.
Emma then gets closer to her. "So I was right. You actually didn't know me at all," she says with finality and then storms out, leaving a really upset couple behind.
Emma's head was pounding like a bitch. She laid there in that hospital room, trying to remember exactly what happened but everything was still blurry. The last thing she remembered vividly was the huge fight with Regina. "Ugh," she mumbles to herself.
It's been five minutes she's awake and all she wants is to go back to unconsciousness. The doctors had told her that she was involved in a car accident, but it was nothing too serious. Other than the twenty stitches on her left shoulder and arm from where the window glass broke and cut her, nothing else happened. The dizziness was just from the medication and the stress of it all.
Then she hears a commotion outside her door and knows right away. Regina.
The door bursts open and the brunette enters wearing that maniac look that she only reserves to very special occasions, such as your wife in a car accident. "Oh my god, are you okay?" she asks with aggravation heading straight to Emma's bed.
"Yeah, yeah. Just a bit dizzy," Emma reassures her.
The moment Regina reaches the bed and assesses that Emma is indeed okay, her concerned expression transforms drastically. "What were you thinking, you idiot!"
Emma just gaps at her. Before she can reply anything Regina continues in an angered tone. "You walked out on me in the middle of an argument, disappears for fourteen hours then I get a call from the hospital saying that you were in an accident! What were you thinking?!" her voice breaks into a shriek in the end and it's terrifying; Emma didn't even knew Regina was capable of reaching such a high tone.
"I'm sorry," Emma manages. She's not actually sorry; she's still pretty pissed at Regina, and it's not like she wanted to be in a car accident, it wasn't something she could've helped it. But she lies anyway because her head hurts and the last thing she wants is another round of screaming.
"Were you drinking?" Regina asks, crossing her arms and recomposing herself. She's not one to lose her bearings, especially with an injured person.
"Of course that's the first thing you thought," Emma replies sarcastically. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."
"It's a reasonable question," Regina says back with an unreadable expression.
"Because I'm a loser who have nothing, never did and never will? Because the only thing I can afford is failure and drinking?" Emma says accusatorily, referencing their earlier fight.
"Stop. Twisting. My words," Regina says slowly between gritted teeth. "You know that's not what I meant!"
"And what did you mean, Regina?" Emma asks raising her voice. "Why am I suddenly not good enough for you?"
The brunette breaks her mask, an expression between surprise and hurt. "That's not even remotely true!"
"Then what are you doing?" Emma snaps.
"What are you doing?" Regina snaps back, grabbing the steel of the hospital bed with a death grip. "What do you want from me, Emma?"
Emma just averts her eyes. She can't look at Regina now because she doesn't know how to answer her. She doesn't know what she wants from her. She doesn't know anything at all. And with the pounding in her head increasing intensely with every second, she doesn't even want to think about anything at all.
"What are we doing, Regina?" she asks in whisper. She's not sure if she wants to hear the answer.
"I don't know," Regina answers. "But it can't be healthy."
"I'm just so fucking tired," Emma admits with a sigh. It's clear she doesn't mean only because of the accident; it's their whole situation she's talking about. "I don't wanna be like this."
"Me neither. It's not doing us any good," Regina states. Then with a dry laugh she adds, "You're a free spirit, Emma Swan. I was a fool thinking I could trap you with me for too long."
They remain quiet for a moment. "So, what now?" Emma asks turning back to her.
"Now you rest, and I'll go back to the apartment to… organize things," she lifts her hand and brushes a strand of hair out of Emma's eyes.
"Is this goodbye?" Emma asks in a whisper, sounding so very little.
Regina sniffs and her eyes glisten with water. When she leans in to place a kiss on Emma's forehead, a tear breaks loose and falls on the blonde's cheek, mingling with her own tears there.
"Goodbye, Emma," she says back also in a whisper, her lips still hovering the blonde's forehead. Then she suddenly turns away and walk out of the room with finality, as if one look behind would make her cave.
"Bye," Emma says to the empty room, the scenario matching the feeling in her heart.
Emma is checking out the orchard she heard people talking about over breakfast today. It's really beautiful and quiet. She walks between lines of trees, admiring their blooming. She's feeling peaceful, so of course she finds Regina just by the apple trees. You've got to be kidding me, Emma thinks to herself.
The brunette spots her too, and purses her lips. It's clear that she's annoyed by Emma being there, so obviously the blonde decides to poke the bear.
"Where's your boy toy?" she asks with a smirk.
"Oh, you think you're so funny Ms Swan," Ouch. Emma tried not to wince at 'Ms Swan' but it hurt too much. And it fuelled her anger.
"Why are you so bitter? Did he dump you?" Regina just turns away ignoring her, which was enough to answer her question. "Wow," she actually felt a little bad for being partially responsible for that but she would never admit it.
"I don't accept it," Regina says looking back at her. Emma just looked confused, to what the brunette continues. "What you did was childish and uncalled for, and I won't accept your apologies."
Emma snorts at this. "Who said I was gonna apologize?"
"Really? You deliberately destroyed my relationship and won't even look sorry?"
"Hey, you're the one that lied to your boyfriend. You're the one who destroyed your relationship," Emma snaps back pointing an accusatory finger. "Which is not surprising giving your history."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Regina bites back, knowing where this is going.
"You know damn well what that's supposed to mean!" Emma had had enough of this little game. Her anger exploded and she didn't even try to contain.
Regina turns fully to the blonde, holding an accusatory finger of her own. "No! You don't get to appear in my life out of nowhere years later and resent me for what happened, you have no right to blame me for our marriage falling apart!"
"I have every right!" Emma yells, face hot and red with anger. "You broke my fucking heart, Regina!"
"I broke your heart?!" Regina yells back outraged. "It wasn't me running out the door, I'm not the one who gave up and left!"
"I left because you told me to! You pushed me out the door!"
"You didn't fight me!"
"And you didn't fight for me!"
After this there's a heavy silence around them. Suddenly they didn't feel like yelling at each other anymore. But they couldn't just back down now, too many wounds are open, might as well treat them.
Emma waits for Regina to reply her last accusation but the brunette stood silent, expression unreadable. Both of them always had problems talking about certain feelings, exposing themselves (which was one of the reasons they thought they were so right for each other). And as private as Emma is, Regina is worse. So she runs trembling fingers through her frustrated face and decides to give in first.
"All my life, I had no one fighting for me, no fucking one." she starts in a voice barely louder than a whisper, feeling so tiny now. She refuses to look at Regina while talking. "My parents gave me up and I was tossed around foster homes until I grow out of the system. I've never had real friends or family until you. When I met you everything changed. You were different, you cared; you made me feel like I was wanted. Really wanted."
"But then things started to change. You changed. And suddenly you didn't want me anymore. I should've known that it wouldn't last, nothing in my life ever did, but it hurt anyway when you kicked me out like everyone else had done it before. And when you called me two weeks later all I wanted to hear was 'come home' but all I got was 'the divorce papers are ready'."
Emma shuts her eyes tightly trying to hold up the burning tears. "You know how much that fucking hurt? The one person I would die and kill for, the only person that mattered basically telling me that I didn't matter anymore. You made me feel like that lost little girl all over again."
"Oh, Emma," comes Regina's own whisper and Emma dares to look at her. She's crying. The ice cold Regina Mills is actually crying.
But Emma was too skeptical about the nature of the other's feelings. "I don't want your pity."
"I'm not pitying you," Regina says back immediately, taking a small step towards the blonde. "I'm just…"
"What?" the blonde snaps frustrated at feeling vulnerable like this.
Regina looks at her with result. "Emma, I didn't stop wanting you," she pauses and shakes her head, a humorless laugh escaping her throat. "God, you were everything I wanted! I wanted you so much that I was positive that if I lose you I would die. And that terrified me. It truly scared me out of my mind."
The brunette takes another step towards Emma, getting much closer. "Emma, we both know you're a runner. You told me several times that you didn't get attached and you didn't stay for very long. Time was ticking, and with each passing day I was falling more and more for you, but all I could think about was that the end was nearer. The day you would finally wake up and decided you had stayed too long it was just around the corner. So I started to shield myself, put up my walls and drive you away, to make things easier for us."
"And you didn't fight me. You never asked what was going on, you just let me push you away. I thought I was right after all, and you didn't care anymore. So I gave you a way out, and you took it. That day I called about the divorce papers, I just wanted you to throw a tantrum and refuse to sign them; that was all I needed to drop all that silliness. But you didn't, and I just accepted that our time had come."
Another heavy silence engulfs them, while they let all those revelations sink in. Emma adopts a frown, trying to understand the meaning of all that; Regina grabs a hold at a branch of an apple tree and wraps the other arm around her midsection, as if to hold herself upright.
It takes several moments for Emma to move towards Regina and break the silence. "Wait, so you pushed me away because you expected me to run?"
"And you ran because you were used to being pushed away," Regina concludes nodding her head.
"That is fucked up," Emma states with wide eyes. She's somewhere between surprise, confusion, frustration and even relief. "Why we never talked about this before?"
"Clearly we were too focused on our own stubborn minds," Regina says as nonchalantly as she can, but she was too emotional to be convincing.
Emma just keeps staring at her for a moment. Regina looked small, shy, exposed. That got to Emma; seeing Regina moved the way she is now, like she really cared, that brought back an intense feeling Emma was sure she had got over but apparently she hadn't.
"I never wanted to run," the blonde hears her voice saying it before she can stop herself and think it through. "I know that settling down wasn't my thing, but I would do it for you. I did it for you. I never thought about leaving, not once."
Regina looks back at her, holding her stare. Somehow along the conversation they were getting closer and closer, now less than a foot apart. But neither of them cared; Regina was totally focused on what Emma said and the way she had said it, so firm and categorical. That unlocked something in her.
"I never stopped wanting you," Regina says, and she reaches for the thin metal chain around her neck, pulling it out so Emma can see the pendant. It's the swan keychain she gave it Regina ages ago. "I never rejected you Emma; on the contrary, you were with me all those years."
Emma looks surprised at the pendant. She reaches to it, taking between her fingers, not even caring that her hand was very close to Regina's chest right now. "Why did you keep it?"
"Because I like it," the brunette shrugs but there's a smile on her face. "It's meaningful. It reminded me of you."
Regina moves her hand on the necklace chain to rest closer to the pendant, touching Emma's hand in the process. The blonde looks up and lock gazes with her. They stare intensely at each other for a moment that feels more like an eternity.
"Do you regret it?" Emma asks in a whisper, still looking into brown eyes.
"Divorcing you?" Regina asks for clarification.
"Marrying me."
"Never," the brunette answers with finality.
"I regret it," Emma declares simply.
"Marrying me?" Regina asks trying to not look hurt but failing miserably.
"Divorcing you," the blonde answers with an adorably crooked smile.
Regina can't help her own smile. Then she sighs and asks, "Did we make the biggest mistake of our lives? Getting divorced, I mean."
"I don't know. But it wasn't the most reasonable decision either," the blonde points out. "It didn't feel right then, and it doesn't feel right after this conversation, which honestly should've happened years ago."
"I agree," Regina says between chuckles.
After a few seconds of contemplation, Emma asks "So what do we do now?"
"I don't know," Regina answers lifting a shoulder. "It's up to you."
"Me? Why me?"
"Well, the last time you let me run things apparently it didn't end well," Regina simply says. "You call the shots now. What do you want to do?"
Emma didn't know. She was so confused right now; this whole conversation was messed up. They are so messed up. She had no idea what she wanted right now. Well, actually she was sure of one thing she wanted right now. "You wanna know what I wanna do? Honestly?"
Regina suppresses an eye-roll. "It's preferable, yes."
"Right now I just want to kiss you."
Regina did not see that coming, especially as blatant as it did. She was so taken aback that even though she wanted to answer she just stared at the other woman for a few seconds. Emma just stood there and waited for permission.
Regina got a hold of herself and finally answered. "Whatever you want."
And they kissed. As desperate as they were for that, the kiss didn't seem desperate at all. And not because they were holding it back; honestly at this point there was no point holding anything back. So they let it go and it was like the most natural thing on Earth. It didn't look like they've spent years not kissing each other; it actually looked like it was the only thing they ever did.
They just melted into each other's embrace with so much ease, it was like a dance they learned so long ago and even without practicing they still remembered every move. The way they tilt their heads to have better access to each other's mouths, Emma's hands on Regina's hips and Regina's hands on Emma's hair, the way Regina tugs Emma's lips with her tongue to claim domain, the moans and gasps, the way Emma bites and sucks Regina's lower lip before releasing with a 'pop'. Everything is oh so sweetly familiar, it just feels right.
When they parted for air, Emma asks between labored breaths "Are we making another mistake?"
"Honestly Emma, I don't give a flying fuck," Emma pulls back with wide eyes. Regina Mills did not use cuss words.
But the brunette just ignored her and continued. "We are messed up and we make a lot of mistakes. Our lives are full of them, we are full of flaws. And we're just gonna keep making mistakes and dealing with it and learning as we go. So if we're inevitably making mistakes anyway, might as well revel on the ones that make us happy."
Emma tilted her head and looked at her, hopeful. "Does this make you happy? We, together?"
Regina cups her face with her hands looking at her as if she was some kind of goddess who deserved to be worshiped. "It does. It always did. I'm quite certain it always will."
Emma, feeling overwhelmed by the emotions, shakes the moment with a bit of teasing. "God, you love me so much."
But Regina is tired of games. "I do," she says with the firmest of tones.
And Emma feels as like the years of heartbreak without Regina hadn't pass, and oh how it does feel good. "I love you too."
And as they kiss again, Ruby's words come back to the blonde. That one person who makes it all worthwhile. Emma's pretty sure she found hers.
"Seriously? Your idea of a romantic getaway is to come back to this god awful place where Mary Margaret and David got married and you got dumped by what's-his-face guy?" Emma says when she laid eyes on the scenery in front of her.
They're on the entrance of the ranch they visited a year ago, where their history got a little more complicated but also happier. Regina had promised her new slash old girlfriend (slash ex-wife too) a trip to a romantic place to celebrate the first anniversary of their "new" relationship, but she said it was a surprise so Emma had to wear a band on her eyes to prevent her from seeing where they were going. She would complain about it, but she had slept the whole trip so it didn't matter anyway.
"Yes, well, you forgot the part where we made up, which is weird and a little offensive," the brunette huffs, more amused than annoyed really.
"Ah yeah, there's that," Emma says with a fake dismissal, which earned a glare from her girlfriend. "I'm kidding! Of course I hold this place near to my heart. It's where I got you back. That was like the second best thing ever."
"What's the first?" Regina asks giving a squeeze to the blonde's hand.
"The day we met, obviously," she places a kiss on the Regina's knuckles.
"Obviously," Regina repeats with an eye-roll, but it doesn't have much effect since she's clearly anxious about something. "Great, it's great this place holds the same meaning to you that it does to me, otherwise this wouldn't work."
"This what?" the blonde asks innocently.
Regina turns back at her and just stares for a good two minutes. Emma's a little uncomfortable but she doesn't press on. Then the brunette takes a deep breath and gets down in one knee.
"Holy sweet baby Jesus," it's all Emma manages when she realizes what's about to happen.
"Emma Swan," Regina says with the biggest most beautiful smile Emma has ever seen. "Will you marry me? Again?"
Emma doesn't even stop for a second to think before answering. "Yes man, fucking yes," she kneels too to embrace the love of her life with all the strength she has. "Doesn't matter how many times we do this, it's always yes."
the end