WARNING! IN THE FIRST CHAPTERS, THERE ARE MAJOR MAJOR TRIGGERS.

VIVID HALUCINATIONS

NARCOLEPSY

PERSONALITY DISORDER

DEPRESSION

ANXIETY

HOSPITALS

PILLS

LOSS OF REALITY

ETC.

Please be careful when reading.

~0~

Matthew.

Matthew, please wake up.

Your brothers are fighting for you.

Matthew, right now is not the time to sleep.

Step in, Matthew.

Matthew!

As I opened my small, violet eyes, the world was a blurry mess. I rubbed my eyes in effort to maybe make something out. I flinched at the pressure of my cold hands. I let my hands down, looking around my white room. Oh, right. I remembered, I'm in the hospital. Again. I sighed and leaned back on my uncomfortable bed. God, this was probably the worst part of being in this stupid building for the bajillionth time this year. The uncomfortable-as-hell beds. It's like there's a metal pole stuck in your side 24/7 (Unless, you actually do, and if you do I feel so sorry for you).

The room was small and stuffy. It reeked of sweat and dust. It was all just bits and parts of me. I've been sitting in this room for a week and it has been the absolute most boring week ever. Every hour a nurse comes to check on me, takes my blood pressure, gives me a cup of water and then leaves until the next hour. It was a fairly steady schedule and I didn't have to do almost anything when a nurse did come. But in general it was really peaceful, quiet, and overall boring.

"Matthew?" A familiar voice called from the door, "Someone's here to see you."

I sat up a bit, trying to peer through the door crack where the nurse was standing, "Uh, who is it?" I asked.

"Oh my god just let me see him," The voice said impatiently on the other side of the door, "Come on, I can't stand here forever. I'm worried."

I cleared my throat, "Let him in please."

The nurse opened the door. What I saw standing there, made my day.

"Alfred…?" My voice was soft and mellow, "Alfred, oh my god, I haven't seen you since we were sixteen, where were you-"

I was tackled by the warm embrace of the man in front of me. He was actually on my bed, just hugging me.

I didn't want that moment to end.

But apparently, it didn't even start in the first place.

I guess I never told you why I'm here, did I? Well, if you really want to know, I have these… conditions… that leave me incapable to really function very well in society. In this 'elite' hospital, they treat me for both things. This isn't an average hospital, you see. It treats many different types of problems, leading from mental issues to physical issues. They pride themselves in taking people who need to most help, which is why I'm here in America. I couldn't get the treatment I needed back in Canada. So, since it was so horrible, I was sent here to see if they could maybe help.

I have this strange type of cancer called Myelodysplastic Syndrome. More specifically, Refractory anemia with excess blasts (The first kind). It kind of works like this; One or more blood cell types have too little of them, causing my immune system to be horrible. These things called blasts are in my body to try to take the place of the cells, but it doesn't work too well on a majority of patients. Other than that serious problem, I have other issues as well. They're mental issues. It first started happening when I was very young, and I couldn't really do anything about it. I have major depression, causing me to feel really empty and alone. Most specifically, it makes me feel like no one can even hear me, nonetheless see me. It feels like I'm underwater and I can't breathe. I can't hear anyone and they can't hear me. It's like I'm worthless and stupid and there's nothing I can do about it.

Other than that, I have these episodes of hallucinations, kind of. I haven't been diagnosed with narcolepsy, but whenever something that would be kind of like that, the whole scene cuts and the world snaps to wherever the scene started in the first place. They haven't tested me when I go through the episodes, though. That's probably why I don't have medication for it yet. Just another pill to add on the list, right?

What I just saw with Alfred, that's a great example. It seemed like he was running into the room and hugging me. Well, that didn't actually happen. I should've been able to tell anyway, no one would ever visit me. But, back to the point, it seemed real. This happens at least three times a day. And when it does happen, it's a really sad scene. I'm kind of pathetic when it comes to those types of things. Seeing what reality of mine is actually real. It's sad how I can be tricked into that by my own brain. But it also hurts, you know. It hurts knowing that my brain is so messed up that I believe that things that don't happen actually happen. It's scary and I can't even tell what's real and what isn't and it kills me.

So.

Much.

I guess I can't really get away from it anymore. Not until they actually understand that I'm aware when it's not real. They THINK that I'm just saying that so that I can move on in what's left of my life and finally get out of this hell hole. But, sadly, that won't happen… ever again. I rarely get out as it is, so the fact that I might never get out again since I'll probably die, or kill myself, soon anyway.

I looked at the clock, sighing.

I should probably go to sleep. Good night journal.

I closed my journal and placed it on the small end table next to my uncomfortable bed. Lying down into my bed, I thought about Alfred. I thought about Arthur, Francis, Gil, and everyone else. I thought about my life, and how things were before.

God, I miss how it was before.

A/N- Thank you for reading the first chapter! I had a different view of this entire story when I wrote the first couple of chapters, so these first three or four next chapters will mainly be along this type of line. This will, of course, have an effect later in the story, but it won't until near the end. But I want this to be a touchy-feely romance comedy, though it may change into tragedy. No promises~

Anyway, thank you! Next chapter will be posted in a week or so, looking for reviews!