Title:
Nothing Matters
Author:
LiLAqUaMaRiE
Fandom:
CSI: Miami
Pairings/Characters:
Natalia Boa Vista
Rating:
PG-13
Warnings:
Drama, angst.
Word
Count: 442
Summary:
Not much matters to her anymore.
Note:
Hope this fic is likeable; this idea wouldn't stop nagging me until
I wrote it.
I
can't feel because I'm lost
not to much matters no more
-
'Trust' by Adema
Natalia Boa Vista entered the break room; she was hoping to relax a little if possible. She was trying so hard to regain a little bit of goodness for her broken soul but it was useless. Everyone for the most part shunned her unless it was absolute necessary to talk to her, but more importantly she was hated. No one looked up when she entered a room, no one bothered to say hello to her or even glance her way at all. It was as if she never was there – she never existed.
Natalia found an empty table near a corner within the room – she headed towards it. She sat down, placing her arms on top of the table. She took a deep breath. She knew the reason why she was hated – she was the leak, the mole. She wasn't worth trusting or worth giving a second chance.
She was treated as yesterday's trash – thrown aside once they found out who she was.
Natalia closed her eyes, lifting a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose. She was tired inside and out – physically, mentally and emotionally. Her life was completely miserable and she did not care one bit.
A while back, everything that was happening would have affected her more deeply than it did now. However, she had started to not care – not care what happened to her or around her. Nothing matters much to her these days.
She opened her eyes to see two people she once considered friends – Eric Delko and Ryan Wolfe – enter the break room as well. Noticing her, they headed to the opposite side of the room to be as far from her as possible. Logically, she knew she should care, knew that their actions should have hurt her – but she was empty inside.
Natalia noticed them talking to one another, as they glanced at her – fully knowing it was about her. She took another deep breath. She was now something to make fun of. She shook her head as she folded her arms against each other on the table as she leaned her head upon it; she proceeded to close her eyes.
How could she feel if her heart had broken into pieces within her, leaving her a broken shell on the inside; she resembled a porcelain doll that was cracked and unable to be put back together.
Natalia didn't live for the moment, she didn't live to prove her worthiness, and she didn't live to ask for forgiveness. She lived as a zombie in a pathetic world. Nothing mattered to her anymore – her life didn't matter to her anymore.
She just wanted to end it all.
Maybe she just should.
Fin.