A/N: Not sure about how this one turned out, but it is funny. Fluffy ND camping! Again, I want to thank you all for your kind reviews and favorites, they are my favorite part of the day! :)
"Finn," Burt sighed, "I know that this little glee club camping trip is supposed to be all for fun, but I need you to promise me something."
"There's not going to be any drinking!" Finn nervously exclaimed.
"Finn, that's not what I'm worried about, but if you do drink, I will know and you will be grounded until you're thirty." Burt lowered his voice to a whisper, "I want you to keep an eye on Kurt and Blaine…make sure there's no funny business in the tent. I did watch Brokeback Mountain, you know. Some funny business definitely went down in that tent."
"Yes Burt," Finn whispered back solemnly, "you can definitely trust me. No funny business. There'll already be separate tents for boys and girls, but I'll make sure that Kurt and Blaine don't even have a chance to think of funny business."
"Good," Burt nodded, slapping Finn on the back, "now why don't you finish loading the Navigator. I'm sure Kurt and Blaine will need help lifting the cooler."
Once the boys had loaded the cooler into Kurt's Navigator, they were ready to go.
"Shotgun!" Blaine called, climbing into the seat next to Kurt's.
"Hey, dude," Finn said, approaching Blaine, "if I don't sit up front in the mornings, I get carsick really easy. Wanna switch?"
"Finn, it is 10am, which hardly qualifies as morning," Kurt snapped, "you'll be fine."
Finn huffed and sat in the seat behind Blaine. It was going to be harder to keep the two apart than he thought.
"Do you have enough leg room?" Blaine turned around and asked with a smile.
"Yeah, sure. You might want to move up a little bit, just in case I puke on you since someone won't let me have the front seat!"
"Finn Hudson, you are acting like a three year old!" Kurt had turned around and was glaring at him as he pulled out of the driveway.
"Ugh, I feel sick," Finn moaned, clutching his stomach.
"Are you okay? Kurt, maybe he should sit up front," Blaine said, looking at Finn with concern in his eyes.
"He's fine," Kurt hissed, grabbing Blaine's hand.
"Okay, if you say so," Blaine replied, still eyeing Finn with concern.
"Ohh, ohhh," Finn moaned again, "can we crack the window? I feel so warm."
"Kurt," Blaine whispered, "maybe we should let him sit up front, I mean, he really looks like he's feeling sick."
At that moment, Finn started to cough uncontrollably, clutching his stomach even harder and moaning.
"Fine, Finn, you can sit up front once we get to Rachel's, okay?" Kurt snapped.
"Thanks man," Finn said grinning, "you're a lifesaver."
"Yeah, I'm sure," Kurt replied, rolling his eyes.
When they finally reached Rachel's house, Finn bounded out of the car and to the front door of Rachel's house.
"He looks like he's feeling better," Blaine said, hopping out of the front seat and settling behind Kurt in the back.
"Yeah, it's funny, isn't it?" Kurt fumed, clutching the steering wheel.
"You don't think it's going to be like this the whole weekend, right?" Blaine asked in a low whisper.
"I think it might," Kurt sighed, "I think my dad told him to keep an eye on us, and he's taking it a little far."
"Hello Kurt, Blaine," Rachel said, jumping into the front seat next to Kurt.
"Hey," Blaine said, "Finn said he had to sit up front otherwise he'd get carsick! Why is Rachel up there?"
"I feel a lot better," Finn shrugged, getting into the back seat beside Blaine.
"Then Blaine gets to sit up front," Kurt said, clearly annoyed.
"Ladies get to sit up front," Rachel retorted.
"Well, once one arrives, she can sit up front," Kurt icily replied.
Kurt and Rachel stared coldly at each other for a few moments, before Blaine murmured, "I'll just stay back here. If we don't get going soon everyone else is going to beat us to the campground."
"Fine," Kurt said angrily, shifting his car into drive.
The first hour of the car trip was tense, to say the least. Anytime Finn would say he liked a song on the radio, Kurt would turn it down and belt out Lady Gaga. Finn slumped in the backseat, arms crossed and a pout on his face. Rachel tried to talk with Kurt, but he was giving both she and Finn the silent treatment. He would glance in the rearview mirror to check on Blaine every so often, who would give him a small smile.
The silence was broken by Finn. "I have to pee," he announced, "can we pull over at the next rest area?"
"We're only an hour away from the campground, Finn, you can hold it," Kurt snapped.
"Kurt, I have to go bad," Finn whined, bouncing up and down on the seat for effect.
"Well maybe you should have thought about going before we-"
"Um, Kurt," Blaine sheepishly interrupted, "can we stop? I don't want to sit on a urine soaked backseat."
"Finally, a voice of reason," Rachel chimed in, "thank you Blaine, now Kurt, if you'll just-"
"No." Kurt said.
"What?" Rachel, Finn, and Blaine asked, bewildered.
"Find a bottle, Finn."
"Honey, please, let's just pull over," Blaine urged, looking at Kurt like he was crazy.
"Don't you honey me, honey. If Finn wants to dish it out, he needs to learn to take it."
"Oh my God, you've lost it," Rachel gasped.
"No, Rach, I haven't," Kurt said, eyes forward. "What's the rest area worth to you, Finn?"
Finn groaned, "Blaine can sit up front, fine!"
"Good. And no tattling when Blaine and I are in my room with the door closed?"
"Whatever, whatever you want! Just pull into the rest area!" Finn was practically sobbing.
"I guess I could stop at this rest area then." Kurt pulled the car off the highway and into the parking lot of the rest area. Finn bolted from the car and into the rest area.
"I hope you're happy," Rachel huffed, climbing into the backseat, "because you just acted like a child."
"Says the girl who conspired with her boyfriend to keep Blaine and I apart," Kurt retorted back.
"Burt told him to!"
"No, I'm sure my dad said something like 'make sure there's no funny business' and Finn took that as authorization to be the world's biggest cockblock."
Blaine smiled at Kurt, grabbing his hand as he settled into the front seat. "I'm not saying I approve of your methods," Blaine whispered, "but I do like the results."
"I'm back," Finn announced, buckling himself into the backseat with Rachel, "thanks for nothing by the way, Kurt. You're officially the worst brother ever."
"Says the boy who wouldn't even let me sit next to my boyfriend for half of this trip," Kurt replied, getting back onto the highway.
"Well you wouldn't let me listen to my music!"
"You faked sick so Blaine wouldn't sit next to me!"
"Boys, please," Rachel chimed in, "I'm starting to get a headache from the arguing."
"You were complicit in his scheme!"
"Babe, I think that maybe Rachel is right," Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand.
"Fine," Kurt sighed.
The rest of the trip continued in relative peace. Kurt kept the radio turned up, and all of them were singing along happily to the radio. Finn may have yelled out "HAND CHECK" a couple of times, but overall it was uneventful.
Until they got to the campground.
The rest of New Directions had arrived before them, and had creatively set up camp. Puck had a sign next to his tent reading "BOOZE CITY", and Artie was trying to set up one of the large tents with little success.
"Oh God," Kurt murmured, pulling into a parking spot beside the campsite, "only two days...only two days."
"It'll be fine," Blaine whispered, giving Kurt's hand a reassuring squeeze.
"Famous last words, Blaine, famous last words."
Setting up camp was interesting. Puck had managed to get drunk before they even set up camp, so he couldn't help set up the big tents. Still, he was trying to help, and Kurt was getting annoyed.
"Noah, go sit over at the picnic table," Kurt said tersely, before muttering, "before I kill you."
"Kurt, Kurt! I don't wanna sit at the table, dude! I want to help," Puck drunkenly replied, tripping and falling flat on his face.
"Hey, Puck," Blaine said cheerfully as he helped Puck up, "why don't you go…and, um…go and find firewood?"
"Yeah, I can definitely do that! You're pretty cool, hobbit," he slurred, stumbling off into a thicket of trees.
"You're a lifesaver," Kurt told Blaine as Blaine walked over to join him.
"Oh, I know," Blaine said, wrapping his arms around Kurt and kissing up his neck.
"You're being a distraction," Kurt said, "but a good one. Maybe we could sneak off and-"
"Hey guys!" Finn had appeared out of nowhere, prompting Blaine to jump back from Kurt. "Want help setting up the tents?"
"Sure Finn," Kurt replied through gritted teeth.
"Okay! So do we set the poles up first?"
"No Finn, we set up the fabric part first," Kurt said sarcastically, "then we slide the poles in underneath it."
"Really?"
"No, Finn," Blaine responded, shooting Kurt a look, "you thread the poles through the tent, like this."
They had one of the large tents set up in about thirty minutes, no thanks to Finn. It turned out that he really had no clue, and Blaine had to stop him from hammering an actual tent pole into the ground.
"It says you have to put stakes in on the directions!"
"Yeah," Kurt seethed, "but there are actual stakes for that! God Finn, you're-"
"Hey Finn," Blaine interrupted, "why don't you go to the outpost and get stuff for s'mores?"
"Good idea," Finn replied, "I'll leave the tent stuff up to you-no funny business though!"
"Thank God you got rid of him," Kurt murmured as Finn walked away.
"It was as much for my benefit as it was for yours," Blaine smiled, "sometimes I can't believe he's a senior in high school."
"Two words: star quarterback."
"Oh yeah," Blaine said, assembling the tent poles, "I always forget how public school works with sports."
"Yeah, I always thought it was fishy that Puck was able to manage a 2.0 when he only showed up to classes when he felt like it," Kurt laughed.
"You have got to be kidding me, Puck has a 2.0?"
"Yep," Kurt replied, "now come help me with this section!"
The second tent went up considerably faster as Finn wasn't there to hinder anything. They were done in fifteen minutes, so they decided to do a little exploring before they grilled out for dinner.
They weren't expecting to find Puck, curled up under a tree fast asleep while exploring though.
"We should really get him back to the campsite," Blaine said.
"Yeah, we should," Kurt groaned, looking at Puck.
"Puck," Blaine shook him, "come on buddy, wake up."
"Aw, mom, I don't wanna get up," Puck moaned as he turned over.
Kurt snorted, then shook Puck again, "Noah, we hired strippers."
"Strippers?" Puck perked up, "Where?"
"Back at the campsite," Blaine laughed.
"I am so there," Puck said, struggling to stand, then falling again.
"How about we help you?" Blaine pulled Puck to his feet and slung an arm around his shoulder, while Kurt did the same on the other side.
"They're women strippers, right?" Puck slurred, "Because no offense to you guys, but I don't want anyone's junk in my face."
"Of course they're girls," Kurt snickered, "now let's go."
When they arrived back at the campsite, Puck groaned.
"You said there'd be strippers!"
"We may have lied," Kurt said, removing Puck's arm from his shoulders as he and Blaine sat him down on a bench, "but at least we can keep an eye on you now."
"Man, someone took down Booze City!"
"Because that's the kitchen tent," Kurt replied, "and our kitchen tent will not be 'Booze City' Noah."
"You suck sometimes Hummel," Puck groaned at him.
"Dude," Finn cried as he walked over to them with the s'mores supplies, "can we not talk about that here?"
"Talk about-Oh my God Finn, we weren't talking about that. Why don't you go light the grill so we can start on the hot dogs?" Kurt looked mortified.
"I hope you packed tofu dogs for me, Kurt," Rachel chimed in, "otherwise I will not be able to partake, and that would-"
"Don't worry, Rachel," Blaine smiled, "I made sure he packed them."
"Well, at least one of you is a gentleman," she said, "see, Kurt, Blaine knows how to treat a lady."
"I thought that you were Jewish," Brittany looked confused.
"Brit, Judaism is a religion, not a gender," said Mercedes.
"Okay, I think I get it. So, you're a lady too, Mercedes? You're not a Baptist?"
"Oh boy, this is going to take a while." Tina said, massaging her temples.
"Hey Kurt, Blaine," Finn interrupted the discussion, "I put the coals and stuff on the grill, but when I tried to light it, it won't go."
"Did you use lighter fluid, Finn?" Blaine asked.
"Wouldn't that set stuff on fire?"
"That's kind of the point," Blaine laughed, "you know, to grill, you have to have fire."
"Oh," Finn replied, still looking confused, "I thought the coals just got hot, then-"
"Kurt," Blaine called, "we're cooking."
"Fine, at least we know the food will be good," Kurt sighed.
They got over to the grill and found a can of gasoline next to it. Blaine looked at Kurt, who shrugged.
"Finn," Blaine shouted, "where's the lighter fluid?"
"Next to the grill, dummy!"
"Finn, the only thing here is gas!" Kurt yelled to him.
"Yeah, lighter fluid, duh!"
"Jesus Christ," Kurt muttered, then yelled, "well everyone, we're cooking our hot dogs over the fire tonight because Finn thinks that gasoline is the same thing as lighter fluid!"
"Calm down," Blaine murmured, pulling Kurt into an embrace, "at least we'll get to cuddle tonight because we're in the same tent."
"I suppose you're right," Kurt replied, giving Blaine a quick peck on the lips.
"Now let's get the hot dogs over to the barbarians before the get too hungry."
"Good idea. Maybe some food will sober Noah up?"
Puck's buzz was already starting to fade by the time they started eating, but not enough to stop him from attempting to set his hot dog on fire.
"Hey, look, look everyone! It's on fire!"
"Yes, Noah, we see that, now can you please stop setting things on fire?" Kurt snapped.
"Fine dude, you don't have to be all bitchy about it."
"I will act however I wish to and-"
"Hey babe," Blaine interjected, "want to help me set up stuff for s'mores?"
"That sounds great," Kurt smiled, taking Blaine's hand.
"So…I know this probably goes without saying, but you really didn't want to go camping, did you?" Blaine whispered.
"No," Kurt admitted once they were far from the group, "I just thought that it would be nice to get time with you with no risk of my dad taking anything wrong."
"I appreciate it, and again, at least we'll get to cuddle tonight."
"Hey! Any longer and I'll assume you guys are doing hot stuff, and I wanna watch," Lauren yelled.
"Ugh, let's get back over there," Kurt groaned.
"Kurt, are the chocolate bars vegan?" Rachel asked once he and Blaine returned.
"Um, they're Hershey's, so I'd guess no. Anyway, you can't have marshmallows either. Are you going to roast graham crackers?"
"Seriously, Kurt? You didn't think that I would want to be included in something as important as a bonfire with my fellow glee club members?"
"I have some wine coolers if that would help, Rach," Puck called out.
"No, absolutely not," Kurt said, "Rachel Berry is not drinking, besides, it's already 9 and we haven't set up our sleeping bags yet."
"Come on, Hummel, live a little," Puck teased.
"Noah, may I remind you that my boyfriend and I had to carry your drunk ass back to the campsite earlier today?"
"Hey guys, let's sing. We're a glee club, we should sing," Mercedes interrupted.
Finn went to the car and got his guitar. "Any requests?" he asked as he tuned up.
"My Cup," Brittany called, "or My Headband."
"No!" The group shouted back.
"How about something traditional," Blaine said, "like Kumbaya."
"I dig Kumbaya," Lauren said, "plus, I think we all know it."
"Kumbaya it is," Finn said, starting to strum his guitar.
The singalong continued for three hours, with the last song being Friday, which was kind of embarrassing, but it worked. They only stopped because a park ranger showed up and told them that they needed to keep it down, other people were trying to sleep.
The boys and girls separated into their different tents for the night, Kurt and Blaine smiling at the fact that they weren't required to separate. They set their sleeping bags next to each other, and were about to walk out of the tent when Finn walked in.
"Cool, Kurt," he said, "you set up my sleeping bag for me."
"I did not," Kurt replied, "those are for Blaine and I."
"Nope. Burt said no funny business, so that means that I sleep between you guys."
"Finn, it's not like we're going to have sex in front of you all!"
"How do I know that? Plus, it's unfair that you and Blaine get to cuddle if the rest of us don't."
"Then go cuddle! Bring Rachel here, and you guys can cuddle or whatever."
"She doesn't want to, she says I move around too much."
"Kurt, let's be reasonable," Blaine said with a mischievous smile, "we'll let Finn sleep between us."
"Okay," Kurt replied, catching his drift, "let's go get the other sleeping bag. You just wait here, Finn."
"So," Kurt began when they stepped out of the tent, "what's your plan?"
"We're going to make Finn wish that he never came between us." Blaine grinned.
Twenty minutes later, all the guys had finally settled in the tent, with Finn resting between Kurt and Blaine.
"Okay, lights out," Blaine winked at Kurt, who winked back before Blaine shut off the lantern.
Five minutes passed, and Kurt pretended to snore quietly. Finn had to believe that he and Blaine were asleep for this to work. Kurt started to moan softly, and swung his leg over Finn's body. He felt Blaine do the same on the other side of Finn.
"Um, guys?" Finn said hesitantly.
"Mmm," Kurt pulled himself close to Finn, "mmm, Blaine."
"Kurt, come on man, I know you're not asleep," Finn nervously said.
Kurt had started to spoon with Finn, making him the little spoon. He moaned softly into Finn's ear, "Mmm, yes Blaine, like that."
Finn tensed up in his arms. Kurt had to hold back a laugh.
"Mmm, Kurt," Kurt felt Blaine move into Finn's side, becoming another little spoon. Blaine had reached his hand up and was caressing Finn's cheek.
"Guys, seriously, this isn't funny," Finn hissed as Kurt nuzzled his neck.
"Babe, come on, closer," Blaine murmured, still stroking Finn's cheek.
"Love you so much," Kurt threw an arm around Finn and pulled him in so that he was flush against his chest. Finn gave a little yelp.
"You like that, babe?" Blaine asked. Kurt could feel Blaine turning to face Finn. It was getting really hard not to laugh.
Kurt let out a breathy moan and nuzzled Finn's neck some more. All of the sudden Finn jumped up with a loud yelp and started screaming.
"Whussamatter, Finn?" Blaine asked, feigning sleepiness.
"You…you…licked my face!" Finn stuttered, "And you were both trying to cuddle with me!"
"Hey, what's going on?" Kurt murmured, rubbing his eyes, "Why are you yelling?"
A pillow flew and hit Finn in the face. "Some of us are trying to sleep, Hudson," Puck said, "now lay down and let Kurt and the hobbit cuddle or whatever the hell they want to do, just as long as they don't make too much noise!"
"Fine, fine," Finn muttered, moving his sleeping bag as far away from Kurt and Blaine as he could get. "I'm telling Burt that you guys molested me, though!"
"Sure, Finn," Kurt smiled, dragging his sleeping bag next to Blaine's, "two words though: we won."
"Can you all please shut up so we can sleep?" Mike moaned, "I'm tired!"
"I think we'll be fine now," Blaine laughed.
"I hate you all," Finn mumbled, crawling into his sleeping bag, "this is the worst camping trip ever."