In Your Heart
Adam tossed and turned, continuing to roll over and over, and try to fall asleep. No luck. With a frustrated sigh, Adam turned over again and faced his alarm clock. Slowly, he watched the minutes pass.
As he shut his eyes again, a flash of a longtime memory ran through his mind. It was a short memory, a second long flashback, but it was all Adam needed. In his mind, he saw a flash of bright, fiery red hair. A girl of 17 years was laughing, her head tipped back, long curls blowing in an invisible breeze.
It's late at night and I can't sleep. Missing you just runs too deep. Oh I can't breathe, thinking of your smile.
Despite the pain brought on by the memory, Adam couldn't help but smile. It was too hard to remember Allison. That's why he tried not to do it anymore. Ever since the Idols tour ended, he and the little redhead had stayed in touch, of course, but time to meet was scarce. Especially when the world didn't know the two were in love.
That's why Adam chose to communicate with Allison through texting or IM. He didn't want to see her beautiful smiling face anymore, didn't want to hear that cheerful, childlike, yet very seductive laugh of hers. He couldn't afford to shut her out for good, that would be stupid. But he didn't want either of them to have to pay the price for getting caught dating while she was underage. Adam figured seeing less of her in person would help.
But every night for the past week or so, Adam couldn't sleep without thinking of her. He remembered the first time they kissed, late one night outside the Idol mansion. Adam thought it was the best day of his life. The happiness he had that night, he wished he could feel right then and there. But he couldn't. His heart felt sore every time he thought about her, but yet he desperately didn't want to let her go.
Every kiss I can't forget, this aching heart ain't broken yet.............
Adam gave up trying to sleep and went over to his computer. But before he could go online, a box popped up, an invitation to video chat with Allison. Adam's heart either dropped or soared when he read her name, he couldn't figure out which. The mouse hovered over the "ignore" button for a second. Then hesitantly, Adam hit "accept."
For a second, the screen went black. Then she appeared. Her gorgeous red hair, perfect features, and the lovable personality that Adam remembered so well. At first glance, the aching soreness in his heart flared up to burning pain again. It was all he could to to restrain himself from shutting the chat off. He didn't want to see her. It hurt too much, seeing her and knowing that he was putting her in danger just because of his age. And then she spoke.
"Hi."
It was just two letters. One word. No big deal for anyone else in the world, but for Adam, it was the hardest thing he had ever heard in his life. The two things he had vowed never to do again, see her and hear her voice, were both broken in less than a second. And he had payed the price for it, because the pain was almost too much to bear now.
"Hey, Allie," he replied softly, not looking at the camera. "Look, I'm really tired, and I was just about to log off when you came on. So..."
"Wait, Adam. Don't go yet." Her voice sounded anxious, and almost like she was begging him to stay, in a way.
And he couldn't say no to it. "Okay."
Now it was Allison's turn to hesitate. "I've been meaning to talk to you about....us."
The other two letters that wouldn't matter to anyone else. But they killed Adam. He had been dreading this day for a while, and now it had finally come.
There was silence for a moment. Then Allison spoke again. "You're avoiding me Adam, aren't you?" she said finally.
Adam said nothing, so she continued. "Don't think I didn't notice that you only communicate with me in ways that you can't see or hear me. I noticed."
More silence by Adam. Allison waited patiently for a moment, then sighed. Adam thought she sounded tired.
"Adam," she said really quietly. "Something 's wrong. I can feel it. And if you love me, you'll tell me what it is."
Yet another silence. Then Adam spoke. "Can't.....can't you see, Allison?? I don't want to hear your voice. Or see you. It hurts me so much, Allie. I can't bear it anymore. Every time, it only reminds me of something I can't have: a healthy relationship with you. Because of your age. And it kills me, Allison. It really does. And I don't know how much more of it I can take." His voice broke on the last word.
Allison took all of this into consideration. "But," she said gently. "You do want to see me. You know why? Because you're here right now, talking on a webcam. It was your decision to hit that button and start this. Nobody but you. And that's not a bad thing, Adam. You know deep down inside that love always overcomes, and we'll find a way to be together. Ad much as you keep telling yourself to stay away from me, you can't. And that's okay.
Silence yet again.
"Allison....." By now Adam sounded just plain tired. "I don't know what to do anymore. Half of me wants to screw all the laws and love you with everything I've got. The other half doesn't even want to know you. I'm split right down the middle here," he finished helplessly.
A pause, then Allison's voice came again. "I've never doubted your abilities in the past, and I'm not going to now," she told him. "I know you'll make the right choice. Go think about it now. And remember Adam, just follow your heart." Then with a smile, the screen went black, and Allison was gone.
Adam barely even noticed, just went back over to his bed to sit and look out the window. New York City was definitely beautiful at night, lots of shining lights everywhere. The city that never sleeps. Adam certainly felt at home with that saying.
***
Allison ended the chat and turned away from her computer as well. Tomorrow, she was flying to New York City for album promotional reasons. Nothing special. Or so she'd thought until she found out that Adam happened to be in New York right now as well.
Unlike Adam, Allison actually wanted to see him. She missed him, and all the good memories thinking of him brought. Allison wasn't a girl to run away from her fears, as she suspected Adam was doing. She went after them and conquered them. Allison felt determined to see him when she landed in New York, if it was the last thing she did. She knew all too well that he probably wouldn't be willing to see her, so she was relieved that he didn't know about her trip. The more surprised he was, the better.
So I know this flame isn't dying, so nothing will stop me from trying........
When Allison stepped off the plane in New York, she knew exactly where she had to go and what she had to do. Knowing Adam, he would do anything to stay away from her. To run away from his fears again. So she had to corner him, make him face up to it and talk to her, for god sakes. Allison knew he was scheduled to perform on David Letterman's show that evening. So that's where her heart took her. She slipped in the back of the crowd just as Adam started his song.
Hey, slow down. Whataya want from me? Whataya want from me?
Allison never took her eyes off of him as he sang. She was a little taken aback as to how much the meaning of the song read through his body language.
Just don't give up, I'm working it out. Please don't give in, I won't let you down......I need a second to breathe.....so whataya want from me?
His eyes looked.....scared, Allison noted. But she finally understood what he was going through, thanks to that song. She now knew that he was confused, tired, but didn't want to let her go. He just simply didn't know what to do. Which was exactly why Allison needed to talk to him. Once the song was finally over and Adam left the stage, Allison made her way to the back room, where her heart told her he would be. She was right.
***
Adam sat in the back room, feeling downright crummy. That song was the only thing lately that could truly let him pour out his emotions and try to explain how he felt. The only downside was that the song made him think of his problems with Allison every single time. Suddenly, Adam heard a knock on the door. It opened, and there she stood. Adam couldn't believe it for a moment, he was in shock. He couldn't believe that Allison had actually found him. This wasn't real. This wasn't happening. Adam closed his eyes, willing for the girl to go away. But she didn't
***
Allison took a deep breath, and then knocked on Adam's door. Without waiting for a response, she opened it. She found him there, just staring at her. He didn't say a word. His eyes looked blank, his face in utter shock. Still silent, he looked away. She went and sat down next to him.
***
Adam felt Allison sit down next to him. No, he wanted to say. Go away. Can't you see I don't want to talk to you?
***
"Adam," Allison began. "I'm not gonna stay long. But I want you to know that when you first started to avoid me, I chased after you. I conquer my fears, Adam. And that's why I'm here now. But you obviously run away from your fears. And that you don't want to see me." She stood up. "So I'm done chasing you. I'll miss you a lot, and I'll never forget you. But if you run away from life, it will never get you anywhere."
With a turn of her head, Allison left, red curls flying behind her.
***
Adam sat there and watched as Allison left. He felt all frozen again. She's gone, he thought. Forever.
***
A few days later, Allison landed back home in LA. She felt tired, defeated. But if Adam didn't want to see her again, keep on avoiding her at all costs, then she wouldn't stand in his way. But his fears would end up conquering him, swallowing him up until there was no life left. She would hate to see that happen, but it was his life, his choices.
As she walked towards the exit, head down, a hand suddenly reached out and grabbed her shoulder from behind. She spun around. It was him.
"Adam?" she asked, surprised.
"Allison," he said, sounding weary and out of breath. "Allison, the second you left that room earlier this week, the fear of seeing you again left. And a new one grew, the fear of losing you. I couldn't let that happen, Allie. You were right. I need to conquer my fears. And I knew I would live with a big one if I let you leave me. It would have been the biggest mistake of my life, Allison. Do you forgive me?"
Allison smiled through her tears. "Of course I forgive you, Adam. You mean too much to me for me to say no."
Adam stepped closer and kissed her right there, in the middle of the airport. A warm, happy feeling was taking over him again, something he had missed a lot. There was only one person he could hold responsible for helping him turn around his life. But he didn't have to thank her. She already knew he was grateful, in her heart.
Baby you know that, maybe it's time for miracles, because I'm not giving up on love.
THE END
I just wanna thank one of my friends for helping me write this story. I wouldn't be so proud of how it turned out without your amazing ideas and contributions. Thanks so much!!