It should have been just a regular evening in the sewers of New York City. Like old times before I lost my arm, before I took a life. A time when my brothers didn't view me as broken both mentally and physically. It has been nearly a year since Donnie was forced to amputate my arm and in all actuality I am basically over it. I've adapted as Raph would say; I can do almost everything I could do before I was taken captive.

And yet as I step into the warmth of the bathroom to clean of the sweat of today's training Leo still calls out to me, "Leave the door unlocked". As if I'm new to my situation and cannot manage to bathe without the option of help. No matter how many times I shout back at him that I will not need any assistance, he always replies with a "I know that Mikey. It's more for my comfort" and a fake smile that reveals his lies. After all that has happened they don't trust me to be alone.

Through all of the suffering and pain I've come out on top , but they don't see that. I wonder why as I stare into the mirror and decide to lock the door anyways. Of course my arm hasn't grown back like I've secretly been hoping for it to do, but I have put on more muscle, gain a little weight, got back to my normal shade of green. Not to mention that I just try harder at everything: training, cooking, skating, you name it! Master Splinter has said time and time again that I am excelling far beyond what I have in the past.

My thoughts continue as I step under the faucet and let the cold water pour over my aching body. I have to excel as sensei puts it, I can't risk being captured again; I don't think I would survive. I barely made it out alive last time. I remember the pain growing so intense that I could no longer breath through it as I was taught to do. Every bone snapping, every slice to my skin was still fresh in my mind. The darkness taking over as the scene around me blurred, I knew I was dying. Towards the end I stopped willing away the clouds that ogged my mind, i could feel my body shutting down part by part. I wanted it, I wanted the pain to end…

A loud bang snapped me out of my memories, the water was scalding hot.

"Com on Mikey! Other people wanna shower!" Raph's gruff voice sliced through my ears.

"Yeah, almost done dude. Don't get your undies in a bunch!" I called back as cheerfully as I could manage.

I quickly rinsed the suds off my body, though I don't actually remember scrubbing myself, and stepped out. I fastened my mask on with ease and equipped the rest of my gear before abandoning the bathroom. Raph was outside the door looking a little more than annoyed, but I could see the worry that lie within his eyes.

"Took ya long enough knucklehead." His eyes stared right into mine, know that my body was fine, but wondering about my mind. "Leo was about to bust the door down."

"I was only in there a few minutes." I glanced around for Leo.

"He's talkin' to Splinter before he heads out."

Splinter was heading on a trip to no one knows where, for no one knows how long, because no one knows why. He wont tell us anything about this trip besides that it's important, and that he'll be home for the holidays.

"And you were in there for almost twenty minutes. You okay?" Still his green eyes looked intently into mine.

"I'm all good man! Just enjoying being squeaky clean!" I smiled and gave a thumbs up.

He looked me up and down once more before shrugging, "You better have left some hot water."

And with that he disappeared into the bathroom.

The fall air was calm and a bit chilly as I hopped between rooftops calling back to my brothers, "Come on dudes! At least try to keep up!"

My feet lost contact with the roof as I leaped to another one enjoying the freedom. The city was beautiful tonight, lights lit the streets below illuminating every crevice. The trees that were scattered around had lost their green hue, turning a rainbow of warm colors. Kids running home were still eating candy bars they had earned trick-or-treating earlier this week. All seemed right.

I was just about to fly off another building when, "Mikey , slow down before you hurt yourself!"

Leo's voice was so sudden and so stern that it caught me mid leap. I felt myself instinctively stop though my body was still in motion, my was balance gone. I wobbled towards the edge of the building preparing to fall, searching for a way to catch myself. Instantly I felt strong pair of arms wrap around me pulling me backwards so I fall backwards instead.

I land not on the hard roof top, but onto the lap of none other than Donnie. He smiles at me before giving me a light shove to get off of him. I stand up and reach out to help him up, he takes it and turns to face Leo- probably to scold him for calling out to me mind jump. Not wanting to be a part of this I move to take off.

"Mikey." Leo growels a waring. His face is hard, lips a tight line. I smile sheepishly and wave, he doesn't lighten up.

My face drops dramatically, "You're no fun anymore bro." I whine.

Leo's eyes fill with fire, ignited by pure concern for me, "Fun isn't going to keep you alive, so stay close to at least one of us."

I look down silently, more aggravated than embarrassed. Leo has been the worst since the incident. He blames himself, as he always does, but really in was no one's fault but my own. I didn't have to go back for them, I could have ran and gotten Master Splinter. Returned with backup, formed a plan, but no. I was in the exit, I could feel the fresh air on my skin, yet the shouts of my wounded brothers called me back. And I ran to them fully aware that I wasn't going to make it out, but they were ands that's what mattered.

A sturdy arm draped itself over my shoulder, "Chill out fearless, Shredder's dead remember?" Raph chimed in.

My shoulders dropped a little at this. Though I would never say it outloud, I'm not proud of killing the poor man. Shredder was a tortured soul. He had lost all that he loved and truly believed that Yoshi had robbed him of his happy ending. Killing Shredder to me was like killing a shark that attacked out of blind hunger. I knew that he was evil and had to be stopped, but I never wanted to be the one to do it. We all thought that that burden would eventually fall onto Leo-if not Splinter- but never me. I was never meant to become a killer.

"Shredder is gone, but there are other threats out there" Leo softened "The fact that Miley killed Shredder is why I want him so close, just because their master is dead…"

"Doesn't mean the Foot Clan is dormant." Donnie butted in. "Sorry Mikey, I'm with Leo on this one. The higher ups of the foot clan will probably be looking for revenge on whoever killed their master i.e. you" He smiled apologeticly.

"So until this all blows over you need to stay unreasonably close when we're above ground." Leo stated, turning away to indicate that this conversation was over.

I sighed, "I was 'unreasonably close to you when this whole thing started." I whispered mostly to myself.

Leo spun around, What was that Michelangelo?"

Feeling defiant I raised my eyes to meet his about to repeat my previous statement. But something in his deep blue eyes stopped me. They say that eyes can speak a thousand words, his only hid one. Guilt. My teeth sunk into my bottom lip effectively stopping the words to fall from my mouth.

"I was just saying how we can still have fun while I stay close to you." I whimpered pathetically, widening my eyes for my signature puppy eyes.

Leo melted, "How?"

I saw his eyes widen as a bounced forward, tapped him on the chest, called out "you're it", then grabbed Raph (to appease Leo's proximity rules) and took off dragging Raph along with me.

I heard Donnie say, "You brought it upon yourself" Then the sound of his footsteps joined ours.

I could hear the smile in his voice as Leo reluctantly-but happily- counted to ten before taking off after us.

For nearly an hour we ran from one another, no thoughts of the past trespassing upon us. We were normal brothers playing tag for a short while. Then as Donnie was just inches away from tagging Raph, an ear piercing shriek ripped through the night air like a knife. Raph skidded to a stop causing Donnie to slam into him, knocking the both into a tangled mess. Leo jumped over to pull apart our cursing brothers. I however was on top of a small rooftop water tower looking out over the city in the direction of the scream.

Whoever it was sounded scared, but not a life threatening scared, more like a 'I just saw the boogeyman' scared. What concerned me was that in between the seemingly timed screams was another sound. Pained animalistic whimpers filled him ears, I knew that noise well. Someone was purposefully hurting another living being. Nearly powerless to stop myself I began running towards the sound. Judging by the lack of voices telling me to stop and the fact the I could hear no footsteps other than my own, my brothers hadn't noticed me leaving.

I'm sure they will eventually.