A/N: Another one-shot idea. Came to me randomly when I was staring at our phone (I was bored) and I was like: "AHA!" xDD Hope you enjoy! =)
I do not own Bleach!
Shinji's Personal Answering Machine
Ring! Ring!
"Hello?" Hiyori barked into the small contraption that humans call a mobile phone. The thing was spiffy and a great way to communicate but she hated how Shinji's kept ringing 24/7.
"Um……hi, is this Shinji-kun's phone?" came a squeaky female voice from the other side. Hiyori felt a vein pop on her head.
"Yes, it is, why?" Hiyori asked her patience dropping. She heard shuffling on the other end and then a soft murmur.
"Well….c-c-can I t-t-talk to him?" the girl asked. Hiyori sighed.
"He is busy right now, may I take a message?" Hiyori asked.
"T-t-tell him that Ran called, t-t-hank you," the girl managed to mumble and then she hung up. Hiyori stared at the phone in confusion.
"Hiyori…..what are ya doin' with mah phone?" Shinji asked as he walked into the room with his hands in his pockets. Hiyori glared at him across her shoulder.
"It fell off the table," Hiyori lied as she threw the phone to the blonde and stomped out of the room. Shinji watched the girl leave. What was biting her today?
Ring! Ring!
"Hello?" Hiyori greeted as she flipped open the phone and placed it against her ear. She heard a strange gurgle sound on the other end and then silence. Hiyori quirked a brow.
"HELLO?" Hiyori barked. A yelp echoed through the phone and nearly deafened Hiyori to a point where she could hear nothing.
"Um, is this Hirako-san's phone?" asked a female voice. Hiyori felt a vein grow on her head. Another girl? What the hell?
"It is, but he is in the bath right now," Hiyori stated. The girl sighed on the other end.
"Too bad, I was hoping he could come give me a back rub now…..I had a horrible day you see," the girl sighed. Hiyori felt more veins pop out on her head.
"Tell me about it," Hiyori agreed. The girl sighed again.
"All well, thanks, are you a relative of his?" asked the girl.
Hiyori scoffed: "As if, I'd rather die."
And then she hung up.
Ring! Ring!
"Hello?" Hiyori answered for the hundredth time that day. Just how many times does the blonde baldy get calls? Wasn't he NOT supposed to give out his number to random girls? Wasn't it a "strictly to call Vizards" phone? Stupid idiot.
"Hello~ there gorgeous! Is the handsome Shinji home?" a deep female voice sang. Hiyori cringed.
"Piss off!" Hiyori shrieked and then she hung up.
Ring! Ring!
"What?" Hiyori asked as she flipped open the phone, again. She was greeted by a hick and then a range of giggles. Looks like more than one girl was calling this time.
"Hiiiiii there!" said a female voice and then another hick was heard.
"Arrrreee you Shinji's little sister?" asked another voice. Something snapped in Hiyori then.
"Sister!!?? What the fuck? Are you retarded or something?" Hiyori yelled into the receiver. More giggles were heard in the background.
"Awwwwww, you're shy! How cute!" sang one of the girls. Hiyori's grip on the phone tightened. She didn't realize that Shinji walked into the room right at that point.
"Hiyori! What the hell are you doing with my phone?" asked Shinji amused. The girls on the other end giggled.
"Shinjiiiiiiii! Come and have some fun with us!" they begged but Hiyori shut the phone and placed it on the table.
"Your girlfriends keep on calling me and it's annoying!" Hiyori barked. Shinji raised an eyebrow.
"You? Isn't it my phone?" Shinji asked. Hiyori felt her cheeks burn. Was this idiot making fun of her?
"Shut up, baldy!" she yelled, pulled off her sandal and hit him across the cheek. Shinji went flying through the window and landed outside the warehouse. Hiyori huffed and stomped away.
Ring! Ring!
"IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR SHINJI HE IS PASSED OUT RIGHT NOW!"
SLAM!
Ring! Ring!
"Hi~! Shinji's answering machine here, I can't make it to da phone right now so if ya are a cute girl please leave ya number and name and I'll call ya back~! If ya are Ichigo, then go train by yourself, idiot."
BEEP!
Ring! Ring!
"The lewd's phone, how may I help you?" Hiyori asked.
"Hi, this is Minami Reiko, I was wondering if Shinji-san is home?" an old female voice asked. Hiyori felt a shiver run down her spine. He even hit on old women? Well….he was over a century old but still…that's just…..sick.
"He is, why?" Hiyori asked.
"I'm a social worker and he came to see me awhile back, he promised that we would go and have a drink sometime, is today a proper time?" the woman asked. Hiyori grew veins on her head.
"No, he is banned from drinking at the moment," Hiyori stated.
The woman sighed: "Too bad, how about tea then?"
"Sorry, you see he is suffering from some bladder problems and he can't keep in any liquid, so how about never?" Hiyori stated as calmly as she could and then she hung up.
Ring! Ring!
"What?" Hiyori barked. She heard a sudden gasp on the other end.
"Hiyori-chan?" she heard a familiar voice ask. Hiyori calmed somewhat and sighed.
"Well if it isn't Miss Big Rack Hime, what is it?" Hiyori asked. Orihime sweat dropped at the nickname the blonde haired girl gave her and then shook her head.
"Hirako-kun hasn't been coming to school and….well Ochi-sensei is worried, so I wanted to check up on him if he is coming back," Orihime stated. Hiyori bit her lip in thought. There is no way that idiot is going back…..too many girls but then again….they can check up on Ichigo this way.
"I'll check with him," Hiyori said, "oh yes, Hacchi says you should come by and visit sometime."
"Kay! Thanks, Hiyori-chan!" Orihime smiled and then she hung up.
Ring! Ring!
"Hirako Shinji just died, so please refrain from calling."
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
Ring! Ring!
"Hi~! Shinji here!" Shinji sang into the phone. He listened quietly while Hiyori watched him and then he hung up.
"Who was it?' Hiyori asked. Shinji looked up at her with a bored expression.
"A person selling lingerie……they must have mistaken me for a woman," Shinji stated as he put his phone in his pocket. Hiyori sweat dropped.
Ring! Ring!
"The Lewd's phone, how may I help you?" Hiyori asked.
"I am waiting at the grand station for Shinji-kun! Where is he? He promised we would go on a date today!" cried a girl. Hiyori didn't even bother to reply, she merely hung up.
Ring! Ring!
"The bald blonde line, how may I help you?" Hiyori snapped.
"Wow, I didn't know that Shinji-kun had a sister! Nice to meet you, I'm Relia! I was hoping to talk to Shinji-kun, if possible?" came a very compassionate female voice. Hiyori grew veins all over her arms and head.
"He is not my brother!" Hiyori snapped.
"Oooooh, so you're his cousin? Well, either way!" the girl laughed. Hiyori's grip on the phone tightened.
"Who is it?" Shinji asked as he rested his chin on Hiyori's shoulder and pressing his ear against the phone to listen in on the conversation.
"No one important! Get off me, baldy!" Hiyori snapped as she tried to push the idiot's face away from her. Shinji didn't budge but his smirk grew wider.
"Aw, Hiyori, you want to be the only girl calling me?" Shinji purred. Hiyori felt more veins pop.
"Shinji-kun!?"
"YOU JERK!" yelled Hiyori and then all that could be heard were crashes, bangs and then Shinji yelping in pain.
Hiyori sat down on the battered old couch and huffed. Today was the worst day of her life. Not only because she has to play answering machine 24/7 but also because Shinji made her blush! BLUSH! It was a crime and the blonde idiot had to pay.
Only he kept on following her around like a little duckling and kept on teasing her. She looked up at him where he was sitting on an armchair across from the couch. His hands were in his pockets, his eyes closed and a wide Cheshire cat grin on his face. Oh how the idiot pissed Hiyori off.
"What do you want, baldy?" Hiyori asked.
"I just want to know why ya keep anwerin' my phone," Shinji stated, "and how you stole it from my pocket."
Hiyori sighed and looked away.
"I answer it because you keep giving your number to girls, and you know very well that the phone is only to be used to contact he Vizards and that bastard Kisuke," Hiyori stated, "and I stole it when you were engrossed with Lisa's Josei manga."
Shinji chuckled and stood up. He walked over to the couch and sat down next to Hiyori. She glared at him and stood up but he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back down.
"Sounds to me like ya like me," Shinji teased as he forced the little girl unto his lap. She squirmed and tried to pull away but he was too strong for her.
"Don't be stupid, as if I would like someone like you!" Hiyori snapped. Shinji just chuckled again and wrapped his arms around Hiyori's waist. He pulled her against him and held her there.
"Whateva ya say, but heed this, I know that I like ya," Shinji mumbled. Hiyori's eyes widened and then she felt her cheeks burn again.
Ring! Ring!
"If I get one more fucking call from a girl I'm going to murder you!" Hiyori yelled into the receiver.
"Uuuuh, Hiyori? What the heck are you doing with Hirako's phone?" came Ichigo's confused voice. Hiyori's eye twitched.
"What do you want Ichigo?" Hiyori barked.
"I was wondering if-" Ichigo began but he was cut off when Shinji grabbed the phone from Hiyori and hung up. Hiyori stared at him confused.
"What was that for?" Hiyori asked. Shinji smirked and bent down and brushed his lips against Hiyori's. She froze on the spot. What was she supposed to do? Kiss back? She stayed still while trying to think. Shinji pulled away before anything could really happen and put his phone in his pocket.
"Maybe it's time I answer da phone and you play girlfriend," Shinji stated calmly. Hiyori glared at him and then sighed.
"Fine, but I want to be a virgin bride, remember that!"
The End