I Reach for you.
This just happened to me... Seriously, it's a true story.
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It was hell. Hell.
Period. No other word could express it.
I was free and lolly-gagging, when suddenly, it hit like a sack of bricks.
You see, my family's been in a bit of, erm, financial trouble, if you can relate.
I understood. I didn't really affect me much though, I kept the same care-free, atheist attitude.
Even though I was a Christian.
It came and bit me in the butt. Hard.
'Cause yesterday I was in nothing but trouble.
Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble. All fricken day long.
Today, was not ANY better.
I went upstairs (I home school) to read the comics, and my parents yelled at me to get back to school.
So I went back to work, but what would you know? I did worse than ever before.
Through the entire time, my mind flashed with all the times I let my parents down, it reminded how deep we were in crap.
I also remembered all the times I let Him down.
It was unbearable, miserable beyond belief.
I was losing hope. It's amazing how fast your life can change, eh wot?
I wasn't REALLY planning on suicide, no, no matter how bad it is I wouldn't go THAT far.
But let me tell you, I thought about it even though I knew I wouldn't.
It got more unbearable.
Finally, I did something I should have done a long time ago.
I grabbed my tissue box (which was nearby because of my recent runny nose)
And ran to my room. I grabbed my bible.
I pleaded the Lord to give me a verse.
Trust me. Try it when life is hell. Just prey, plead to him to lead you to a verse which might help you.
You know what? I lost hope at first, I opened it up, and wasn't helping. I decided to give it another try.
My last try.
You know what? He answered my prayer.
I flipped, not intentionally by MY will I knew, but it was by his hand that flipped to Proverbs. The very beginning.
My eyes pouring tears, I could barely read. However.
As I read, I felt even worse. The verse said this:
Lady wisdom goes out into the street and shouts.
At the center of town she makes her speech.
In the middle of traffic she makes her stand.
At the busiest corner she calls out:
Okay, I thought. Not helping.
I was going to close my bible, and go back to what I was going.
Lemme tell you this, before that, I had always been a atheist posing as a Christian.
Sure, I had my moments close to God, but I never as really a follower.
Okay, anyway, I was going to close it, but something urged me to read on.
Proverbs 1:20-21says,
"Simpletons! How long will you wallow in ignorance?
Cynics! How long will you feed on cynicism?
Idiots! How long will you refuse to learn?
About face! I can revise your life.
Look, I'm ready to pour my spirit on you.
I'm ready to tell you all I know.
As it is, I've called, but you've turned a deaf ear.
I've reached out to you, but you've ignored me.
Since laugh at my counsel
And make a joke of my advice,
How can I take you seriously?
I'll turn the table and joke about your troubles!
What if the roof falls in,
And your whole life goes to pieces?
STOP! Right there! That was so perfect I can't even begin to describe.
It felt like "Lady Wisdom" had been watching me from the beginning of my Atheist posing as Christian life. It felt like she was speaking to me. I felt like the fool joking of her advice.
And now she was joking of my troubles.
The roof had fallen in.
My whole life had gone to pieces.
I felt even more like a P.O.S., scumbag, moron, etc. than ever.
But I read on.
What if catastrophe strikes and there's nothing,
To show for your life but rubble and ashes?
You'll need me than. You'll call for me, but don't expect an answer.
It was even more perfect. Because of my lifestyle, I called but I felt no answer. I knew this was true. I felt like I was alone, nobody helping me.
No matter how hard you look, you won't find me."
Proverbs 1:29-33
"Because you hated knowledge
And had nothing to do with the fear-of-God,
Because you wouldn't take my advice.
And brushed aside all offers to train you,
Well, you've made your bed-now lie in it.
You wanted your own way-now, how do you like it?
Don't you see what happens, you simpletons, you idiots?
Carelessness kills; complacency is murder.
At that point I felt so bad, tears were rolling out of my face like a water fall. It all explained everything. Everything. It was so true in my life.
First pay attention to me, and then relax.
Now you can take it easy-your in good hands.
I can't tell you how good it felt after I read that.
After that, I read a little of Proverbs 2, got a little more enlightment.
It felt so good, to finally REALLY be one of his children, I felt... Clean.
That is my story. I am now one of his children, its going to be hard I know, but I'm willing to fight for my beliefs.
I can now say truly: I would die tonight for my beliefs.
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I wish I could say that everyday... I wrote this a while ago, Though I'm closer, I'm still having some problems. Please, friends, have me in your prayers. If you have any problems, prayer requests, PM me. I'll be most happy to do so.