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Walking through the bitterness cold and the snow, that had reached all the way up to her knees, she trudged through the blizzard, she had to find Brittany before things were completely and utterly over between them, how the hell, she managed to let it slip to Berry the big mouth and she had to tell her the tryst she and Quinn had shared on that eventful night, many many, many nights ago. She could kill Berry with her own bare hands but she needed to stop Brittany before she gets to the airport in a way it was her own fault for mentioning it to her now girlfriend, well ex, only thing that was getting her through was the girl. The temperature had dropped immensely from the last time she had looked and her feet was just a little ways away from frost bite. That didn't bother her all that much, her only concern was getting to Brittany before she left for good, she needed to talk to her, anything was better than the reaction she got, she tore out of her place before Santana even could turn around and when she had gotten that text from Berry, her world came crashing down around her, she put the pieces together ~had muttered a "oh, shit" and barely had enough time to grab her jacket and boots before she was looking for the blonde in the freezing cold.
She was walking blindly at first until another text from the big mouth informed her of the whereabouts of her love. Her damn piece of shit of car had left her stranded not more than 5 miles down from the airport. Car or not she wouldn't let that stop her from the task at hand. All she could think of the betrayal that Brittany must be feeling. Sure she didn't feel the need to inform her of what happened ages ago, and she had made it clear that many nights ago that she was with Sam, so she didn't really have all that to be mad at it. Fuck! How the hell did my life turn Into one of those annoying day time soaps, that she detested with every fiber in her being. Trudging the last mile, almost out of breath, she started to feel her blood start to boil for making her be mad at something that had nothing to do with Britt.
She had managed to walk the double doors, she had finally arrived. Now finding the blonde would be like finding a needle in a haystack. She was peering for any sign that would distinguish Brittany apart from the other people milling around, she groaned and pushed her way away from the million people just standing around. When she spotted someone who resembled the blonde , she quickly moved the throng of people out of her way and said a silent prayer before tapping the girl on her shoulder, hoping it was Brittany.
Brittany waited and waited at the airport for her flight, but lucky for her, New York always had some stupid snow blizzard. She didn't know if it was that or the secret that infuriated her. The Secret. Santana, her ex-fiance, had slept with her now ex-best friend. And, yes, Brittany was in fact with Sam when the dreaded two-time-thing occurred, but even after they got back together, it was still kept from her. If she had told her earlier on, Brittany wouldn't have been so mad. But, the fact that only weeks before their wedding, none other than Rachel frickin' Berry told her. Rachel, seriously? Santana hated the girl since their Freshman year at McKinley, but of course she'd be the first to hear of it, not like Brittany's position as her fiance was important or anything. Her lip curled into a pout, she hated thinking of Santana.
Most of all, she hated how much she loved her. After everything-breaking up with her over an attraction, sleeping with Quinn and telling Rachel before her, Brittany still loved her with everything in her heart and soul. What she wanted most was for her and Santana to be curled up on the couch in their shared New York loft, entangled in one another's arms as the storm raged outside. Mugs of hot cocoa steaming on the table, Sweet Valley High playing on her laptop and Lord Tubbington bouncing on top of them, growling when Santana tried to show affection towards her. But, Brittany would laugh anyway. She'd tell Tubbs to get down and then she'd hold her fiance close and kiss her through the storm going on outside, but now the only storm beside that was the one going on between them.
She felt a tap on her shoulder, and until that moment, had forgotten she'd been crying. Sniffling lightly and wiping her stained cheeks with the sleeves of her Cashmere sweater, she spun around on the heel of her boot, to find the angel of her nightmares standing right behind her, shivering, shaking, and coated in snow. Brittany's lips parted, her piercing pale eyes widening. She wanted to take her into her arms and embrace her, but she couldn't. She just couldn't brace herself to do so.
Santana didn't even need the girl to turn around to know it was Brittany, she could spot that blonde anywhere, she had to suck in a deep breath as she saw the tears glistening in her eyes. Santana knew it was all her fault for the sadness that was in her eyes and no doubt in her heart, she knew Brittany better than she even knew herself and she could tell from the mannerism of the blonde that she was hurting. She didn't know exactly how to start her sentence off, so she stood looking everywhere but at the eyes that held so much pain, she listened to the snow melt off her coat and splatter down on the ground. Squishing the water that filled her designer boots with her toes and her now soaked through socks. She suddenly felt as her body was on fire, great! She thought all she needed from all this was to get sick, that was the least of her problems. Her only priority was trying to get her fiancé to not leave on the plane, and judging from the storm brewing outside, she was sure that Brittany would be boarded at least for a couple of hours. That would buy her some more time to convince the blonde to not leave. She tore off her gloves and watched as the water droplets fell down on the ground by her feet.
She mentally gave herself a Pep talk more of man up talk and then dared to move a few steps closer. Still having a gap between them. She wasn't sure Brittany would want her that close to her and she wasn't in any position to tell Brittany how she should feel. Chewing on the bottom of her lip she rehearsed in her head a few times different ways on how to talk to the one person that means so much to her, that is why Santana had a hard time in saying this. She never imagined in a million years that she would ever put the woman she had grown to love after being apart for so long, in any kind pain. It pained Santana a little to see what this secret was doing to her fiancé, why didn't she ever tell her? She knew she was stalling and prolonging the inevitable. She put her soaking wet gloves down on the seat next to where they were standing and finding her voice at last. Looking directly in the eyes of her fiancé, "Brittany," just saying her name was pulling on her heart strings. "Please talk to me? It was a long time ago.." She started the whole ordeal.
Brittany didn't dare to look at her. When she stepped closer, every bone aching in the blonde's body was telling her to back away. Her brain filled with thoughts of how to curse at her, tell her how much she broke her heart, how much she despised her. She could never hate her, no, Brittany could never hate anyone, but she did hate herself for that. She was always forgiving and good-natures, bubbly, naive little Brittany S. Piece in everyone's eyes. Though, she could keep both feet on the ground. They said she'd never graduate high school, but, she did. They said she would never make it to college, but, she did. And now, the strength hidden deep within her helped her hold back. Hold back everything; her tears most importantly. She restrained herself from brushing the snow out of her hair or giving her her jacket, but once she quivered out her words, she lost her power. Immediately weakened again, she was.
She looked down at her feet, noticing the small space between the two of them and how Santana's boots were soaked. She could practically hear the slush inside of them. She pitied her, like she pitied everyone. Sitting down on one of the seats, she stretched out her neck and tilted her neck to get a better view at the flights. She was still delayed. Sighing with content, she looked back up at the Latina. A hollow hole formed in her throat, she gulped.
"I know it was a long time ago, Santana. I know you were drunk, I know it meant nothing to you. But, it means something to me. You lied to me, San. I trusted you, you said no matter what circumstances, you would always tell me the truth. But, you lied then. If you cared so deeply of me, you would have told me sooner. But...you didn't. Nothing you say is going to stop me from getting on this flight back to MIT-because, at least there they appreciate me. They won't string me along until Rachel tells me they slept with Quinn Fabray. I'm not letting you go back into that dammed blizzard, so, you can sit by me in silence. I have some clothes, if you'd like to change, but we are not discussing this once more. It's done. You will always be one of my best friends..." she held back tears as she said that part, turning away from her warm, dark puppy-eyes. They were mesmerizing and so full of hope, and guilt. It killed her to look at them. She paused to clear her throat before continuing, "but, the wedding is off."
Santana didn't dare move a muscle as she heard the usually soft tone person speak, she heard the distinction of hate, that's was hurting her deep in her soul but she allowed the words to be uttered at her, she kept her head down as if a child who was being scolded would do. When she heard the word "lie" being uttered, her blood began to boil over again. She had to count backwards from ten to one to calm herself down. "I didn't lie Brittany," she said staring at her boots once again. Gosh this was starting to be the hardest thing that Santana had ever had to go through. She moved her eyes from from the ground and made sure she was eye to eye with aquamarine eyed beauty.
"It was nothing! And you were with Sam!" The last part had pushed a nail in her heart. "You have no idea what you put me through when you rejected me." She turned her head to the side and refused to look her in the eye anymore, it was too painful to relive the moment when Brittany broke her heart. She loved Brittany and was ready to have her and only her for her partner in life and she had turned her down and chose Sam over her. The tryst with Quinn wasn't planned at all, it was a mix of feelings of being hurt and being tossed rejected and a little bit of being drunk out of her mind.
After finding Brittany after all that time after, she was happy with her girl and she didn't want to do anything to ruin that, that was the real reason that she didn't tell Brittany trying to spare the blonde of any pain and harm in turn had managed to hurt her more than she could ever imagine. "I love you." She could feel the tears start to make their way down her cheeks as she felt the pain from that night all overs again.
She didn't want to see her fiancé leave on any plane, she knew what would transpire if she gets on the plane. She would never see or hear from her again and that wasn't a option for Santana, she had managed to fall in love with Brittany and wasn't going to let her out of her life for the second time. "I don't need any clothes, I'll be okay" she spoke quietly and with her head lowered to the ground. Hearing the last part had shattered her heart. She closed her eyes and let the tears mound in her eyes.
She didn't care about anything at this point, she had just heard the worst thing she could ever hear. "The wedding is off?" She repeated more than once. She still remembered the day she had asked for her hand in her her marriage. Her eyes popped open and she made sure that the blonde saw the tears spilling down her cheeks. "You can't mean this." As she spoke, she felt her voice quaver with a soft sob that she had pushed back down. To Santana it felt the world was coming to a end. "You don't want to marry me?" She said in a voice barely above a whisper.
"You think I don't want to marry you?" Brittany snapped as she looked up at her, nothing but grief in her eyes. She hated being sad, she was always optimistic about everything. She hardly ever cried, but now buckets were falling from her eyes. "I love you so much, Santana." Her voice was shaking, as were her hands. She put them in her lap and fiddled with her fingers. "I love you so much despite everything, you know that I do. You were my first love and I'd kill for you to be my last. I'd kill to have this day never happen, because all I want s to be snuggled up in bed with you, just like we were yesterday.
I just want you. And, fuck, I know I was with Sam when it happened! I used that as an excuse at first to stay, because, God, I wanted to stay, but I couldn't. All I could think of was your lips on her skin. I could think of you two in bed together, last night I even had a nightmare of you leaving me at the altar and running off with her! The images shook me, Santana. They scare me, losing you scares me.
I'm not calling the wedding off because I don't want to be with you, you have to believe that. I'm calling it off because all I can do is be jealous. I know I'm not going to be able to leave the room with you two together, I'm not going to trust it..." She reached over, hesitantly, her hand cupping her frozen cheek. She could feel her teeth chattering, and began to stroke the warmth back into her skin.
"Kurt was right. Everyone was right...we're too young to be thinking about marriage. We aren't there yet, and if we're meant tobe, then we'll find our way back to each other..but, for the time being..I just can't." As she finished her speech, she lifted away her hand and immediately brought it back into her lap, lacing her fingers together and staring back at the ground.
Santana didn't want any of this. Why is this stupid thing happening to her? Why the hell did she have to fall in love and let the woman in her heart. Her heart was beyond breaking at this point. Mascara stained tears had left a mark on her cheek. "Brittany, you think I care about her or anyone else besides you? How can you hold this one mistake that had meant nothing to me over my head?"
She half shouted half crying it out to her. Santana was hoping the ground would open up and swallow her whole, it would be a lot less painful if she just disappeared in the earth never to be seen or heard from again. She stood rocking back and forth on her heels as she refused to look at her any more as she sputtered the last of her sentence out. As she felt the softness of her palm over her freezing cheek, it was a fire was lighting through herbody. She had no choice but to back away from the small plastic orange chair and wipe at the tears that had still not made it's way down her cheeks.
"Don't you dare blame this on Kurt. You want the wedding off. I can't believe I was ever sostupid to believe that you wanted the same things as I wanted." This was too over whelming for the brunette and she turned her head at the window, hearing the howling of the wind, that must have been at a record low cold. The snow was at least at her thighs by this time, anything was better than have her soul mate break her heart further.
"You got your wish, I'll leave you alone. You said you can't and..." She didn't bother finishing that sentence, with her fingers grasping each others.
She leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Brittany's cheek, holding in the tears as they were threatening to fall. Pulling her lips away from the softness of the pale girl's cheek. She spun on her heel and walked back in the throng of people. Getting lost in the many faces as she ran as fast as her legs could carry her out to the blizzard storm where leaned against the wall and let the tears fall freely.