N U M B

by lolo.bubbletea

AU, One-shot. (Re-uploaded) Look at Gohan's point of view on how he plans on keeping his parents from finding out what happened during his time being kidnapped. He went from hurt, to depressed, to numb. and he bottles it all up. (this is my first fic, so be gentle.)

(Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ, DB, DBGT (hahaha nobody wants that one), or DBS. Please support the official release.)

Warning: has mention of rape, self harm, and suicide. Before you read the story, don't get mad and come for me, because from here on out, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

I feel nothing. I mean, I used to feel things, like remorse, regret, helplessness, loneliness, agony. You know, the starter pack for hating yourself. Pain was the strongest of them all. But that faded away, just like everything else. I guess you could say that I am numb. Yeah, that's the word. Numb.

I've trained myself to not feel anything. Every emotion means one cut. Sometimes multiple. Especially after my flashbacks. Then that would mean enough cuts to make me pass out from blood loss. I've put up mental barriers to separate emotions from everything else. I shove my emotions way in the back, and the rest of my mind is just a mess. The point is, my main objective is to remain numb, for as long as it takes.

I can tell my parents worry about

me. They're always trying to talk to me, and ask what's wrong. More specifically, what the heck happened while I was kidnapped by my "uncle" Raditz, and forced into the Frieza Force. (N/A I honestly don't remember

what it's called... Forgive me) I just plaster a smile on my face and say that I'm fine, and just continue with whatever I'm doing. I'm pretty sure my mother and father are convinced that I'm not fine, because they're still asking. In reality, I'm really not fine. But I just can't stop convincing myself that I'm just numb.

While I still feel emotions, I feared my parents. I was afraid of what they'd do to me if they ever found out what happened during those 5 and a half treacherous years. All I know is that they'd be furious. They'd be furious with me for becoming a monster. They'd hate me forever. Father would probably kill me. Literally. I guess that's the worst they could do.

There's this feeling of guilt, just sitting in my stomach that I just can't seem to shake. The guilt of hurting those poor innocent people, and mostly, keeping my secrets from my parents. But it has to be done. I don't want them to know.

Well, at least they're making efforts to bond with me, and fix our relationship. Father wants to take me fishing and training, and Mother wants to study. She must think I've gotten dumb during "my time away". They're also sort of prying into my shell. They're always wondering why I always wear long-sleeved shirts all the time. " Oh, I'm just cold. Nothing to worry about. " I'd always reply with a "smile".

I don't want mother and father to feel bad about me. I cannot risk ruining another person's life again. Especially if they're so important to me. My parents are always watching me closely when I'm around them, looking for clues as to what happened to their now 8 year old son, and why is he so different from before. I don't blame them, anyone would do that if their 8 year old was kidnapped for 5 and a half years at 3 years old, was molested, raped, tortured, forced to hurt people against his will, and said nothing about it.

Oh boy. mother's coming, and father is right behind her. I can hear their thoughts, and whatever they're going to confront me about isn't about to be good. Well, not for me at least.

" Hey, Gohan, your father and I need to talk to you for a second. ", my mother says as she opens the door to my room.

" Yeah, sure, what's up? ", I ask, trying to sound as cheerful as possible.

" Uh, your father and I have noticed that you've acted differently for the past few months, since you've came back..." She pauses and wrings her hands." ... So we have decided to send you to go see a psychologist, since you aren't talking to us." She finishes her little speech with a sad half smile.

Oh. Crap.

They're sending their anything -BUT -normal- child to the Pyscologist, to talk about NOT NORMAL PEOPLE PROBLEMS, to a NORMAL human.

"You're going tomorrow, so get some rest now, son.", Father says.

I lay in bed awake, wondering how in going to handle the situation. If I tell the Pyscologist the whole situation, she'll think I'm crazy and made the whole story up. And if my parents found out, they'd be livid. Maybe I can lie my way out. Just like always.

They'll never know. The must not know. They'll be the ones mad, but I have no idea what I would do to myself if they were to know.

Fin.