But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
- Robert Frost, "Fire and Ice"
For as long as she can remember, Rose lives with an undercurrent of fear. Fear of being discovered, fear of being taken, fear of being experimented on. It's not a baseless fear, and there are CCTV cameras everywhere in London.
Keep it secret.
Her mother hadn't exactly understood what her father had told her in those brief months since Rose's birth (blonde hair so pale it is almost white, and an occasional flurry of snowflakes spark on her fingertips) and his death, but the fear of losing her daughter struck her bone-deep. Because
once upon a time, an old woman, her pregnant daughter, and her son-in-law had appeared suddenly in a world of machines and science, where magic is but sleight of hand, and they could not find their way home again. And when that unborn child was grown up and married, an Institute recently established by a frightened queen witnessed by chance what that once-child could do. She was taken, and her husband killed in the struggle, though she did not find out until days after, and in the finding, her wrath was great enough to free herself and bring a killing blizzard upon the house. Scars marred her skin from the instruments of torture, and she fled with her parents to the south, where she passed down to her descendents that most important rule: keep it secret.
It is not common, the magic of ice and snow, often skipping several generations before appearing. Always manifesting in a girl, and always growing stronger over time. It is not a Curse, Pete's father explains, before his death (Rose is too young, still, to remember him very clearly, and he was the last living family member who could help her with this strange, otherworldly legacy).
But sometimes it feels like she is cursed.
The battered, leather-bound book is Rose's only tangible instruction. Because to hide, she must learn control. To understand, she must learn as much of her family's history as she can. Although, it is not until her teenage years that she can truly comprehend what the book says.
Her mother does what she can. She forbids the use of her powers outside of their apartment on the Powell Estates (all those CCTV cameras!), and admonishes Rose to be extremely careful inside. Small flurries or ice carvings only, although she has a bit more freedom in her own room. She bundles Rose up in almost too many layers to make up for the way the cold does not affect her daughter, and dyes her hair regularly, in darker colors (because her hair is nearly white, and she cannot risk the attention). She reads her the tale of the Snow Queen, which, in hindsight, is not Jackie's best idea (interrupted by sniffles, lower lip trembling, eyes squinting to hold back tears as she whimpers, "Mummy, I don't wanna be evil"). She spends the rest of her evening consoling her little girl, and moves on to other fairy tales and fantasy afterward. And a few times, when Rose is still a child, still learning control, Jackie saves enough money for a short winter holiday somewhere remote, and snowy.
But for all of Rose's hard-earned maturity, she is still a child, and cannot always resist the temptation of little ice and snow tricks when the park is coated in snow and chaotic with playing children. Snow banks positioned to favor her, snowmen that were created faster and larger than the others, snow angels without footprints.
Her mother catches her at it once, and shouts until Rose is near tears.
In every other way her childhood on the estate is ordinary, and over time, having nearly memorized the book and the stories, gaining as much control over her abilities as she thinks she will ever have, she stops thinking about it. Pushes it to the very back of her mind, because she might have magic, but life is not a fairy tale. Goes to school, hangs with friends, does chores, falls into a routine and tries to pretend that she doesn't dream of more as her mother scrimps and saves. They manage to get by somehow, and sometimes there are miracles. A red bicycle for Christmas one year, their worst year when Rose expects nothing. A whole turkey another, when all they seem to have in the cupboards are tins of beans and instant noodles.
And then she falls in love.
Jimmy Stone is older (a man, she thinks, rather than a boy), a musician, and more than a bit fit. She is flattered by his attentions, and eager when he tells her of his plans. That he will make it big, and she will come with him on the road when he tours. He promises to take care of her, represents everything she wants with her 16-year-old heart. Jimmy is freedom, and love, and she drops out of school for him, to help support his career (the thought of sitting her A-levels made her nervous, and Jimmy said she hardly needed them anyway, and didn't she trust him?).
Rose moves in with him (her mum shouting disapproval and disappointment, but she just doesn't understand that they love each other and everything will work itself out), and gets a job to help support him, as well as dipping into her savings. Because he's so close to getting a break; they just need to bear the difficulties for a little bit, baby, he reassures her.
A little bit longer stretches on and on, and things change gradually enough that Rose adapts without too much thought (Jimmy's words begin to tear her down, grow harsher as his touches grow rougher, and he comes home drunk with increasing frequency). She loves him. She forgives him, excuses him because she loves him, and it's not his fault, there must be something wrong with her (she has been different all her life).
The first time he smacks her, Rose is shocked and uncertain how to react. Jimmy apologizes profusely, makes it up to her with sex that she won't admit is hardly satisfying. The blow hadn't hurt all that much, and he'd been stumbling and drunk at the time, and anyway, she had been rather clumsy in breaking that dish.
Eventually, he stops apologizing, but it doesn't happen all that often, just when he really loses control (he tears her down verbally instead, drawing on all of her insecurities and magnifying them).
When everything comes to a head, Rose is almost a shadow of herself. She catches him cheating on her that afternoon, and it is the final straw for her. She tells him that they are over, and she leaves the flat to give herself time to calm down, and to give the bastard and his…company time to leave. She does not want to see him.
She loses track of time, and it is too late for her to pack before leaving. Rose would not feel comfortable traveling across the city to her mum's apartment at such a late hour. The least Jimmy owes her is one last night in her bed (and several hundred pounds which she will demand when she is calmer and not alone), and in any case, he has a gig, and rarely returns before sunrise.
But she is wrong. Jimmy crashes into the apartment at 3:00 in the morning, blind drunk and raging. Rose tumbles out of bed and leaps to her feet, heart racing, and he snarls the moment he sees her.
"You do not leave me, you worthless bitch," he slurs, and his hand-eye coordination is hardly compromised when he strikes her. The second blow, to her cheek that time, stuns her almost insensible. By the third, by the time she realizes that he means to keep going, the adrenaline surges through her and she hardly feels the pain as she raises an arm to block his fist.
But fighting back against Jimmy makes things worse, and she grows wild and desperate, until one of her punches lands ineffectively on the left side of his chest – and she feels the ice magic strike him in the heart.
She has read about this in her family's book, has had nightmares about the curse, the death she could bring about by simple accident. There are no trolls in this universe that any of her father's ancestors had found. There is no simple solution or ally they can turn to, to fix a mistake like this. And, subconsciously if not consciously, she knows that Jimmy does not have within him an act of true, unselfish love.
Rose freezes in panic, and sheer terror at the realization of what she has done.
The next blow of his fist knocks her head against the corner of a table (where are the police? Surely someone has called them by now) and before she can gather her wits and swipe away the blood, he kicks her hard enough to crack a rib. She curls up and covers her head as he continues to kick her, bones snapping, blood staining the floor, and her voice muffled as she screams.
It seems an eternity before he pauses, panting. "You…bitch…freak…. What…the fuck did you…do?"
Rose turns her head, catches a glimpse of his body in the light from the street, and cannot quite keep her mouth from gaping. The magic has progressed much faster than the book had led her to believe (because of her power? Circumstances? The state of Jimmy's heart, which is shriveled and cold to begin with?) Frost has crept up over his skin, and already his fingers and lower legs are ice.
Jimmy starts for her again, and she can see in his eyes that he means to kill her.
Desperation lends Rose strength, and she ignores the screaming pain in her body as she kicks out at him. He topples, unbalanced, and when he hits the floor he shatters into a million pieces of ice.
Brittle, she thinks deliriously. And weak. Not like the unnaturally solid statue the book described.
Rose lets the darkness take her.
She spends weeks recovering in the hospital. Her mum, Mickey, and Shireen are her most regular visitors until she is well enough to make it home to her mother's apartment.
The police tell Rose and Jackie that Jimmy has done a runner. They're out looking, but no clues yet.
Rose is silent and pale, dazed, while her mother deals with policemen, voice strident and infuriated at the lack of progress (her daughter was almost killed, what do they mean no sign of the good-for-nothing bastard). When things quiet down, when she can hardly close her eyes without replaying that night, and yet cannot keep herself awake, she tells her mum (that she is a murderer).
Jackie holds her through the night, soothes her and reassures her ("That wasn't your fault, sweetheart. If you hadn't've fought back, you'd be the one dead. Self-defense; it ain't you should be the one punished, and don't you forget it").
Over the next few years, Rose slowly and painfully builds herself back up, struggles to regain her confidence. She locks her magic away, tighter than ever. Dates Mickey (who is safe, and comfortable, and won't ever hurt her like…). Finds a job at Henrik's.
Convinces herself that she can be content like this, with this life, for the rest of hers.
And then she meets the Doctor.
Please, please, if you have any ideas about how the Doctor should find out, and what his reaction would be, let me know. I have some vague thoughts myself, but nothing concrete yet, and I'd really like to hear what you think. If I decide to use one of your ideas instead of mine, I will, of course, give you credit.