Displaced Equanimity, Stashed Away
Summary: The true absurdity, outside of Davis spitting redemption in the face despite being free of the beast; was that she still kept expecting Clark Kent to save the day. That was what he did; saved the world on an annual basis. Yet, between Jimmy's literal death and Clark's symbolic one, her world may as well have ended. One-shot.
Setting: Chloe's mindset the summer after S8.
Doing the right thing had never felt so wrong, tasted so bitter, or seemed so pointless. How could she have forgotten; the price of being a hero was forever personal loss. She was no hero. She had a savior complex and a permanent blind spot. What was it Tess had said about blind loyalty?
The true absurdity, outside of Davis spitting redemption in the face despite being free of the beast; was that she still kept expecting Clark Kent to save the day. That was what he did; saved the world on an annual basis. Yet, between Jimmy's literal death and Clark's symbolic one, her world may as well have ended.
She had no use for anything outside the Watchtower anymore. Supposed love-nest turned crime scene. Her husband's blood still stained the cement. Staring at it felt morbid, covering it up felt wrong. Yet, there was a displaced equanimity surrounding the home Jimmy bought for her, for them. Simultaneously tragic and tranquil, she was wounded, she was safe.
It was her safe haven.
It was her prison.
Besides, she had her computers, books, phones, and credit cards. Agoraphobia was convenient post-information era. The bare necessities can be sent to her doorstep. Being on Oliver's payroll helped more than enough with shipping costs. Who needed the outside world?
She wasn't asking for the world on a silver platter; she just wanted her husband, her cousin, and her best friend.
She wanted Clark to tell her he understood; needed him to say it.
He walked away.
She'd die before she gave up his secret.
Nearly went to jail for him more than once.
Risked her marriage to protect him.
She loved him, needed him; in happiness, in sorrow.
He walked away.
And the one time Chloe Sullivan couldn't appreciate dramatic irony; was the one time the man she'd do anything for, walked away from her.