Title: Giving You Away for Someone Else to Take
Series: Trek Pod
Inspired by: Ex Girlfriend By No Doubt
Lyric excerpt:
I'm about to give you away for someone else to take
We keep repeating mistakes for souvenirs
And we've been in between the days for years
And I know that when I see you I'm going to die
I know I'm going to want you and you know why
It's going to kill me to see you with the next girl
'Cause I'm the most gorgeously jealous kind of ex-girl
But I should have thought of that before we kissed...
I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend
Summary: She always knew she would end up his ex girlfriend but she fell in love with him anyway. A smart woman knows when it's time to let go. The obligatory breakup story but without the bitterness.
Pairings: Disintegrating S/U and pre-friendship or pre-slash K/S (With those two, I really can't tell the difference if sex is not involved. Does it really matter anyway? They are already starting to fall in love with each other; I am just not sure in what way. Their relationship is complicated.)
Technically, because this is a Trek Pod story I am not starting a new series. This story also signifies that I have posted over one million words on this site.
Thank you to Teddy Bear for reviewing this. All remaining mistakes are mine or the voice recognition software's.
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek. I'm just the latest person to reinterpret the material. Unfortunately, I'm not being paid to do it.
Update: I had to re tag this story as Jim and Spock, even though they are the secondary characters, to cut down on stupid comments from ignorant individuals who probably did not even read the story in the first place. I am continuously amazed at the amount of hatred from individuals who enjoy a fandom based on the idea that eventually humankind can get pass their bigotry and hatred to achieve great things. Am I the only one who believes the character tags refer to the main characters in the story and not the main couple?
She always knew she was going to end up Spock's ex girlfriend. It was inevitable. Even though both of their Personalities were grounded in logic and a deep sense of professionalism, there are certain things about him that drove her absolutely crazy.
During their entire three-year relationship, not once would he go with her to a club or party. Actually, He never wanted to take her out at all unless it was to a museum exhibit or lecture. Spock usually hid behind the excuse of his position at the academy, but she knew it was just an excuse. It was not even against academy policy for the two to date once she was no longer in his classes. This reluctance to go out with her anywhere was why she still got hit on by the Jim Kirks of the world even though she had a boyfriend. Not that anybody knew.
Getting Spock to tell her how he really felt about anything, including her, took more time than it really should have in her opinion. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she thought that if he really loved her, then he would tell her everything just as she tells him. She wanted him to be completely emotionally honest with her, yet 99.9% of the time, he denied actually having any emotions whatsoever. This infuriated her.
Part of Nyota wanted to hold hands on the quad and receive roses in class on Valentine's Day even if it was silly. Somewhere along the line, she acquired the notion that if love is not publicly acknowledged then it does not exist. She actually wanted to hear him say I love you occasionally. She never got any of that during the entire course of their relationship and this hurt her in a way she could not explain.
Coming into their relationship, she should have known Spock would never be the type of boyfriend who would be into candlelight dinners and any sort of public display of affection whatsoever. It was completely contrary to his Vulcan heritage to do such things. There is no equivalent to Valentine's Day in Vulcan culture and rose petals were considered a salad ingredient. Technically, in Vulcan culture, handholding was an obscene act when done in public. Yet, she was still expecting it and was disappointed when she didn't get it.
During the entire course of their relationship she tried to make Spock into her perfect boyfriend. There may have been forced dates at out of town clubs during her last year at the academy that ended in complete disaster. She doesn't want to talk about how many little hints she left him for Valentine's Day 2257 and 2258. When he wouldn't yield she would just become more upset. She will not confirm or deny that she almost threw a box of chocolates at him when he showed up to her apartment empty handed for the third year in a row. However, the sex was good so she let it go eventually.
If they were really meant to be together, Nyota would accept him as he is and not try to make him something he is not. Instead, she was constantly trying to change him into the ideal boyfriend. That wasn't going well because he was just as stubborn as her.
When his mother died last month, she desired to be the person to kiss his tears away. All she wanted was for him to let her in completely, but he never did, not even then. She wanted to be the person he turned to, instead he kept everything inside of him until he tried to kill his first officer. Not that she can really blame him because Jim Kirk is the most insufferable human ever created. Yet, it annoyed her Jim Kirk could get her boyfriend to admit to something that she could not.
Adding insult to injury was the conversation she accidentally listened to at Amanda's memorial service three weeks ago. Since they arrived back to earth, she was hoping Spock would really allow her to offer comfort and talk to her about everything involving losing his mother and his planet. Instead, she hears him having a heart to heart with their future captain, about how hard it is to lose a parent complete with Jim apologizing for claiming Spock never loved his mother. She gathered more information about Spock's current emotional state from overhearing that conversation than anything else in months if not the entire course of their relationship.
She would like to tell herself that this was when the seeds of doubt began to enter her mind, but that would be a lie. She knew before she asked him out for the first time that this wasn't going to end in white picket fences and happily ever after. She wasn't looking for prince charming nor did she want him. She was going to be a chief communications officer before she was 30 if it killed her. The fact she has already achieved that position earlier than planned was just a bonus.
She knew he would most likely be looking for a long-term partner and possible bond mate. She did pass all her Vulcan culture classes with perfect marks. The thought of someone else being in her mind permanently was slightly disturbing on multiple levels. During the three years they have been together not once did she allow a mind meld during sex or any other time.
Yet, knowing that this was going to end eventually she still kissed him that first time. She still fell in love with him. He still had a piece of her heart. She still tried to force him to be the boyfriend she wanted him to be only to realize that he will never be anything other than Spock.
After the death of his mother and his planet, she realizes it is time to let go. The writing was already on the wall weeks ago when he told her that he was leaving Starfleet to help rebuild the Vulcan population. She should've known it was over when she did not even offer to leave with him. The thought did not even cross her mind nor did Spock even mention it as an alternative.
However, the true moment of clarity came when Spock returned to Enterprise earlier today. She was just as surprised as anyone else when he walked up on the bridge several hours ago and asked to become their captain's first officer. Spock never told her that he changed his mind. Shouldn't that be something you talk about with your girlfriend of three years?
Now she sat across from him as he explained why he came back. Not once during his long logical explanation involving alternate selves and life changing friendships did he mention coming back for her. She didn't need clarification in this matter but being the masochist that she was she had to ask.
"Did you really just give up your opportunity to help your people for the prospect of a friendship with the guy you tried to kill weeks ago?" Nyota asked looking directly in his eyes already knowing her boyfriend was more willing to open up to that same guy already.
"I did not say that." Spock responded.
"You didn't have to. Even if he is not the reason, I know I'm not. You didn't even ask me if I wanted to come with you." She said bitterly no longer being able to keep her emotions out of her voice.
"I knew you would not want to leave your career behind therefore I did not want to put you in a position where you would have to make such a decision." His answer seems illogical to anyone but her. It seems too much like an excuse for her taste.
"If you loved me, you would have ask me anyway. If you loved me, you couldn't bear to be apart from me. This isn't going to work. You don't love me." She said out loud making it real even though she has known for a very long time.
"I find your logic faulty. If such a thing were true, why did you not offer to accompany me?" Spock argued back.
"You're right, I didn't offer. I love you, but I don't love you enough to change who I am even though I expect you to do that for me. That is why this isn't going to work." She said as she grabbed his hand for a Vulcan kiss. "This just wasn't meant to be forever. I have known for a while now. I think I knew that coming in but I still wanted you."
"Then why did you choose this moment to terminate our relationship? Why did you not do so when you thought I was leaving?" It was a good question. It was also a question she did not want to consider the answer to.
"Because I was being selfish, maybe I didn't want to be another name on your ex girlfriend list. I was being illogically human." She said in her defense.
"You would only be one of three names on my former significant others list. You would also be the only female unless you count my former fiancée." She's pretty sure her boyfriend of three years just admitted to the fact that he was bisexual or at the very least not heterosexual for the first time.
"You're bi?" She asked him with a hint of shock. She didn't know about anyone else but his ex fiancé and she definitely didn't know about former boyfriends. How much did she really know about this individual that she has spent three years with?
"The human concept of sexual orientation did not exist on Vulcan or in Vulcan culture. I find the human need to label things perplexing. Vulcans mate with the individual who is most compatible. Gender is not a deciding factor." Spock responded without blinking.
"Nice to know they really do leave certain things out of the culture classes. I didn't know about that either. That's usually something you tell your girlfriend of three years, not that I really care if you find men as aesthetically pleasing as I do. Then again, you didn't tell me a lot of things during the course of our relationship. You could have told me about feeling guilty and angry over your mother's death, but you didn't. You did not even tell me the real reason you were leaving Starfleet behind. I'm shocked that you told me the real reason why you came back." She said deliberately trying to keep the emotions out of her voice.
"I did not want to burden you." Spock said not looking at her.
"You're never going to be the type of individual who tells me everything. That's not who you are. I'm not sure I can accept that in a lover. I still need roses and chocolate hearts on Valentine's Day. I'm never going to get that from you. It's time I stop trying to make you someone you can never be." She told him honestly.
"If that is the case then maybe it is the most logical course to terminate our relationship completely." She is surprised by the obvious anger in his voice.
"Not completely, I just want to end the sexual component of it. I still want to be your friend even if it's going to kill me to see you walking down the corridors of Enterprise with someone else. If you remember from the incident last semester when a certain student kept hitting on you, I am an extremely jealous person. It's better to end it now before we end up hating each other. Maybe eventually you are going to find a nice Vulcan to settle down with and have 75% genetically engineered babies with, if that is what you really want. Who knows maybe the love of your life is on the ship and you don't even know it yet. But it's not going to be me and I think it's best if I let go so both of us can find what we are looking for." She said getting up from the bed as she placed one farewell kiss on his lips and leaves.
It's not really a goodbye kiss when you will see your new ex again in less than 12 hours when her next shift began. Tomorrow will be painful.
She doesn't go back to her own quarters after leaving Spock behind. There are too many happy relationship reminders around which would probably trigger the crying jag she was trying to prevent. She thought going to observation deck number four would be less likely to induce a crying jag, but she was wrong.
"Are you okay?" She heard a male voice say from behind her as he handed her a tissue.
"I am crying in the middle of observation deck four because my relationship of three years just ended. 'Okay' is not a word in my extensive vocabulary right now. Wait, why are you here with a box of tissues?" She said to her captain as she pointed to his hand. "Your quarters are on the other side of the ship."
"Did you know that the Computer surveillance System on Enterprise is configured to notify the captain if a crew member starts crying hysterically in the corridors?" she wondered if that's true or it was just something that he did because he was bored today.
"Isn't that an invasion of privacy?" Nyota asked as she tried to keep herself from crying.
"Probably," he said giving her another tissue. "Did Spock dump you?" He asked that as a question not a statement.
"It was more the other way around." Nyota said grabbing the tissue. Thank god, makeup was really waterproof now.
"Then why are you crying?" Jim asked her.
"Because I still love him, but it was wrong to stay together when I knew we had no future. I am not his happily ever after. He deserves to find the real love of his life and I know it's not me. I think I deserve to find my own happiness too. At least by letting go now before things get bitter, there's still a chance we can be friends." She said getting up from one of the benches.
"Thanks for the tissue." She said looking back at him.
"Don't mention it. I think consoling crying crew members is in the job description. I don't know, it's my first day on the job. I'm still reading the instruction Manual." He said joking.
"You'll figure it out. You're not a complete idiot."
"I think I'll take that as a compliment." He said with a smirk.
"You may want to try out your consoling skills on your first officer. I think he's going to need a friend. He doesn't have that many. " She said as she began to walk out of the room.
"We're not friends." She was almost tempted to laugh especially because she knew about how things turned out in another dimension.
"Don't worry, you will be." She said directly to her new captain. "Who knows maybe you'll be more than that." She mumbled under her breath just low enough that he could not hear. She was still deciding if she would be upset about that.
The End
I am considering doing a sequel to this if anybody is interested. I already know my beta wants me to do more. If I decide to a follow-up story, the song will be 'Ridin' Solo by Jason Derulo and the story might be Valentine's Day themed. I may even consider doing a trilogy. Song suggestions accepted and encouraged.