Hello there! I've been brainstorming a bit and decided on a new story. I will warn you ahead of time this story will include SLASH and ANGST. So if this isn't exactly your cup of tea and you'd like to stop now, please do so. But I promise to make this as interesting as I possibly can…For now. I may post up an edited version late into next year. Who knows?

Please, if you read, review. It's really much appreciated when I get feedback from viewers. Thank you ever so much, and my sincerest apologies if there are any grammatical / spelling mistakes in here. I'm doing the best I can, but as a BETA I'll be sure to check and recheck for mistakes!

-Alexa Rae MoonlightDrive x

I'm so jaded …

DISCLAIMER! ; No, I don't own any of these characters, they are strictly from J.K. Rowling's mind. The only thing that's mine is the idea / plotline of the story.

The night was silent as the moonlight filtered through a few of the windows of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft And Wizardry. The heavily curtained windows of the Gryffindor boys dormitory stood absolutely still, as not a soul was moving. A soft creak, a few shuffles, and a slam. Everyone knew what this meant. Harry's back! He was notoriously known for his unpunctuality whether it be to class, or to get home on time. Yeah, like that ever happened.

Harry's Point of View ---

Everything felt warm as I shuffled along to my four-poster bed. But of course, it was frigid in the dormitory, I just couldn't feel it; my blood was too warmed with alcohol to tell the difference. I was feeling a bit worn out, after all I had been on a long party binge these past couple months. I really can't say I care anymore though. Getting laid is all I need to get by. Bed a few men and be done with the night. Come back here, collapse, wake up late, rush to class, finish the day, and go start the cycle over.

Others view my life to be a sick cycle carousel spinning dangerously out of control. Except the reality of it all is that I am always in control… No one can ever overpower my control on life. It's my body, it's my mind and it's my soul. I can destroy whatever part of my life I want to because no one ever has to live it but me.

I'm sure you're all probably wondering right about now, aren't you? The boy who lived? So negative? So destructive? What.. Is the world coming to an end here?

Well, I'll tell you right now, this world isn't coming to an end. No time soon anyway. Trust me, even if I wanted it to… It wouldn't.

So, right, back to your wondering. Well, I'll take you back a ways and see if its begins to make sense.

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I was a scrawny kid, quite lanky and not "popular" as you'd say it. I had my selected friends and that's all I ever needed. No one ever took interest in the pale kid with glasses and an odd shaped scar presented smack-center in the middle of his forehead, did they? Nope. I can say from experience, they didn't. Well, that was just fine with me. I'd become so regular to the feeling of negativity and rejection it didn't really register anymore.

Now, as you all know, shortly after I was born my parents were killed. Murdered for no good reason I say, but it's stopped hurting so much over the years. What's more is that the pain of the beatings have filled the void where that emptiness once was.

So, after that I was dropped on some loony relative's doorstep and thus, the madness began. Everything was pretty much routine up until I was about 11. A day in the life consisted of waking up, not eating, going to "school" (locked under the cupboard with a pile of books. Complete crap if you ask me.), coming out for lunch, having a few hours out, showering, studying, and then sleep. But when I turned 11 everything changed.

You know, of course, that Hagrid came and saved me from what I was forced to call "family." I was whisked away and informed I was a wizard. Now that was traumatizing in itself, and then you throw my name into the mix. Harry Potter. Well, I was screwed as soon as I stepped foot on Platform 9 ¾. So we'll skip all the 1st through 5th year crap and get right to the chase of my insanity. Sixth year. I had thought getting away from the hell-hole I had to call home would be most wonderful. No. Of course not.

-FLASHBACK-

Eerily happy to get out of the house I practically danced across the room picking up the things I needed and tossing them into my trunk haphazardly. I didn't really care how it went in I just wanted it there so I could be gone from this hell-hole. I heard the door creak open. I turned around and there was Duddy-kins standing there all innocent-like. Something was wasn't right. I knew immediately that nothing good could come from a smiling little piglet.

'What?' I asked.

Silence.

'I asked what the bloody hell are you staring at?'

What happened next even I'm not quite sure of… I felt something crash down hard on my skull, feeling as though it had knocked it into a million pieces. The beatings were fairly regular. Duds smacked me unconscious on a routine basis, and Vernon did whatever he felt suited his mood. But this day was different. This time he decided rape was a nice extra. A little going away present.

I woke up with a throbbing headache, naked on my own bed. The room smelled of sweat and sex. I tried to tell myself that it didn't really happen, and I've honestly been kidding myself for the past year or so. I was truly naïve. I went to school that year and it was hell. I promised myself I wouldn't do that to myself ever again. No one ever knew about me being raped, and I'm almost certain no one ever would.

-END FLASHBACK-

So you see, the things that occurred from that day on, the routine beatings, and the occasional rape package, well that all really fucked me up. Like you hadn't already guessed. So much so that it has made me into a very "self-destructive" person as Hermione likes to put it. But what does she have to say about it? Nothin' that's what. A little sex here and there isn't bad for a person. And all the alcohol… Well that's only fair and comes with the package.

But now I'm in seventh year and everyone wants me. And I'll tell you right now, I'm just fine with that.

-END HARRY'S POV-

After reliving all of that all Harry could do was collapse on his four-poster and sleep. What he always did after a night of binge-drinking and partying hard.

Once his breathing slowed and became consistent a pale hand slip out from behind one of the thick, red, canvas curtains. It wrapped around the curtain and pulled it a bit to the side. A tired and disappointed Ron emerged and set his feet on the cold floor. A passed glance at his best friend, a shake of his head, and he got up and walked over to his own four-poster not to far away from Harry's. He was sick of seeing his best friend like this. He couldn't let him continue this lifestyle … But what to do?

I'll figure something out …

A/N ; Ohkay, this was really short, and not so easy to write as it isn't my normal writing style. Cut me some slack here. :P It may be a week to 2 weeks until my next update but reviews are always nice. I'll try and get the first chapter done as soon as possible. Alright loves! That's all for now. If there are any changes in updating or anything I'll put it at the bottom of my profile. Check back in case.

-AlexaRae MoonlightDrive x