a/n: this was going to be a one shot at first, but it's a two shot now because sh...

Also I need help. Why do I write things like this? Anyways. In the promo there's another explosion, and since Toby ran in there...yeah.

The title is a Barcelona song :)

Please Don't Go

She isn't sure how she feels. Angry? Worried? Scared? Sad? She isn't sure what she is supposed to be feeling. It's not that she's never been in this situation before; sitting and wondering if the person she loves will be okay. She's done this so many times—over and over again. Each time seemingly becoming more difficult. Which doesn't make sense, really. After so many times of practice, she should be good at this, right? Practice makes perfect. But yet, here she is, puffy eyed and shaking.

Her hands literally have not stopped shaking since it happened. It's from the anxiety—the worrying, the panic that had risen in her at the blow is refusing to let go. She keeps clasping her hands together, trying to prevent the quivering, or she'll put them in her pockets, just so her friends can't see just how badly she's feeling right now.

Ezra had gone home, along with Alison. Spencer doesn't blame Ezra for leaving. In fact, Spencer's kind of glad he left. She's still weary of him, even if it all was for a stupid book. Besides, his presence is not really needed. He isn't a friend of Toby's—Spencer isn't even sure if Ezra ever taught Toby. But Alison is a different story…

It's not that Alison should be here for Toby or anything. She had made his life miserable for a good portion of time. But that doesn't mean that she shouldn't be here for Spencer. If she has changed into this incredible person, it seems like she would be there for her friend who is currently living in a muck of duress. She had told the group that her father wanted her home. It was believable. There was a freaking explosion across the street, but Alison has manipulated her father times before to let her stay out. Maybe Spencer is just being overdramatic, looking for someone to take her anger out on. Maybe she just refuses to believe that Alison has changed. From the video on Mona's phone, it certainly seems like she hasn't. But trusting Mona over Alison is something Spencer isn't sure she can quite commit to. Mona is manipulative, twisted, and conniving, just like Alison. But there is a question left in Spencer's mind on who holds these traits with a stronger grip.

Spencer is zapped out of her thoughts when she feels a pair of hands over her own. Her eyes flash open to the person sitting next to her; the person who owns the set of hands. She has a compassionate smile on her face—something that she has surely grown to master over years of emotional torment. "Your hands are shaking more than the time you drank two liters of coffee in one day," she puts forth, jokingly.

Spencer offers a smile, but she knows it's most likely pathetic. She's tired. She was alreadytired before the explosion. Between yesterday and today, she has been completely emotionally drained.

"The paramedics said that he'll probably be fine."

"Yeah, it's the probably I'm worried about," Spencer comments, sardonically. She grinds her teeth together, feeling her eyes well up with tears for the millionth time of the night. There are so many possibilities. They are endless. And honestly if the doctors hadn't came in to tell them that his vitals are good for the amount of damage he ensued, Spencer would still probably be bawling her eyes out.

Hanna slides an arm around her brunette, shaking friend a second later, keeping one hand on top of Spencer's shaking ones. She gratefully leans into her friend, mentally noting that no one can hold her like Toby does. When he holds her, she feels safe. She feels home. Her friends are her family. She could never put anyone above them. But Toby is her home. He's her sanctuary; her stability; her safety. No one else can reinforce those feeling upon her. Only him.

…

Sometime between leaning her head on Hanna's shoulder and watching Caleb depart from the hospital, Spencer fell asleep. She isn't even sure how. She had been bloating with emotions before. She still is. She isn't sure how long she's been out, or what time it is. They have school tomorrow, but the chance that Spencer shows up seems little to zero. Before –A and Alison's disappearance, missing school, or skipping to be more accurate would have resulted Spencer in a full on melt down. But that was before. When a petty, perfect attendance mattered. That's what she had to worry about. Not –A. Not her boyfriend possibly dying. Not any of that. It was all just frivolous matters that don't even seem important anymore.

She leans away from Hanna carefully, doing her best not to wake her.

She glances at her other sleeping friends before walking up to the informational desk. It was the same lady from before, which isn't really shocking. They have twelve hour shifts most likely, and it most definitely has not been twelve hours. But she does desperately wish it has, just so she could be speaking with another woman. This one was grouchy and irritable when she talked to her before, even with an endless supply of Cafeteria Coffee to accommodate her.

"Excuse me," she mumbles. The girls and her are the only ones in the Emergency waiting room. It isn't like she is having some horrible night or anything.

The woman looks at Spencer, looking as if she wants to roll her eyes. "Yes?" she prompts, pointedly looking at Spencer. The woman is patronizing her. Of course she is. She's just some stupid teenager. What on earth could possibly be going on in her life?

"Is there any news on how Toby Cavanaugh is doing ?" she asks.

"Yes, actually," her rolling chair moves over a little, turning her body towards the computer. "He was moved. About an hour and a half ago from Emergency Burn Unit to ICU."

"How is he—can I see him?" she is quick to ask, edging closer to the desk. But she can't stop thinking about what the nurse said. The ICU? Sure, it's better than emergency, but if he's in the ICU, there has to be something seriously wrong with him.

"No. Not right now. Visiting hours in the ICU for non-family members are 7AM to 8PM."

"7AM? I—no. I need to see him now, okay? His parents aren't even in town. Who even knows when they'll show up! Who can I talk to about this?" she demands.

The woman sighs, "these are just the policies, hon. His grandmother came by while you were snoozing. Don't worry. Your friend has someone."

She rolls her eyes. Friend. It's frankly insulting. Boyfriend would be insulting. Toby is so much more than both of those things. But she is glad that he has someone…

"Then who can I talk to about his condition?" she demands firmly. "What's going on with him?" she persists.

The woman pulls up something on the computer again, not even bothering to hold her sigh. "There's multiple third and second degree burns on the left side of his body. He has lost many fluids, so he's hooked up to an IV. His breathing is highly irregular, which is why they kept him in ICU. They think the burns might have affected his lungs, but it may just be all the smoke he inhaled. They may incubate him. He's just connected to a ventilator to help him breathe for now…" the woman reads off, for the most part, emotionless. "They put him on morphine to reduce the pain, and also are using topical antibiotics for the burns, currently."

Spencer pushes away the tears from her face with the back of her palm, barely making out the words, "thank you," through her closed throat. She doesn't meet the woman's eyes. She just turns around. But to her surprise, she's stopped.

"Wait." A sigh is accompanied to the words.

Spencer apprehensively turns around.

"It's almost seven. I'm sure they won't mind letting you in a half an hour early," she states. Spencer is so stunned, she doesn't even know how to respond. "Just let me call down to the ICU," the woman inhales deeply before picking up a phone.

Spencer turns from the woman while she's on the phone. Mostly because she needs to digest it all. Toby—her Toby—is in critical condition, covered in burns and bandages. What if he can never breathe right again? What if he doesn't get the chance to breathe again? What if he doesn't make it? These thoughts haunt her. Sending her to the place she had been when she found him in the woods. She tries to keep her composure. Tries to remain steady, but she physically cannot hold it in. She lets out a sob into her hands, leaning against the wall for support. She fights her hardest to stand straight, to keep her body from crumbling forward. But all her legs want to do is break. She holds the wall, trying to catch her breath through her sobs. She doesn't even care about being embarrassed right now. She doesn't care that she is bawling her eyes out in front of some total stranger. None of that stuff matters.

Eventually, she evens out her breath and wipes the dew out from under her eyes, before turning back to the hospital worker. She gives her a sympathetic smile before delivering the news that she's convinced the one of the ICU nurses to let Spencer in early.

Spencer makes her way up to the ICU with a form that states she is allowed and eligible to enter the ICU. She washes her hands, and follows all the standard procedures before entering. She looks around, trying to find Toby, but curtains hide most of the patients. She goes towards the center of the room, where all the nurses and doctors sit, watching signals and vitals and breathing patterns.

"Excuse me, can you guide me to Toby Cavanaugh?" she requests, quietly.

The nurse points to the room that hangs in the left corner of the room. Spencer murmurs a small thanks before making her way over.

She pushes the curtain open and enters the small room where Toby resides. She covers her mouth the second she sees him, trying desperately to hold down the sob that desperately strives for volume inside her. His upper chest is completely covered with bandages. Cuts and small burns intrude is jaw line. She walks up to him slowly, letting her fingers graze over the bandaging. She slowly brings down the hand from her mouth and touches his bantered up cheek. "Toby…" her voice catches, quietly. She shakes her head, taking a seat in the chair next to him. She stokes his face, pushing back his hair, letting her hands graze over his body.

She thanks God for the bandages. She doesn't know if she could handle actually seeing the burns. At least not right now… Not when she doesn't know if she'll be able to walk out of here with him without the assistance of a funeral director.

"Toby…" her voice breaks again, pain and misery engraved in her tone. She presses a light kiss to his forehead. "I love you… please get better. Please."

…

She jolts awake at the sound of a nurse.

"I'm going to need to apply some topical antibiotics. You're going to need to leave the room."

"Wait. Are you waking him up? Can't I… can't I be here for that?" she requests, wiping at her eyes, washing away the dried up tears from however long ago.

"No. You can see him after," she orders, strictly. "Please step out of the room."

Spencer gives a long glance at Toby before stepping up and exiting the room.

Her legs feel like gelatin as she walks away from him. She doesn't know if it's because she hasn't eaten anything since 5PM yesterday (however long ago that was),t he fact that she has not had her daily morning coffee, or if it is simply just Toby doing this to her. Her normally rapid brain waves move slowly, her mind only focusing on one thing. Toby.

She hears his voice—muffled—through the curtain and her heart drops into her chest. She wants to fling the curtain open, push past the nurse, and bring Toby into her arms, but she knows that if she does that she'll most likely get thrown out of the ICU. She'll just have to be patient.

The nurse soon leaves, and Spencer rushes in after. She rushes to him. Only when she is in touching distance does she meet his eyes. She strokes his face, pushing back the long locks so she can get a good look at it. She chokes on a sob when she attempts to speak.

He reaches up to her, placing a hand on her cheek. She grabs it with one of hands, shaking her wet face into it. "Toby," she rasps out brokenly. Her body breaks down, falling into the chair beside him. His eyes chase after her quickly.

His hand falls back beside him, tiring out his arm. Spencer doesn't let go though. She keeps her hand placed on his, even when it recoils back to his side.

She doesn't have the capability to speak, not without hurdling out a sob. So, for a little while she just stares at him, silently crying and holding his hand—her tears sometimes rolling all the way down her face and on his bed sheets. His eyes are clouded with a drowsiness, most likely having to do with the morphine that still resides in his system. He looks sad, too. And Spencer can't really blame him. But it isn't the type of sad that you would normally see painted on someone's face when their childhood home burnt down. It's a sympathetic sad—a self loathing sad. A sadness that is peculiar and ambiguous to her.

Soon Toby is back to sleep, probably having to do with the morphine still in his system, one again. His father and step mother show up around 10AM, and Spencer leaves once they show up. Not the hospital. But the ICU unit. She isn't even sure where her friends are, or if they know where she is. Her phone died a long time ago, and she hasn't made a visit back home.

She finds her friends in the hospital's waiting area for the ICU, which surprises her. She wasn't expecting to find them so easily.

Aria is the one who greets her first, stepping up from the chair. "The nurse told us he transferred, and we figured you went into visit him."

"I was going to go in, but I figured I would give you guys some time alone…" Emily joins in. "Then I saw his parents go in. I think I'll just wait till later…" Emily goes on. "Did you talk to him? Is he—is it bad?"

Spencer takes in a breath. She isn't sure what she looks like right now, but she most likely looks horrid. Spencer wasn't completely sure if Toby's parents' pale expressions had to do with her appearance or Toby's. Spencer imagines she looks like death. "Um," her voice comes out quietly. "Yeah, it's…it's… I didn't actually see the burns, but there's a lot of gauze…and um," she looks away. "They might have to intubate him because…he's not breathing right," she manages to say through an assortment of mumbles and exhales.

"What does intubate mean?" Hanna asks.

Aria and Emily give her a glare before Emily answers the blonde's question. "They might have to put a tube down his throat and into his lungs," she explains in a whisper, perhaps trying to guard the words from Spencer. But it didn't work. Spencer heard them. "My grandmother had to have it…" she explains.

"Can we just go get something to eat?" she requests. "I just really need something in my stomach besides a growing ball of anxiety."

"Yeah, sure," Aria states, wrapping an arm around her friend. "Of course."

…

After lunch, a phone call, and three cups of coffee, she heads back up to the ICU. She called her mother, telling her that she's still at the hospital off Emily's phone (she had called her the sometime during the night before, too.) Her mother persisted that she come back to the hotel to at least change into a new pair of clothes, but Spencer refused. In response to this, her mother had told her she would come back to the hospital to deliver a new outfit. In the meantime, Spencer spends her time at Toby's bedside.

His parents are in the small room too, along with Emily. It is pretty tight. Spencer understands why the maximum capacity is four people.

It is kind of awkward with Toby's father and step mother in the room. She's only met them a couple times, and most of those times where under circumstances like this. They never had that meet-the-girlfriend-dinner like most couples. They weren't like most couples, to be fair.

She is pretty sure they don't like her, anyways. Toby denies it, but there is a strange vibe she picks up from them. Maybe Jenna tells the couple things about her. Spencer wouldn't doubt it.

Soon her mother arrives with a fresh batch of clothes and questions Spencer has no desire to answer. Luckily Aria, Emily and Hanna are there to fill her mother in. When Spencer returns to the bathroom, sporting a fresh pair of closes and a new hairstyle, Aria and Hanna announce that they are going to head home for awhile, if it's okay. Spencer, of course, frees them from the restraints of staying. It's not their boyfriend on his potential death bed.

Her mother stays for awhile in the waiting room, even though Spencer spends almost all her time with Toby. Every time Spencer comes out of the ICU, her mother suggests she takes a break from the hospital, but if she leaves now, she won't be able to come back till tomorrow morning most likely. It's almost seven, which means she only has an hour left with Toby before she's forced to leave. Emily on the other hand, calls it day. She heads home, apologizing that she can't stay longer. But Spencer understands—really, she does. Toby's parents also descend from the room. Except since they are family, they can come back later. It really isn't fair. Joining the parade of exits is her mother. She gives her a hug before leaving, telling her she really does hope with all her heart that Toby will be fine.

For the first time since the morning, Spencer's left alone with Toby. They've apparently given him more morphine to relieve the pain, so the chances of him acknowledging her are pretty slim. He had woken up a few times during the day, but had been in a haze. He would only be up for a couple seconds, too. Most of the time it didn't even feel like it was really him.

But even though there's no chance at a two person dialogue, she stays. Even though she isn't even sure he knows she's here, she stays. Because she knows that if she were anywhere else, she'd only be itching to come back here and sit beside him.

She read once that even if someone is looped out on morphine, they can still understand you. You can talk to them, and they'll hear you. Before she was too congested with sobs to speak, and then his parents decided to make an appearance—she wasn't about to pour her heart out to him with them in the room. It would feel wrong. This is a private moment. Their relationship has always been private. They didn't parade it around. It was for them. Is for them.

She entwines her hand with his, linking their fingers together tightly. More tightly than she normally does. She gulps before speaking, "every time I think that I can just stop worrying—stop obsessing over keeping you safe, something like this happens," she states, salty tears pitter patting on her words. She wants to say more. She has more to say. But what she has been scripting out in her mind all day suddenly seems impossible to say aloud. There's no words to describe the depth at which she needs him to survive. Nowhere in the dictionary will she find the words to express the amount of desperation she feels. "I love you, Toby. So much. Please be okay," she finally settles on the words, sealing the sincerity of the words with a kiss on the palm of his hand.

Eventually the nurse comes in, telling her that she wish she could grant her the pass to stay, but unfortunately it doesn't work like that. Spencer understands. Not the hospital policy, but the nurse at least. She's just doing her job. Spencer doesn't want to make any trouble for her. She presses a kiss to Toby's forehead, frowning a little, before whispering another "I love you." Normally she doesn't use the three words so frequently. It's something that's just known between them. But Spencer feels a need to say it. Her tongue feels an urge to conduct the words. The words, which are never enough, but yet so wholesome. The words that so naturally roll of her tongue around Toby.

She hopes that she still has time to construct her all feelings into words. There's so much she still doesn't know how to tell him—so many things that have been left unsaid between him and her heart. She needs more time to find right words. She needs more time with him.

When she discovers a rhetoric that is worthy enough to describe how she feels, she wants to say these words to his face—to his beautiful blue eyes, not a gray, stone grave.

a/n: tell me what you think? ha ha ha.