Oh Kigo! A songfic.
A few people would like to express their views on love, by using someone else's song to do it.
With the deepest apologies to John Lennon.
Two spotlights come up on a stage, illuminating a pair of women standing in front of microphones. Assorted conversation, chair scraping and glass clinking comes from the audience.
The piano player addresses the crowd:
"ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP, PEOPLE! The regular accompanist is in rehab for the next six weeks, so I'll be taking over this performance. Let's settle down and get on with this nonsense."
A cheerful musichall-style piano figure starts.
Kim:
In the middle of a sitch
In the middle of a sitch I call your name
"Oh Shego! Oh Shego!"
My love will turn you on.
My love will turn you on.
Shego:
In the middle of a heist
In the middle of a heist I call your name
"Oh Princess! Oh Princess!"
My love will turn you on.
My love will turn you on.
Kim:
In the middle of a ride
In the middle of a ride I call your name
"Oh Shego! Oh Shego!"
My love will turn you on.
My love will turn you on.
Shego:
In the middle of the lair
In the middle of the lair I call your name
"Oh Pumpkin! Oh Pumpkin!"
My love will turn you on.
My love will turn you on.
Kim:
In the middle of a fight
In the middle of a fight I call your name
"Oh Shego! Oh Shego!"
My love will turn you on.
My love will turn you on.
Shego:
In the middle of a squirt
In the middle of a squirt I call your name
"Oh Kimmie! Oh Kimmie!"
My love will turn you on.
My love will turn you on.
Offstage:
Ah-boo-yah!
Ron (coming onstage amid dirty looks from everybody):
In the middle of a wank
In the middle of a wank I...
A ball of plasma hits Ron in the ass, causing his pants to fall down. He looks around to see two pairs of very annoyed green eyes staring at him with bad intent.
"Ooowwwww! Dammit! That hurt."
"STOPPABLE! Detention! Now."
"Aww, man! And I'm not even in school any more."
Ron gathers up the remains of his pants and hurries off, stage left.
"OKAY, let's get this idiocy back on track, without any further interruptions."
The stage lights come up on a motley collection of teenage girls and creepy looking middle-aged guys.
The shippers:
In the middle of an ep
In the middle of an ep we call your name
"Oh Kigo! Oh Kigo!"
Your love just turns us on.
Your love just turns us on.
All:
In the middle of a fic
In the middle of a fic you/we call our/your name
"Oh Kigo! Oh Kigo!"
Our/Your love will turn you/us on.
Our/Your love will turn you/us on.
Femslash just turns us on.
Femslash just turns us on.
Oh Kigo, Oh Kigo, Oh Kigo, Oh Kigo...
Enthusiastic applause; all bow.
In the audience, a large man with blue skin turns to his tablemate and whines "I don't understand. She's supposed to be be with ME! It was in the finale. You could tell, because of how embarrassed we look."
His partner replies "Dude, whatever. Those two are HOT! Seriously." He turns and yells at the stage. "Yo! Red! Green! How about a threesome? You two are both bi, right? Aiiiigghhh! My hair! That was uncool. Seriously."
A/N:
Written for the most part in about 20 minutes because the damn thing just would not get out of my head. And now it's in yours. You're welcome. And you know I'm just kidding about the shippers, right? Let's just say I'm not a teenage girl...
I really didn't want to use 'squirt' here - it seems way too crude - but I couldn't come up with a better 1-syllable word for a female orgasm. If anyone has an improvement, I would be glad to change it, with attribution.
To the tune of John Lennon's "Oh Yoko!", available on Youtube at /watch?v=JP6AH1zElKg. Curse FF-dot-net and its inability to let you post URLs, even as text.
Reviews are always appreciated, even if you didn't like it...
Disclaimer:
I do not own anything Kim Possible or John Lennon related. You should know this.