TITLE: The Taming of the Dragon Queen
AUTHOR: MikeJaffa
SYNOPSIS: The REAL Reason Kyohei was hired
DISCLAIMER: Gonzo owns Burst Angel; Passion Flower is a real perfume and I am using the name without permission from the trademark holder. Hopefully, they will consider this free product placement and let it slide. I am making no money off this.
A/N: This popped into my head; it's independent of anything else I've done so far. Enjoy
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Sei looked at the piece of wreckage on the floor of Django's hangar and rounded on Meg, Jo, and Amy. She was not happy and didn't hide it.
"I'm sorry," Sei said. "Have I not been clear about our mission? Or is the problem that for some of us, Japanese is not a first language? I will happily repeat myself in as many languages as needed, beginning with English."
That last dig was aimed at Meg, the American teenager who had taught herself half a dozen languages in spite of growing up homeless on the streets of New York City. Meg said, "No, it's all right, Japanese is fine."
"Good," Sei said, "because I only want to say this once: Our mission is to capture a glowing brain INTACT and obtain INTEL on where these things are coming from. Vaporized is not INTACT. Charred bits of melted metal do not provide INTEL. We need MORE, like THE WHOLE THING, INTACT."
Jo bristled. "In case you haven't noticed, these things keep trying to kill me."
"AND YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU CAN'T MANAGE THE SITUATION?" Sei yelled. "ALL YOUR SKILL AND YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO SHOOT TO DISARM?"
"You don't like how I do my job, you do it, Sei. Maybe it'll behave if you flash your boobs."
"I'm not going to dignify that with a response," Sei said. She tabbed her phone. "You still get paid, minus your bonus for bringing one in INTACT. If you want more money to spend, think about that." She stormed out of the hangar.
Amy snorted, "She's in a mood. And it's not even her period."
Meg opened her cell phone. "And I am not going to wait for the dragon queen to appear in all her glory." She began thumbing through her contacts.
Amy said, "You're not calling Leo, are you Meg?"
"I'm calling Leo, Amy."
"They're still on the rocks."
Meg dialed. "Desperate times call for desperate measures, and besides, it's been a-" She broke off and smiled. "…Oh, Hi Leo! It's Meg…Fine. Yourself?…Why am I calling? Why am I calling? Oh, I know why I'm calling." Meg cleared her throat. "See, Leo, we have…" (cough.) "….a mutual friend who's in a bad way, and she needs some, uh, manly TLC, if you know what I'm saying and-…yes, but…but….Leo, I know…But…Leo, please, I'm beg-…...Leo, please. I'm desperate. If you do this for me, we will be in your debt, and Jo will do anything for you. ...Oh, ok, I'm sorry you feel that way…Thanks anyway. Kiss-kiss, bye-bye." She hung up.
Amy asked, "What did he say?"
"He said, 'No,' Amy," Meg answered.
"He said a lot more than, 'No,' Meg."
"His exact words were not fit for a girl of your tender years, Amy-"
Sei barged back in. "Who was that?" she demanded.
Meg said, "My manicurist"
"Good," Sei said, "because unless Django is in urgent need of repairs, Leo is to be shot on sight." She left.
Meg groaned, "Oh, boy."
A bald, middle-aged man with an effeminate manner entered the hangar with a tray of snacks. "Well, she's in a mood," he said, speaking Japanese with a British accent.
Meg sighed. "Don't even get me started, Richard." She ate one of his little sandwiches as the others clustered around Richard's tray. "We're trying to captures things that would rather blow up instead of being captured. It's hard to bring in more than scrap metal. Makes Sei unhappy, and when Sei's unhappy, the whole world is unhappy. Or at least our little corner of it."
"I see," Richard said. "Well, then let me share something that might make your world a little brighter. I was going to tell Sei first, but since you have all been so kind to me, you get the news. Remember Arthur?"
"Yeah," Meg said, "your on-again-off-again boyfriend for the last thirty years? I thought you guys were off for good."
"So did I, but he recently got in touch with me again, and we exchanged several heartfelt messages. We cleared up a lot of issues. And then he proposed. And I said yes. I'm giving Sei my two week notice. I'm going home to England to get married."
Meg smiled. "Well, that's great, Richard! Nice to know someone is having a good day."
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Sei's mood improved a little to give Richard a sendoff dinner, but Jo's missions against glowing brains and cybots went no better, and neither did Sei's mood.
Sei was even less happy when the girls ordered pizza and sodas delivered for lunch and dinner.
She lost it one night. "Do you girls have any concept of nutritive value?"
Meg said, "We're teenagers. Teenagers eat junk food. I think it's a law of nature."
"You are also mercenaries working for me," Sei said. "I won't have you compromised in the field because you can't feed yourselves properly. Find a new chef." She started to turn away.
"Just like that?" Meg asked.
Sei turned back. "Yes! Do you want me to repeat it in Engrish, Meg?"
"No, I'm good."
"Good. Just make sure it's a man."
"Why?"
"Because I want to have a man around."
"Why?"
"Bec - Meg, just DO IT!" Sei bounded into the cockpit.
Meg groused, "Yeah, not enough we're fighting monsters. We have to find a man who can cook-" She broke off and her eyes went wide. "Find a *man* who can cook." She looked towards the cockpit, got up, and motioned Jo and Amy to follow her.
In Jo and Meg's room, Meg closed the door and turned to the other girls. "Guys, this could save our bacon. We may be able to kill two birds with one stone. And we'll be following orders. All we have to do is find a man who can cook."
Amy said, "I heard her."
"But you don't get it," Meg said. "She wants a *man.* And I think he has to be a young guy, some young hunk, maybe an American soldier from the Army base who can cook and speak ok Japanese. We need an Adonis who looks great in those cut off t-shirts that look like the sleeves were torn off, with big muscles and washboard abs and a tight butt. And we can all leave him alone here one night, and he'll tell Sei, 'Do you need anything else, Ma'am?' and she'll be like 'Please, call me Sei,' and he'll be, 'Well, Sei, are you craving anything in particular?' and she'll be like, 'Oh, yes, I am definitely hungry for what you've got-'"
Jo and Amy stared at her blankly.
"Guys, c'mon!" Meg said. "Don't tell me I'm the only one in this room who sees the potential. You follow me?"
Jo deadpanned, "Your idea is that if Sei bangs the next chef, it'll improve her mood."
"Yes, Jo," Meg said, "that is exactly my idea. You've hit the nail on the head."
"Well, why didn't you say so in the first place?"
"Jo, are you in or not?"
"Of course I am, Meg."
"Amy?"
"Whatever," Amy said, "but where are we going to find this hunky chef?"
Meg thought it over. "Well, we're talking late teens or early twenties. Maybe there are trade schools or alternate high schools where we can advertise."
Amy was already working on your laptop. "Well, let's see…Here we are, the Love and Happy Culinary Design School."
Meg looked over Amy's shoulder. "Love and Happy? That's a stupid name. Like something out of an anime."
"Maybe," Amy said, "but look at this - it's won a whole bunch of awards, and its graduates have gone on ton top cooking jobs. We do want Adonis to cook, right, Meg?"
"Of course, Amy. Can you find any student photos?"
Amy did, and Meg automatically slobbered. "Oooh, just what we need. Ok, we so we need some pics of me and Jo, and we'll go for really sexy and hungry…" Meg paused and looked at Jo. "Well, I will, and Jo…we'll see. And-"
"No, no, no!" Amy protested. "That is not the way to go. We'll never get past their spam filters, much less get anyone to take it seriously. You let me handle contacting them."
"Are you sure, Amy?"
"Meg, you keep forgetting I derive a third of my income from moonlighting as an online advertising consultant. Trust me. I've got this."