This is just a oneshot I felt compelled to write. I found I understood Katara's feelings against Zuko before the episode of The Southern Raiders, and I wanted to try to express the logic of it in a ficlet because I know a lot of people – particularly my fellow Zutarians - don't think too much about it and get annoyed at her for actually having emotions.
Now that I consider it, it could be made into a longer story but I might wait and see people's reactions first.
Review if you want!
She sat against the pillar, in the shadows. Just watching.
They were all around the fire, making jokes and laughing and generally enjoying each other's company. She had been to one to make the dinner that they were all finishing off together, and she hadn't been hungry. She didn't take any for herself.
Nobody noticed.
Maybe once, they would have badgered her for hours on end about her behaviour until she sighed and told them the problem and re-joined them. Maybe once, her brother and Aang – and later Toph – would have refused to disregard her like this while they enjoyed themselves. Maybe once, they would have tried to see her side of the story, and talked about it with her.
In fact, there was no 'maybe' about it. They definitely would not have been acting this way once upon a time.
They thought they had her all worked out, and they thought she was stupid. She sometimes agreed, but then she would meditate and think through the events of the past weeks, and even in her calmed state she would reach the same conclusion as when she was upset.
It was all because of Zuko.
She'd spilled her heart out to him in those caves. She'd watched and been careful and been hesitant, but she'd seen some good in him. Then, Aang came and took her away, and Zuko stabbed her in the back. He didn't watch, or be careful, or hesitate. He attacked with his sister, trying to steal the one chance of peace. The one person who could restore the balance.
Zuko claimed that the war had hurt him, and it had, but he still gave up everything to fight in it! How could one person be so stupid? And so selfish? And why couldn't the others see that even though he had changed, she couldn't forgive him?
She herself had thought in the caves that he finally had changed. She was the first to trust him, and look where it got everyone - Aang dead and his uncle in chains. Zuko hadn't looked the same as before, which had made him look softer and gentler. She had trusted him. Trust!
A frown appeared on her face and she almost teared up as she saw them get up and shake out their sleeping mats and sleeping bags, rolling them into place and climbing in. They were arranged around the fire in a neat circle.
They didn't leave a space for me.
She did tear up as she thought that. Acknowledging their disregard made everything worse. They thought she was so stubborn and angry that she would sleep in the cold and the shadows because of her dislike. Or, maybe, they just forgot about her.
She stayed in her curled posture, watching the moon rising. It wasn't full, but it wasn't thin. It was sitting comfortably halfway, and it was quite uninteresting. She watched it and thought about her situation, absently tapping her fingers on her knee, unaware of the water in a nearby pot dancing along with her.
When the group had been just the three of them, and even later the four of them, they hadn't had times of sitting by the campfire forgetting their worries; laughing together and joking. They had small moments like that occasionally, but the long and happy nights around the fire had only started happening recently when Zuko was there and she was not.
Maybe that was a hint. Maybe I'm actually not welcome anymore, she thought, her fingers freezing in place as that occurred to her. She was still for a moment with that one thought swirling around her head. Her fingers resumed and she pondered.
Aang has mastered Waterbending, she thought, trying to think of all the things that she was useful for. Toph doesn't need a girl to talk to; she's perfectly happy with those three. They all can pack up and move on and set up and make fires. They can do everything. They can even cook and clean, but they all hate that.
They all hate that.
Maybe that's why they kept her around, she realised, shock coursing through her. The more she thought about it, the more feasible it seemed. She never spoke to any of them anymore; never did anything except cook their meals and clean up after they were done.
She was like a servant – except she didn't get paid.
She was like a slave.
I am not a slave, she thought, gritting her teeth and balling her hands unconsciously. The water in the pot swirled restlessly, steaming slightly. But... I don't do anything except cook and clean. That's all they need me for. I'm an unknowing slave! We're not even friends anymore; I haven't spoken more than a word or two in weeks, let alone laughed! How did I not notice this?
Standing up abruptly, she clenched and unclenched her hands, twitchy as her thoughts came at breakneck speed.
What if she just left? She doubted it would have any profound effects on them. Sokka might feel a little guilty since she was his sister, but she knew that they were all fed up with her – and they didn't try to talk to her or understand. They might even be relieved at her absence – in fact, she expected they would be.
Her frown deepened and she exhaled with almost a hiss as she realised she was embarrassing and degrading herself by sticking around.
I'm just some pathetic little girl who wants to be part of the action; wants to believe she's contributing, she insulted herself furiously. I just want to feel like I'm helping save the world. Well, I'm not going to stick around while I lower myself even more, cleaning up after the little clique. I was part of it once, but not now. They honestly don't need me anymore.
Striding quietly across to her bag – which took no packing since she hadn't unpacked it in the first place – she slung it over her shoulder and it landed with a soft, reassuring thud against her back.
She looked around to see if there was anything else she needed. She noticed Appa and Momo asleep in the corner and she crept over. She didn't intend to use Appa to leave, since that would strand the others completely and, while she was mad, she didn't want to stop them from ending the war.
She bent down and kissed Momo lightly on the head. He woke with a start and almost took flight, but Katara caught him and scratched his ears to calm him down. He made his little affectionate whirring noise and went straight back to sleep.
Crouching next to Appa's head with Momo in her arms, she leaned against him. He was half awake and half asleep, watching her blearily through almost-shut eyes.
She found it ironic how the two were the only ones she was still friends with – just like how Zuko had been when he first joined.
Frowning once again, she looked over at Zuko and the others, seeing them sleeping soundly together. Looking at them, she felt nothing but anger and a little regret.
Moving to crouch in front of Appa's face, she gave him a hug that was difficult to achieve since he was so huge. He opened his eyes fully and looked at her knowingly. She looked right back at him, stroking his face absently. His nose wrinkled sadly, and he knew she was going.
She walked over to Aang, quiet as a ghost, and set Momo down next to him gently. Neither of them woke up, and she walked back to Appa.
"Bye, boy," she whispered fervently to him, her voice feeling and sounding strange since she hadn't used it much in the past few weeks, or at all in the past few days.
He made a small sound of disagreement, and only didn't lick her because he didn't want to get her messy. He leaned forwards and bumped her with his head, making another low, sad sound. She sighed, looking down, then turned to go.
Appa stood up and made to follow her stubbornly, and she turned with a frown. "Don't make me freeze you there," she threatened emptily, and he knew she wouldn't do anything. Watching her for another moment, he sat down with a loud groan and she flinched, head snapping over to the sleeping ones. They didn't move, and after a second she looked once again to Appa.
"Shh," she muttered, and gave him a quick kiss on the nose before running back towards her earlier place at the pillar. Without further ado, she left, disappearing over the edge of the Temple, down the stairs, and into the bush.
As she passed the spot she'd been curled in before, her face stony and cold again; the pot of water stilled. Its contents stopped moving, making nearly inaudible tinkling sounds as ice crystals spread across the surface and down into the depths. Seconds later, it was frozen solid, and Katara was gone.