Disclaimer: I do not own "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic."
"Hel-loooo! You called for me?"
"Yes, Pinkie Pie."
"And hello to you too! Who are you? I'm Pinkie Pie!"
"These are friends who want to help you with your problem."
"Problem? But I don't have any problem."
"Yes, you do. You just don't know it. You think you're okay, but you're not. But don't worry. We're going to take care of you and you're going to be all right."
"Uhm... I think I gotta go. Bye!"
"Stallions, grab her!"
"What? Hey, let me go! Let me go!... What's that? Keep that away, please... Please, don't... No! NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Where's Your Laughter, Pinkie Pie?
By: Jeuxdevie
"I'm getting bored with all this studying," said Twilight Sparkle, as she closed the heavy book that she had been reading for hours. "There are far better things to read." Turning to her little dragon friend, she asked, "What should I read next, Spike? I want to learn something new today."
Spike did not look up from the children's book that he was reading. "Didn't you learn something from that new book that Princess Celestia gave you?"
"Not really. It's too cold and un-enjoyable. Pages and pages of weird names that make no sense! I spaced out from all the boredom."
"But since it comes from Princess Celestia, I'm sure it must be very important. She wouldn't send you a book that won't be of good use, would she?"
Twilight Sparkle moaned. "I trust Princess Celestia's wisdom, but... this book is still boring! I think I'll just keep it for future use, but it's not meant for my studying hobby." She used her telekinetic powers to shove the book into a loose space at the top of her shelf. Then, "Now let's see if there are books around here that I haven't read yet..." taking one book after another, she muttered, reading their titles,
"Advanced magic spells for unicorns... History of Equestria... Astronomy for all seasons... hot lesbian mare porn- what is this doing here? A-he-he," Twilight Sparkle blushed, surreptitiously hiding the magazine- "Mythology... mathematics... writing theory... Argh! I've read all of the books in my library! I need something new to read!"
She grabbed Spike using her teeth. "Come on, we gotta go to the bookstore!" And, before Spike could say yes (or no), Twilight Sparkle was running out of the house to the bookstore, with the little dragon hanging from her teeth.
"Oomph!" Twilight Sparkle bumped into something and somersaulted three times backward.
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?"
Twilight Sparkle looked up to see a blond-maned pony bending over her. "Applejack!"
"Here, I'll help you." Applejack assisted Twilight Sparkle up. "What's the rush, my friend?"
"I'm just going to the bookstore. I desperately need to learn something new today, but I've read all the books in my library. I want to buy new books."
"Oh. Sorry I didn't notice you. I was in a hurry, too."
"What's up?"
"It's my sister Apple Bloom's birthday tomorrow, and I want to hold a surprise party for her. Of course, you and all my other friends are invited. We're going to have plenty of delicious food! Are you coming?"
Twilight Sparkle smiled and clapped her hoofs. "Of course I'm coming! How are the party preparations going?"
Applejack frowned. "Well, that is where my problem is... I only thought of having a surprise party a few days ago, and I was so busy I haven't been able to make preparations-"
"No problem! I'm sure Pinkie Pie can take care of that! She's the best party organizer." Twilight Sparkle put a leg over Applejack's shoulder. "And I can help you out as we-"
"Pinkie Pie is not gonna help us." Applejack sounded sad.
"What? But that's impossible. Pinkie Pie just loves parties way too much to-"
"Not today. Not anymore. She said she doesn't want to have parties anymore. She just wants to stay home, sit down and sleep. She doesn't talk much, doesn't laugh, barely smiles..."
"Wow, that doesn't sound like Pinkie Pie."
"Exactly. I don't know what happened to her. Something has definitely changed."
"Come to think of it, I haven't seen Pinkie Pie in a week."
"Doesn't that strike you as strange?"
"It does. She usually pops out of nowhere, anytime and anywhere." Twilight Sparkle thought for a moment. "Maybe she's sick. Come on, let's visit her."
"I considered that, too. But she doesn't seem to be sick. Just... different."
"I still want to check her out. Come on." And to Spike, she said, "Tell the other ponies that Applejack and I will be waiting for them at Pinkie Pie's house. Tell them that it's really, really important."
"Yes, ma'am!" and Spike went on his way. Twilight Sparkle and Applejack galloped to Pinkie Pie's house in the other direction.
Knock! Knock!
Knock! Knock!
"She isn't answering," said Applejack.
"Pinkie Pie!" Twilight Sparkle shouted at the top of her lungs. "Pinkie Pie! Are you there? It's us, your friends! Please, let us in! Pinkie Piiiiieeeee!"
Applejack shook her head. "I've tried that," she said, "but it doesn't work. At least, since the time I last visited her. She was so... calm. Even quieter than Fluttershy." She absentmindedly scratched her hoofs on the front door rug. "When I asked her what was going on, she warned me not to tell anyone, then kicked me out of the house. And she didn't let me in again."
"When did that happen?"
"Oh, let's see... The day before yesterday. I had wanted to ask for her help for Apple Bloom's party."
Twilight Sparkle sat down on the ground, with her chin on her hoofs. "This is exasperating. But it's not like we can just barge into the house. That's against the law."
"Great idea!" Applejack grinned. "Let's barge into the house!"
"Wait-wait-wait-wait-what?" Twilight Sparkle quickly stood up and placed herself between Applejack and the door. "I just said it's against the law! That's not what I want to happen."
"But it's still a great idea. I wouldn't have thought of it if not for you."
"Are you crazy, Applejack? It's a crime!"
Applejack gently pushed Twilight Sparkle aside. "Hey, if it would mean helping my friends, then I wouldn't mind breaking the law and going to jail."
Twilight Sparkle watched with concern as Applejack rammed her body against the door – once, twice, thrice...
The door refused to budge.
Oh, fuck it! Twilight Sparkle thought to herself. Wordlessly, she rammed her body against the door, in unison with Applejack's efforts.
"What the hell are you guys doing?" a boyish voice yelled from behind them. Twilight Sparkle and Applejack turned their heads to see who it was.
"Rainbow Dash!" they exclaimed. "And Rarity! Fluttershy!"
"We came as soon as Spike told us about it," said Rainbow Dash.
"We want to help," added Rarity. Beside her, Fluttershy smiled and nodded.
"Okay!" said Twilight Sparkle. "Then let's get this door open! At the count of three... one, two... three!" At her signal, the five ponies slammed themselves at the door, which came down into the house with a crash.
A rush of bad odor suddenly blew into their faces.
"Oh my God! That is horrible!" Rarity exclaimed, putting a hoof onto her nose and tearing up.
"It smells like shit!" Rainbow Dash added, coughing, "And something else!" The ponies fanned the air in front of them to help get rid of the bad odor.
"It's coming from Pinkie Pie's room!" said Applejack, pointing to the door upstairs.
"Then what are we waiting for? Let's go!" At Twilight Sparkle's urging, the ponies held their breath and rushed into Pinkie Pie's room.
Unlike the front door, the door to Pinkie Pie's room was unlocked, and the gang let themselves in. The ponies gasped at the pathetic sight that they beheld. The room reeked of shit and vomit and urine. There was shit on the floor, urine on the bedsheets, and vomit on the rugs. Spots of candle wax littered at various places. Half-eaten food was scattered on the table, with the flies and cockroaches helping themselves to a feast.
Most pathetic of all was the sight of Pinkie Pie, lying supine on the floor, naked, with her legs apart, her eyes half-closed and her lips groaning softly. Tiny red bite marks and abrasions appeared prominently on her legs. A faint trace of encrusted blood went from her nose down to her mouth and chin.
Fluttershy was the first to recover from the shock. She walked to Pinkie Pie and cradled the pony on her legs.
"Is she dead? Is she dead?" asked Rainbow Dash.
Fluttershy shook her head. "Oh, Pinkie Pie," she wept, "what ever happened to you?"
Meanwhile, Twilight Sparkle had begun her investigation. She searched the room for traces of trespassing and violence – broken windows and furniture, ruined locks, strange hoofprints...
She couldn't find any. The room may be a mess, but there was no evidence of the scenario that was playing in her head – an evil pony breaking in, then beating the crap out of Pinkie Pie.
"Oh, shiny!" exclaimed Rarity. She picked up a small sparkly object from under a vase.
"What did you find, Rarity?" asked Twilight Sparkle.
Rarity held up the object that she found. It looked like a broken glass vial with a needle at the end. She handed it to Twilight Sparkle.
"Hmm... where have I seen this before?" Twilight Sparkle thought hard, and then... a memory came to her.
"I knew I have seen this before!"
"What is it, Twilight?" asked Applejack.
"Wait here. I'll just get something." In an instant, she teleported out and, the next, she teleported back in, with a book on her saddle. Before her companions could ask her what it was, she was already on her feet, flapping through the pages.
"Spike was right," she muttered. "A gift book from Princess Celestia was always useful. Ugh! I should have paid better attention!... Hmm, let's see... Aha! Here it is!"
The other ponies gathered around her. "What is it?" asked Rarity.
"Heroin. Otherwise known as morphine diacetate," Twilight Sparkle read aloud. "It is a downer or depressant." She flipped through a few more pages. "A depressant is a drug that reduces the activity of the brain. Symptoms include lethargy, reduced sensitivity to pain, low blood pressure and unconsciousness." She glanced at Pinkie Pie. "It is a highly addictive drug. Addicts usually administer heroin to themselves through injection, smoking and snorting." She held up the broken syringe that Rarity had found. "Why would Pinkie Pie use this? It doesn't make sense."
"Unless someone else forced it on her," said Rainbow Dash.
"You're right. But who would do such a thing?"
Meanwhile, Fluttershy had been sponging Pinkie Pie's face with some cold water. "Oh, she's coming to," she told the other ponies.
The ponies all looked upon Pinkie Pie. "Are you alright?" they all asked.
"I... need... more... " Pinkie Pie moaned. She reached for an old syringe that was in her pocket.
"No!" Twilight Sparkle hit Pinkie Pie's hoof, shattering the syringe. "Stop it, Pinkie Pie! Do you want to die?"
"I... don't... care... it feels... so... good..."
"Who did this to you?" Twilight Sparkle demanded. "Answer us!"
"It... feels... so... good... need... more... more..."
Fluttershy hit Pinkie Pie's head with a vase. "Sorry, Pinkie Pie," she whispered, "it's for your own good." And Pinkie Pie passed out again.
"What should we do?" Applejack asked Twilight Sparkle.
"Well, first, we have to cure Pinkie Pie," said Twilight Sparkle. "Let's see..." she breezed through the book again. "According to this, we need to detoxify her of the heroin. We have to deprive her of heroin until her addiction stops. We should send her to a rehabilitation program."
"How long will this take?" asked Rarity.
"It says here many weeks... even months... or years!"
"But we don't have that time!" said Applejack. "The party for Apple Bloom is tomorrow!"
"Then we will have to find another way." Twilight Sparkle returned to her book. "Hmm... The opposite of a depressant is a stimulant. And there are so many stimulants listed in this book. That's great! We just have to pick one of these: cocaine, amphetamine, ecstasy... I'm not familiar with any of these! And where are we going to get these stimulants?"
"I know!" said Applejack. "Let's take Pinkie Pie to Zecora!"
So the ponies carried Pinkie Pie (after cleaning her up, upon insistence by Rarity) to Zecora's place in Everfree Forest. When they arrived, they told the wise zebra about what happened. Zecora was quiet for some time, and then she said,
"I know how to create ecstasy. But I would need some ingredients."
"We'll help you find the ingredients," said Twilight Sparkle. So Zecora gave them a list of ingredients, which they searched for in the forest and in the shops. Two hours later, they returned with the ingredients. Zecora then cooked the ingredients. When she was done, she showed the ponies something that looked like candy.
"This is what you call ecstasy," said Zecora to the ponies. "These are powerful stimulants, and should be taken only in moderation, because they have serious side effects."
"Thank you, Zecora," said Twilight Sparkle. Rainbow Dash forced Pinkie Pie's mouth open, then shoved in a couple of ecstasy. It didn't take long for the drug to take effect. In a matter of minutes, Pinkie Pie was back to her bouncy self.
"Wheeee! I feel so alive! And it feels so good!"
Her pony friends hugged her. "Glad to have you back, Pinkie Pie," they said. "But you gotta tell us what happened."
So they all sat down and Pinkie Pie told them her story. Princess Luna had called for her and said that she was sick with something called "ADHD," causing her to be too lively and crazy and annoyingly random. So, against her will, Pinkie Pie was injected with heroin. After a few doses, she became addicted to the drug, and had been taking it for many days.
"But, you know," and Pinkie Pie blushed, "I kinda miss the heroin. It really felt so good! Would you like to try? I'm sure you would like it very much!"
In the spirit of friendship, the other ponies also injected themselves with heroin.
"Ooohhh, groovy..." muttered Fluttershy, enjoying the euphoric feeling that coursed through her body.
"It's the best feeling in the world, isn't it?" giggled Pinkie Pie. The rest of the ponies agreed.
"Now," said Rarity, "enough with this. Let's all take our ecstasy." So the ponies ate the ecstasy and, almost immediately, they felt lively and turned on.
"Wow! That's amazing!" gushed Twilight Sparkle. "The combination of heroin and ecstasy is fantastic! I feel so horny!"
"Yeah, me too!" said the other ponies.
Pinkie Pie laughed and giggled. "Pony orgy!" So the six ponies had a hot, wet and cumtastic pony orgy that went on for hours.
When they were satiated, Applejack finally told Pinkie Pie about the party that she was planning for her little sister. And Pinkie Pie said,
"Let's lace the food with heroin and ecstasy so everyone in the party has a great time!" All the other ponies happily agreed.
The next day, Apple Bloom had the best party that Ponyville ever had. There was plenty of food, music, dancing, balloons, and heroin and ecstasy for everyone. Princess Luna provided the heroin, while Zecora provided the ecstasy. Everyone got horny during the party, and they all had sex with one another.
Two weeks later, Pinkie Pie died of a heroin overdose. The other ponies mourned her death and, to help cope with the sadness, overdosed themselves with ecstasy. The next day, they all died of brain damage.
(THE END)