Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the song Cut by Plumb

AN: Hey guys. This is going to be a one chapter story with an epilogue. This story is more serious than Beaches, Mysteries, and Summertime. I based this story off of Cut by Plumb. It is a great song if anyone wants to look it up before or after reading. Hopefully I can make it go along well with the song. Read and review!

September

This can't be real. I'm dreaming. I will wake up tomorrow and find him here with me. It's my eighteenth birthday. That is supposed to be a magical day, and it would have been. He was on his way to my party. There was too much rain on the road, and he lost control of the car. I only know what I've heard from other people. I can't ruin him now. They wouldn't want to think about him being with a girl as young as me. It would be a disgrace and nobody would ever understand. I need him here. It's just a dream. I will close my eyes, and wake up tomorrow in his arms. I know I will.

October

Alice and I are staying together now. We share a small two bedroom, two bath apartment. This means she will never know what I have started doing. I have two sets of razors. One is for shaving, the other for taking away my pain. I know he would be disappointed in me, but it helps ease the pain. When I cut, I feel free for a little while, and sometimes it is almost like I'm not alone anymore. I love him so much. I will do whatever it takes to feel like I'm with him again. With the weather getting colder, nobody will know anything. I just miss him so much.

November

I don't know how much longer I can do this. I need him. I don't want to be alone anymore. It hurts all the time. Alice sees me closing myself off from everyone, but I can't handle them anymore. They don't know what I'm going through. No one does. I hurt all the time. Everywhere I look, I think I see him. I feel as though I hear his voice all the time. I feel closer to him when I pull out the razors. I know he would never approve, but I can't keep doing this. I don't want to live without him anymore. He was my life, and now he is just gone. How can I live when I have nowhere to turn? I'm alone.

December

I need to be with him. It's getting harder and harder to live through the day. Alice tries to pull me out of it, but she thinks I am just stressed with the first year of college. Nobody knows what's wrong with me. I am alone here, and he is the only one that can help me. He had my heart, and he died with it. I cannot live without him here. He is what I need. Not a party or a movie night with friends. I just need him, but I won't have him anymore. So I pull out my razors and breathe a sigh of relief. This is when I feel something. This is the only time I am not numb.

January

I am going to be with you now. I have decided that I need to be with you more than anything. I cannot keep living a life that doesn't have you in it. Alice believes that I am cramming for an exam that is coming up, so she won't know before it is too late. I am going to be in your arms again. I miss you so much. This will be the last time I will ever have to use these razors. I look at my arms, and all I see are the lines running from my wrist to my elbow. I will be with you soon, my love. This time nothing will be able to take me from your arms. I love you. I will see you soon.

Alice, I know you will read this diary I have kept. Know that I'm sorry, but I love him. Hopefully when you explain to everyone, they will too. I love him. I need him. Goodbye.