"I can't."
She looked right through me with her cloudy grey eyes. She took her yellow raincoat and walked into the pouring rain.
I put my head in my hands. Percy, you idiot. I know I'm not as smart as she is, especially about feelings, but I don't know if I love her yet. It was a big word for four stupid letters. I mean, I haven't actually known that many people who had known love. My mom, Paul, my dad, I'm not sure they even really understood love. I sure as hell didn't.
I didn't know what to call it, but Annabeth was my world. Why would that kind of feeling have to be categorized? She took a knife for me, I gave up immortality for her. I didn't want to label us, make us ordinary.
Then I realized we just had the biggest fight we've ever had and that she wasn't here anymore. I panicked. My head felt a little fuzzy for some reason. I looked down the hallway. She wasn't there.
I scrambled to my feet to look out the fire escape. I saw no trace of her blonde hair or orange t-shirt. She was gone.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven
"She's probably in the training arena," Chiron said. He looked at me, a little worried. "Perhaps you should go check on her." I nodded.
Please leave a message after the beep. "Look Annabeth," I said frantically. "I – I'm sorry. Please. I have to make it up to you. Please. Just call me. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Just talk to me."
Beep. "Annabeth, come on. Come talk to me. I – I miss you. I can't think straight without you. Just come see me. Please"
The other campers stared at me, but I didn't really notice. I was stumbling around. My eyes were glazed over. I hadn't shaved for days, and my hair was a mess. Clarisse was going to punch me in the arm as her personal form of "hello", but even she stopped when she saw me.
They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no
I stepped into the arena, but for a second I was blinded by the sun slapping me in the face. Thanks, Apollo. Then I saw her. She was in an intense fight, her celestial bronze knife clanging against some other guy's sword. Her hair was a mess, and she was just wearing her old t-shirt and jeans and armor. But still, she was beautiful. I hadn't seen her in half a year, but somehow she had gotten even more beautiful.
She took one step forward and slashed a lethal arc, ending just above the other guy's neck.
"Dead," she said.
They both broke into laughter. He smudged the dirt off her face with his thumb and she clapped him on the shoulder. They looked so happy, her gold hair glinting in the soft sun, coming down into the arena like a halo.
What am I gonna do
When the best part of me was always you
And what am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I couldn't help it. I was choking up, and she was perfectly fine.
Their heads snapped up. Both of them looked at me, eyes unreadable.
"S – Sorry." I stumbled backwards, shocked. I backed out the door and just ran. I heard her call my name, but I didn't stop. I ran a mile to the dock overlooking the Long Island Sound, where we spent our best moments together last summer. The sun reflected back off the sea, blinding me. My eyes stung for some reason, and I buried my face into my hands. My lungs hurt and I was sweating. I sat there for a while, breathing deeply.
A shadow fell across me and I looked up. Annabeth stepped into the sunlight. Gods, she was so beautiful.
I didn't want her to see me like this. I was all sweaty and everything about me inside and out was a mess. I was falling apart without her, and she was okay.
Her grey eyes broke into concern. She started forward. "Look, Percy –"
I broke down when she said my name like that. I missed hearing her say my name.
"Annabeth," I said frantically. My expression was too intense, I was staring into her eyes so inappropriately, but I didn't care anymore.
My voice cracked. "I don't know what I'm doing without you. I – I need you." I grabbed her hand. "I missed you."
She started to speak. She gave me that look that she gave me right before she left.
"Wait. Wait, no. I have something else to say." The words tumbled out awkwardly, and I stopped and stalled painfully.
"These months have been hell without you. I don't – I don't know what I'm doing." I was gripping her forearms too tightly.
I looked into her eyes again and the words flew out. "I – I love you, Annabeth. You have to believe me." My voice cracked again.
She swallowed hard, and she looked dangerously close to tears. We just stared at each other for a moment. She pulled me into a backbreaking hug as I choked up, burying my face into her shoulder. I missed her so much. Maybe I still didn't really understand love, but if this wasn't it, I didn't know what was.
"I know, Seaweed Brain," she whispered. "I know."
We stayed that way for a long time, standing there in the warm sun.