Summer of Discontent

A popular subject in here at the moment, this is my take on the finale. I just want to get down what I think is going through their heads, and try to explain the reasons I think Castle was so quick to give up and run away.

Rick stared blankly out of the car windscreen, his eyes focused on something far in the distance. I can get over her. It'll be easy. I never get attached. It came to something when he couldn't even lie to himself. He sighed quietly, not wanting to attract the attention of his passenger.

"Richard, the lights changed." Gina's voice roused him, derailing the train of thought he'd been meandering down. Rick quickly set off again. The traffic was heavy, and he had no idea how long it was going to take them to get out of the city. He'd wanted to leave earlier, really, but he couldn't pass up one last chance to sit down and talk with his friends. Laugh at their jokes, make fun of Kevin Ryan, maybe even flirt a little with Lanie Parish.

Rick didn't know when he'd see any of them again. Yes, he planned to go back in the Fall, but that was still a long way away, and so many things could change in that time. She might not want him to go back, disrupting her settled life. He might not be able to face her, knowing she was happy with another man. Don't think about it, Rick, he cautioned himself. The last thing he needed now was another bout of self pity. He hadn't been sure she was going to turn up to his leaving party at all, and had tried to cover that fear by being overly cheerful, laughing loud and often.

His heart had soared when she strolled in, that beautiful smile on her face, and grabbed a beer without hesitation. Rick hadn't ever really seen her drink, and was intrigued by Lanie's warning not to compete with her. But the chance hadn't arisen. She'd leaned in, with an odd look on her face, and asked to speak to him privately. He smiled to himself, sadly, recalling her words, how she told him she'd enjoyed their time together. He'd thought she was saying goodbye, and it tore at him, but then, studying her closely, he realised that wasn't it at all. Gina had interrupted them before she could go any further.

He thanked God for that intervention, because he was sure he would have embarrassed himself if Beckett had looked at him with those wide, earnest eyes for much longer. She hadn't said what she'd intended to, he was sure of that, but he couldn't figure out what it was she wanted to say. She was so hard to read, when she wanted to be. But her wishing him a good summer was easier to handle than anything he'd feared she was going to say.

It's better this way, he decided. I'll have the whole summer to get over her, so that seeing her with Demming won't feel like a knife twisting in my gut. He looked at the woman sitting next to him, wondering if this was the healthiest way he could choose to move on. He and Gina hadn't come anywhere close to seeing eye to eye since their divorce, yet somehow, he'd found himself talking to her for hours, the previous night. It was nice, there was no adversarial edge to their conversation, she had just listened to him ramble on about any number of things, except Beckett. He'd not mentioned her at all, other that to say he thought going to the Hamptons would give them some much needed relief from each other.

Somehow, he'd found himself asking Gina to go with him. Her stunned silence had spoken volumes, and he'd immediately started to wonder what on earth possessed him. She'd hesitantly told him she wasn't sure that was a good idea, that they'd drive each other round the bend within a few days. Yet, when she'd called him back, just a few hours ago, to say she'd like to go, he'd felt an odd sort of relief. The thought of rattling around in that big beachfront house for months, with no company save his own imagination, scared him more than he'd ever admit.

So, here he was, heading off to a summer slaving away behind a keyboard, with a woman he hadn't even wanted to talk to just forty eight hours ago, whose intentions he didn't yet know. Rick shook his head slightly, dismayed at how complicated his life had suddenly become.

Kate stared blankly at the far wall. She'd not moved at all since she'd watched Castle leave with his arm around his ex-wife. She gave a start when she heard the door behind her opening. "Hey, are you ok, Kate?" Lanie asked, tentatively, and the compassion in her friend's voice almost broke her.

She took a deep breath, willing her face to stillness before, turning to briefly look at Lanie. "Yeah, I'm fine." She cringed at how thick her voice sounded, how weak. Blinking rapidly to clear her suddenly blurred vision, she started walking, she had to get away from that sympathetic presence. "I'll see you all tomorrow," She called over her shoulder, swiping up her coat and bag as she passed her desk, and left without looking back.

She felt so stupid. How could she have misread things so badly? I was sure he wanted me, wanted more than friendship. If he wasn't interested, why had he been so out of sorts whenever Tom was around? She'd noticed it, and felt bad, but she was determined not to let Castle and his territorial nonsense get in the way of things. It had all been for nothing. Demming was gone, and she was alone. She hadn't even had a chance to tell Castle how she felt, that she'd decided she was ready to take a chance on him. Cursing at herself, she thumped the elevator call button. It seemed to take forever to arrive, and she could barely stand still, waiting for it. She was agitated and anxious to get out, to get away from the scene of her hurt.

Kate wanted to be so angry at him, for making her feel, and then crushing her, but really, she knew she had only herself to blame. She hadn't seen it, hadn't acknowledged the warmth that flooded her being when they talked, when he made her laugh, even when he just sat there looking at her. That tension had always been there, from the first moment they met. She found him staggeringly attractive, he drew her in against her will, hammering incessantly at the walls she'd so carefully built to keep people like him out. For a while, she made it worse by fighting against that, stirring conflict where it wasn't needed. But eventually, they reached a common place, where they were comfortable with each other, and she was secure in the knowledge that he would be there.

The lift doors opened, and she stalked in, hitting the ground floor button with far more force than was necessary.

She'd grown complacent, and pushed those inappropriate feelings to the back of her mind, sealing them away so he could be her friend. That had led her to Tom, sweet, reliable and good for her in ways Castle probably never would be. It was just typical of Kate Beckett's life that, just as she was starting to envisage an immediate future with him, Castle would go and upset the apple cart again. She recalled the chill that had run through her when he'd said those words, 'our last case'. They had left her stunned, unable to form any sort of answer, unable to comprehend that he was going to leave. She didn't know what she'd have done if Ryan hadn't interrupted.

But, thanks to Castle's stupid, stupid plan, and the encouragement of Esposito and the Captain, she'd gone and stepped on a good man's heart to reach that of a man who she knew could be so much better. And she'd been too late.

Kate swept out of the precinct without a pause, still not sure where she was going, or what she was going to do when she got there. All she knew was, she needed to wash that image of Castle and Gina out of her mind, and she needed to force her pain back behind those old, fractured walls, where it belonged.

I will continue this, perhaps another chapter or two on the first days of their separation, before jumping forward to his return, and my speculation on how it might happen. I'm going to discontinue my Cold Comfort story, as I don't fancy writing an alternate Beckett/Gina meeting now. I may scavenge a couple of beats from it for this, though.

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