Lily Honeycutt
Chapter 1: Preface
I didn't know what I was. No one did. I wasn't supposed to exist. I knew I wasn't human, but I wasn't a vampire either, at least not entirely, the others would have sensed that. I kept my distance from them but always knew where they were and, thanks to my special gifts, I always knew what they were thinking. I had kept track of the Cullen family for almost two years now although I believe I had had an encounter with Edward Cullen around 75 years ago in the back alleyways of Atlanta, though I couldn't be sure it was him.
The Cullen's were vampires. But instead of feeding on human blood, they had taught themselves to live on the blood of animals. I knew about their special diet and that is what so interested me about them. I was half of what they are. And it was the killing of just one human, my mother, which made me hate the vampire inside me. The vampire in me made me strong but it also made me a monster, a vile killer of innocent humans. So I learned to suppress the demon. But it was still part of me, the part that made me immune to disease. The part that gave me super human strength, acute senses and most of all, immortality.
I knew that if I ever wanted to fit in with anyone on this planet, the Cullen's were probably the closest I was ever going to get to being with my own kind. I had been pretty much on my own since birth and I wanted more than anything to fit in somewhere, anywhere. To be able to sleep soundly without fear of an attack. To know that I was in a place where I would be protected from anything that may harm me. Humans couldn't do that. And besides, humans got sick or hurt or simply grew old, and died. Everyone I had ever loved was now dead. The one woman that I had truly loved, and the person for whom I am named, Lillian Honeycutt, died over seventy years ago.
She was the only person that had known the real me, that had cared for me when I was nearly killed by a young vampire when I too was very young. She was in her forties when I was delivered to her. I don't know by whom. All I knew was that he was a vampire.
Lillian had taught me how to be human. She taught me to care for self, to make and mend clothing, to read and write and how to cook, although I rarely ever had the need for it. I preferred my meat raw and the bloodier the better. I was after all, still part vampire. Most importantly though, she had helped teach me to control my temper, which is when the vampire took over. The survival instinct is very strong and even now I have to fight to suppress the demon when I get angry or feel threatened. That's also when other vampires could sense me. Otherwise, I was just another boring human to them. As long as I kept myself from consuming human blood or the blood of predators, my scent was as normal as any other humans.
Through the decades, of course I had had friends, but only for a few years at a time. Humans tended to do a lot of growing and maturing between the ages of twelve and eighteen, but I didn't. I was eternally fifteen and people began to notice when you never got older, never got sick, hurt or rarely even upset for that matter. So after three or four years, I had to pretend to have to move away again. A few times were harder than others, but it's something I knew I always had to do, eventually. Leave. I was used to moving around a lot. There were times when I told myself I would never care for anyone ever again. But the loneliness always got to me after a while and I would allow someone to get close to me again, knowing I would have to leave them in only a few short years. It never seemed like very long at all.
I no longer got very attached to anyone, or stayed in one place too long. The last time I let myself love someone he ended up dead. That was over thirty years ago and since then I wandered the country until I ended up in Forks and stumbled across the Cullen family.
The Cullens were the most likely to accept what I was, and the least likely to kill me for it. That is, if I could bring myself to approach them. I had learned long ago that the first rule of being a vampire, even part vampire, was self-preservation. Vampires were mostly solitary creatures, very untrusting and rarely found in groups. A family of vampires was almost unheard of. Other than the Cullen's, there were only two known exceptions I knew of; the ancient vampires of Italy and a small family far to the north that the Cullen's had spent time with.
Would I be able to approach them? Would they listen to me? Would they try to understand me? Would they accept me, or would they see me as the hideous half human monster that I was, and destroy me?