Title: For Now (1/1)
Pairing/Character(s): Blair, Nate, Small appearance from Serena, Nate/Blair(/Chuck)
Rating: PG/K+
Word Count: 4,187
Spoilers: Up to and including 2x01: Summer Kind of Wonderful
Summary: Letting go of your first love is never easy – especially when she's going to your best friend. What I imagine might have happened when Blair got her pin back from Nate in 2x01. Blair/Nate with hints of Blair/Chuck

Authors Note: I felt cheated out of this moment when we didn't get it in the episode, so I thought I'd write down how I imagined it happened. This is my first foray into the world of Gossip Girl fiction, so please be gentle!!

Oh, and If I had it my way CBN would be the perpetual triangle of the show (Or threesome! ;) )

Thank you to Molly for betaing for me. And to all the girls who gave me the confidence to post!

This story was originally posted in the Gossip Girl book section - but now this site has a GG TV show section I thought it was appropriate to move it here!

Unlatching her arm from where it had been hooked through Serena's, Blair turned to her best friend and gave her the most dazzling smile she could muster. It was all so different, standing outside the Archibald's Hampton home and not strolling her expensively clad feet purposely up the immaculately maintained driveway, and into the house as though she owned it. A fact she'd been so sure she someday would, with Nate on her arm, and his name attached to her own, they'd be the power couple of the upper east side, and the enviously in love perpetual honeymooners as they lazed in the Hamptons for summers.

"Go find your lifeguard." She eyed the house quickly one more time, her eyes moving over the many windows in search of life before looking back to Serena, urging her to leave her be. "I'll call you when I'm done here."

"Oh no, I'll come with, I want to see Nate anyway and.." Completely oblivious Serena began to move towards the house, only stopping when Blair grabbed at her arm.

"S, I need to do this alone okay?"

"What's going on Blair, one minute you're trying to make Chuck jealous..."

"I am not trying to make Chuck Bass jealous! " The brunette insisted, throwing her nose in the air in defiance. Stupid Chuck Bass. How dare he claim he knows she's lying, how dare he think he has any right to question her relationship with James. He was the one who abandoned her. He can go fuck himself – or the Brazilian bimbo he'd been speaking to on the phone – for all she cared. She didn't care. No matter what the ache in her chest was trying to get her to believe. "I don't care what Chuck does."

"Uh huh," The blonde eyed her friend with disbelief, placing a hand on the shorter girls arm. "Like I was saying, first you're trying to make Chuck jealous, and now you're desperate to see Nate, you brought a boy home with you B, and I thought you were over Nate."

"Serena!" Rolling her eyes, Blair let out a frustrated sigh, shucking off her friends touch she shook her head, throwing back her shoulders and holding her head up high. "I just need to get something back off Nate, that's all, nothing more."

"What do you need?" Questions, Questions, all these questions. The sooner Serena went off and hooked up with this lifeguard the better as far as Blair was concerned, suddenly all the more grateful for her summer in Europe away from her pathetically mourning friend. Dan Humphrey was not worth wallowing over, and Serena only ever pestered Blair for details of her life when she was feeling sorry about her own.

"Just something I gave him a long time ago that he hasn't needed for a while." Her heart...

"Blair.."

"God! Serena! Go! Rebound with a townie, and I'll meet you in an hour for sugar and retail therapy! Now go!" She flicked her hand, waving Serena on her way, huffing out an exasperated breath as Serena gave her one final, confused, look over her shoulder before skipping off down the street. "Finally!"

Standing in front of door she reached up fixing her head band, her fingers playing slightly more than necessary with her bangs, a small nervous tic that looked out of place on seemingly composed beauty as she wondered what to do. Should she walk in unannounced, and head straight for Nate's room, demanding he gave her back what was hers? Let herself in and call up to Nate that she was there, before making herself comfortable in the den, curling up on the expensive plush leather love seat that she'd always favoured and wait for him to come down to her, the way she used to do? Puffing out a breath of air she reached into her bag and spread a layer of gloss over her suddenly dry lips before she reached up rang the bell. She was a young woman of breeding after all, and wouldn't dream of appearing impolite. Especially with the possibility that Nate's parents were in town for the white party, Nate might hate her but the Archibalds had always treated her as family and she wouldn't disrespect that.

"Miss Waldorf." The young woman who opened the door moved out of the way, motioning for Blair to enter, "Mr. Nate is upstairs."

When Blair didn't run up the stairs, the way she knew the maid was expecting her to, there was a pause of confusion. An awkward silence that tested Blair's already short patience, causing her snap. "Let him know I'm here. I'll be in the den."

As the young maid scurried up the stairs, flinching from being on the receiving end of harsh tone behind Blair's words, the pretty brunette walked further into the house and entering the den was struck by an odd blend of comfort, and awkwardness, like she presumed you'd feel walking into an old home which was now occupied by a new family. She'd spent as much of her summers in this house, as she had her own summer home, and to be stood awkwardly, albeit only inwardly, she was a Waldorf after all so always appeared the perfect picture of poise and grace, she was struck by how different she was now from the last time she'd been here, how different they'd all been that last summer. She trusted Serena with her world, she would have had you ruined for suggesting she'd even consider sleeping with Chuck Bass, and Nate, well, Nate had been the world she'd entrusted to Serena.

Nate stood in the doorway, watching silently as Blair wandered around the room, looking from picture to picture on the wall, as if she didn't have them all memorised already. He wondered if she was doing as he'd done himself, looking at the familiar images in search of the lies, and now public scandal that lay beneath. He heard the slight intake of breath as she picked up one of the expensively framed pictures his mother had asked to be placed on the mantle. He knew which she was holding, it was a picture of the two of them, taken before everything changed. Before his father was a coke addict, before Blair and Chuck, even before he and Serena. It was taken back before he questioned any of it, when he knew he'd follow in his fathers collegiate footsteps, propose to Blair with the family ring, and live the life that was expected of them. "My mom insisted it stayed up."

Startled Blair dropped the frame, the Tiffany silver clattering against the marbled floor of the fireplace, trying to ignore the pain that shot to her heart when he said that his mother had kept the picture up, and not him. "You startled me."

"Sorry," He walked over, picking up the picture and studying it for a moment, both their hair was shorter, and she didn't have the sadness in her eyes she did now, but then a picture could be deceiving, after all it had been that evening he'd found her huddle over the toilet in the guest bathroom for the first time, purging up the chocolate soufflé and champagne he'd served her in the hopes of wooing her into his bed. "I think she still thinks we're going to end up married someday."

Blair looked up at him, she hadn't been sure what to expect from him as a greeting but that definitely wasn't it. Should she tell him that a part of her still thought so too? That despite a summer of wondering what Chuck was doing, of alternating between cursing his name, and calling out for him in her dreams, still when she imagined herself in that one of a kind dress, walking elegantly toward the alter, it was Nate she saw. The way she had imagined it since she was ten years old, the way everyone had always expected it to be. "She'll come around."

"Yeah.." He kind of missed her insistence that they would end up together, that she loved him, only him, wanted only him. A fact she'd disproven by sleeping with his best friend. Maybe he had done it first, maybe they'd been technically broken up at the time but she was supposed to be the better one in the relationship, the one who understood that whatever idiotic thing he did didn't mean they weren't supposed to be together, that sat back and waited for him to ready, as unfair as he knew that was. He watched as she sat prissily on the couch, her hands folded at her knees, her back straight, not a hair or thread out of place, and he wished she'd lean back, tuck her feet up under herself as she used to, and motion for him to come over and lay his head in her lap, for her to run his fingers through his hair and talk to him about things he didn't care to hear about, as he got lulled into sleep by the melody of her voice. "Chuck says you brought someone home with you?"

A small smirk formed on Blair's lips. Yes, she'd brought James home to get back at Chuck, but she wondered if she could make Nate a bit jealous too, get him to show that he still felt some for her somewhere deep down inside. "James, he's wonderful. I just couldn't face ending our time together any sooner than I had to. He's perfect Nate."

She'd said that once about him, that he was perfect for her, that they were perfect for each other. He knew now they were anything but, at least at this point in their lives, but that didn't stop the ache in his heart he got when he listened to her gush over another man. He knew it could be worse, he could be stood listening to her gush over Chuck. He wasn't stupid, he could see the connection between his ex girlfriend and his best friend, heard the pain that was hidden between the harsh words each said about the other, had seen the way they looked at each other when they thought no one was watching, but he'd never be able to stop thinking of Blair as his, even if by some cruel twist of his own making, Chuck had her first. Some days he wished he could take it all back, go back to a time when he was with Blair because he wanted to be, when his dad didn't want him to be with her for how it would benefit the family, and when Chuck would tease him for not having lost his virginity yet. When Blair would look at him like he could hand her the whole world if he so chose to, but then he'd remember how trapped he'd felt, how he'd wondered if there was more, how Blair's affection had suffocated him at times. That wasn't to say he hadn't cared for her, he had, immensely so, but they'd been so young, were still so young, if he couldn't make his mistakes now when could he ever?

"Serena said you've been seeing someone to?" She spoke up, trying to read the mirage of emotions that fluttered through Nate's eyes, disappointed to realise she could only read a few of them, wishing she knew him as well as she once had.

"Uh, yeah." He rubbed nervously at his jawline and she rolled her eyes. Secrets were so passé. "Serena told you that?"

"Serena's my best friend. She doesn't keep secrets from me," She looked up at him, her brown eyes locking on his blue before she continued, "anymore."

He nodded slowly, trying to turn away from her hypnotising, challenging gaze. They grew up in a society riddled with secrets and scandals, and remembered as children that they'd promised each other they'd never be the same, that their friendships would mean something, was it just destiny that those promises were broken? "Yeah.."

"Maybe she heeded the lesson she learnt Nate,"

"What?"

"Secrets always come out in the end."

"I think we all learnt that lesson his year Blair," He challenged her in return. His secret involved a champagne reception and her best friend, hers the back of a limo and his, she'd do well to remember she wasn't the only injured party.

Her eyes narrowed, and she glared at him, daring him to say more. At least she'd grown feel something for Chuck. The only relationship Serena and Nate entered to was a fake one they were using to cover up for her pathetic pinging for a boy from Brooklyn, and his relationship with someone he was too ashamed to admit to be seeing.

He let his words linger in the air, withering a little under her stare, for all the loving looks Blair had given him it didn't stop the chill that would creep up his back when she turned to him with a withering, icy, stare. For such a beautiful woman Blair had the ability to make you feel the ugliest things. "You said you wanted something in your text message?"

She blinked, the intensity of her gaze disappearing as she second guessed herself. It had only just occurred to her that Nate may not even have the sweater with him. She'd just presumed he would because he always had in the past, had said it was his favourite. Of course that was when they were still together, and before he'd even noticed he heart shaped pendant she'd sewn on to his sleeve, and it had just been a sweater given to him by his girlfriend. "Right. I did. Do you have the sweater I gave you here with you?"

She'd given him various pieces of clothing throughout their relationship, clothes were important to Blair, and as the man on her arm he had to look as immaculately dressed as she did, but he knew instantly which she was talking about. He'd lied to her the day he'd come to her and said he'd just noticed the pendant on the sleeve. It had been an excuse to bring up them, to show her that she'd once cared deeply for him, to remind her there was still something there. Was she doing the same thing now?

"I don't know. Let me check." He knew he had it, knew exactly where it was neatly folded by the maid who'd unpacked his things months earlier when he'd arrived. He didn't know why he'd brought it with him in the first place, only that it felt wrong not to. After she'd gave it to him it had became somewhat of a security blanket for him, something that he could look at it when he was having a bad day and know that there was someone out there who cared for him implicitly, who's love he might not deserve, but that she continued to give. Even after they broke up, when he was angry and hurt, and feeling betrayed, he'd still find himself pulling it, feeling the coolness of the metal sitting on his wrist, and remembering that despite all his family problems, of any expectations he might fall short of, it was possible for someone to want him for him.

Left again in the room Blair let herself fall back against the seat, sinking into its depth and letting her head lull back against the top, closing her eyes and breathing deeply. She hadn't expected it to be so hard. After all the whole reason she was here was to mess with Chuck, to get him to realise what he'd given up by not meeting her that day, to try and make him feel an iota of the pain he'd caused her, and then throw it all back in his face, but now she found herself hurting for what could have been with Nate all over again. Something she was so sure she'd moved on from. She should have known it wouldn't be that easy, seven years of building up to something bigger, of breaking up and making up, of first kisses, first touches, and newly discovered pleasures, it had all been with Nate, and she'd thought it always would be, only for them both to screw it up before they'd even began to be what she'd always thought they would.

He held the sweater in his hand as he stopped in the doorway of his den for the second time that day. Taken advantage of the quiet, rare moment where Blair wasn't conscious of how she was being perceived and was instead just being. She was a classic beauty, practically flawless, although he knew from experience if you told her that she'd inform you of the many flaws she wrongly thought she had. He remembered once a friend of his fathers complimenting him on the fact that he'd snagged himself a beauty who would age well. He didn't understand how the man would know that, but he didn't question it, Blair had always been beautiful, even when they were children he'd known that, and it only made sense that she always would be.

"I have it." His voice broke her out of her reverie once again and she snapped to intention, once again taking the seated position her mother had badgered into her for as long as she remembered that a lady should take. Both feeling a sense of sadness wash over them that Blair felt the need to be so proper around Nate. "Why did you.."

"Does it sill have my heart?" She asked, and the unasked questioned lingered in the air for both of them. Did he?

"Uh, yeah," Fumbling with the sleeve a little he flicked it up, showing her the dainty precious metal that hung there. "I thought you said.."

"I know I told you, you could keep it Nate, but I think maybe it would be best if you didn't," She'd rehearsed this had known exactly what she was supposed to say, she just hadn't expected the shock in his eyes, the hurt. "I think we need to make a fresh start, and I think it might be best if we just.."

"Forget you and I were ever together?" Blue and brown locked on each other, the air sizzled. Blair was glad he hadn't taken a seat next to her, because she was sure in that moment, in that confusion, she'd of kissed him if he'd been any closer. She didn't want to forget that they'd ever been. Pretend they were nothing more than friends, that he'd hadn't been her everything for so long.

"I just think it's for the best." She pulled herself away from his stare, focussing on her hands where she twisted the ring her dad had given her just before she left back and forth, digging the platinum band almost painfully into the flesh.

"Are you.." He paused unsure whether to ask but having to know. It would be easier to know now, than to see it then. "Are you giving it to Chuck?"

"There's nothing between Chuck and I." She insisted, it seemed all she did these days was tell people she wasn't in love with Chuck Bass. Herself included.

"You're lying." He stated simply, not feeling the need to put any more conviction behind his words, they both knew he knew her well enough to know so.

"I am not!" She exclaimed. Folding her arms defiantly across her chest, looking more like a sullen child than a young woman of status.

"Blair, I know you, I know Chuck."

"This isn't about me, and Chuck, Nate." She unfolded her arms, but didn't bother to regain her posture instead sighing and letting herself sink further into the back of the sofa. Maybe he had been when she first arrived, but now it wasn't. She needed that pendant back now in the hopes that it would take away her pull to Nate. She was already so confused about Chuck, about wanting him and hating him all at the same time, she couldn't go back to feeling that way about Nate. "I just think if you and I are going to be friends, we need to draw some lines somewhere, and this is as good a place as any."

He wanted to push her, to get her to explain to him why it was so important to pretend they never had good times, why it was okay for her to make digs about the lies he'd told, but not for him to hold onto the memory of what they'd had before. He had loved her, in his own way, maybe he still did, and her taking back her gift wasn't going to change that. "It's yours if you want it Blair."

"I do." She whispered, and for the first time that day he sat down beside her, handing her the sweater as he pulled out the picker she'd taken from her mothers dresser, carefully undoing the stitches she'd placed there. He watched her silently, mesmerised by the few tears he could see building up in her eyes. "I don't want to forget what we had, Nate."

"Me either." He told her, brushing his lacrosse stick calloused fingers against the soft skin of her own as took the offered sweater back from her.

"I'm not giving this to Chuck, or James, or anyone else. I meant it for you, and now I'm taking it back for me." He nodded, watching her pull her lip in between her teeth, wondering if it was just the pendant heart was talking about it. It was in moments like when she wasn't worrying about keeping her lips glossed and smooth, letting small glimpses of the lost little girl he knew was inside be exposed to the world, that Nate had always loved her most. "I promise."

"I believe you." And he did, thankfully, he didn't think he could handle seeing Chuck with his Blair's heart on his sleeve, he'd be hard enough seeing Blair on it someday soon.

"Good." She smiled, before turning and slipping the pendant into her purse. "I do want to be your friend, Nate."

"Yeah...friends..." They'd all just be friends, Nate, Serena, Blair and Chuck. A happy little family. Yeah right.

"I should go. I promised Serena I'd meet her in town."

"Yeah, I have plans too."

"Mystery woman? I can't imagine anything worse than someone being ashamed of me."

"No, not her, and it's not like that. Anyway, no one could be ashamed of being with you, Blair Waldorf." He stood up, offering her his hand to help her to her feet, both holding on a little longer than necessary before their eyes met and she blushed slightly, letting go of his hand and smoothing down her skirt.

"Thank you. For saying that, and for giving me the pin back."

"It was yours"

"Well no, it was yours, it was a gift and you didn't have to give it back. I appreciate it, Nate, really."

"You're welcome. Uh, Chuck's coming over so you might want to..." It was for his sake as well as hers. The longer he put off seeing Chuck and Blair together the better.

"Thanks for the warning." They stood, awkwardly staring at each other, wondering how they were supposed to say goodbye. A hug, a wave, a handshake?

Deciding on none of the above Blair gave Nate a small smile before turning, and walking out of the room, willing the tears that were filling in her eyes not to fall, as she opened the front door and walked outside. Standing with her back to the door Blair breathed deeply, closing her eyes and delving her head into the purse, pulling the pendant out and clutching it tightly in her palm and laying it against her chest. She willed herself to calm, and let the tears dissolve before she opened her eyes again, rolling her shoulders back, and placing her sunglasses over her eyes, purposefully striding out toward the street, determined that no one would be able to look at her and see the heartbreak she'd just experienced.

Listening as the heavy wooden door clicked into place, letting him know Blair had left, Nate walked over to the mantle and picked up the picture of the two of them again, bringing it back over the sofa where he lay his head in the spot Blair had been sat. Letting her expensive perfume fill his nostrils and letting his mind wander, imaging she was running her fingers through his hair, imaging things were simple again.

Spotted: B sneaking out of N's Hampton home clutching tightly on to something as she looked back at the house. Didn't she bring a handsome prepster with her when she came into town? My, my B, back to old habits again, will one boy never be enough? And what would Chuck Bass have to say about it...