In this fanfic I shall demonstrate the difference between a Mary Sue character and a regular-ish character, for all you who may need help with your stories. Mary Sues can infect any fandom (even if they're really fun to laugh at). Both short stories will have a similar setting, but the difference is that one is a Mary Sue and the other is not.
Let's start with the Sue, shall we?
Destiny's Victory
Destiny kicked her heels into the ground. Her long golden hair fell down her back like pure wheat, only for the tips; a dark, becoming purple. Her eyes; one a beautiful deep blue like the diamond of dialga's heart, the other a soft, lustrous pink, like the waves of time off palkia's back. She smiled a smile that made angels jealous and looked at her rival.
"Well, Ezekiel, it looks like it's you and me." she glossed demandingly in a voice as rich and flowing as melted chocolate. "My father, Jirachi, gave me the power of wishing, and my one wish today is that I beat you and your evil organisation in the pokelathon!"
Ezekiel, an evil looking man with raven hair, streaked in vicious red, laughed evilly, showing pointed teeth. "Child! You may have defeated my father, all of my brothers, and my entire army, but you will never beat me in this last event; Relay Run!"
The crowd booed him and shouted cheer for Destiny. The fate of pokemon rested on her young but mature shoulders. She was wearing a miniskirt and a beautiful top that showed a body that looked like that of a young lady of eighteen, not the thirteen year old that she was. Ash and his friends cheered from the stands, the boys obviously smitten with her. She pulled a pokeball out of her pocket, a Luxury-Master ball specially crafted by her uncle; professor Elm, for her birthday, and sent out her first pokemon.
"Go, Nyx!"
Her shiny umbreonX exploded out of its pokeball. It was a cloned shiny umbreon with a glossy dark blue coat. Its rings were glowing furious azure and its eyes were wide and adorable. It let out an adorable battle cry as it fluttered up with its bat wings.
"He said that he's going to win and loves me!" Destiny squeaked happily, her and her pokemon blushing. Ezekiel pretended to vomit.
"I hate pokemon! Especially cute pokemon! Especially yours!"
The announcer started up the mic. "Now, folks, for the Relay between Ezekiel Senlive M'sri and Destiny Hope Chastity Radiance Aura Aurora Jirachi Wishmaker!"
The crowd cheered for Destiny; all the boys that loved her, all the girls that wanted to be her, even the people who were jealous of her. Ezekiel hissed.
"Let's get this over with! Go, Darkness!"
His pokemon was a beaten-looking houndoom, with furless patches. It looked very tired and upset, and had welts that Ezekiel had made from his whip. Ezekiel barked at it and it snapped to attention, growling at Nyx.
"You meanie! You mistreat your pokemon so badly!"
"Shut up, little girl! Let's race!"
"Three, two, one, go, go, go!"
The whistle was blown and both Nyx and Darkness shot off, racing down the track. The trainers went after them, ready to switch out, on their power bikes. Nyx left a trail of glitter behind him as he ran. Darkness pounded along, but just wasn't fast enough to catch up.
"Switch out, Nyx!" Destiny cheered. "You've done awesome! Go, Candy!"
She returned her umbreon and sent out a shiny mewZ. It was tall and beautiful, with a sky blue body and massive, glowing eyes. It let out a distorted cry and pounded ahead, leaving Darkness in the dust.
"Damn!" Ezekiel cursed. "Switch out, you worthless houndoom! Go Surrender!"
He switched Darkness for a partly mechanical weavile, half of its body covered in wires and plating. It ran ahead, catching up to Candy but not getting in front.
"Surrender, use techno blast!"
Surrender opened his mechanical mouth and out blasted a stream of sharp metal streaks, heading straight for Candy. Destiny saw this coming, and, employing the psychic powers she'd gained when the real mewtwo gave his life to save her, redirected the blast. It crashed off into the distance, shearing the top few centimetres of hair off Ezekiel's head.
"Last lap! Go, Destiny!" shouted the MC. Everyone cheered for her.
"Candy, return! You were perfect! Go, Mimi!"
Back went Candy and out came Mimi, a super-shiny tyrani-pherio-mortar. It had a tyranitar's body, and its head was half rypherior, half magmortar. It had both cannons and ran forwards with amazing speed for its size, kicking up chunks of dirt as it went.
"Get back here, you failure!" Ezekiel cried to Surrender, who hung his head and made a sad noise. "Now's time to get real! Go, Spirit!"
He sent out a genkrai, part gengar part darkrai, that leapt into the air with a terrible noise and floated after Mimi. It let out a roar and a beam of pure nightmare shot out of its mouth. Mimi barely blocked with a flaming rock throw. Spirit was almost ready to attack again, when Destiny yelled.
"Switch, Mimi! Go Destiny!"
Roaring, she turned into a pokemon. Ten foot tall with beautiful flowing hair, she was an angel type, with giant gold wings and rainbow eyes. She sprinted forwards with her beautiful coltish legs. Spirit shot a beam of nightmares at her but it bounced off her back; the power of purity deflected all attacks. Putting one last sprint into it, she leapt across the finish line and the crowd went wild. Shrieks of 'Marry me!' were heard from boys and girls alike as Destiny returned to her normal self and smiled modestly.
"I couldn't have done it without the power of my bond with my pokemon!"
And, as Nyx spread his wings and carried them off into the sky, away from her thousands of adoring fans, Ezekiel screamed.
"I'll get you back, Destiny!" he shouted. "If it's the last thing I-"
Just then, his pokemon leapt out of the pokeballs and, taking revenge on the years of neglect and mistreatment, savaged him violently. Destiny smiled and pressed an elegant finger to her plush pink lips and giggled childishly as she soared off into the sunset, her miniskirt barely concealing her perfect legs.
"I wouldn't count on it!"
See that? She was a Mary Sue. She was perfect; Ezekiel didn't stand a chance. She is also glorified by Ezekiel being so terrible, and how she defeats him, putting her into the centre of attention as hero number 1. And her pokemon, name and vague backstory, along with actions and appearance are also clues towards a Sue.
Now, lets look at the second example.
Maria swallowed nervously. She had only beaten Ed by a lucky shot in the second event, and he had beaten her in the first. The winner here would take home the gold, and it was difficult to tell who would win. Maria had been training nonstop for months, but Ed was the reigning champion. She looked at her three pokemon. Freckles the typhlosion and Scarfy the furret both looked rather nervous, but Titan the scizor looked cocky as always.
"Well, looks like this is the finals," Ed said, walking up to her. He was an average-looking guy and she was an average-looking girl, but they were expert pokeathletes, with years of training behind them. Maria smiled.
"Cool."
Ed paused. "You don't really say a lot. Aren't you nervous?"
"Very."
He shrugged. "Okay, cool, cool. See you at the starting line."
He walked off to address his team; a fearow, feraligatr and rapidash, each one strong and determined. Maria turned to her own team.
"Okay, you three. Here's my plan. Titan, you go out first, you can last longest. Then you, Scarfy. You can go fast. Then Freckles; you're good at both."
Titan bounced up and down energetically, clapping his pincers. He may have been strong, but he was cocky, and that usually got him in a whole mess of trouble. Scarfy was nervous, but she was fast. Freckles; he was shy, but she believed in him.
"Will the contestants approach the starting line for the relay run?"
Both athletes stepped up to the starting places. Titan was roaring to go and fearow was flapping its wings furiously.
"Good luck." Maria smiled to Ed.
"May the best athlete win."
"Three, two, one, go!"
The two pokemon streaked off like lightning and their trainers were struggling to keep up on their bikes. Titan roared something at fearow and fearow screeched back, but nobody knew what they were saying. The pokemon were neck and neck, the fearless bug and the frightful bird. It was impossible to tell who would win.
"Okay, Titan! Don't strain yourself!" Maria warned. She'd known a pokemon being hurt in competing before. Her azumarill, Easter, had almost been killed in ring drop once. She didn't want it to happen again. "Switch out in three, two, one, go, Scarfy!"
Ignoring Titan's cries of protest, she switched the scizor for her furret, Scarfy. The furret looked around and cannoned off, leaving a fearful glance at the fearow. Ed looked at his pokemon. Fearow looked tired, its wings were drooping. He threw feraligatr's pokeball.
"Fire in the hole!"
Fearow was replaced by feraligatr, who, despite not being as fast, was hell-of-a strong one. He ran after Scarfy, eyes ablaze. Scarfy was a strange furret. She always seemed distant and afraid. She ran as if she were running away. Feraligatr persued her and launched himself at Scarfy, but she dodged, ran into a wall, and carried on running until she was back on track. Ed felt a twinge of uncertainty. feraligatr and Scarfy were too close to call, but it wasn't certain that it'd stay that way.
"Feraligatr." he whispered through gritted teeth. "Water gun the furret."
Feraligatr picked up the signal through the corner of it eye. Opening its mighty mouth, it spat a fierce water gun at Scarfy. Scarfy felt her life flash before her eyes. But then something leapt, something spun, something crashed behind her and she could run again. The only thing she saw before she glanced back was Maria, lying on the track with a broken arm.
"Miss, we need to get you to the hospital," one of the on-the-scene medics said. "Now."
Maria shook her head angrily. Her soaked brown hair now stuck out in all directions and her eyes seemed weary but persistent. "No. It's my pokemon. I'll see them, whether they win or lose. I don't care. But if I miss this race. If I miss this race, I'll let them down... Scarfy, Titan, Freckles... I won't let them down!"
"Miss, you're getting frantic!" the medic said, shaking her by the shoulders. "You're being incredibly reckless!"
"I know and don't care!" Maria screamed. "Get me back on my bike! I'm not missing this race! Not now, not ever, not for all the money, not for all the medals in the world!"
Without listening to any more, she bit the bullet. She forced herself up with her good arm and mounted her bike, going after Scarfy. She and feraligatr were still deadlocked, but both pokemon were tiring and growing sluggish.
"Switch out, Scarfy!" Maria yelled. "Freckles, it's the last leg of the race! Make it count!"
Scarfy returned to her pokeball and Freckles entered the field, preparing himself nervously before running off into the distance. Feraligatr tottered sideways before being returned by Ed. In its place was his rapidash, flexing its mighty muscles before galloping after Freckles.
"Give it up, Maria!" Ed laughed. "Freckles isn't as fast as rapidash! You'll never beat me! I don't even know if you'll finish!"
Maria panted heavily. Her broken arm was getting the better of her, and she was growing sluggish. The edges of her vision grew blurry. Freckles looked at Ed. Laughing. So insensitive. He was meaning to do that to Scarfy. But he didn't care now that Maria had been hurt. He was winning. Freckles couldn't let him win!
Putting in a burst of speed, Freckles raced ahead, just ahead of rapidash. Rapidash snorted and galloped faster, but Freckles, in his determination, was not going to let himself lose. His muscles worked like never before. Adrenaline coursed his veins. Maria watched in awe as her typhlosion, the little cyndaquil she saved from the pound, the quilava that was terrified of battle, the typhlosion that tried his best but didn't get too far, raced the rapidash with the speed and the power of a typhlosion ten times its size.
Then she noticed that something was wrong.
Terribly wrong.
Veins stuck out on his neck. His breathing became frantic. His movement became urgent and powerful. His face went pale, then red, then purple. Freckles was overworking himself. He ran ahead, rapidash close on his tail. His flames almost died out for a second.
"Freckles, come back!" Maria said, waving the pokeball. "I'll send out Titan, just please, come back! You'll kill yourself! It doesn't matter if you don't win!"
Freckles roared. Maria didn't know. She didn't know what anger, what hatred he was filled with when Ed hurt her. He ran, eyes bulging, veins sticking out, muscles straining and breath heavy. Ed recognised the danger.
"Switch him out!" he screamed. "For the love of arceus, Maria, switch him out!"
Maria threw the pokeballs, taking both hands of the handlebars. Titan flew onto the field but was sent flying back by a flamethrower. It wasn't strong- Freckles didn't like battling- but it was strong enough to send Titan recoiling. Titan screamed something in scizor (which nobody understood) before returning to his pokeball. Freckles' pokeball was batted away and landed under Maria's wheels. She collapsed, before getting up and beginning to run.
"He won't let me!"
Rapidash was beginning to worry, but he carried on galloping ahead. Freckles let out a final roar, putting all of his strength into one last burst of speed.
He staggered sideways before fainting in front of the finish line.
Inches behind rapidash.
He closed his eyes slowly. He had failed.
Maria ran up to him, kneeling beside him and shaking him. "Freckles, wake up! Please, wake up!"
He remained unresponsive, exhausted on the ground. Slowly, a crowd formed around them.
"Wake up, please, Freckles, I don't care if we lost, just wake up..."
"The winner... is Ed," the MC said slowly. Despite all their efforts, Maria's team had lost. Maria was crying. She buried her head into Freckles' chest.
"Please, Freckles... wake up."
See the difference?
Maria wasn't ultra-pretty, and Ed wasn't ultra-evil. Their pokemon were reasonable enough, and their names were OK. There was actually some competition between Ed and Maria; it wasn't all Ed or all Maria. And Maria lost; a Mary-Sue would never lose. It explains a little back story behind Maria; it doesn't involve legendaries, and it does affect her. It gives a reason for how she's strong; she trains. She may be a Sue, but much less of a Sue than Destiny.
Let's compare Bios:
Name: Destiny Hope Chastity Radiance Aura Aurora Jirachi Wishmaker
Gender: Can switch gender due to being born from a genderless legendary
Appearance: One eye blue like kyurem's icy body, one eye pink like mew's playful love. Has long, golden hair like the rays of the sun, tipped with beautiful dark purple, like a mismagius' envy. Slender and slim, with coltish legs, large bust and perfect, cute face.
Attire: A denim miniskirt and a very low-cut white t-shirt, tall leather high-heels.
Pokemon: Nyx (Shiny umbreonX), Candy (mewZ(Only exists as a shiny)), Mimi (Super-shiny tyrani-pherio-mortar), Opalescence (Shiny Ultrazion (The fourth musketeer pokemon (no is doesn't matter if that's keldeo. Shut up.))), Savannah (Shiny LucariTwo), Rhapsody (Shining Star EntSuiKou), Sparkalita (Spirit Shine LatiaLatioXys) and herself. (I know that's eight pokemon. But she's not a Mary Sue! Her dad owns a ranch. And I know her dad's Jirachi. Shut up.)
Backstory:
Her dad was Jirachi and her mum was killed by Ezekiel's evil team she grew up raised by Jirachi and Mew and Celebi she went to school and was way better than everyone so she was kicked out then she fell in love with mewtwo who fell in love with her when she saved him from poachers and saved is life volcano tidal wave you get the picture heatran and groudon got married evil Ezekiel tried to kill them again! so she almost got killed but mewtwo gave his life for her then she got psychic power and could turn into a pokemon when she went through the time portal but dialga loves her so he can bring her back she has spacetime powers in her eyes and is awesome Ezekiel hates her but he's a dick who is hated by every1 so nobody cares she is pretty and beautiful and not a mary sue at all!1!111!one!1
Name: Maria Lake
Gender: Female
Appearance: Short brown hair, brown eyes, regular build for a 13 year old.
Attire: Purple shorts, purple jacket, white t-shirt, purple running shoes.
Pokemon: Freckles (Timid Typhlosion), Titan (Hasty Scizor), Scarfy (Lonely Furret), Easter (Bold Azumarill), Beacon (Gentle Ledian) and Hugh (Bashful Skarmory)
Backstory:
She was born in Cherrygrove, and got her first pokemon from the pound. Freckles, named for his freckles, was afraid of fighting other pokemon, so Maria decided to be a pokeathlete. She caught her five other pokemon; Scarfy, Titan, Beacon, Easter, Hugh, in that order. Scarfy had terrible nightmares and was emotionally disturbed for reasons unknown, Titan was very cocky and hard-headed, Beacon was modest and kind (often the butt of Titan's jokes), Easter was hardy and powerful and Hugh was your average normal guy.
She trained all the time with her pokemon, before entering the pokeathlon. At first, she kept losing, but she eventually got the hang of it. One day, she entered Ring Drop with Easter, but Easter got too caught up and exhausted herself, refusing to switch out. She was tackled off the edge of the platform and almost died. Maria was then determined not to let any of her pokemon overwork themselves again, for fear it would happen again.
You can see the difference between the two names, backgrounds, pokemon teams and appearances. Maria may be a Sue, but nothing compared to Destiny. I'll end this with a few Mary Sue characteristics to avoid.
-Tragic backstory/bad habit that doesn't affect them
-Incredibly strong, fast, clever and/or good-looking for no reason
-Loved by all, even if he/she's a total dick to them/they've sworn never to love
-Fight all evil teams and win, win all physical fights and/or verbal fights
-Has supernatural powers/powers that outshine all other powers
-Super-lucky/the plot bends at their will
-Related to canon character/Canon character's true love
-Dies le tragic death that affects everyone in the story (bonus points if they're brought back to life/turn out not to be dead anyway)
-They're described with the tiniest details to put emphasis on their amazing beauty, strength or power. And I mean detail!
And that's it. Good day.