Title: Everything Looks Perfect From Far Away
Beta: None
Rating: Mature
Disclaimer: Nope, not mine
Warnings: Dub-con, language, implied sexual situations
Summary: When Kurt loses his virginity, the circumstances surrounding it cause his life to change in ways he can't even imagine
A/N1: This fic is dedicated to totalgleekgirl over at livejournal
A/N2: I have absolutely no idea where the hell this is going. I've had the idea knocking around my head for weeks now, and could only come up to the last line, and it feels unfinished, so this is a WIP. I'll try to finish it, I swear, but don't hold your breath for consistent updates.
A/N3: Title from Iron & Wine's 'Such Great Heights'
Everything Looks Perfect From Far Away
Awareness returns slowly for Kurt. The first thing he is certain of is the fact that his head is muzzy and pounding with an epic hangover. Secondly he is distantly sure that his mouth tastes like a dumpster and that he may very well throw up in a short amount of time. Thirdly, he's pretty damn sure that this dark room that reeks of teenage boy is not his own, that he is in fact naked underneath the covers. Fourthly, and perhaps most importantly, he is very, very sore in a place where he shouldn't be sore if all he did was get drunk last night, and that another body is spooning up against him, larger and naked and male.
Dimly, he hears a bird twittering somewhere in the distant, so he assumes that it's morning and decides that before he freaks out, he'll try to have a logical deduction as possible whilst his brain cells commit suicide and his stomach threatens a mutiny.
School was out for a week, some sort of teacher meeting thing going on, and instead of being allowed to hang out with Mercedes and Tina, his father had insisted they go and visit some old family friends in Cleveland. Aunt Jess and Uncle Jim had been delighted to see them, and had been quite keen for Kurt to get to know their son, Josh, better. He'd gotten the very distinct feeling that they were trying to set them up- he wasn't sure whether he should be amused or horrified at his father suddenly taking an interest in his love life, but Josh honestly wasn't that bad. He was three years older, and they'd met a few times growing up, but it had been a while since Kurt had last seen him and, well, he had truly blossomed. He had the kind of chiselled good looks from a rom com movie, dark brown curls that were immaculately styled, deep hazel eyes and his body was something that could make all the girls, and sixteen year old virgin gay boys, cream their panties. He was kind of an asshole, but quite charming and funny. He was a little arrogant and shallow, and although he could be caring, he wasn't exactly Kurt's type. Okay, he had only just really gotten over his crush on Finn, and wasn't entirely sure what 'type' he had, but Josh wasn't exactly boyfriend material anyway, no matter how good looking and smooth talking and proudly out he was.
As for last night… Their parents had gone out, trusting the boys not to do anything stupid like host a wild party, but they'd still gotten quite drunk, Kurt in particular. Strange, he didn't think he's drunk that much, but he couldn't really remember anything. It was all a complete blur, so waking up in bed, naked, with Josh led to only one possible conclusion.
"God morning, sleepy head." A warm chuckle as stale breath ghosted over the skin of his shoulder. Kurt twisted in Josh's loose embrace until he was facing the older boy, offering up a shy little smile. "Hi. Uh, g-good morning." His very articulate words came out rough and low, slightly hoarse, from the sleep and hangover. He cleared his throat, averting his eyes as a blush heated up his pale skin, from the tips of his ears to the back of his neck. This was totally not awkward, really, you just lost your virginity to an almost stranger, don't panic.
"Hey, it's okay to be a little weird. I'm not too used to morning afters, either, and I know that last night was your first time and that we're not dating, but I really enjoyed it, and so did you. I made it good for you." He kissed his freckles, then, and Kurt let out a nervous, slightly hysterical laugh that bubbled up from his chest, releasing some of his anxious tension and helping him to cope, slightly. "Okay. Uh, to be honest, I can't really remember much from last night, and Josh, I really do quite like you, but I don't want to… I don't want a relationship with you. I just can't really think of us together." "That's alright, we can just be friends. You were pretty chatty last night about how hard it is for you in Lima, so maybe I could come visit once in a while, take you out, let you experiences the few joys there are of being gay in Ohio. And you really don't remember last night? Oh, what a shame. Hmm… If you want, we can do it again, make it amazing for you…"
Kurt wasn't too sure about this, but then Josh kissed him a dirty, dirty kiss and all coherent thought went out the window. Hey, he was a sixteen year old boy that liked boys and had been deprived of certain sexual needs for a long time. He was going to get him some and he was going to enjoy it. He agreed to not telling their parents later, after Josh had gotten him breakfast and painkillers, deciding to keep it their little secret.
Hell, he didn't even tell Mercedes until Brittany threw a party for all the Gleeks. And I mean all of them. Finn had not exactly forgiven Quinn or Puck, but they could, awkwardly, be in the same room together, and had even made a few half-hearted attempts to be civil to one another. Rachel and Quinn were the only ones not drinking, Quinn because of her pregnancy, and Rachel because, well, he had tuned her out when she'd started her lecture on big bad alcohol and all it's dangers, so it didn't really matter why.
At the end of the night, tired out but still mostly sober, they'd sat in a circle and started playing a version of I Never, slightly simplified for Brittany and Finn to keep up with. Most of the suggestions have appeared to be quite tame, actually, which seems to have made Mercedes unhappy as she seems to, for some strange reason, find a drunk Santana hilarious (okay, she can be quite ridiculously entertaining with no inhibitions), so when it's her turn, she says something she is sure will get at least a few of the teens drunker.
"I've never had sex."
Everyone is shocked beyond words when Kurt silently takes a swig from his beer bottle (ugh, it was cheap stuff too) and Mercedes smug grin turned into a dropped jaw as she stared incredulously at her best friend.
"Damn, Hummel got some?" Puck's muttered comment seem to break a few of them out of their daze, as Mercedes cackled in delight and gave him a high five, whooping excitedly. "Hell yeah, my boy's a playa!"
Tina smiled at him, leaning forward eagerly. "Do you have a secret boyfriend? Who was it? What was it like? Did it hurt? I want all the details!" She giggled, moving in closer as if he was about to share a conspiracy with her. Glancing around the room, Kurt saw that all eyes were on him, the girls barely holding back giggles, the boys looking vaguely uncomfortable. Never one to pass up an opportunity for gossip and making the jocks squirm (sorry, Artie, looks like you'll be in the crossfire), he gave a sly smirk and paused for a few moments for added drama.
"Well… Remember how a few weeks ago, on the break, my dad and I went to visit some family friends in Cleveland? Their son, Josh, one night, he and I became rather more than friends. We got drunk and got rather intimately acquainted." He quirked an eyebrow as the girls cheered and Mercedes clapped him excitedly on the back. Finn, the dear, however, seemed to be rather confused.
"Wait, what?"
"That means we did it." Kurt deadpanned with a put-upon sigh, cursing the rather terrible typically stunted intelligence of your average jock. Finn could be naively stupid at times.
"I thought you wanted to wait until you were in a serious, committed relationship with a proper boyfriend before you, and I quote, 'let anyone screw you in anyway'." Artie pointed out, looking vaguely perturbed at the thought of his gay male friend and sex.
"Well, I'm afraid the boys in Lima aren't exactly pounding down my door, are they? Besides, he was nice enough, even if he was kind of an asshole and I don't want a relationship with him. And alcohol is always good in helping to make decisions you wouldn't make when sober."
"So, what was it like, the first time you did it? Did it hurt at all?" Brittany beamed at him, practically bouncing in anticipation of details. Her excitement at the prospect of gossip was quite contagious, and all the girls were giving him their rapt attention, even Quinn, whom looked mildly interested, and Rachel, who looked like she was trying very, very hard not to think about her dads and gay sex.
"Now, now, ladies, Kurt Hummel is not one to kiss and tell." He smirked at their crestfallen faces before huddling in even closer, prepared to at least give them a little something. He was rather pleasantly buzzed, after all. "However, seeing as you are all so interested in my sex life, I can give away some information, I suppose." His voice dropped to a murmur just loud enough for everyone in the room to hear.
"I'm afraid to confess that I really can't remember the first time we did it. It seems that I have a very low tolerance for alcohol, although I honestly can't remember drinking an awful lot. But I did wake up naked, hungover, and kind of sore in his bed. And he was all sexy and handsome; dark brown curls and these deep, intense eyes. He's hot in the kind of way that gets everyone to do a double take. Anyway, we did it again that morning, and a couple of other times over the next week, and let me tell you girls, it was good. Anal is awesome." He grinned, trying to smother a laugh as the girls giggled and shrieked. Mercedes held a hand to her heart as tears of laughter leaked from the corner of her eyes, wiping them away with her other hand. "Oh, Kurt, baby, you're killing me!"
The boys definitely looked quite unsure and uncomfortable, slightly disturbed even, but Artie strangely looked slightly proud, Puck seemed surprised, and Finn squirmed slightly. Matt and Mike both looked like they either wanted to congratulate him on losing his virginity, or hitting him upside the head for giving them TMI.
Then, something seemed to click in some of their heads. Puck narrowed his gaze as Artie furrowed his brow in thought and questioned him. "Wait, you don't really remember the first time you guys did it?" He sounded a little concerned, which was quite weird. It didn't bring the girls down from their high, but Kurt looked back at him and answered anyway.
"Well, I've not had much experience getting drunk. I'm quite the pathetic lightweight, really, but he took care of me the morning after, painkillers and breakfast in bed. It was quite nice, actually." A slight blush coloured his cheeks- the only part he sounded vaguely embarrassed about, after admitting he'd had sex and giving away some rather intimate information about his sex life, was having to be looked after when he had a hangover. This seemed to please the girls, making them coo over how cute he was when he blushed.
"And you're not in a real relationship with him?" Puck questions, and for once not voicing any homophobic thoughts. Hey, he'd been on the receiving end of one slushie too much for a relationship he got shit about- you couldn't help you fell in love with (even if it had just been to make his mother happy, it still counted) after all- he could empathize or sympathize or whatever. His question seemed odd coming from him, though, more expected from one of the girls.
"No; although I think our parents wanted us to date, I don't really think we could have that kind of relationship. Our personalities just clash too much. We've agreed on a friends-with-benefits deal, actually, to hook up if we're both single and whenever one of us is in town and we're both in the mood. It's not like I have any other options, anyway." He shrugged, finishing off his drink. The girls were looking to him pleading, with puppy dog eyes and pouting lips, which meant that any and all details would have to be spilled immediately if he didn't want to risk their disappointment and wrath. He offers them a secretive smirk; he's quite happy to share if they don't. He has no intention of knowing anything about hetero sex, after all, but they seemed to want to know every little thing about gay sex. As long as he lived, Kurt would never understand how the female mind worked.
The boys, however, they had gone from looking squicked to kind of alarmed, slightly worried glances being passed between them all freely. Santana, too, seemed to have caught on, less enthusiastic than the other teen girls, and Rachel looked a little suspicious. Artie and Finn looked like they were communicating with their eyes, or trying to hold a telepathic conversation, it was hard to tell which. Puck was about to say something, opening his mouth to share his opinion on the information Kurt had inadvertently revealed, the conclusion he had reached that the boy in question hadn't, when Kurt's cell phone chimed.
He glanced at it, and smiled faintly. "That's my dad; he'll be here in five minutes to pick me up. C'mon, 'Cedes; I'll give you a ride." He stood up, and offered a hand to help her up to the sound of the outraged cries of the girls on not getting anymore details, Tina and Brittany the most vocal, laughing lightly in bemusement. "Now, now, don't fret; we can have a girls' night soon, and I promise to spare no details." This appeasement seemed to cheer them greatly, and they all bid the two farewell. Once Brittany had seen them to the door and waved at them as Burt drove off and returned to her living room, however, it was time to be painfully honest and discuss what the hell that was about.
"Sounds like the fairy got into some deep shit." Santana muttered, shaking her head in surprising anger. "Did you hear what he said? He didn't remember the first time… Thought it was just because he was drunk…" Artie was looking quite deep in thought, and actually a little scared. "Dude, remember the health class Coach Sylvester taught last year? There was something about this in it." Finn, of all people, had actually started to connect the dots rather quickly. Even he knew there was something wrong with Kurt's story.
"What do you mean?" Brittany looked absolutely bewildered, Quinn and Tina sharing a look of mutual puzzlement, not understanding what the hell they were on about. For Rachel, it had seemed to just dawn on her, and she had gone ashen pale in realisation. The boys glanced around, silently electing one of them to shatter any disillusions still held by any of the other club members.
Puck cleared his throat and sat up a little. "Sounds like our boy, little Kurt fuckin' Hummel, got himself date raped that night."
To see their faces fall, shock and appal replacing any crumbling innocence, was utterly heart wretching. But none more so than the truth in that statement.
The next time Josh was in town, Kurt didn't tell his friends. Part of him just didn't want to be judged, putting out for a casual hook up that wasn't a real relationship, but mostly he just didn't want to share. He may have had no romantic feelings for Josh at all, but that didn't stop him wanting to keep him all to himself. He could be a charming bastard, and would no doubt form bonds with his friends, but they didn't have much time together and Kurt, with his libido recently awakened, didn't want to waste one moment. His dad often left them alone together, thinking that they were dating and giving them some space, which was just plan weird and Kurt didn't want to consider it for too long. Anyway, the point was, they had hot, dirty sex quite a lot, and it was quite enjoyable. It didn't take them too long to work out what the other liked, and they didn't always go all the way. Josh was a very good kisser, and whilst Kurt wouldn't have considered him his prime first kiss candidate, he was keen to get some experience in this department. He was determined to be ready when he got his first proper boyfriend.
Anyway, the time after that that Josh was in town- he may have been in college, but he was smart enough to have his work done on time and as such was able to go to Lima every month or so- after the first sex-filled days, Kurt suggested that they go to the mall. (Just as friends, of course; Kurt wasn't stupid) They met up with Mercedes and Tina, shopping and joking and laughing, although Tina kept looking at Josh as if he'd done something terrible. Kurt had no idea what that was about. Aside from gossiping with the girls, he hadn't discussed Josh in depth, and no one had really talked to him about it. But sometimes they gave him these looks, like he was a victim or something and they wanted to help him, but he just shrugged these off and looked to Mercedes for support. She seemed to be the only one out of the loop. It was comforting to know that he wasn't the only one they seemed to be keeping a secret about him from.
Then Artie turned up, and he stared at Josh with such naked rage and disgust that Kurt was honestly a little afraid he'd say something homophobic; Artie was perhaps his closest straight male friend, discounting Finn for the obvious reasons, and had always accepted him with a smile and no prejudice, but here he was, looking at Josh as if he was something he'd scraped off his shoe, as if he was scum. He wasn't the only one to notice it, though; Josh looked uncomfortable, Mercedes was confused, and Tina kept shooting him knowing looks, trying to get him to tone it down without mentioning it. They continued shopping, however, Josh doing his best to win them over with his good humour and charisma.
The freakiest part of the day was when they met up with Finn and Puck, shopping together.
He was shocked at this fact that he barely noticed their reactions to Josh. He was about their height, a little shorter than Finn (no surprise there, everybody was smaller than Finn) but a little taller than Puck. That didn't seem to stop him, however, from drawing himself up and putting on an intimidating stance. Finn couldn't seem to stop clenching and unclenching his fists, trying to make his face excited and amiable although the tick in his jaw was unmistakable. If Kurt didn't know better, he would almost say they were being protective of him.
Puck and Josh held each other's gazes for a few intense moments, almost too long to be normal, before Josh smirked and Puck scowled. Whatever had passed between them, Josh seemed to have one, which Puck was pissed about. It was almost awkward, but no one else seemed to have caught on.
"So, you're from Cleveland, right, dude? Ever play football?" Puck seemed barely able to keep his voice from becoming a growl, but he was making civil conversation anyway.
"Just a couple of years in high school, nothing serious. I'm studying pharmacy at college." Josh shrugged casually, equally nearly curt, nearly civil.
"Speaking of high school, you know that Hummel's just a kid, right? You shouldn't screw with him." His voice had dropped to a low, slightly menacing whisper, words intended only for the guy in front of him. Josh just smiled, something cold and dark and tight.
"I have the feeling that Kurt is very much capable of making his own decisions." He'd replied derisively, before the girls dragged them away to go get lattes. Artie glanced back, agreeing with the heartfelt anger and concern he saw in their faces. Puck letting out a snarl as he watched them walk away, Josh laughing and flirting with Kurt, relaxed and naïve and unaware of danger.
Later that night, Josh confessed that although he'd got on well with Kurt's friends, he hadn't really liked them. Kurt had only shrugged and told him they didn't have to hang out with them all the time; it wasn't like they were dating, anyway. He didn't need nor care for anyone's approval. Kurt was finally getting sex, damn the circumstances.
Josh fucked him rough that night. Kurt didn't really like it, but it seemed to be Josh's favourite kind of sex- thrusting into him hard enough that he wouldn't walk right for a week, gripping Kurt's hips hard enough to leave bruises, lips sucking and biting to leave marks on pale, flawless skin, hearing Kurt make vague protests, it all seemed to get him off faster and harder than any other sex. Kurt didn't know any better, so he just took it as it came, and tried to enjoy what he could. He was rewarded often enough, with languid make out sessions and hot handjobs and shower sex, it was all good.
The night before he left to go back, however, he introduced Kurt to another kind of sex. It was slow and sweet, keeping him right on the edge, teasing but caring, worshipping every single inch of the younger boy's body, intense and deep and utterly mind blowing. It was almost like making love, but they couldn't be right, and the thought nearly brought Kurt to tears as he lay in Josh's arms. He wanted to be in love and have a committed relationship before he ever had sex like that again. Not to do it with a fuck buddy. He almost regretted losing his virginity to Josh.
For the first time that night, he wished for it to be over. It wouldn't be the last time he thought that, however, before it finally did end for good.