When you think of the word 'hero', what comes to mind? Superheroes? The good looking guy in a movie who falls in love with a beautiful girl at the end? Not for me. I thought of the scrawny red-haired criminal and outlaw, who over time came to be my best friend. The man who gave his life for me. The only person I ever really loved.
That would have been a great speech to give at his funeral. If there had been one. If there had been any evidence of him left. We never even found his body.
I stopped, the heartache in my chest becoming almost overwhelming as the old rusty mailbox came into view. Perhaps the only peaceful area in this god forsaken desert was where I was stood right now, my legs trembling. Even they knew not to disturb the peace here. This was were people came to deal with losses, where people gave messages to loved ones. The mailbox was filled with letters, although they were never delivered. They couldn't be. They were addressed to people who were far away by now. In a better place. I dropped to my knees, causing small dust clouds to puff up from the ground beneath me. I felt stupid about what I was about to do. No one can't hear you, I reminded myself. I pulled my cigarettes out of my pocket, fumbling around for a lighter. Once I had lit it up I removed my legs from underneath me, crossing them and picking absent-mindedly at the fraying edge on my faded jeans. I had almost half-finished the cigarette between my fingers before I managed to begin. I cleared my throat, staring down at my hands.
"Hi Gerard," I said, my voice strained from the tears I was holding back. "It's been almost two years since I saw you. I think about you a lot. All the time, in fact. Everything still reminds me of you." I gave up on my cigarette, stubbing it out in the sand in front of me and giving my full attention to Gerard. Another thing that makes me think of him; we used to sit out for hours in the desert, well into the night, smoking and talking. "I don't really know what to do with myself much anymore. I've tried to carry on, tried to keep on fighting. It seems pointless now, Gee. Everything I do is empty. I don't want to keep living. Maybe if I sat by the road for long enough, one of them will come along and kill me eventually. Then maybe I'll get to see you. I don't believe in god, but just maybe... I'd like to see you one last time. And if not, at least I won't have to feel this pain. I've got this constant pain in my chest, it won't go away. It physically hurts, and I don't want to keep on like this, but I have to... I always promised you I'd look after your brother. And the last thing I want now is to break a promise to you. The last thing I wanted was for you to be taken away from me, but that's what they did... I tried to stop them, I swear. I ran for hours, but they had a car, I couldn't keep up... all I wanted was to see those fuckers dead, but I lost them." I paused, taking a deep shuddery breath. We had been chased all the way from the city, back to the desert, but then our car broke down. We had tried our best to get away but Gerard got hit.
As I glanced over my shoulder, I saw they were getting closer. "Look out!" I yelled, causing Gerard to look back too. I saw one of the guns being pointed at me.
"NO!" I heard him yell. There was a loud bang. I witnessed the man I had become so close to fall to the ground. I stood frozen for a few moments, feeling sick. I collapsed on the ground next to him. "Gerard!" I shouted desperately, shaking him. He was bleeding heavily from a wound in his stomach. His clothes were becoming soaked with blood. His eyes flickered open a few times, but he didn't seem to see me. I clumsily attempted to stop the blood with my shaking hands. Foolish of me I guess, but I wasn't thinking straight. I just wanted to help him. He began coughing, blood dripping from his lips now. As soon as the coughing stopped, a deadly silence fell around us at once. I stared down at him, my breathing uneven. I repeated his name pathetically, over and over, tears streaming down my face. I looked up, seeing a car speeding past. I recognised it immediately. I pulled up some sort of strength I didn't know I had and sprinted after it, my bloody hands flexing at my sides.
I looked for the body for ages that night. It was nowhere to be found, but I knew he was dead. I had seen the blood spurting from his increasingly colourless lips; I had seen how much blood he lost. "Bodysnatchers." had been Dan's only contribution to this mystery. I didn't want to think about that.
"I'll be twenty one in a few months. I wish you could celebrate it with me. The others are great, but it won't be the same, another birthday without you. I don't really want to do anything, but I guess I should cheer up, at least for one day. I don't know how many more birthdays I'm going to have. Probably not many. It won't be long before they try again." I tried to steady my breathing, looking ahead, blinking furiously. I thought I was going crazy when I noticed a figure approaching, with unmistakable bright red hair. I got clumsily to my feet, watching as he neared. There was no mistaking; it was him. He was even wearing the same shirt he had on that night, with the sleeves cut off so that it hung loosely over his shoulders. He stopped a few feet away from me. He looked just the same as ever; the hazel eyes, the crooked mouth, the little pointed nose. "G-Gerard?" I whispered hoarsely. He nodded. I knew it couldn't be. I had seen him die. I had watched the life flicker from his body. He didn't look natural. His features were the same, but I now noticed his skin was flawless, paler than ever, and he had some weird glow around him. I didn't know if it was a ghost or part of my imagination, but I did know this wasn't my Gerard. He opened his mouth and spoke, but I only heard his voice inside my head. It just echoed around my skull, nobody else would have heard it.
"You've got to carry on. Don't look back. Keep fighting the good fight. It'll be okay." he said, in the same angelic voice I had always adored. "I love you Frank." I reached out to grab his arm, feeling idiotic when my hand of course met with nothing.
"I love you too." I whimpered, finally allowing myself to break down in tears. When I looked up, he was gone. I stood up, shivering in the cold. It was nearly night. I wiped my tears as I looked around for any trace of him. Nothing. I began walking back, noticing as I did so that the pain in my chest had loosened. It was still there, but it was no longer painful to breathe. It didn't pain me any more that I was still alive. He had given his life for mine. I had to make the most of it.