Dear Kagome,
First of all, I'm sorry I never send these to you. But I keep imagining how happy you'd be if you could see them all together. I hope you like this scrapbook. If you don't like how I do the letters, than I can always make photo copies and send you those instead.
How are you? I feel fine, although I'm missing you horribly. Today something interesting happened, and I tried a new recipe. I made something called a "pie." It's a European food. It's kind of like a really flat, really runny sweet bun, filled with jam. I didn't put jam in my pie (you're not supposed to). I put apples and rhubarb in it. It didn't taste too good. I also made one with chicken, asparagus, and sour cream. That wasn't too successful either. But I made one pie that tasted really good. This one only had rhubarb in it. It was yummy! I offered some to Kanami and she ate it, but she said it was too sweet. I've never heard of a pastry that could be too sweet before…
How's Inuyasha? Is he being mean to you? If he is, then I'll be very upset, and Kanami will notice, and then poor Inuyasha will have either an irritated Kanami or an avenging angel to deal with. I think that it's more likely that it'll be a Kanami. God hasn't been too keen on answering my prayers lately.
Next week is the spring festival and I finished my kimono.
Miss you lots,
Anzu
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Dear Kagome,
Today something very interesting happened at Kanami's school. The lab rats escaped from the science lab. None of the students, or teachers, could go home until they were all caught, because they were afraid that if they opened any doors or windows, the rats would crawl out. Kanami got home at 2 in the morning. Poor thing. Oh, gosh, Kagome! You should have seen Mrs. Mashio! She was absolutely livid. When Kanami finally got home, she was very itchy and irritable.
They weren't actually able to capture all of the rats, so they had to put a special chemical in the ventilation system that made the rats fall asleep. The chemical is quite safe, the only side affect it has on humans, or Kanamis, is a slight skin irritation. There was also a side affect that only happened to Kanami: When she came home, she was absolutely covered in greenish-purple specks.
Mrs. Mashio freaked out and didn't let her daughter back into the house until she had sufficiently hosed her off in the backyard. When she saw that the specks weren't washing off, she went partly hysterical, made Kanami take a bath, and then put her to bed and made her eat noodle soup. Kanami doesn't like her mother's noodle soup. She says it tastes like cardboard. She also swears that she has never eaten cardboard. She just knows what it tastes like.
I asked her this morning how the rats managed to escape. She said that some of the senior girls were experimenting with artificial rodent intelligence. She refused to elaborate. Apparently, some of the smarter rats got their paws on some paper clips and used them to pick the locks on their cages…
Some days I'm very glad that I do not go to her school.
Love you,
Anzu
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Dear Kagome,
My mother is insane. I'm sure that Anzu didn't hesitate to tell you about our rat situation at school. I was irritated anyway when they finally let us out of the school building to go home. Half way there, I developed some sort of rash that looked like greenish-purple freckles all over me. Mother thought that I'd walked under some flaking paint or something, and refused to let me into the house until she had taken me out into the backyard and blasted me with the extra strength hose I bought her for Mother's Day. It's on days like this when I really wish I'd bought her those slippers instead.
Anyway, how are you? Is Inuyasha treating you properly? From your past letters, he sounds like a real rat ass bastard. A rat ass bastard with the potential to be a loving rat ass bastard, but a rat ass bastard all the same. Please feel free to tell him I said that.
My next order of business would be the rat ass bastard's brother. Let me just say that the proud man and the fool are often mistaken for one another. Remember, dear Kagome, that is often the realistic woman who gets stuck attending to the mistakes of the proud man. Of course, when she points them out to him, there are none. Unlike his brother, he doesn't seem like he has the potential to be anything. Do not stay away from him however, and be sure to throw a rock at him for me next time you see him.
About Koga: If you don't have the courage to tell this boy to fuck off, then tell him that I told him to fuck off and leave you alone. If you can't even do that, then tell him that his heart is in the right place, but since you are not interested, you obviously are not his soul mate. And if this man is so dense that he cannot understand that he has just been quite eloquently dumped, then tell him that you have a friend who is not necessarily good with words, but has an amazing ability to make things bloody clear. And if he doesn't even get that, shove him down your well and I will have a new piñata.
Regarding Miroku, if he does not keep his hands to himself, I will have to kill him, regardless of Sango's feelings.
And if you ever see Naraku, tell him that if you ever come back through that well with a single scratch on you inflicted by him, I will come through the well, gouge his eyes out and string his baboon pelt in through his mouth and out again through his nostrils and ride his bony ass down to the deepest darkest pit in hell that I can find, and then ask directions and go down deeper, get off, slice him up into sashimi, and have a nice picnic. Yes, you read that correctly. Don't cross the Badass Angel, and never consider crossing her friends.
Love you,
Kanami