CHAPTER 1 – WHAT'S NEXT
Martin followed the ambulance to the hospital in Truro, his head was buzzing from the events of the day as he turned the radio off and he pulled into the hospital car park and parked the Lexus in a space marked 'Private – medical staff only'. He hurried along the corridor and entered the ward just as Louisa was being shown her hospital bed.
"Hello Martin"
"Louisa – is everything all right? - how are you?" he said, his eyes softening as he kissed her lightly on the cheek and continued to hold her hand.
"OK just tired" said Louisa
Even dressed in the old hospital gown she looked beautiful, if a bit pale, he thought. They baby had been all cleaned up, weighed (8lbs 8ozs) and measured (20 inches) and the midwife was busy completing all the usual tests.
"I tried to feed him but he just wasn't interested and it was quite uncomfortable Martin. What do you think I'm doing wrong Martin?"
"I wouldn't worry about it just yet Louisa, you are not doing anything wrong at all, he will catch on and he will feed when he is hungry – It is new to you both and sometimes it just takes time".
Just at that, the baby started screaming in protest at the nurse having just pricked his heel, testing for PKU.
"Last one - all done – everything seems to be fine" said the midwife as she passed the screaming baby to Martin "You have a lovely, healthy baby boy there – great lungs too – so it seems"
Martin sat in the chair next to the bed and instinctively held the baby close to him. Louisa watched in amazement as the baby stopped crying almost immediately.
"See Martin you're a natural" smiled Louisa as she closed her eyes and let out the quietest of snores.
Martin sat there with the baby in his arms and couldn't quite believe how good it felt to be holding this warm little bundle, he also couldn't quite understand that funny fluttering feeling just next to his heart either, as he made a mental note to look it up. After a while, Martin got up and placed the baby in the cot right next to Louisa and went to the end of her bed to read her medical notes. Everything seemed to be in order, all the usual checks seemed to have been done successfully and nothing seemed to be out of place. He made a mental note to check tomorrow that they were monitoring her iron levels as she had been looking rather pale and they would have to keep an eye on her Anaemia. Martin looked at both Louisa and the baby in admiration as he kissed both of them lightly before leaving the hospital.
Martin went straight to Louisas house to pick up her hospital bag which she had already prepared with all the things both she and baby would need for a hospital stay, along with some extras Louisa had asked him to bring. As he walked around her house he could almost feel her presence, he could smell her smell which, now that he thought about it, he had carried about with him for, well years, in fact from the very first day he met her. He couldn't quite believe the way this day had turned out, couldn't believe he was a father – scared the life out of him – how would he ever do it? – he didn't even like children – did he? – and babies, as far as he was concerned were a bit like blood - best avoided unless completely necessary, but then he remembered how he felt when he held HIS baby earlier tonight.
Today he had experienced feelings he didn't think existed, he was still surprised at his emotions, at the instant pride and love he felt for his son from the very moment he had been born and events earlier today at the hospital would stay with him forever. And Louisa, beautiful Louisa, how proud he was of her and how well she had coped with her very eventful day.
Martin lay on her bed and could smell her smell, he almost felt she was there with him. In his head he held her close in his arms "I love you, Louisa," "oh how I love you" he said out loud...Oh why, why could he not just tell her that? This last six months had been hell and the most miserable time of his entire life. He always knew he loved Louisa and knew, even more so now, that he couldn't bear to be without her and now this small pink wrinkly real baby actually made him feel rather special because he knew that only he and Louisa could create that little boy after all. SHE made him feel so special and he was going to tell her that, she would make a great mother to his son and he would tell her that, he would be the best father he could to their baby and he would tell her that also, all he had to do was say what was in his head and that would be easy, wouldn't it? He wouldn't spoil it this time by blurting out some medical jargon and that would be easy, wouldn't it? ...Or maybe he would wait until her hormones had settled down a bit, maybe not rush and leave things as they are just for now ...or maybe he really was a tosser and the villagers were smarter than he thought.
Early next morning, Louisa lay in her hospital bed staring at her new born son, hardly able to believe that she and Martin had created this perfect beautiful little boy. Even if Martin did think that he had a funny shaped head, she thought he was perfect and just loved watching him, still not quite believing he was real and that she was his mum. She had been so happy that Martin had, after all, been there to witness the birth of their son and she had not at all been surprised at how emotional he had been, although he did try hard to hide it - she always knew he had a caring, sensitive side, he was a doctor after all, a very good doctor and you couldn't do that without really caring. Could you? He hadn't said much since though and now that things had settled a bit Louisa began to wonder ... he said he had been wrong about things, wrong about her but he didn't say how he really felt?, he didn't say he loved her?, maybe he didn't?... maybe he just said things in the heat of the moment?... maybe he would still go to London, to Edith?... maybe he just felt a sense of responsibility and didn't want to leave her in the lurch so to speak? maybe... she thought, as she began to doze again.
Martin woke with a start and looked at the bedside clock, it was 5am and he was still on Louisa's bed fully clothed. He didn't feel great as was normal for him if he didn't get a full night sleep, but then he remembered the events of yesterday and a big smile crossed his face, he took out his mobile phone and stared at a picture of Louisa and their baby son – he still couldn't quite believe he was a father and that Louisa, the girl of his dreams, was his sons mother...
He also had 3 missed calls from Joan, he knew she would be frantic wondering where he was. He had not had a chance to speak to her properly since he had been busy at the hospital and had not left until he was certain that they were in good hands and not being looked after by some incompetent moron. He got up, straightened his clothes and made his way down to Louisa's kitchen where he made himself a cup of tea. As he sat at her small kitchen table looking around, he admired what a good job she had made of making her rented house into a lovely, cosy home in such a small space of time. But it was very small, too small to also accommodate a child let alone him – not that he dared to presume that he would be sharing. What would he do? He didn't have a house as he had rented his to the new Doctor, he didn't have a job which shouldn't be a problem for now anyway - but he would have to make plans and began to formulate things in his head. He tidied things up in Louisa's kitchen, lifted the hospital bag and headed off to the farm to see his Aunt.
Martin arrived at the farm, crumpled suit, crumpled shirt, no tie and unshaven. "Martin, Martin where have you been? Why have you not been answering your phone? I was just about to phone the hospital. Is there something wrong with Louisa? the baby?"
"No, no there's nothing wrong with either of them Louisa just needs to rest and the baby is just emmm (perfect he thought) fine, 10 fingers, 10 toes, all the right bits in all the right places – perfectly normal - don't see what all the fuss is about."
"You look rough! Where have you been? You've not been out on the town wetting the baby's head have you Marty?
"Ha Ha very funny Auntie Joan - of course not. I went to Louisa's to pick up her hospital bag and fell asleep – that's all – No great mystery""
"Oh Marty" Joan said as she gave him a great big hug "A boy, a son – How do you feel about that?
"About what"
"Having a son - being a father? Who does he look like? Does he have a name?"
"Well, he does have a funny shaped head but that can be corrected with surgery, if necessary"
"Martin?"
"What?" "I do have a picture – if you want to see" as he passed her his mobile phone.
Joan looked at the small, slightly blurred picture with tears in her eyes " Oh Martin, he's gorgeous, just like you as a baby, how proud you must be" as she gave him another great big hug, much to Martins embarrassment.
"So." Said Joan "What's next?"