I DO NOT OWN NARUTO AND/OR THE CHARACTERS NOR DO I OWN THE JUGGERNAUT CHARACTER OR THE VEGETA CHARACTER
Author's Note: The Juggernaut in this story is based off of the My Way Entertainmen parody that can be seen on youtube under the titles I'm The Juggernaut Bitch!, J2: The Juggernaut, or J3: Shadow of the Colossi.
It was a peaceful day in the Leaf Village, Akatsuki was defeated and Danzo was found out and dealt with. Sasuke was still on the loose but Naruto and the others had made their peace with that. Izumo and Kotetsu were standing guard when the ground started shaking.
Kotetsu: What is it, an earthquake?
Izumo: Look!
They watch as a giant figure approaches the village.
The Juggernaut: Yeah, it's The Juggernaut, bitch! I'm 'bout to fuck somebody in the ass.
Kotetsu and Izumo stand in his path.
Kotetsu: Stop right there. Who are you?
Juggernaut: Stupid motherfucker, don't you know who the fuck I am? I'm Juggernaut, bitch! Which one of y'all is Naruto Uzumaki?
Izumo: Naruto? What do you want with him?
The Juggernaut: I'mma beat the shit out his ass! Now, since you ain't Naruto, you need to get the fuck out my way.
Juggernaut goes to enter the village and they try to stop him, their attempt fails miserably and he enters the village in search of Naruto while singing.
Sailin' takes me away from where I always heard it could be
The Villagers all scattered in fear of the unstoppable one.
Juggernaut: Oh, you can't run! Ya can't run! One of y'all gonna tell me where to find Naruto Uzumaki.
He grabs a villager.
Juggernaut: Ay, motherfucker, where the fuck is Naruto?
Villager: I don't know.
Juggernaut: Oh, you know, motherfucker! Now tell me befo' I rape somebody.
Voice: So, it is you, my old friend.
The Juggernaut turns around to find Might Guy looking at him.
Juggernaut: Oh, snap. I thought that voice sounded familiar, if it isn't my ninja, Might Guy. You remember when I custom made your suit?
Guy: Ha ha, yes. That I do, Juggernaut. But what are you doing here and behaving so unyouthfully?
Juggernaut: I'm lookin' for Naruto Uzumaki, you know where to find him?
Guy: Yes, I do Juggernaut but I'm afraid that I must ask you to refrain from what you're doing.
Juggernaut: Guy, you know how much I hate when motherfuckas try to tell me what to do.
Guy: Juggernaut, we do not have to do this.
Juggernaut: Yes, the fuck we do 'cuz you don't want to tell me where the fuck to find Naruto Uzumaki.
Guy: Well, Juggernaut, my old friend. Let's do this.
Guy launches an attack on but The Juggernaut counters by throwing a building at him, Guy lays on the ground semi-conscious.
Juggernaut: I'm sorry I had to do that, Guy. I'll make you another suit. Now I'm gonna find Naruto Uzumaki.
Wild horses
Couldn't drag me away
As The Juggernaut searches for Naruto he encounters other Leaf Shinobi trying to stop him.
Juggernaut: Silly motherfucka, your weapons cannot harm me. Are you a fuckin' ass?
Naruto: Hey!
Juggernaut turns around to find Naruto and Team Kakashi staring at him.
Juggernaut: Who the fuck is y'all?
Naruto: I heard you're looking for me.
Juggernaut: So you Naruto Uzumaki, huh?
Naruto: Who are you?
Juggernaut: Don't you know who the fuck I am?
Naruto: No, that's why I asked you.
Juggernaut: I'm The Juggernaut, bitch!
Kakashi: So what's this about?
Juggernaut: Well, I was…
Flashback, Juggernaut just finished raping someone.
Juggernaut: I don't know if I just raped a man or a woman but that hole sure felt good. Time to find someone else to rape.
Look at all these rumors
Surroundin' me every day
I just need some time, some time to get away from
From all these rumors, can't take 'em no mo'
My best friend said have heard the one
About me and the girl next door
He was searching for another victim when something caught his ear.
Boy: Whoa, Naruto's the baddest in the world.
Juggernaut: What the fuck? What'd you just say?
He grabs the kid by the shirt collar.
Juggernaut: Don't you know who the fuck I am? Who the fuck is Naruto?
The boy hands him an issue of Shonen Jump.
Juggernaut: So this is the baddest motherfucka in the world? Looks like Charles is gonna have to wait.
He puts the little boy down and heads to Marvel Comics headquarters, specifically the office of Stan Lee.
Juggernaut: I don't need no motherfuckin' key!
Stan Lee: Goddamn it, Juggernaut! What do you want?
Juggernaut: I want to meet this Naruto Uzumaki, they sayin' he's the baddest motherfucker in the world when everyone knows I am.
Stan Lee: What do you want me to do?
End flashback.
Juggernaut: I talked to Stan Lee and he called Masashi Kishimoto to lay down the challenge so here I am.
Sakura: Why don't you leave?
Juggernaut: Why don't you let me fuck you in the ear and blow yo' brains out 'cuz I'm The Juggernaut, bitch!
Being called a bitch angers Sakura and she punches him in the stomach which fazes him slightly.
Juggernaut: Hmm, this bitch is strong, I like a strong bitch.
She tries to punch him again but he throws her into a nearby building.
Juggernaut: You stay there and wait to get raped.
He turns around to find Naruto and Kakashi prepping a Rasengan and Lightning Blade.
Juggernaut: What the fuck are they doin'?
They launch at him with their most powerful techniques but they have not effect on him.
Juggernaut: Silly motherfucka, your jutsu cannot harm me. Are you a fuckin' ass?
Juggernaut grabs Kakashi by the leg and swings hits Naruto with him.
Juggernaut: I'm bad, I'm the baddest motherfucka in the world.
As he celebrates, Tsunade delivers a blow to his back that sends him flying into a building. She goes to check on Naruto and Kakashi.
Tsuande: Are you alright?
Naruto: Yeah, where's Sakura?
Sakura: I'm fine.
Tsunade: Who is this guy?
Naruto: The Juggernaut, he came to challenge me for the title of baddest motherfucker in the world. I didn't even know I won it.
Juggernaut pulls himself out of the rubble.
Juggernaut: Hmm, this bitch is strong too.
He notices a tear in his suit.
Juggernaut: These motherfuckas ripped my suit! That's it, somebody's definitely gonna get fucked in their ass.
Naruto: Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu!
Naruto creates thousands of clones that attack The Juggernaut but they all fall to his strength, he gets down to the last Naruto but finds himself unable to attack.
Juggernaut: What the fuck? I can't move.
Shikamaru: That's because you're so troublesome.
Shikamaru struggles to hold the Juggernaut with his Shadow Possession Jutsu.
Choji: I'll take it from here, Partial Expansion Jutsu!
He increases the size of his arm and crushes Juggernaut with it, he removes his hand to find him still standing strong.
Juggernaut: They don't know, They don't know. Don't you know that I'm the only man to survive a Chuck Norris roundhouse to the face, once witness Chewbacca playing the bagpipes, and raped the entire New York Symphony Orchestra now it's time for me to beat yo' ass.
Shikamaru: Ino!
Ino: I'm trying but I can't get into his mind.
Juggernaut breaks out of Shikamaru's jutsu.
Juggernaut: Oh, it's time. It's time, baby!
Kiba: Fang Over Fang!
Kiba's Fang Over Fang knocks The Juggernaut away from the remnants of Team Asuma.
Juggernaut: What the fuck?
Hinata & Neji: Eight Trigrams Sixty Four Palms!
Neji and Hinata attacks him simultaneously with their Gentle Fist techniques that only serve to enrage The Juggernaut and he picks them up and throw them into their friends leaving Kakashi to catch Neji and Naruto to catch Hinata.
Naruto: Are you okay?
Hinata: Yes, thank you.
Naruto: Don't worry, I owe you anyway.
Kakashi: Nothing any of us does seems to affect him.
Guy: The only way to defeat him is through his mind.
Guy was being helped the scene by Lee and Tenten.
Shikamaru: Ino tried her jutsu but she wasn't able to get through.
Guy: That's because his helmet blocks all mental attack.
Tsunade: Did everyone here that?
Leaf Shinobi: Yes.
Tsunade: Follow my lead. Let's go, Sakura.
Tsunade attacks The Juggernaut with Sakura.
Juggernaut: Oh, yeah it the strong bitches.
Tsunade maneuvers behind him and locks him in a full nelson.
Tsunade: Now, Sakura.
Sakura jumps on him and starts to pull off his helmet until he breaks free and knocks them out of the way but not before she gets it half way off. Naruto follows but The Juggernaut counters with another building toss, Kiba, Hinata, Neji and Tenten combine their efforts.
Juggernaut: They keep fuckin' with my helmet, I got this shit if fourth grade.
They get his helmet off.
Juggernaut: Oh, no! My face.
Kakashi: Get out of there.
They retreat but The Juggernaut lands blow to Hinata before she can escape.
Juggernaut: Pimp slap yo' ass. You my hooker now. Now, it's time for me to take my prize.
He picks up her unconscious body.
Juggernaut: I'm gonna rape ya', bitch. Ya' ready? Ya' ready? Huh, bitch, ya' ready.
Naruto gets up from his daze.
Juggernaut: Shut the fuck up, Naruto. Shut the fuck up. Ino, no!
Ino: Mind Destruction Jutsu!
Juggernaut: Ino, you got in my head.
He begins to receive a bunch of disturbing visions.
Juggernaut: What the fuck is this shit? Oh, I'm trippin' on acid. Somethin' told me not to kick it with them spider monkeys.
Juggernaut struggles until he has no choice but to collapse to the ground, Naruto rushes over to Hinata.
Naruto: Are you okay?
Hinata: We were even but now I owe you.
He smiles at finding out that she's okay.
Juggernaut: Poncho Villa! Oh, you motherfuckas thought that was gonna stop me? It's time, it's time, baby.
Just then, they could see what seems to be a golden shooting star in the sky coming towards them.
Juggernaut: What the fuck? Captain Planet? Uh-oh, I think I see Captain Planet. I don't give a fuck, he can't fuck with me. What the fuck he gonna do, tell me to get some toothpaste? Colgate for The Juggernaut, ain't that a bitch?
The shooting star stops above them and a man standing five foot three with golden hair, green eyes and wearing blue clothes and armor.
Man: Juggernaut, why are you causing trouble here?
Juggernaut: Don't fuck with me right now, Vegeta. I custom made yo' suit too.
Vegeta: I know and the Saiyan race has put them to great use. I've heard about your problem with Naruto but Masashi Kishimoto called Akira Toriyama and he told me to help them. I have my pride as a saiyan but even I must obey him.
In a flash, Vegeta grabs The Juggernaut by the hand and fly into the air with him, he throws him off into the distance.
Juggernaut: But I'm The Juggernaut, biiiiiiitch!
Juggernaut wakes up in an alley in New York.
Juggernaut: I hope they don't think this is over. Fuck Masashi Kishimoto, fuck the Leaf Village, fuck Shonen Jump, and fuck you too!
Don't you know who the fuck I am?