Forsaken
What was I to you, that we were always together? What was it in you that makes me deny everything in my existence? What is it that is you and only you that I have to deny even myself? You're everywhere.
At first I didn't mind it at all. In fact, I hardly noticed. Or maybe I just liked it. So scattered and everywhere but more together than any one of us. You looked perfect. Too good to be true. And it drew me in every time. But you always knew that, didn't you?
I never knew a man could be so good looking until I met you. Well, myself excluded of course. But to look at – from my point of view. Not that I hadn't dabbled in my sexuality before, but gods were you gorgeous. Gorgeous and alone. Until you had me. I don't shut and I don't go away, and I certainly don't fail my commanding officers. You needed me, and I was going to do everything I could to make sure I was everything I could be for you. I just wasn't sure what that was at the time.
You were always such a perfect person. A perfect soldier, a perfect leader, everything was always so goddamned perfect. Every last detail – you never left anything behind, so to speak. Perfect. And that made everyone envious. All you ever did was hate it. You liked being imperfect though you were never allowed to show it, didn't you? At least I got to give it to you.
To be honest, I was never happier in my life. Spending my days with you. No time before, no time after. You were the only thing that could make me so happy. Yeah, a part of that was because I was the only one that got past all your layers of ice and walls of defenses. But the person underneath all that? He was beautiful. And he could make me smile brighter than anything else.
When I found her my heart broke. She was just like me. Down to every last vice I had tried to lock away and never look at again. But sometimes memories just come back way to strong to fight off. That was when I failed not only you, but myself. And she led me slowly back down a road I had promised myself I'd never travel again. I lied to myself when I said I could come back out the other side and find you waiting for me. That everything would be fine. Everything always had been.
But then I met you.