You are loved
If your heart's in a thousand pieces
If you're lost and you're far from reason
Just look up; know you are loved
- You Are Loved, Stars Go Dim
Gray kicked open the door to the apartment, immediately pissed at himself for scuffing the paint but not caring enough to do anything about it. He slammed the door behind him, kicking off his boots and dropping his bag in the middle of the entrance. Natsu could get on his case later. Whatever.
He looked at the key rack to see that he was the only one home and he sighed – half in disappointment, half in relief. Sting was working late tonight, and Natsu and Rogue wouldn't be home for a few more hours. That left him plenty of time to be upset before anyone was here to see it.
Gray's phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out to see a message from Natsu to their group.
Hey love, don't forget to pick up that stuff from the post office after work. xo
"Fuck." Gray rubbed his face and growled, squeezing his phone tightly and trying to control the urge to throw it to the other side of the room. Shit. Of course he'd forgotten. One more stupid goddamn thing about this stupid goddamn day that fucking sucked.
He sighed as he responded. I forgot. I came home early, I don't feel good. I'll do it tomorrow. Then he threw his phone onto the couch and wandered into the kitchen.
"What am I doing?" he grumbled to himself, opening the fridge door and staring at the contents for several seconds before realizing that a) he wasn't hungry, and b) someone had drank all the orange juice and put the goddamn empty carton back in the door. "Fucking..."
Gray slammed the fridge door, hearing something fall over inside but ignoring it in favor of heading to the bedroom and flopping face-first into the nest of pillows that Natsu had left in the middle of the bed. He groaned, grabbing one and holding it against his chest as tears started to prick at his eyes. Goddamnit.
Maybe if he just went to sleep, it would be tomorrow soon and then things wouldn't be shitty. Maybe he wouldn't feel this ache inside, the sadness that sat on him, heavy and dark. It had been a long time since it had been this bad – before Sting and Rogue, even. Gray sniffled, rubbing his face in the pillow and then shuffling his jeans off, sliding under the blanket and trying to go to sleep.
He woke up to the sound of keys in the door. Yawning, he pushed himself up on his elbow and squinted at the clock. Nobody was supposed to be home yet. Gray wiped at his face with the back of his sleeve, trying to summon the energy to get out of bed.
"Gray?" It was Natsu. What was he doing home? "Honey, where are you?"
Gray made a pained sound and buried his face in his pillow – he wasn't ready to face anyone. He could hear Natsu shuffling around in the living room, then the sound of the bedroom door opening.
"Hey, love." Natsu crawled up on the bed facing Gray, pulling him gently away from the pillow. Gray didn't look at him, but he let Natsu pull him closer and run his fingers over the back of Gray's hands. Natsu kissed Gray's knuckles, then slipped under the blanket.
"Thought you worked 'til six," Gray said, voice hoarse. Natsu's fingers moved up Gray's arm, making soft circles on his shoulder and then down his back. Gray sighed.
"Change of plans," was all Natsu said. He kissed Gray's forehead and then tipped his chin up to kiss Gray on the lips, soft and sweet and so much gentler than usual. It made Gray feel like crying and he pulled away after a second, blinking back tears and burying his face in the pillow again.
Natsu lay next to him, saying nothing but continuing to draw soft patterns up and down his arm and back. Gray felt his breathing even out a bit, but the sadness and frustration still sat in his chest.
The door opened again. "Hey, I'm home early!" Gray frowned, hearing Sting kick off his shoes and come into the bedroom. "Hey, you two. Pizza?" He had three boxes balanced on one arm and he set them down on the table at the foot of the bed.
"Weren't you working late?" Gray asked sleepily, sitting up a little. Sting shrugged.
"My shift got switched," he said simply, tugging off his sweater and jeans and tossing them to the floor. Gray didn't have the energy to chastise him for it. "It's freezing outside, warm me up." Sting shuffled under the blankets and curled up behind Gray, wrapping an arm around his waist and pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. Gray made a soft noise and relaxed into his boyfriend – even though Sting's hands were cold, being held felt nice.
"Natsu's the warmer one," Gray mumbled. Sting snorted and brushed his lips over the back of Gray's ear.
"He also fights me for big spoon," Sting replied, pulling Gray closer. "Love you," he murmured quietly, nuzzling behind Gray's ear.
"I love you too," Gray said uncertainly, placing his hand over Sting's on his stomach. Sting's shifts never got switched. Were they...
"Did you seriously get the gross pizza?" Natsu asked, sitting up and peering at the boxes. Gray squinted at them – they were from his favorite place, the kind that did the olives and the artichokes. "At least you got different kinds."
"Look, if you want your shitty pizza, go get it yourself," Sting grumbled from under the blankets. "And leave us to cuddle in peace."
"Hmm but I wanna cuddle too," Natsu argued, laying back down and pressing his forehead against Gray's. He wriggled a knee between Gray's legs and pressed a kiss to his nose. "How was work?" He asked, looking over at Sting.
The two of them talked softly about nothing – work, the grocery store, Natsu's obnoxious coworkers, their trip last weekend. They didn't ask anything of Gray, but both of them continued to touch him, soft and gentle as they held him between them. Gray felt the tears again but he pushed them back, sniffling and resting his head on Natsu's chest. He was so warm, but he didn't mind. It felt safe here.
He must have fallen asleep because when he woke up again it was dark outside, and Rogue was in the bedroom, tugging off his tie.
"What's everyone doing here?" he asked, giving Gray a soft look. "Work was dead so they sent me home. I got ice cream though, pistachio, from the fancy place." That was Gray's favorite, too. They were up to...
"Yessss," Natsu said, caressing the back of Gray's neck. Gray hummed at the sensation. "Best night ever. You guys wanna watch a movie?"
Twenty minutes later they were all snuggled up together – Rogue against the headboard with Gray between his legs, leaning back against Rogue's chest, while Natsu and Sting lay with their heads in Gray's lap. Gray played absently with Natsu's hair and Sting grabbed his other hand, lacing their fingers together and sighing happily.
"You hate this movie," Gray said to Natsu as Rogue flipped on Netflix and scrolled to The Great Gatsby. Natsu looked up at him and gave him a soft smile.
"But you love it," he said softly. "And I love you." Gray felt a soft ache in his chest and he cupped Natsu's cheek, giving him a look that he hoped conveyed all the gratitude he felt. Natsu smiled and kissed Gray's palm, then pulled the blankets up and turned back to the television.
Gray didn't really pay attention to the movie, just focused on the weight of his boyfriends surrounding him and the patterns of their breathing. Rogue's chest was warm and steady behind him, and Rogue's hands rested on Gray's stomach, thumbs caressing the soft fabric of his shirt. Sting played with Gray's fingers, gently tracing the outline of his hand and occasionally kissing his fingertips. Natsu snuggled up to him, running a hand up and down Gray's thigh.
The feeling of safety and warmth overwhelmed him and he blinked back tears again, leaning his head back against Rogue's shoulder. Rogue kissed his cheek, resting his head against Gray's, and Gray exhaled softly, feeling some of his tension bleed away.
After the movie ended, Gray remained where he was, and the other three began to talk softly over him again – questions about the movie that he was welcome to answer, but not obligated to. He listened to them for a while, certain now that they had done this all for him and not knowing how to thank them.
He must have said something because suddenly their conversation ceased, and he shrank back a bit under the questioning gaze of three sets of eyes. A warm feeling spread through him, normally something he'd mistake for raw desire, but today it was tempered by deep affection and even sadness. Was that okay?
"C'mere, love," Sting murmured, touching Gray's chin gently and nudging him into a kiss. It was slow and sweet and Sting drifted his fingertips over Gray's cheek, humming softly against his lips. Gray sighed into it, bringing his hand up to Sting's hair, and then he felt another set of lips on the back of his neck.
"We're here," Rogue whispered, kissing just behind Gray's ear. Gray felt his breath catch as Rogue's fingers ran through his hair, dragging gently across his scalp.
Natsu's hands appeared on Gray's hips, thumbs drawing soft circles while he pressed kisses down Gray's stomach. He nudged Gray's shirt out of the way, nuzzling his bare skin and tracing his tongue along the edge of Gray's sweatpants.
Gray moaned softly into Sting's mouth. Sting kissed him deeper, but it was still soft and tender, full of love and affection. His hand travelled down Gray' chest, drawing comforting circles and brushing up and down his sides.
"You're loved," Rogue murmured, lips pressed to Gray's ear. He stroked Gray's arm gently, drawing his lips back to the nape of Gray's neck and pressing a gentle kiss there. "Very, very deeply."
Gray let out a shuddering breath. He grabbed the back of Sting's neck and kissed him deeper, bringing his other hand down to stroke Natsu's hair. Natsu hummed, pressing kisses to Gray's hipbones before nosing at his sweatpants.
"You're so important to us, sweetheart," Sting whispered against Gray's lips, brushing a thumb over Gray's cheek. "We love you so much." Gray whimpered, jerking his hips up as Natsu started tugging down his pants. "Let us take care of you."
Natsu kissed down Gray's hip to his thigh and back up again, then repeated the pattern on the other side. Gray shuddered as Rogue continued to stroke his hair, and Sting's hand traced lines across his stomach.
"Yes," Gray whispered, tensing as Natsu took in his cock, bobbing down and drawing slowly back up. He looked up at Gray through his hair as he continued to move, dark eyes full of love and affection.
"You're always safe with us," Rogue murmured, running his hands over Gray's shoulders and nipping gently at his ear. "We love you."
Gray could feel himself starting to cry – tears began to pool in the corners of his eyes and he blinked furiously, trying not to let them fall. His fingers combed through Natsu's hair as Natsu moved slowly up and down his cock, one hand drifting further downward. Gray looked down at Natsu, whose eyes were soft as he ran a gentle finger across Gray's entrance, eyebrows raised in a question.
Gray only hesitated for a second before nodding. "Please," he whispered, stroking Natsu's cheek with his finger. Sting began kissing along his neck as Rogue tipped Gray's head back and pressed their lips together, and the sensations distracted him from Natsu's finger slowly sliding into him. It had been a long time – months, maybe a year since he'd done this, and he'd forgotten how good it could feel.
"It's okay, Gray," Sting said, rubbing gentle circles on his stomach while Natsu continued to kiss and lick at his cock. The use of his name had Gray shivering and he closed his eyes, letting them touch him and kiss him and shower him with love.
Natsu's pace was slow and languid inside of him, never pushing too hard or fast. It was almost ten minutes later when Natsu finally withdrew his fingers, then leaned up and nudged Rogue gently out of the way.
"Love you," he murmured against Gray's lips. Rogue's fingers carded gently through Gray's hair, lips pressed to his neck and chest flush against his back. Sting began kissing his shoulder, his bicep, trailing his lips softly down Gray's arm until he was pressing kisses to his palm and fingertips.
"You don't have to hide," Natsu whispered, stroking his cheek. "You deserve to be loved."
Gray tipped his head back and whimpered as Natsu pressed into him slowly, leaning down and gently kissing the hollow of his throat. The sensation left Gray shivering, left hand coming up to Natsu's hair, right hand cupping Sting's face, head turning to meet Rogue's lips.
"Let go, baby," Natsu murmured, pressing his hips forward slowly and enjoying the ragged moan that fell from Gray's lips. "We can carry some of it for you, okay?"
Gray couldn't hold back the tears any longer. His breath hitched as Rogue kissed his cheeks, stroking his hair and wrapping an arm around him to hold him tight. Sting ran a gentle hand down Gray's hip and thigh while Natsu rocked into Gray gently, cupping the back of his neck and breathing soft words into his ear.
The tears came fast and hot and ran down Gray's cheeks, his breathing short and ragged, interspersed with soft moans. The embarrassment he'd felt earlier melted away, replaced by a soft sense of acceptance – a loosening of the anger and grief in his chest. It felt like it was melting away, bits of it being taken by the other three, who kissed and touched and caressed and made love to him.
How had he lived with this sadness before them?
Natsu moving inside him dragged heat to his cock and he moaned when he felt Sting reach between them and stroke him – soft and slow, just like the pace Natsu was setting. Rogue brushed tears from Gray's cheeks and pressed soft kisses to his forehead, his eyelids, his nose, and back to his lips, catching the soft sob that escaped him.
"We love you so much," Natsu whispered, voice shaky and arms trembling. "Even when you don't."
That was enough to make Gray gasp through the tears, arching against Rogue and tightening around Natsu as he throbbed and spilled into Sting's hand, entire body flooded with warmth and tiny sparks of pleasure. Natsu groaned and stilled against Gray's hips, shuddering and catching Gray's lips on his as he came.
Natsu shivered a little as his arms gave out and he collapsed forward onto Gray's chest, tucking his head under Gray's chin and wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. Sting wiped up the mess they'd made, then snuggled up in the crook of Gray's arm, while Rogue held him from behind.
There was a gentle silence for a few minutes, broken only by soft sniffling from Gray, who gripped everyone tightly. After a moment, he wiped his face and cleared his throat.
"...I love you," he said quietly, turning to bury his face in Sting's hair. Sting kissed him gently, then snuggled up against him as Rogue drew the duvet up over all four of them.
"You want us to move?" Natsu asked, lifting up his head and looking at Gray. "You're gonna be too warm..."
Gray shook his head, sighing contentedly. The sadness was still there, but it was tempered by affection, and the knowledge that he was safe and comfortable and loved. He cupped Natsu's face and drew him up for a kiss, then sighed as Natsu snuggled back up to his chest.
"No," Gray said softly. "You're perfect right where you are."