A/N: I don't own anything
Seattle 2005
"The way I see it we could deal with us in one of three ways. Option one, I could apologize, you could forgive me and come home and we could move on with our lives like adults. Or option two, I could apologize, you could forgive me, come home but you could still bring it up to use against me whenever we argue." She knew that she was walking on thin ice. Derek could easily reject her advances, and their marriage could be over. However, a part of her knew that Derek still loved her. A smile accidentally formed on Derek's lips. She missed his smile. The last time she saw his smile felt like a lifetime ago.
"Are you trying to be funny?" He teased.
"Satan has a sense of humor." She retaliated. It had always been their form of banter. Derek would tease her. She would fight back. Then he would cave into whatever she wanted. It was inevitable. Addison always got what she wanted. Growing up with 4 sisters trained Derek to be immuned from all of the pouting and bitching. However, Addison wasn't like any of his sisters. She was the love of his life. Of course he would give her everything she wanted; regardless of what it was. Derek wanted her to make her happy. He had promised her a lifetime of love and happiness. However, things happen. They grew up. Chose to focus on their own careers. He became indifferent. She slept with Mark. He met Meredith. Things do happen.
But all the cheating and indifference was temporarily forgotten. At this moment, it was just them. They were Addison and Derek again. She leaned in closer to him. Tightly holding onto the arms of the rocking chair. If she was on thin ice earlier, now she was practically sprinting across the ocean. She was dangerously close.
"What's the third?" Derek practically whispered. He could feel his heart pounding. It was terrifying. He knew that Meredith wasn't just a one night stand, but being with Addison reminded him of all the good and bad memories he had tried so hard to forget. Meredith was a breath of fresh air. Being with her was like being pulled out of the water. It was easy being with Meredith, but with Addison, it's complicated and difficult. Addison was real. Being with Addison meant responsibilities and hardships, but being with Addie also means family and history. Meredith was refreshing; she was like a fantasy. However, Addison is his family. True that she may come with a lot of fighting, but that is because she is the real thing. Addison isn't a fantasy that Derek needed to chase. He already has her.
"I don't know what the third option is." She admitted. Derek hesitantly looked straight into her green eyes, and he knew he had fallen for her once again. It was like the first time all over again. Only this time, there wasn't a cadaver separating them. Instead, there was a beautiful little girl fighting for her life behind them. Addison held her breath as she leaned to kiss him. Surprisingly, Derek kissed her back. Maybe it was because she was familiar, or maybe it's because he was shocked. The neurosurgeon wasn't sure why he kissed had her back, but he was sure that he was still in love with her. Addison is his family. She had always been. "I just know I still love you." Derek was speechless. How could he respond to that? Of course he still loved Addison. He had gone through thick and thin with her. She was the one that held his hand when he lost his first patient. She was the one that held him when Amelia almost died. She was the one he had imagined growing old with.
Addison knew that she had to get out. One moment she was kissing her husband; the next she was out of the NICU. The kiss was too much for her; maybe for the both of them. She had no right to pressure him to choose her. She is the reason why they're separated. But, the red head showed no remorse. The kiss may have been too much, but she couldn't find it in herself to regret it. Derek is the love of her life and if there was a slight chance that he still wanted her, she would hold onto that. They are Addison and Derek. They can't be over. At least, they can't be without fighting like hell. Not when there was still a chance.
"Addie! Wait!" Derek yelled as he started to chase after her. Ignoring all the confused stares he was getting from the nurses. Addie quickly stopped to turned around.She had just left the NICU seconds ago. How could she already be so far away? Derek thought as he started catching up to her. "Do you remember Harper Quincy?" Derek blurted even when he was panting.
Addison was confused. "What does this have to do with our..." She glanced to see if people were eavesdropping. They clearly were. Derek sensed how uncomfortable his wife was, so he lightly took her hand to lead her into an on-call room. "What does Harper have to do with our kiss?" She finally asked.
"Do you remember her?" Derek ignored Addison's question. He knew how he wanted this conversation to go. He just needed Addison to stop being Addison for a second. He didn't need the confident and brilliant Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery. He needed his Addie Shepherd. "Addie?" He pouted.
She rolled her eyes. She instantly knew where this was going. They have been married for over a decade. She knew how he got when he wanted to make a romantic gesture. He acted the same way when he had proposed to her. "We called her Hazel. She wasn't even our daughter, yet we wanted to name her." She finally gave in and replied.
"Well we couldn't imagine what her life would be like without giving her a temporary name." Derek replied. Addison was surprised. That was the same thing she had told him when he asked why they had to give her a name. Harper Quincy, or Hazel as they called her, was the first patient they had together as attendings. She was born at only 28 weeks with an intraventricular hemorrhage. "But I don't see what she has to do with our impasse."
"Can you stop being Addison for a minute?" Derek's voice was firm and assertive. Addison tensed up. "Stop being logical and overanalyzing for a minute." He added with a softer tone. Derek took Addie's hand to pull her closer to him. She looked straight into his eyes. He wasn't her Derek anymore. His eyes were filled with hurt and anger. It hurt to know that she did that to him. Addison delicately placed her hand on his cheek as he pulled her even closer. "Stop being Addison Forbes Montgomery. I need you to be my Addie. Honey, I need you to be the Addie before the indifference, before Mark, before Meredith. I need you to be my Addie." He begged. She nodded. They stayed silent for awhile. He held her tightly as if he could die if he let her go.
"I was thinking we could call her Nina." Addison whispered. They both knew that she was referring to the little girl back in the NICU. A tear fell from Derek's eye. They used to name the babies that they worked on together, so that they could imagine the life those babies could have. It was their thing. It was practice, as Derek called it. Practice for when they had their own child to name and raise. He missed her so much. She smiled, then wiped the tear away. "I know that Nina is on the list of baby names you had wanted, and I know too that its pretty high up there." Addie grinned. "Nancy even told me that you tried so hard to convince her not to name Sarah Nina."
"I've always liked the name." Derek replied. "Way better than Carson."
Addison playfully hit his chest. "Carson is still on the table." She stated. Addison had always planned on naming their kid Carson, but maybe now she can bend a little. "but maybe we can name our daughter Nina." She teased.
Derek shook his head. "I don't think our daughter could pull off Nina." He told her. Derek started to imagine an image of their future children. All he could come up with was a little red head with his eyes and Addison's smile and a little boy with Addison's eyes and his hair. For some reason, the idea was no longer as scary as it was half an hour ago, but they were still at an impasse. There were still unanswered questions between them. They are in no condition for children now. "We will cross the bridge when we get there." Derek quickly dismissed the topic. "But I think Nina fits our patient." Addison nodded.
"So Dr. Shepherd what kind of life do you think Nina would have?"
"Well Dr. Shepherd," Derek slowly ran his hands down her arm until he reached her delicate hands. He intertwined his fingers with hers and kissed her forehead. "I think she'll be stronger in the morning." He teased.
She rolled her eyes and laughed. "Derek I'm serious."
"I am too. I really think she'll make it through surgery. She's a fighter. I know that she'll be able to go home soon."
"Is that your professional opinion Dr. Shepherd?" Addie's tone was slightly more serious. Derek nodded.
"I think she'll be into reading. She seems like a smart kid." Derek said.
"Really? I beg to disagree." Addison challenged. "She's a fighter. I think she will be a sports kid. You know. The type of kid that tries every single sport just for fun. She'll come home with bruises and cuts and act like it doesn't hurt at all."
Derek smiled. "If that's the case then she'd be a really cute sporty kid that loves to read. I'm sure her parents would have their hands full."
She sighed "I can't believe she'll be thrown into the system."
"I'm also sure that there is a family out there waiting for her." Derek held onto her hand tighter. "So what do you think she'll want to be when she grows up?"
"She would want to be a doctor for sure." Addison replied without hesitation.
"And why is that?"
"Remember all the cuts and bruises she'll probably obtain from trying to play with the boys? She would treat them herself. She would know how to clean up her own wounds by the age of nine. Then by the time college applications start she'll start to realize that she wants to become a peds surgeon to clean up other kid's wounds." Addison proudly said her narrative. "Oh and as for a family, she wouldn't even look at any of the boys. She will be so focused on her work that the idea of boys won't even cross her mind."
"Well that'll only be until her first 12 hour graveyard shift at the ER." Derek interjects. Addison stays silent to encourage him to continue. "She'll be so exhausted that she would end up having to take a nap in one of the on-call rooms, and in that on-call room would be the love of her life. He would be sleeping on the top bunk. Lightly snoring of course. They would hate each other at first. They would start competing for no apparent reason except it's fun. Then the rest would be history."
"That sounds like a great love story." Addie wrapped her arms around his neck as Derek wrapped his arms around her waist.
"No, honey, that sounds like a great life." Derek corrected. "And that will be all because of you."
Addison shook her head to disagree with her husband. "That will be because of us. You and I. We're Addison and Derek. We can do anything. We can give Nina the life she deserves." She then leaned in closer to kiss her husband.
Even if they were unsure of what's to come. The kiss felt right. They felt right. 11 years of marriage can't just end without fighting like hell to survive. So maybe the third option was just seeing where things could go because all they knew was they still loved each other.
I hope you liked it.