A christmas song was ringing. He was waiting for his older brother, he finally had done something that Dean really wanted, even if he doesn't want it.
He didn't want be happy when he knew that those Christmas would be the last Christmas that he would share with his brother, his beloved brother.
But Sam only was thinking in Dean, in his happyness, because sooner or later Dean will be on hell, and if Dean wanted celebrate Christmas, Sam would give him Christmas.
He made everything, eggnog, make a christmas tree, put colour lights, bough presents, just for his brother, for make him happy.
He waited for 30 minutes, Sam was really worried, he wanted everything to be perfect, only for this night, for this christmas, forgeting all the bad things tonight. And then the door opened.
Dean came to the room with a paper bag, watching all those things that his brother had made. Dean was in shock, happy but in shock.
- "Hey, you get the beer?" - said Sam, while he had the eggnog in one hand.
Dean showed a little smile. - "What's all this?" - he asked and looked all the room, all that his brother had made.
- "What do you think it is?... It's Christmas" - Answered Sam, then pointed the christmas tree, and a poster that said "Merry Christmas".
Dean smile and looked Sam with those eyes, full of joy and hope.
Sam tried to show a smile, but it was a little weird.
Dean nods while he smiled. - "What made you change your mind?" -
Sam didn't know what to say, "Don't ask me that Dean" was thinking.
"Here, try the eggnog" - Sam gave Dean one glass of eggnog, Dean took it. - "Let me know if it needs some more kick" - said Sam
Dean was drinking it, Sam was smiling and giving him the whiskey, and then the older coughs.
- "No, we're good." - says Dean.
- "Yeah?" - asked Sam with a smile.
- "Yeah" -
- "Good... Well, have a seat. Let's do Christmas stuff or whatever" - said the youngest, he crearly didn't know what to do, he just wanna make his brother happy. Dean looked the Christmas tree, it was a little branch with colour lights, and just nods.
- "All right, first thing's first" - said Dean, while both sits on the couch
Dean sighed a little bit and he gave Sam two things involved in paper bag.
- "Merry Christmas, Sam" - said Dean, and Sam just took the things while he smiled.
- "Where did you get this? - asked Sam.
- "Someplace special" - Sam looked him with his puppyface and Dean said - "Gas mart down the street" -
- "Ha-ha-ha" - laughed Sam
- "Open them up" - said Dean and took off his jacket.
- "Yeah" - he took two stuff wrapped in newspaper. - " Great minds think alike, Dean". -
- "Really?" - said Dean and Sam gave him those two stuff.
- "Here you go" - whispered Sam.
- "Oh come on" - Dean looked at them grinning and laughing, while Sam opened his stuff in silent.
- "Yeah-ah-ah-ah" - said Sam and laughed a little. - "Skin mags..." - Dean nods and smiled - "And... shaving cream." - said Sam with a exaggerated tone.
- "You like?" - ask Dean with a little sad/happy eyes.
- "Yeah, yeah" - said Sam, trying to not show his feelings, nodding and grinning for himself.
Dean smiled and opened his gifts. He laughed. - " Well, look at this, Fuel for me and fuel for my baby" - say pointing the candy and the oil. Both of them nodded and were smiling. - "These are awesome, Thanks." - said Dean with a deep voice.
- "Good" - the youngest nods again and avoids the eye contact.
- "Merry Christmas, bro" - said Dean, raising his glass of eggnog.
- "Yeah, yeah" - Sam moved fast and took his eggnog - "Here, Merry Christmas" - and then both of them shared a toast. The brothers took a gulp of eggnog.
So many things were happening in Sam's head right now, he was thinking in Dean, in his brother, in how much he loved him, in how the life would be without him, the fact that Dean will be alone in hell.
Sam knows that he's not a girl, that Dean needs a girl in his life, and maybe Dean will miss the girls more than his little brother... But he just doesn't matter.
He loves his brother, and he will miss him, he wanted to save his older brother, he wanted to be with him, he knows it's hard to be a hunter, but with his brother everything is a little more easier. And obviously, he'd give his life for Dean. His life, his soul, his heart, everything.
Sam just couldn't handle it, no more, he had to let it all out, And he has only one person who could understand him.
Yes.
Dean.
Sam broke the silence.
- "Hey, Dean..." - said Sam, with a sad face. Dean just looked at him. Sam just got mute, with a very very sad look, but then he started talking.
- "Dean... I'm sorry, I'm sorry for being such a bad brother. You know?, I was dead and you save me. And now you'll die and I... " - Sam started to cry. - "And I don't know what to do, I want to save you Dean, I don't want you in hell. I'm just a stupid brother... I couldn't save you dude and This is... - " He stopped for a moment.
Dean left his seat and he squatting put infront of Sam.
Dean laughed a little. - "Oh Sammy..." - Dean put a hand on Sam's cheek, wiping a few tears. - "It's not your fault, I know, all of this sucks... " - he stoped - "Well, not all, this Christmas is wonderful... But I mean dude, don't feel guilty, I gave my soul for you, because I couldn't Sammy..." - Dean was about to cry too, and then he took off his hand from Sam's cheek. - "Seriously I couldn't imagine a life without you, I would not live like that." -
- "But imagine it Dean, now I have to be without you, I CAN'T LIVE A LIFE WITHOUT YOU" - Sam screamed and cried a lot more. He doesn't care, he doesn't care if someone listen to it, he didn't think what his brother thought about what he said, he just wanted to let it all out. - "I can't Dean, I'm not lying to you... " - Dean looked at him
They had eye contact, Dean could feel what Sam was feeling, after all they're brothers and they have a bond that noone has.
- "I know Sammy... I'll promise you I'll be back, sooner or later, I'll be back from hell, I don't know how, but I promise you that... " - said Dean and wiped again the tears from Sam's face. - "And please... don't cry, I can't watch you crying knowing is all my fault" -
- "I'm sorry Dean..." - said Sam, watching those green eyes. -"I should had found a way to save you... I'm a jackass" -
- "Sammy, you're not a jackass" - Dean rose from the floor and hugged Sam, he hugged his little brother like there'd not tomorrow, like if that hug was the last thing that he would do on the earth. - "You're the best brother ever, you're such a nice person, you're my little Sammy, you're that people who will never let me down Sammy..." - Dean whispered in Sam's ear. - "You're MY Sammy."
Sam was in shock, he couldn't believe it. Dean called him as HIS Sammy. And they were still hugging - " I..." - Sam sighed - "You may think that i'm stupid or gay or i don't know... But Dean, you're the most important thing in my life, and i love you, even more than myself... and I can't imagine how will I be without you" - Sam said almost whispering, almost said it for himself, and then he thought that Dean would stop the hug, but he was wrong.
Dean hugs him even more sharp... - "Sammy, you can tell me what you feel, always, I won't away if you tell me that you love me" - Dean look into Sam's eyes. - "I love you too, you're my brother, you're the only thing that keeps me alive man... Being a hunter isn't a job that makes everything good, I hate it, really, if I'd been without you all this time, I would probably killed myself" - Sam buried his head in Dean's shoulders. - "Sam, forgive me for leaving you alone, but I promise you I'll come back. " –
- "I know Dean... I'd be in hell if it wasn't for you" - Sam said.
Dean put a kiss on Sam's forehead. - "This is kinda weird but what if we slept together tonight?" - Sam was totally pale and sweating after Dean told him that.
- "Slept together as we were child?" - asked Sam.
- "Exactly, as when you came in the night, saying that you were scared of the monster and I took care of you" - Dean grinned and Sam nods.
They broke the hug, and Dean moved both beds and put them together, like a double bed. The brothers changed their clothes, and Sam turned the lights off.
Dean was already in the bed, he was on the right side, then Sam went to the bed on the left side. The older was hugging the little one, both hands in Sam's hips.
- "Are you okay Sammy?" - asked.
- "Yes... is just, this is the best and worst christmas." - said Sam.
- "Don't you think so, this is the best for me, I'll always remember it, and when I'll be back you'll be happy to remind this night" - Dean smiled and put his head over Sam's neck. - "I love you Sam, never forget that" - whispered in his ear.
- "Believe me Dean, I'll never do." - Sam put a arm around Dean's shoulders. - "Thanks for everything Dean, Merry Christmas".
- "Merry Christmas Sammy" - said Dean.
Both brothers slept that night hugging each other, just that, not sex, not thinking it was wrong, not knowing about the tomorrow, just enjoying the emanating heat from their bodys, just knowing that Sam loves Dean and Dean loves Sam.
That's the only thing that mattered