8
THINK WITH YOUR DIPSTICK…DINOZZO!
By Peppe1951
Summary: Tony makes a stupid mistake after watching a commercial on TV. Warning: Disciplining of an adult. Don't like? Don't read!
Disclaimer: NCIS belongs to CBS and Paramount; I only write about them.
Chapter 1
Hey, Probie," called Tony as he watched his team mate, Tim McGee exit his car. McGee looked up at the mention of his name and veered towards Tony as he stood next to his car.
"What's up, DiNozzo?" he asked as he got closer.
Tony waited until he came to a stop a few feet away to ask, "Hey, does this hurt?" and without warning struck McGee on the seat of his pants with what he was holding behind his back.
The effect was instant; McGee grabbed his butt and howled in pain nearly dropping to his knees in pain. "Yeeowwwwwwchh…w-what was that you hit me with…and why?"
"That really hurt?" Tony asked curiously as he looked at the object in his hand.
"YES! You hit me with a dipstick!" exclaimed Tim incredulously; he had recognized the object that had caused him so much pain. "Why did you hit me, Tony?"
"Well, there was this commercial on television last night called 'Think with your dipstick, Jimmy' and I was wondering if it hurt. So I thought I would try it on you," explained Tony.
"I've seen that commercial….and it looked painful to me, why wouldn't you believe it?"
"Well, they are actors…they were acting…how did I know that they were acting true reactions."
"You could have tried it on yourself DiNozzo," replied Tim as he rubbed his butt before walking towards work.
"Yeah," replied Tony as he ran to catch up, "but on the offshoot that it might hurt, I opted to try it on someone else instead….you."
Tim just looked at his 'friend' and shook his head as he continued on to the squad room of NCIS. They were still talking as they walked off the elevator and took their seats. Tony flopped down without a care while Tim eased into his chair and hissed as his tortured butt made contact with the chair.
Chapter 2
Gibbs walked briskly in a few minutes later to find the atmosphere in the squad room a bit tense. He watched as Ziva picked up where she had left off the night before and said to himself, 'nope it isn't Ziva,' before moving his gaze towards Tony and his carefree attitude and then finally settling on his youngest agent, McGee.
Gibbs watched for a few moments as McGee squirmed in his chair before calling out, "Tony…what have you done to Tim?"
"What makes you think I've done something to McGee, Boss?" Tony replied trying to skirt the question.
"Well as a trained investigator I see that McGee is squirming in his seat; that's a sure sign that he has been hurt in that area of his body and I haven't punished him lately to be the cause so of course I thought of you," replied Gibbs dryly.
"But why me, Boss…couldn't it had been Ziva that is causing Probie to find sitting comfortably so hard this morning?"
Gibbs turned to Ziva and asked, "Did you do something to Tim this morning to cause him to be squirming in his seat, Ziva?"
"Nope…but they were arguing about something when they arrived," she replied interestedly.
Gibbs turned his glared back on his senior agent and waited. He didn't have long to wait before his glare did its job and Tony confessed. He explained about the experiment he did to Tim that morning as he wilted under his boss' glare. He didn't look directly at Gibbs as he explained and so didn't see the incredulous look that Gibbs had as the explanation was given.
"McGee…go see Ducky and have him check out your injury and to give you something for the pain; I can't have you squirming all day for something I'm not responsible for…DiNozzo…with me," he ordered as he got up from his desk and headed towards the elevator knowing that Tony would be right behind him.
Chapter 3
Gibbs stopped at the elevator for Tony to catch up before he ordered,
"DiNozzo…bring me the dipstick you used on McGee. I'll be waiting in Interrogation Room Four; you have fifteen minutes."
"On it, boss," Tony replied automatically but paled at the thought of why his boss wanted the dipstick.
Once Tony left Gibbs left the floor causing Ziva to wonder what was up. She had observed the conversation at the elevator but Gibbs had been talking too low for her to pick it up; however she had noticed the expression that had come to Tony before he left the floor and knew that he wasn't going to be happy once he returned to the floor.
While Gibbs was waiting for his miscreant agent's return he couldn't help but wonder at what was going through Tony's mind to do such a thing to his youngest agent and he was determined that it would never happen again.
When Tony arrived exactly fifteen minutes later holding the dipstick in his hand Gibbs motioned towards the table. "Now I want you to tell me exactly why you decide to test whether or not that thing hurt when applied to McGee's rump?"
Tony looked down at his feet and mumbled, "I thought that it was staged to make it look realistic."
"Did it look like it would hurt?"
"Yes."
"Then why didn't you try it out on yourself?"
"I couldn't hit my own butt with as much force as they did in the commercial to make a fair test," replied Tony righteously.
"So the thought that you could slap it against the side of your leg didn't occur to you? That you could do it forcefully enough to give you some idea on whether it hurt or not?" asked Gibbs quietly.
Tony looked at his boss with an expression of surprise before answering, "No…the thought didn't even enter my mind. I should have done that instead of hit McGee, uh Boss."
"Yep…that would give you a gauge on pain…but that's okay I'm about to let you make your own decision on whether or not that dipstick hurts when applied to the seat of your pants," informed Gibbs grimly as he held out his hand for the object in Tony's hand.
Tony reluctantly handed it over as he made an attempt to save his butt, "I'm really sorry Boss. I'll apologize to McGee and I'll make it up to him somehow…can't we forget it this time?" he asked repentantly.
"I know you will apologize to him and tomorrow you will be McGee's probie, do you understand?" ordered Gibbs sternly.
Tony nodded quickly thinking that it would be the extent of his punishment only to have the thought squashed as he was ordered to bend over the table. "Not so fast DiNozzo…we haven't completed out little experiment; bend over the table!"
"Boss," Tony started to plead until he was caught in the glare of his Boss' stare again and quickly got into position. The first lick came before he had a chance to prepare himself and caught him in the middle of his buttocks. The intensity of the fire that appear a second later caused him to gasp with pain and he tried to get up only to find himself held in place as the dipstick's second lick caught him a bit lower and he yelled out loud and the third was a bit lower still on his upper thighs and he howled as his whole backside erupted in pain and he began to squirm when the next lick was delivered on already abused flesh and Tony started to bawl like a little boy. He cried as the magnitude of what he had subjected McGee to hit home as he waited for the next lick and when it didn't come he realized that his punishment was over and stood back.
Once he had his composure back he waited for Gibbs to lecture him on what he had done and why he sure never do it again, like he always did after a punishment. He was surprised when Gibbs only handed him his handkerchief and said, "Wash your face DiNozzo and put your dipstick back…I see that our experiment was a success…now you know how to think with your dipstick," he added with a grin and left.
The End
Epilogue: Once Tony returned to the squad room he found a pillow in his chair and turned to thank Ziva for putting it there only to learn that she didn't. "Then who?" he asked out loud.
"I did it Tony," replied McGee…"I figured that when Gibbs used that dipstick on you in lieu of a belt that you would need it to survive the day…since I knew how much the dipstick hurt. While I was waiting for your return I found this," and hurried to his computer to show him the behind the scenes video he found on the commercial. "If you had seen this before trying that thing out on me then maybe you wouldn't have."
"H-How did you know that Gibbs used my dipstick on me?"
"Ziva told me about the conversation Gibbs had with you and the expression on your face when you left and I saw you return with dipstick in hand and out it together," replied Tim, "I thought with your dipstick, Tony in figuring it out."
"McGee…I'm sorry…and as further punishment…tomorrow I'm to be your probie," apologized Tony to McGee's delight.
AN: I got this idea after watching a Castrol Edge commercial that has a happy Scotsman performing some slapstick humor as he goes around hitting unsuspecting victims to think with their dipstick as he hits them on their backsides…personally it doesn't make any sense on why he is hitting them sense they are holding the product in their hands…but it is funny. I wondered what DiNozzo would have thought after viewing it…he of course would want to do it to someone else and his usual victim is McGee…and so the story was born. If you want to see the ad go to YouTube and type in "Think with your dipstick, Jimmy."