What you think I don't know…
(JPOV)
"Jake when are you going to leave that bible thumper and be mine?" Lauren whined in a nasally tone
"Sweetie, I can't just leave her. We've been together since we were kids you know that" sometimes this girl just didn't understand. I couldn't just leave Bella., we grew up together. I know she didn't deserve this. Hell she doesn't deserve me cheating on her either. I don't know what to do. I'm so confused on how I feel.. Lauren just sort of happened one night at a party, we were both drunk. That's it. She was my drunken mistake. But it turned into so much more than that. Bella wasn't giving me any, she wanted to "save herself for marriage". Lauren gave it up so quick.
I guess looking back now I admire Bella's faith in a higher being. Saving herself for someone who showed her the biggest vow of love. I don't know if I love Lauren or if it's just because she gives me what I thought I wanted for so long, but I think I would rather it have been with someone I knew loved me and I loved back. Someone like….Bella. SHIT. I totally fucked up. I don't think Bella will want me after I tell her what I've done. I probably just messed up the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Oh god, once she finds out all the things I've done. I won't have Bella…or Lauren. I don't even care if I don't have Lauren; but I know that once this all comes to light I won't have anyone. My parents are going to be so disappointed, they LOVE Bella like their own daughter. I totally forgot about her father, the CHIEF of police here in Forks. I'm so dead. SO fucking dead.
(BPOV)
Dear Diary,
Did he really think that I didn't know? I knew for a while that he was sneaking around with that easy slut from school. Lauren was the easiest girl in our school. She would sleep with anyone and she had her sights on Jacob since we were kids. I didn't leave him though. I hoped by some higher power he would somehow find the decency to tell me he was cheating on me...or at least respect me enough to break things off with me so I could go out and find someone who truly cared for me. I had told Jacob since we were kids that I was saving myself for marriage, but honestly; before I found out he was cheating on me, I was planning on surprising him. I was waiting for our five year anniversary to finally give myself to him. But not soon after I made that decision I found out that dick head was cheating on me with that skank. So I just pushed it to the side and started hanging out with Edward again.
Oh my, Edward. He is the best thing to ever inhabit this earth. He's so sweet and caring, always my shoulder to cry on when I found out Jacob was sleeping with Lauren and just about every other night because Jacob would blow me off for her. Edward told me to leave him, to find someone who truly cared for me, but I couldn't. I did love Jacob and I guess I was just holding on to the hope that things would go back to how they were before all of this. That Jacob would go back to the old Jacob and love me again; to the old Jacob I fell in love with. Not the Jacob that would blow up in my face and tell me how much of an uptight bible thumper I was. In reality, I don't even believe in god. I don't even know where he got that from. Just because I wanted to save myself for marriage I suddenly believed in god? No. I just didn't want to be one of the many common whores in my town who slept with anyone and everyone. I wanted that fairytale. I have finally realized that Jacob isn't that...I think Edward is "the one" I think he's the one I'm supposed to be with. He's the one I'm supposed to lose my innocence with and spend my life with. Oh God! I should go tell him, but first I need to finally break things off with that scum bag.. Well I gotta go! I'll write back later.
much love,
Bella.