Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, these characters, or anything else affiliated with the phenomenal show. I just borrow what I please and use them as I please.
Warning:
Author's note: Set after the most recent Castle episode. Also, for those of you that read my first Castle fic, there were two issues raised; Beckett cheating on Josh and Beckett and Castle not using protection. I actually purposely had those events happen to show that even though Kate seems in control all the time, she is only human and she has her weaknesses and mistakes. She faltered in a moment of confusion and need for security; it happens.
-xo-
"I'm just not sure that this is going to work out" Kate admitted, gesturing between her body and the body of Josh, "... It isn't what I want right now". The time had finally come for her to admit the feelings she had denied to herself, and remove what was standing in the way of admitting them further."This isn't what you want, or I'm not what you want, Kate?" Josh countered as his girlfriend's words only came as half a surprise. He knew that there were mutual feelings between the detective and the writer, but he didn't think that Kate wanted to go there. Up until that point in the relationship, Josh was sure that Kate was happy.
"Josh..." the exasperated detective trailed off. She didn't want to go in to details, but she knew that Josh's point was valid. She wanted a relationship... somewhat desperately. She just wanted it with the man that she had been so long denying feelings for. "I don't think we should go in to that right now" she all but pleaded despite knowing that she owed him an explanation.
"Be honest with me, Kate" Josh gently ordered. He wanted to hear that Kate loved someone else. He wanted assurance that the inevitable breakup wasn't his fault. He wanted the truth.
Kate could see the hurt and betrayal in the eyes of the man she was breaking up with, but she could also see that he was just searching for answers. With a sigh, the brunette closed her eyes. "You know what this is about" she whispered, and without opening her eyes she continued, "I'm in love with him, Josh, and as much as I try to deny it, I just can't anymore". That was the first time that Katherine Beckett had admitted her love for Richard Castle to anyone. She had expected it to be Castle himself or at least Lanie if she ever did admit it. However, in the light of it all, it was Josh who found out first. In that moment, Kate had never felt more heartless.
"Thank you" Josh said quietly before kissing Kate on the forehead, "for being honest with me. I guess I'll catch you around". With one last disappointed smile, Josh headed for the stairs of the Precinct. Just before walking through the door he turned to the detective and said with a sad smile, "Writer-boy is a lucky guy. Tell him that".
Beckett could feel the tears lining her lashed but refused to let them free. Not here, not yet she thought to herself. Admitting her love for Rick out loud and watching Josh walk away left Kate highly vulnerable; a feeling that she disliked immensely. Although things were now set back on track, the detective was aware that life wasn't a fairytale so she couldn't go running to Castle and expect things to be a children's story-book ending. Instead, she grabbed her coat and headed for the elevator with a different destination in mind.
-xo-
"Coming" Lanie called out as she placed the lid back on the pot cooking on the stove. For once, the Medical Examiner was home early but despite that she wasn't expecting company. Lanie walked over to the door, expecting to see Esposito on the other side. He doesn't generally knock she thought, placing her hand on the door handle. The M.E opened the door, surprised to see her best friend standing there like a deer in headlights. "What you doin', girl?" she asked, gesturing inside her apartment.
"I needed to talk to someone" Kate admitted, "sorry I didn't call first". She followed her friend's gesture and ventured in to the apartment, hanging her coat with the rest like every other visit.
"Girl, you never call first if you need to talk about something, "Lanie pointed out, "otherwise you change your mind and I never find anything out". She knew Beckett well from past experience, and by the look on her friend's face she had a feeling that she knew what the woman needed to talk about. "Take a seat, I'm making Pasta" she ordered.
Kate took a seat on a stool at the kitchen counter. She took in the aroma of Lanie's cooking, wondering why she herself never bothered cooking- even occasionally. "Smells good" Kate smiled, pointing to the stovetop.
"Enough of the small talk" Lanie chastised gently. She knew that if she allowed Kate to ramble long enough, they would never reach the core issue before the detective bailed. "Talk to me, sweetie" she smiled warmly, sitting on the stool next to the detective.
The brunette took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. With pleading eyes, she locked gaze Lanie. "I broke up with Josh" she informed. She hoped that that was all she would have to say, but when she saw the questioning look on the woman's face she knew that she had to continue. "I told him that I was in love with someone else, Lanie. I finally admitted it out loud" she explained, "I am in love with Richard Castle".
A knowing grin spread across the Medical Examiner's features. "Oh sweetie, everyone already knows this. But I am so happy that you have finally admitted it to yourself... and to me" the woman explained, avoiding using the words, 'I told you' despite the urges. She knew that this was a positive step forward for the generally private and hostile detective, but the hardest step was still to come; admitting in to Castle. "So when do you plan on telling Writer-boy?" She asked carefully, choosing to use Rick's nickname in an attempt to lighten the situation.
Suddenly everything dawned on Beckett. She had broken up with Josh because she was in love with Castle but she hadn't actually planned on telling Castle her feelings. Her logic now seemed impeccably flawed to the usually all-together brunette. She let out a sigh, showing Lanie that she hadn't actually thought about that aspect.
"He needs to know, Kate" the M.E supplied, smiling sympathetically. "Believe me, I think it will be the best news he's heard all year" she added as a positive afterthought.
"But he's just so childish about things" the detective argued, "what if h-"
"Stop with the excuses, girl" Lanie interrupted, "you know as well as I do that Castle has his mature side. Just look at how he is with Alexis... who adores you, by the way".
Kate considered her best friend's words. She had been right about the feelings the whole time, so there was a chance that what she had just said was also correct. "I just can't think about it right now" she finally concluded, hoping to drop the subject for the time being. She had admitted everything to her best friend and felt the better for it; that was enough for the moment.
"If you say so" Lanie replied, getting up and making her way to the kitchen side of the counter. "Hungry?" she asked, turning the pots off. She heard Kate's distant reply and grabbed out two bowls and accompanying cutlery. "So how is the case going, anyway?" she asked casually as she spooned the spaghetti in to the bowls before the pasta sauce.
"We've come to a standstill. The wife isn't telling us anything useful and the workmates all alibi out" Kate explained, glad to be thinking about the case and not her current situation. "There's something we're not seeing" she sighed. One thing the detective really hated was not having any solid leads in her investigation. The brunette was lost in thought until she noticed a bowl being placed in front of her. "Thanks Lanie" she smiled up at the woman, grateful for all the help.
-xo-
The pair ate dinner slowly, talking about the case at hand and having a good laugh about things. Beckett savoured the moments as she thought about having to go home to an empty apartment too soon for her liking. As Lanie started piling their dishes, there was a knock at the door.
-xo-
"I'll get it" Kate laughed, seeing Lanie's look indicating annoyance.
"Anyone would think I ran a drop-in centre!" the M.E exclaimed, nodding for Beckett to get the door. "Be sure to tell them I don't!" she called out after her friend.
Opening the door, Beckett was ultimately surprised to find Esposito standing there with a single red rose. "Esposito?" she challenged, raising an eyebrow. Suddenly she remembered that Lanie and Esposito had been seeing each other so it actually made perfect sense for him to be standing there.
"Beckett?" Javier said, surprised to see his boss answer his girlfriend's door. "Should I come back?" he questioned, knowing that Kate wouldn't be there that late without a reason.
"No, no, I was just leaving" the detective assured, looking over her shoulder to Lanie, "come in". She gestured her co-worker inside, watching as he made his way over to her best friend. "Lanie, I'm gonna head home. Thank-you for dinner and the chat though" she smiled. She hated eating and running, but she didn't want to invade.
"Go to him" Lanie instructed seriously. "Trust me, it will be the best decision of your life" she added.
"Go to who?" Esposito questioned, clearly curious.
"It's 'whom', and never you mind" Lanie supplied, playfully slapping his arm.
"I will see you in the morning" Kate replied, glaring at her best friend. Although she was at a loss with what to do, she didn't want to adhere to the words of Lanie because she knew that there was the highest chance that she was right.
-xo-
Kate left her best friend and co-worker and hailed a cab. Without thinking, she gave the drive Richard Castle's address. As the cab pulled up outside the writer's apartment block, Kate realized what she had done. She inwardly moaned to herself before the driver brought her attention back.
"Well?" the cab driver asked impatiently.
"Uh, give me a minute" the detective instructed. She couldn't believe what she was actually considering, and needed to go over it a moment longer.
"Lady, I've got business" the driver pressed.
"Of course; sorry" she apologized, paying the man and slipping out of the vehicle. She thought about hailing another can and heading home where she belonged, but seeing Castle's light on even from the street made Kate subconsciously walk towards the entrance to the building.
-xo-
"Federal Heat" Castle mused to himself. He had a notepad on his lap and was using any method possible to procrastinate from writing anything. "I don't understand why Beckett and Agent Shaw disagree" he frowned, coming up with possible scenarios to accommodate the title idea. Surprisingly for the time it was, the writer heard a knock at the door. Sceptically, he moved from his desk to his door Bond style, and opened it slowly. "Beckett?" he said, breaking character with surprise evident in his voice.
"Hey Castle" Kate smiled apologetically, "I'm sorry for just dropping by like this...Honestly, I'm not even sure why I'm here".
"No apology needed, Muse, come in" Rick smiled warmly, avoiding a light tap from his partner for use of the name 'Muse'. He gestured towards the kitchen stools whilst he made his way around to the coffee machine. "What's up?" he asked softly, his eyes showing all seriousness and no childish tendencies.
Kate watched Rick for a few moments, inwardly melting at how caring he could be when he wanted to be. "I broke up with Josh" she admitted after a few beats. Telling Castle that much was the easy part, and she wasn't sure that she could continue. She wasn't sure that she was ready for this part. Kate saw the look on her partner's face and gave him a knowing smile. She knew that he and Josh weren't always on the same team, but never did she realize until it had recently been pointed out that it was because Castle didn't like other men near her. When she thought back to Demming it was the same. Castle wanted to keep her safe, and this made her fall in love with him even more, even though she hated people trying to protect her. "I guess I'm here because I didn't want to be alone just yet" she sighed, thinking that it would be an acceptable excuse and get her out of telling him the truth.
"Well lucky for you, I'm up for company" Castle laughed, not saying anything on the Josh matter just yet. He was happy that Kate finally got rid of 'Dr Motorcycle Boy', but he still hate to see her hurt. The time to discuss would come, but maybe after some coffee and light-hearted banter. Rick finished making two cups of coffee and handed one across to the detective with a smile. He had been buying and making his partner coffee from the beginning and although to everyone else it was just friendly coffee, to them it signified so much more.
"Thank you" the detective smiled warmly. She could never understand why he was always there for her, but it seemed that he just was. When she was at her weakest, Rick would be there to put her back together again. When she was at her strongest, Rick was by her side making her job just that much more bearable. Even before they knew each other personally, Rick helped her through her mother's murder with his books. He was always there for her, and the coffee in her hands was just another example of that. "So, where is everyone?" she asked casually.
"Mother is upstairs subjecting Alexis to what it's like to be in the spotlight. They're going through old recordings of mother's famous days" he explained, casting a glance towards the staircase for a second. It was small glances like that, among many other things that really made it show just how much Richard adored and loved his family.
It was small glances like that that made Kate fall in love with the man over and over again, and made her wonder why she was so afraid of getting hurt. She had seen the writer do what he could to keep his family safe, but she didn't know why she couldn't accept that he would do the same for her. Maybe that was why she could open up. She didn't want a man having to protect her. That one simple look she just witnessed from her partner was enough to send Kate's mind racing. "You know what, I should... Uh, I should just go. Yeah, I have some uh, paperwork I just remembered" Kate rambled, placing the untasted coffee on the counter.
"What? At this hour?" Castle asked astonished, his eyes furrowing together, "But you just got here". He knew better than to question the detective, but he knew that she came there with something important to discuss.
"The paperwork never stops" Kate reminded as she made her way to the front door. Avoiding Castle's gaze, the brunette shrugged on her coat. "Thanks for the coffee" she mumbled, turning and placing her hand on the handle.
"Kate?" Martha called from the bottom of the stairs. She had gotten up to get some more snacks for her and Alexis when she heard a familiar voice downstairs. "What are you doing here?" she smiled with surprise. Even Martha knew that it was strange having a social visit at that time of night.
"I was just leaving actually, Martha" Kate informed nicely, "It's been a busy day and I should rest up before another one tomorrow".
"But I thought you were going to do paperwork? That doesn't sound like resting to me. Let me come and help with the paperw-"
"No, Castle!" Kate interrupted, "I mean, thank you, but it's alright. Have a good night, the both of you". With one last pseudo smile, Kate was finally out the door.
"What was all that about?" Martha questioned, coming to her son's side.
"Your guess is as good as mine" Castle replied distantly, his eyes still on the closed door.
Author's note two: Should I continue the story, or not?