1-2-05
Heartbreak
Dr. Gorma's office was on the far south end of the castle near the newly finish hospital wing and nursery. He was working on a patient's file when Queen Allura knocked on his door. "Come in" Allura walked in nervous and anxious to see if Dr. Gorma could fit her into his busy schedule today.
"Can you do a pregnancy test for me, Doctor?" She looked him in the eye hopeful that he would be able to accommodate.
"Yes, my queen. I will be right back. Please sit." He gestured to the examination table and left to wash up to perform the test. He came back a few minutes later, took some blood and left again. Fifteen minutes later, he came back with a bright happy smile on his face. The smile was all Allura needed to know. I am pregnant, yes! Finally!
Let me examine you to see how far along you are. The next few minutes went by quickly. He told her she was about three weeks along and that she would need to come back later to go over all the details about pregnancy. He knew that she was too excited to listen to him now. She wants to share the good news with her husband. "Go my queen, just come back some time to day to go over your diet, nutrition, and stress management plan to stay healthy."
"Thank you Doctor." She smiled and hugged him then left to find her captain.
Allura entered castle control humming softly excited about the news she had to tell Keith. She saw Coran as she entered the room. Coran does not hear Allura walk in. He is too busy watching lion practice with the new recruits. Normally Keith would be beside him giving commands and monitoring their progress. "Coran," Allura called softly to her long time advisor and surrogate father.
"Hello my queen, what can I do for you?" Coran asked politely as he switched the monitor to patrol the castle grounds.
"Where is the captain? I thought Keith would be here with you?" She looked around for his presence.
"He is with the new recruits on Team Charlie. He wanted to put in some flying time while Lance is on the ground doing hand to hand combat drills with the Team Delta."
"Oh will you tell him that when he is done I would like to see him in my study."
"Okay, is there something I can do for you in the meantime?"
"No thank you. I am fine." She did not want to tell Coran until she had a chance to share her good news with her husband first. She turned and exited the control center going straight to her study. For the next hour, she tried to concentrate on some light paper work from the Arusian council of elders. They wanted to make changes to how the land was parceled out to the town and cities in the surrounding counties. Lately, there had been disputes on how much land needed to rebuild the city of Crescent Moon. It was only a minor dispute compared to the ones they had when Alfornia and Voltronia were rebuilt. The townspeople and the elders fought constantly over property rights and taxes.
Reading over the legislation made Allura sleepy. She wanted to stay awake to wait for her husband but her eyes kept closing as she tried to turn the pages. Finally, in defeat she retired to bed to wait for him. She left the study door open and crawled on the couch with a blanket. She fell asleep in no time.
Keith came into the door of their bed and took a shower. He did not see Allura until he came out of the shower. He went to Allura's study like Coran requested but when he did not see her he went to the showers to erase the sweat and hard work away from his tired body. The recruits were fast learners and a good stock of Arusian and Terran men and women who joined the Arusian Air Force and Arusian Army. They had trained long and hard for the last few weeks in regular aircraft. Now they were training in the lions.
Keith walked back to Allura's study and found her asleep on the couch. She had a serene look on her face. He loved watching her sleep. She was beautiful in every way to him. He gently picked her up from the couch and carried her into their bedroom. He figured that she would be more comfortable there. She stirred a little in his arms but did not wake up. He pulled the covers over her.
"Keith, she whispered softly opening her eyes slowly. She yawned and felt him touch her face softly.
"How are you, my love?" he asked caressing her face with his rough callous hands.
"When did you get back from practice?" she asked. "I missed you earlier today. I wanted to tell you something."
"I finish about half an hour ago. Coran told me you were looking for me. What's wrong?" he asked kissing her forehead. She reached up with her hands and put them around his neck. She kissed his lips softly.
"Nothing's wrong, I just wanted to let you know that I'm pregnant." She smiled shyly. She looked into his eyes waiting for him to respond. The look of shock on his face made her smile even more. "Are you happy?"
"Of course," he kissed her hard in excited joy. "Are you sure?" he asked too stunned too really know what to say.
"Yes, Dr. Gorma confirmed it for me today while you were at practice." He kissed her again.
"How far along?" he asked softly as he kissed her cheek and played with her hair. By now, he was sitting on top of the covers next to her in their king size bed.
"Two weeks. I have to go back later to talk to him about my diet and workload. Will you be free later around 4 o'clock?"
"Yes, of course. I will make myself available. I love you. Thank you, for this wonderful gift." He said softly pulling her into his embrace.
"I love you, Keith. I can't wait to be a mommy." They held each other, content in the knowledge that they were going to be parents.
Allura woke up with a slight discomfort in her lower abdomen. She thought she was going through morning sickness. She rubbed her belly as she moved away from Keith who was still sleeping. It was still early before he would leave for lion practice. She felt a slight cramp at first in her abdomen and felt a liquid running slowly down between her legs. She climbed out of bed and went to bathroom. Oh, no, I am bleeding, she thought. Again, she felt another cramp in her abdomen. She cried out this time in pain.
Keith heard her and awoke suddenly. "Allura?" he called out when he did not see her. He quickly jumped out of bed his senses now more alert. "Allura!" he called out again as he saw the light coming from the bathroom. He quickly went to the bathroom where he found her on floor cramped over. He quickly kneeled down to face her.
"Honey what is wrong?" he asked calmly through there was a nervous twitch of worry in his voice.
"Keith, it's the baby, get Dr. Gorma." She cried as she curled up in pain. Keith wasted no time getting her to the doctor. He called with on his com link then lifted her off the floor. He carried her half way to the medical ward until the medical team arrived. Keith followed behind them agitated and worried that something was wrong with her and the baby. He did not know how to deal with this fear. He could deal with Lotor as a threat but a threat like this. He felt so helpless. Keith paced back and forth in the waiting room until they made it to the hospital wing. Dr. Gorma ran tests and found out that she had a miscarriage. It was heartbreaking news for the doctor to tell his patient. Dr. Gorma walked with a heavy heart outside to the waiting room. Keith looked up as Dr. Gorma came to him. He knew the news was not good.
"I am sorry my king. She lost the baby." He said this quietly already knowing that Keith knew.
"Can I see her?" he said quietly with a stoic face.
Dr. Gorma nodded a solemn yes to Keith. "She is resting. I gave her a sedative for the pain." He turned and walked toward his office. Keith walked with his head hung low into Allura's room. He pulled a chair up to her bed. Stroking her hair softly he watched her sleep. "I am so sorry my love," Keith whispered softly.
Allura stirred softly in her sleep. She awoke to the soft sounds of Keith soothing voice.
"Hi," he said. She slowly sat up. She could tell that things were wrong. Sudden realization donned on her that she was in the hospital not their bedroom. The baby! She started to cry. "I am so sorry, Allura, my angel." He positioned himself behind her on the bed and held her tightly. She cried into his chest heavy sobbing cries.
"Oh, why did I have to lose our baby," she cried into him. Overcome with grief she could not speak any more words. He held her tightly rubbing her back in the process. "I love you, my angel. We will get through this together. Keith had tried to contain his own tears in order to be strong for Allura but a few tears flowed down his cheek as he tried to comfort his wife.
They eventually both fell asleep in each other's arms.
Moving On - Part 2
Three months had passed since they had lost the baby. Allura had not been able to move past the lost. She kept her distance from almost everyone. Keith and Allura had decided to inform only the closest friends and family of their lost. They did not want the public to know so they could heal their hearts and minds without the added pressure of public scrutiny.
Keith had thrown himself into his work trying to give Allura the space she need and demanded. He did not want to be away from her. He did not think it was healthy for her to keep herself locked away for long periods during the day. Nanny checked on her when he could not do it. She was hard to get along with at times and the tension between them seemed to increase anytime he tried to get her to open her feelings to him.
Sometimes they grieved together and other times he had tried to move on. Keith, a patient man by nature, was becoming frustrated with the situation. Anytime he would try to show his wife affection, affection that could lead to four plays and making love, she would shut down and shut him out. He did not know what to do.
"Allura, we have to talk honey." Keith said one late evening, as they were getting ready for bed. Allura looked up from brushing her. Keith came to the dressing table and put his hand on his wife shoulder. "I want you know that I love you and I want you to talk to me. Tell me how I can help you deal with ..."
"Keith, I don't want to talk about it." Allura interrupted him. She knew she was hurting him but she could not help it. She did not want to reopen the hurt and the pain. She picked up her hair brush to brush her hair. Tears started slowly sliding down her face.
"Honey we have to. You have to get past this and I want to help you." He stops her from brushing her. Pulls her to him and brings her over to the bed. The tears continue to fall softly from her face. He takes his hand and slowing caresses her check wiping away each tear. "Honey, I love you and I can't help you if you don't tell me what you are afraid of." Having known Allura for along time, he could sense that something more than losing the baby a month ago was making her depressed.
For a long time, Keith holds Allura and lets her cry. He was not going to pressure her into telling him her feelings. He was going to wait her out. This was something he had planned to do for a while since she had started to go into a deeper depression than was normal. Dr. Gorma had told him to give her time and if she started to get worst then counseling would be the next step before any medication would be prescribed. Allura refused to go to counseling. She did not think it would help and did not want some one telling her she did not have the right to be depressed feel sorry for herself. She wanted to wallow in self-pity. She could deal with the attacks on her planet, the attacks on her character, and the attacks from her obsessed enemy but she could deal with the betrayal from her own body. It was her last refuge and now that too was destroying her from inside out.
Finally, Allura stopped her tears and let go of hold Keith had on her. She mustered up the courage to confront the demons that tormented her soul. "Keith, I am sorry for they way I have been acting. I know I am not dealing with this miscarriage very well. I never thought my body would betray me in this way. Not after all things, I have been through. I never imagined going through something like this. I really wanted a baby"
"I know honey. We will have a child some day. You cannot blame yourself for the lost. It is an act of nature. Nothing could have prevented it from happening. Maybe the baby was not ready to come into being so God had to make adjust and it will come later. We can and will try again when you are willing. Know that I don't blame you and you shouldn't either."
"Keith, what if it happens again. What if I can't have a baby of our own? What if..." She buried her face in his chest sobbing uncontrollably now. He held gently telling her it is going to be okay.
"You can't live in the if zone, angel. We just have to deal with that when it comes. You know we can always adopt if we cannot have children of our own. We will not stop trying until we have exhausted all the possibilities. I love you and that will not change if we do or do not have children by blood. You know there are so many orphans that need care."
"But Keith you know we are required to have an heir by birth or our government will be thrown into chaos." She looked up at Keith who was looking down upon her. His eyes saw the fear in hers and he knew that she was working herself up for no real reason. These fears could manifest themselves and gain momentum if he allowed them to take over. They had already seeped in for the past month. This was going to stop now.
"Allura listen to me honey," Keith said. "I know that you are afraid but making yourself miserable is not going to make this go away. You are hurting yourself more by locking all the happiness away and contemplating on what may or may not be. We will worry about those things when the time comes. Allow yourself to move on honey. I can't lose you too." His last statement struck a nerve with her. She suddenly realized what this must have done to him too. After all, he did lose a child too.
"You are right," she said softly. She kissed him tenderly on the lips. "I am sorry, forgive me." He looked at her with a long loving look. "There is nothing to forgive." He said softly and kissed her passionately for the first time in a long time. They continued to kiss as he picked her up and carried her to their bedchambers. For the first time in three months, Keith and Allura made love. For first time Allura let go of her misery and paid attention the joyous relationship she had with her loving husband.
The end.