I'm Still Here
I trudged around the house having no particular destination. I sigh, thinking about how fun-filled and action-packed my school days were, and how boring and miserable my summers were. I am completely opposite my family…or what is supposed to be my family. The Blacks think very highly of themselves, but I don't. Ok I do but, only because I'm extremely good-looking, talented, very attractive, and the world's best Marauder. They want me to be just like them, but won't . That's not me, and it never will be. I am Sirius Black and I am me.
I am a question to the world
Not an answer to be heard
Or a moment that's held in your arms
And what do you think you'd ever say
I won't listen anyway, you don't know me
And I'll never be what you want me to be
And what do you think you'd understand
I'm a boy, no, I'm a man
You can't take me and throw me away
I walk into the library and sit down beside our small window. I stare at the stars and the full moon, poor Moony. Searching the sky my eyes land on one particularly bright star, the brightest in the night sky. Sirius, the dog star…how ironic. It stands out among all the others…like a rebel. I think for a while, then I rush up to my bedroom and lock the door behind me.
And how can you learn what's never shown
Yeah, you stand here on your own
They don't know me 'cause I'm not here
And I want a moment to be real
Wanna touch things I don't feel
Wanna hold on and feel I belong
And how can the world want me to change
They're the ones that stay the same
They don't know me 'cause I'm not here
I watch my brother, Sirius run up the stairs and wonder what he's up to, for he doesn't exactly follow the rules. I approach the window that he was staring out moments ago. My eyes search the stars until they rest on my namesake. Regulus, meaning prince or little king. I marvel at how true that is. Sirius may be the heir but I am the loyal one, the favorite. Next my eyes find my other star, Arcturus. Still behind Sirius, but still quite bright. Mother and father prefer me for I am proud of my blood status, a true Slytherin, and a genuine Black...right?
And you see the things they never see
All you wanted I could be
Now you know me and I'm not afraid
And I want to tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man
They can't break me as long as I know who I am
In my room I busy myself packing my trunk with clothes, money, school stuff, and other random objects. I've decided to run away. I don't know where, but anywhere's better than here. It takes a while but after two hours I am ready to go. I pile my trunks up and reach for the doorknob when…knock knock knock. I hide my stuff and open the door to find my nosey brother Regulus staring back at me.
"What do you want?".
"What are you doing, brother?".
"Mind your own business, brother. If you must know I'm leaving".
"What do you mean?"
"I'm ditching this place".
"Mother will go mad you know, she'll disown you. You don't want that now do you?"
"I'd like nothing more"
I drag my luggage out the door and fly down the stairs. Throwing the front door open I dash out into the humid July air not bothering to close the door, leaving that wretched world behind forever.
And I want a moment to be real
Wanna touch things I don't feel
Wanna hold on and feel I belong
And how can the world want me to change
They're the ones that stay the same
They can't see me but I'm still here
They can't tell me who to be
'Cause I'm not what they see
Yeah, the world is still sleepin'
While I keep on dreamin for me
And their words are just whispers
And lies that I'll never believe
I dissaperate to the small town where Prongs lives. Almost nothing in the world can compare to this feeling of freedom that I have now. It starts to rain, making my curly black hair lay flat against my head. Everything seem alright now, not even the rain can ruin this moment. After 16 years I am finally free.
And I want a moment to be real
Wanna touch things I don't feel
Wanna hold on and feel I belong
Well I was right, mother did have a fit. I knew I was the good one staying by my family's side. I sit in the drawing room, my head held in my hands. "I am glad he left", I try to convince myself, "He was never any good, doing whatever he could to diminish the noble name of Black". I lift my head and stand up, sighing heavily. I walk slowly to the wall that bears our long family tree. My hand runs over the newly burnt name on the tapestry and whisper my brother's name, not wanting my parents here , "I wish you hadn't gone Sirius".
A sudden rush of anger sweeps over me. He left us…me. He wasn't worthy to be a Black. My anger builds the longer I think about it. I walk briskly out of the room, my mind made up. I am going to do everything I have to do to prove to my family that I am worthy to be who I am. I am the one who has changed now, for I am now the heir, the favorite, and the true Black. I am Regulus Arcturus Black and I'm still here.
And how can they say I never change
They're the ones that stay the same
I'm the one now, 'cause I'm still here
I'm the one, 'cause I'm still here
I'm still here, I'm still here
I'm still here