Life is Beautiful
"It didn't mean anything, what Sawyer said to you." Kate looked up to find Jack standing before her.
"If he didn't mean it then why did he say it?" Kate knew that when Jack said that it didn't mean anything that he wasn't just talking about Sawyer. There was something different about when Kate kissed Jack and when Juliet kissed Jack. When Kate kissed Jack it was as if there was always something holding them back and finally they had let their barriers down but when Juliet kissed him, it was as though she was saying goodbye.
"He said it to protect you. That's why I asked you not to come back for me." Kate stopped tying her show and stood up starring at Jack as he turned back around to face her.
"Why you sticking up for Sawyer? He wouldn't do the same for you." Jack looked to the ground thinking about all the things that were going to come from the three words he said. To him, it didn't bother him to know that Juliet would be hurt because he was tired of lying to himself and to Kate.
"Because I love you." He regretted his decision almost instantly and then he saw Kate's smile appear and every bit of worry and doubt disappeared. And with that he left her standing in the middle of the jungle.
Present Day
Kate thought of this moment as if it was on repeat. She continued to replay his words over and over again. She quickly turned off the car and looked up to find the jeep she had seen so many times before. She looked into the back seat and smiled as a stray tear fell down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away and got out of the car. There he stood, beard and all, in front of her. He looked strung out and his eyes were bloodshot.
"You look terrible." Jack laughed a bit and smiled.
"Thanks." He told Kate that they needed to back to the island and as she tried to leave he pulled her closer.
"Jack...I can't. He'll be wondering where I am." The lies had already begun with Kate and she had promised herself she wouldn't. Kate had lied to Jack for over two years, she lied about being with Sawyer and now she was lying to him again. When they first got rescued Jack and Juliet were together and Kate was with Sawyer but Kate and Jack couldn't leave their feelings behind. They had an affair, and it wasn't a brief one. For most of Kate's relationship with Sawyer she was with Jack and out of fear of Sawyer ruining it, she called her relationship with Sawyer off. But instead of telling Jack she waited, to see if he would break it off with Juliet.
As Kate broke away from Jack's touch she walked back to the car and stood at the door watching Jack one last time. She got in and sat in the driver seat and her eyes couldn't hold back the tears any longer. The streaks smeared all her makeup down her cheeks and she began to sob until she heard a noise from the back seat.
"Oh look whose up!" She said with a smile as she turned around to find her baby son in the carseat. She saw Jack open his car door and quickly rolled down her window to stop him.
"Jack! Can you get in for a minute?" When Jack nodded she quickly upped the window back up and looked back to Ryan. Jack opened the door and smiled as he sat down.
"I want to show you something, this is Ryan." She looked back into the backseat and Jack followed her lead and looked down to the baby.
"Kate what..." but she cut him off before he could continue.
"His name is Ryan, Ryan Jackson Shephered. He's you son Jack."
"But why wouldn't he be Sawyer's?" Jack knew that there was a possibility that Ryan was his son, especially when he looked into Ryan's eyes, the same brown eyes he himself had.
"No. I broke it off with Sawyer four months before I found out I was pregnant. That's why I left you, I didn't want you leaving Juliet because you had to, I wanted you to leave her because you wanted to be with me."
"So, he's mine?" Kate nodded as she looked back up from Ryan to Jack. "Can I hold him?" She nodded once again and smiled as she turned around to pick him up. She brought him in the front and laid him down in Jack's arms. Jack looked down at Ryan and started to cry.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Jack shook his head as he spoke. He was talking to both Kate and Ryan and Kate watched as Jack's eyes left Ryan and made their way to her own.
"Kate, I'm sorry..." She continued to cry as she turned to him and placed her hands on either side of his face. She bgan to move closer to him until Jack kissed her. She could feel his beard against her soft face and she smiled as she continued to kiss him.
The next morning Kate awoke with nothing but the blanket that covered her body. She looked over to find Jack sleeping nect to her. She stood up and slowly got dressed before she walked down the hall to check on Ryan. She was sitting in the kitchen when Jack awoke and smiled as he walked in. He was clean shaven but still idn't look like his old self. Kate starred down at her coffee as Jack sat across from her. There was a silence for sometime before she finally spoke up.
"What does this mean?" She blantently asked, breaking the silence between them. Jack looked up and placed his muh on the table.
"I don't understand..." but Kate didn't plan on leaving him in the dark.
"What does this mean for you and me? For me and Ryan?" Kate continued to look down at her coffee because the fear of what met her in Jack's eyes was too unbearable. She didn't know what she would do if he said that it all meant nothing to him.
"I want to be apart of his life. I want to see him grow up." Kate nodded as Jack took her hand in his. "As for us, it's up to you." Kate smiled as she leaned over the table to kiss Jack. Jack smiled as KAte sat back down in her seat. She was just about to say something when Ryan began to cry.
"I'll be right back." She slowly let go of Jack's hand and walked back to Ryan's roomk. Jack waited a while before following Kate into the hall. He walked to the doorway of Ryan's room and leaned against the frame. He watched as KAte picked Ryan up and patted his back. Ryan looked to Jack and giggled and Jack couldn't help but smile. Kate turned around and smiled at Jack. She motioned for him to come closer and held out Ryan to him.
"If you want to be his father you have to learn how to hold him." Jack laughed a bit and looked to the ground.
"Kate, I'm a doctor, I know how to hold a baby." Kate smirked as she held Ryan closer to her.
"So you know that he likes to be bounced when you hold him and that he doesn't like to be craddled? You know how to hold a baby but you don't know how to hold your son..." Kate ate her words as she spoke. She knew that it wasn't his fault that he didn't know his son. It was her decision, a decision she now regretted.
"You didn't give me much of a choice did you?" Jack's voice changed as his anger grew. Kate knew that no matter what she said it wouldn't matter but she had to explain. She looked down as she began.
"I came to your office one day, about three months into my pregnancy, to tell you but I...I saw you with her, with Juliet." Kate paused as she laid Ryan back down in his crib and closed her eyes for a moment before turning to Jack. "I saw you smiling and you were happy and I didn't want to ruin your life. I don't want us to happen now just because Juliet died, I want you to love me." Kate had tears falling down her cheeks and Jack pulled her close to him. Kate tried to fight him but couldn't.
"I was happy with Juliet. I had everything I ever wanted and everything I ever needed. I had everything but all I could think about was you. Every night I would think about you lying beside someone else, him kissing you and touching you and it drove me insane. Kate, I wasn't lying to you that day on the island. I loved you then and I still love you now." Kate smiled as she looked up to Jack.
"I love you." Kate had back away from Jack as she spoke. "I've never told anyone that before. I've never admitted it because I was always afraid of the response I would get." Kate swallowed before she went on. "So what I'm saying is, I want us, not just for Ryan but for me. I want to know you'll always be there for me, that you'll always have my back and protect me. I want to know you'll be there because your the only reason I never run. The old me would have ran that day I sewed your side..."
"But you didn't." Jack finished her story and she smiled to him.
"But I didn't."
Past
You can't know
Oh no you can't know how much I think about you
No it's making my head spin.
Kate was standing in the elevator listening to the music. There was a storm raging outside and she could hear the thunder. The ding of the elevator brought her back to reality as she stepped out onto Jack's floor. Kate saw Jack standing outside his door and she smiled.
Looking at you
And you are looking at me
And we both know what we want
So close to giving in
The music was still playing in the hallway as she moved closer to where Jack stood. He smiled to her as he leaned against the frame with his arms crossed.
"You came." He said as he looked down on her. Kate leaned up and kissed Jack.
"When have I not."
Feels so nice
Yeah you feel so nice
Wish I could spend my night
But I can't pay the price
Kate smiled to Jack as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He lifted her up and Kate wrppaed her legs around Jack. She laughed as she heard the door slam and looked up to find them already in Jack's bedroom.
I'm flying so high
High off the ground
When your around
Kate looked up to see the TV on and the song she had heard all night playing. She could feel Jack kiss her neck as she closed her eyes.
I can feel you
Your high, touching me inside
And it's too much to hide.
Kate could feel Jack's every move. She could feel him touch her, feel him inside.
I know we can't be together
But I just like to dream
It's so strange the way are paths crossed
How we were brought together
It's writtin in the stars it seems.
Feels so nice, oh yeah you feel so nice
Wish I could spend my night
But I can't pay the price
I'm flying so high
High off the ground, when your around.
And I can feel you your high
Touching me inside, and it's too much to hide.
As Kate lay beisde Jack she tried to hold back the tears in her eyes. She wanted to cry because the many nights she had laid with Sawyer she thought of Jack. As her panting subsided she rolled herself up into Jack's arms.
Back to Earth, where di you take me to?
I know there no such thing.
It's painless love and it will catch us up.
We can never win
I feel so alive, I want to hold you so tight.
The song had ended hours ago but Kate knew every word of it. The lyrics played through her head as she thought about her life. Sawyer was out of the picture and had been and she had found out the other day that she was pregnant with Jack's baby. Tonight was going to be the night that she was going to end it but she didn't know if she could.
"Jack, I...I can't do this anymore." Kate still had the tears in her eyes as she used Jack's chest to help her pulled herself up. Jack noticed her eyes and quickly sat up as well.
"Kate, what is it? What's wrong?"
"What's wrong is this, what we're doing, is wrong. Jack we can't ever do the things I dream of. We can't ever walk down the street holding hands or sneak a kiss while were sitting in the park. I can't feel anything but jealousy when I look at you because I'm jealous of the that that some other woman gets to do the things that dream." Kate was crying and letting her barrier down. She looked at Jack who was crying to but his eyes showed anger.
"How about me, huh? Everytime I am with Juliet I think about you and I think about Sawyer touching you with his hands! I want to be happy but I can't do that when I'm always thinking of you." Kate stood up from the bed and began to redress herself as she continued to cry.
"Fine! Then we know what to do...Goodbye Jack." Kate picked up her purse from the floor and walked out of the apartment. Jack fell back down onto the bed and cupped his face in his hands. He continued to lay down and cry as the night wore on.
When Kate slammed the door shut she slid down the door slowly and sat on the ground as she herself sobbed.
Present Day
Kate looked at the hand that was wrapped around her, a wedding band on it. She smiled as she heard the footsteps down the hall and the room suddenly becoming loud.
"Mommy, Daddy WAKE UP!" Ryan was on the edge of their bed jumping up and down, trying to wake them up. Jack laughed as he got up and grabbed Ryan.
"Come on, I'll get you breakfast. Let Mommy sleep." Jack carried Ryan out sideway and shut the door behind him. Kate remained in bed for about another hour until she stood up. She placed her hand over her growing stomach and used her other hand to guide her way down the hall. She walked into the kitchen and smiled to Jack and ryan as they were both still eating.
"Morning," Jack said as he stood up and kissed Kate. He pulled a chair out for her and then walked into the kitchen to fix her a plate.
"Mommy look at the picture I made, that's you and Daddy. That's Auntie Claire, that's Aaron and that's that dumbass country hick..."
"Ryan Jackson!" Kate looked at Ryan and she heard Jack laugh behind her. she turned to face him and raised her eyebrows.
"What? The boy's intellegent, he figures these things out on his own." Jack still smiled as he placed Kate's place in front of her and sat down. As the morning wore on Kate and Jack continued to laugh and try to forget the lingering memories of that day in the past. Jack was off for the day and Kate didn't work so they decided to take Ryan to the park. As the drove down the street a familar song rang into the Kate's ears from the radio.
Funny now, I see you standing here.
All alone, out in the rain.
Together now, we can be saved.
Kate felt the sting of her salty tears as Jack quickly shut the radio off. Ryan looked confused as he looked from his mother to his father.
"It it makes you that sad mommy, we don't have to go to the park."
Kate laughed a bit as she wiped her eyes and looked at Ryan.
"No it's alright baby, we're going to the park. That song was just by one of Mommy and Daddy's friend. Today was the day he died back when we were on the island." Kate left out the part about Juliet's death and she saw Jack's eyes change to anger. Kate still felt jealousy towards Juliet, even though she was with Jack. Juliet had made Kate go through so much alone that she didn't want to have to face without someone. She went through her pregnancy alone and raised him on her own for the first year of his life, all because of her.
Jack remained quiet the entire rest of the day until later that night after they put Ryan to sleep. Jack sat down on the bed and began to get ready to go to bed when he finally spoke.
"Why would you do that Kate? You promised me that you would never do that and you go and single out the fact that your jealous of someone whose dead! What the hell Kate?!? Why couldn't you have just said that today was the anniversary of our friends? Why couldn't you have included her..."
"Because she's not a friend to me!" Kate had slammed her hand on the dresser, breaking a glass bottle that was on it, and her hand was bleeding but she didn't turned around or even look up into the mirror. "I'm sorry that I don't want to remember the woman who made my life a living hell for years. I'm sorry that I don't want to remember the woman your still in love iwht!" She turned around but kept her bleeding hand behind her. "I see the way you look at the pictures from when we were rescused, how your eyes drift over to her. I see the way you look when you hear her name. See, this is exactly why I didn't tell you about Ryan in the first place. All those fears that you promised me weren't ever going to happen, are happening Jack." Kate paused as she looked up to him. "You don't love me, I'm just something you needed to fix."
Kate walked past Jack and out of the bedroom. She went into the kitchen and ran her injured hand the water. She grabbed the towel on the counter and wrapped it around her hand. She heard JAck enter the room and looked up to find him standing by her. He tried to grab her hand to look at it but she pulled it away.
"Kate, let me see it." Kate slowly moved her hand towards him as he looked at the cut. He noticed a piece of glass in her hand and looked up to her. "This is going to hurt a little bit, alright?" Kate nodded as he pulled the glass out. She cringed in pain but quickly drew her hand back. She placed a bandage on herself and began to walk away when Jack grabbed her arm.
"Please just let me go..."
"Not until you listen to me. Kate, I look at those picture to remind myself of the past. I regret the fact that I wasn't there for you when Ryan was boren and everytime I look at those picture I think of how I'm going to be there for you with the new baby and for every moment after. I love you and I'm not just saying that to calm you down or make you feel better. I truly, completely love you." Kate had began to cry again and Jack hugged her as she sobbed she knew taht he loved her but it was the fear of what could happen that always made her about that.