The trial was a formality of sorts, the first of its kind. No one doubted the defendant's guilt: he had broken a Fidelius Charm and unleashed a secret upon the world. That in itself, however, was no crime.
He could, perhaps, have been tried in the Muggle world for violation of intellectual property law. But the Muggle world, it was believed, could not handle such an occasion. It was a crime by a wizard and confined to wizardkind; it was wizard children's tears that doomed the accused in the eyes of the public, more so than any formal ruling could.
But he had come to the Wizengamot without objection, something that mildly disturbed his interrogator. He made no effort to deny the charges, and had not given any commentary to the press before his trial.
Amelia Bones attempted propriety in reading the list of charges, but there were no legal grounds for him to be there. So had the entire purpose of him coming been to turn it into a media spectacle? To draw more attention to himself?
Or, she realized, as he began to speak, to justify his atrocity?
"I will be brief," he spoke, addressing not only the jury but the world. "We all have other priorities. Evil is loose among us."
The last several weeks had been chaotic. After a year of denial, the Ministry had reluctantly admitted that Voldemort had returned. Terror flooded the nation, and danger seemed to lurk behind every curtain, in front of every veil. A few wizards and witches queasily shifted in their seats. The dark was rampant, and they were dealing with…What?
"He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has returned. We are all aware of this tragedy. And his aims are as deadly as ever: to spread disorder, to stifle truth, to combat the right."
Amelia tried to focus through her confusing. What was the man saying? He spouted eloquent rhetoric, but everyone already knew every word he said.
"His goals are the antithesis of ours. We desire unity and life. We crave knowledge and openness, and it is the duty of every witch and wizard in this room and in this world to strive for these."
So he was going to portray himself as a foil to Voldemort? The man truly was mad.
"I, as you all know, became entrusted with a weighty piece of knowledge. I was commanded to conceal it, to deny it to the world. This secretivism, that retreat unto myself…that attitude is precisely what evil desires! It enjoys nothing more than turning people against each other. Untruths and rumors became the order of the day. Only I, in my power, was able to combat them. What I have done, I have done in the name of freedom. I have not cared for personal gain, nor do I worry about the insults I suffer from those that do not understand and appreciate my actions. I only try to share knowledge, and fend off darkness in the best way I know."
Amelia waited, but he had finished. She continued pausing, trying to build up her formality once again.
"Those in favor of clearing the witness of all charges?"
No hands were raised.
"And those in favor of conviction?"
Reluctantly, they were elevated. There were many abstentions, but even a single vote would have sufficed.
"The witness has been convicted," she pronounced, "for improper use of his position as a Secret-Keeper by disclosing the final episode of The Adventures of Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle before its planned release date. The witness is sentenced to read one thousand pages of fanfiction based off of that comic. Case closed, court dismissed."