I am going on a crazy writing spree now my goodness
I am really gonna regret all this later
anyway here's a small kyman story based on "it's a jersey thing" because I can't get over how much I love kyley-b
disclaimer; I don't own south park and once again I don't know the artist of the cover photo, credit to them for that
anyhoo enjoy
"You have cabbage in your fucking muff!" Kyle spewed angrily before striking Snooki in the face.
The creature let out a pained yelp before scurrying out the window, defeated.
The brunette laid on the floor, absolutely speechless. It occurred to him his pants were still down and he scrambled to get them back on.
"T-Thank you, Kahl." Cartman said, slightly embarrassed at what had just happened.
"Sure... no problem," Kyle mumbled as he helped Cartman stand to his feet.
"No, really, I...," Cartman started, but stopped himself when he realized the room was still full of their classmates. "Uh, yeah so, whatever."
Kyle glared at him angrily. "That's all you have to say?"
"What are you talking about? I'm seriously. Thank you."
"You have nothing else to say?"
"Uhh. Nice hair?"
"No!" Kyle snapped. "Don't you think there's an apology in order here?" He referred to not long ago when the larger male nearly fated him to freeze in a meat locker.
"Ah Kahl, you don't have to do that. Saving me was enough."
"Fuck you, fatass," Kyle grumbled before stomping off hopelessly.
Cartman swallowed. Now that the Jew was out of sight, he could breathe again.
"Okay, well... screw you guys, I'm going home," he squeaked before heading out himself, leaving behind his stunned classmates.
The Jersey folk retreating back to their own state was all over the news. Cartman got sick of hearing about it and shut off the T.V., laying down in bed, and becoming vulnerable to his own thoughts.
I knew it. I knew Kyle was one of them.
But... he used his power for good. Even after I was about to lock him up in a damn meat locker.
Why?
He rolled over on his side. His head was starting to hurt. He really had been grateful to the redhead, and he did want to apologize.
And the worst part of it was that Kyle actually looked and sounded damn fine.
He couldn't let this hang over his head. Kicking himself up, he left his house unbeknownst to his mother and made his way down the street to the Broflovski residence. He snuck around to the backyard where he found his trusty ladder he had left there a couple of days ago, that Kyle had still apparently failed to notice.
He had no reason for putting it there originally. He just knew it would come in handy some day. Today was that day.
Climbing up, he reached Kyle's window to find the redhead attempting to comb his hair back to its usual curly, fluffy goodness, but was apparently failing. He angrily threw his comb aside and put his face in his hands with a loud sigh.
Cartman was thankful. Don't mess up your hair, Kahl. It looks fire as fuck!
Before he even knew what he was doing, Cartman knocked on the window, startling his "little monster" as he quickly spun around, a hand gripping his shirt where his heart would be. Letting out a relieved and an annoyed groan, Kyle made his way to the window and unlocked it.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Nothing," Cartman answered flatly as he hopped over the window cill.
"Nothing huh?" Kyle crossed his arms. "Let me rephrase. Why the hell are you stalking me on a ladder and peeping through my fucking window?!"
"Well that's a fair question, Kahl, but I know you're not stupid," the larger male answered with a sly smirk. "Why do you think people normally do things like that?"
"Either cause they're a total fucking creep or they're obnoxiously romantic," Kyle weighed his options and mentally settled for the first one. After all, this was Cartman he was talking to.
"One of those is correct."
"I know," the smarter one rolled his eyes. "So what did you come here to do? Make fun of me? Go on and on about how you were right about my blood?"
"It's tempting," Cartman adjusted the bulge of his stomach. "But no. I came to say thank you again, and that I'm sorry." He forced the words out of his mouth.
"...excuse me? What did you say?"
Damn that triple J, he was gonna make him repeat himself.
"Thank you, and I'm sorry," he sneered a second time. He had a bad taste in his mouth. Being polite wasn't one of his strengths.
Kyle remained silent, completely stunned by the other's words.
"You came here to say sorry," Kyle half-asked, half-stated in denial.
"Yep. Well, that's not all I wanted to say."
The green-eyed male rolled his eyes. Of course he has more to say. More like more bullshit to spit out of his mouthー
Kyle let out a startled, muffled sound when his lips were suddenly being crushed by something. His eyes widened in utter shock when he realized that something was Cartman's lips.
Too stunned to pull away, or push him away, Kyle stood completely still and rigid, hands at his sides, his shoulders stuck in a jerked position. When he felt large, beefy hands grip his forearms, he snapped back to reality and backed up.
"What the fuck, Cartman?!" He shouted as a whisper, not wanting his parents to hear. "You said you just came here to say something!"
"Well some things don't need words, do they?" Cartman licked his lips that were wearing a shit-eating grin.
"W-What the hell? Why would you just... kiss me like that?"
"Come on, Kahl, you're being stupid again. Why do you think people would normally do such a thing?" He asked the same question, trying to get his point across to the other male without actually having to say it.
The fact of the matter was that Kyle knew. He just couldn't accept.
"...either because you're a disgusting, horny bastard, or... or...," the redhead trailed off, unable to find the right words in his big brain.
"Or you're pretty fucking sexy, Kyley-B," Cartman growled as he backed Kyle up into the wall, pressing his elbow and lower arm against it to somewhat trap him. "And I want a piece of that."
Kyle's mouth hung open, the palms of his hands pressing into the wall. Was this really happening? Cartman, his worst enemy, coming into his room and demanding... physical relations, completely out of the blue. Cartman had some pretty damn weird antics, but this was the prize winner. "Y-You can't be serious."
"Look me in the eye and tell me I'm fucking joking," Cartman pressed closer to the other male, his features were as stern as they'd ever been their whole lives.
Kyle stared into his eyes as requested. He couldn't find any trace of lies or trickery. But it was still too hard to believe, because the truth was Kyle had always felt a strange attraction to the other. He could never truly figure out why, but he knew it had something to do with the fact that Cartman had displayed numerous acts of complete gayness to Kyle in the past. He had sang Kyle a love song on the big screen at a damn Denver Nuggets game, for God's sake.
The point was, Cartman had pride. Too much of it. And if he was really concerned with it taking too hard of a hit, he would have never done something like that. Ever. Unless there was even the slightest hint of truth to it.
And Cartman pissed him off, to a ridiculous extent and to absolutely no end. Kyle could sometimes feel the heat emitting from him when he was around the fat bastard. But it also made his deepest and darkest passion awake within him. Cartman was so forceful, so dominating, so rough, so perverted, and when you got past the prideful and obnoxious aura, he could be attractive when he wanted to be.
And that was all a pubescent, bi-curious teenager wanted. All of those qualities blended into one person, regardless of who it was or how you were related to them.
Never would he have guessed Cartman of all people would return the feeling.
"I... don't know what to say," Kyle finally spoke, truthfully and honestly. A blush was painted on his cheeks, which made the other male chuckle.
"Like I said, some things don't need words," he replied as he gripped Kyle's chin with two fingers, leaning in for another kiss.
Kyle's heart was pounding. Oh shit... this is actually happening...
He should push him away. Tell him off. Throw him back out the window. Lock it down and close the curtains. That's what he should be doing.
But when Cartman's large and surprisingly talented lips made contact with his again, he melted.
It felt nice to actually have someone be so attracted to him. He'd never had a girlfriend before and Stan was too busy with Wendy to notice him. And Kenny would tease him, but he was really only into girls.
So, whatever he was getting now? He'd take it.
Kyle found himself wrapping his arms around Cartman's neck, pulling him closer. Deepening the kiss. Cartman's tongue came out and licked at his lips, requesting entry. The smaller male opened his mouth and allowed Cartman's tongue to swirl around, letting out a moan when their tongues intertwined. He slightly turned his head, "C-Cartman..."
"Don't tell me you're getting shy now, Jersey-boy," Cartman took that opportunity to nibble on Kyle's ear, making him gasp. "You were so aggressive before. What happened to that?"
You know damn well, Kyle wanted to say, but he figured he might as well just completely let Cartman take control. It was what they both wanted, he couldn't convince himself otherwise.
"That's alright. It's more your Jersey look I'm attracted to," Cartman said lowly as he moved his hands down Kyle's arms, moving to his sides and resting on his hips, making Kyle squirm under him, biting his lip eagerly.
"Oh yeah, I like that," the larger whispered huskily in his ear, moving a hand to tug on Kyle's gold necklace, moving it up and getting it out of the way so he could latch his warm mouth onto his neck.
"C-Cartman," Kyle whimpered, his knees beginning to feel weak. His inexperienced body was highly susceptible to even the slightest amount of pleasure and he could easily be crumpled into a complete mess with just Cartman's mouth. Where the hell did Cartman learn to be so damn sexy?
Kyle snapped his eyes open when he felt large hands going up his shirt and running over his chest smoothly before going to remove the offending clothing.
This is really where he should draw the line. But that still wasn't going to happen.
Cartman carefully slid the white shirt over Kyle's head, making sure to avoid messing up his lovely new hairstyle, and tossing it aside to be forgotten.
The brunette licked his lips at the sight of that bare, pale chest of his. "Yeah, this is mine now." He stated, running his palm down Kyle's skin, going down until his hand rested on the bulge in Kyle's jeans. "So is this."
Kyle gasped and jerked at the touch, causing Cartman to click his tongue. "Let's move this to the bed shall we?"
"M-My parents are home, you idiot!" Kyle said, slightly panicked.
"Yeah, so?"
"So, what if we get caught?"
"That won't happen if you keep your voice down."
"Like I'm going to be able to do that!" Kyle retorted before blushing and covering his mouth shyly. This caused Cartman to laugh.
"Don't worry, we'll make sure your mouth is otherwise occupied," he said, causing Kyle to groan and give in, allowing himself to be thrown down onto the bed. Cartman wasted no time in crawling over his Jew, planting kisses on his chest as he did so.
"Kyley-B," he murmured sexily, his hands fiddling with the button of Kyle's jeans. Taking a quick breath, Kyle stopped his hands.
"Wait."
Cartman pouted his lip. "What?"
"You... you undress too."
Cartman smirked at the other's words. "Naughty Jew." But he did as requested and yanked his own shirt over his head, it felt nice to be free of it. He could only imagine how nice it was about to feel when clothing was completely out of the picture.
"Better?" He asked in amusement.
"Mm-hmm," Kyle hummed lightly as he fluttered his eyes shut and released Cartman's hands, allowing him to continue.
"You know, you're a lot easier than I thought you'd be."
Kyle opened his eyes. "Well, you're not the only one with secrets."
"Interestingly enough," Cartman agreed as he chuckled and got the offending button undone, proceeding to slide Kyle's pants down his legs.
The redhead became somewhat self-conscious and closed his legs, covering his burning red face with a pillow.
Cartman gently tugged on his legs, trying to ease them apart. "Now don't do that. You're just going to make this harder, no pun intended."
Cartman laughed at the muffled groan coming from under the pillow.
Kyle let Cartman spread his legs and he went tense when he felt his underwear being pulled down, too. He let out a quiet whimper, obviously getting somewhat nervous. But to his surprise, Cartman soothed him.
"Shhh," he hushed him softly. "Don't worry Kahl. This will feel good. I promise."
The redhead relaxed and allowed Cartman to undress him completely. He swallowed thickly and peeked his green eyes out from under the pillow, surprised to find Cartman already looking directly back at him.
"Hey there," the larger male chuckled, and Kyle realized he was fully naked already, too. When and how the hell did Cartman get his own clothes off so quick?!
"You like what you see?" The brunette slightly flexed, causing Kyle to bite his lip.
Cartman was big, but he had as much muscle as he did fat. It wasn't a terrible sight, and Kyle had never admitted this but he always wondered what it would be like to cuddle with Cartman, he had always imagined it being very comfortable.
He simply nodded in response. His thought process was not functioning properly that night. That day. That week. And probably not from now on, ever again.
"Want me to suck you off, Kahl?" Cartman asked, his smirk back on his features. Kyle nudged him with his knee in response.
"Where do you get off on saying such weird shit?" He grumbled, unsure of how Cartman's conscious worked, if he even had one. "A-And you already know the answer to that, anyway..."
"You're not wrong, but I want to hear you say it."
"Cartman... come on."
"I said some things to you tonight that you wanted to hear, even if I didn't find it particularly easy to say. I expect you to put forth the same effort," Cartman bullshited him and didn't move until the redhead complied with his request.
Groaning, the Jew squeezed his eyes shut. "Cartman, please..."
"No. Look at me."
Kyle forced his eyes open. "Cartman, please... s-suck me off. Please. Need it. Please do it."
Cartman smirked. That was all he needed to hear.
"You Jersey people are really oversexed, huh?" He teased as he kissed down Kyle's thighs, not quite touching his aching erection yet.
You're the one who started this, Kyle groaned in his mind, but he kept his mouth shut. That is, until he felt those talented lips enclose around the head of his cock and suck lightly, and he let out a surprised yelp, covering his mouth quickly afterwards. He didn't want his parents catching them, he wasn't sure if he could live it down if they did.
This made Cartman smirk wider as he took more of Kyle in, his tongue massaging the sensitive underside of Kyle's member and the redhead found himself bucking into his mouth.
"Tsk tsk," the brunette said before holding Kyle's hips down with his palms.
"Cartman," Kyle whined, wriggling on the bed, the pleasure pooling in his stomach as that talented and foul mouth drove him mad.
"You'll take what I give you and you'll love it," he murmured, going back to pleasure his Jew in full, taking all of him in his mouth and bobbing his head, his tongue occasionally making contact with the slit on the head that was leaking with precum Cartman would learn to love the taste of.
"Fuck!" Kyle gripped the bedsheets underneath him, trying desperately to make little-to-no sound. He'd never had anyone do this before, and it felt twice as good as it did by his own hand in his showers. And somehow the fact that it was his enemy made it even hotter to him. He felt like a captured hero, being caught and messed up by an evil and cunning villain. At the same time, it was out of genuine attraction, and that was all Kyle needed.
"F-Fuck, Eric, I'm gonna come...," Kyle warned with a low moan, and when Cartman did not retract his mouth, he released with a pleasured cry, his hot seed spilling into Cartman's mouth who greedily swallowed it all.
The smaller male laid on the bed, panting as he tried to catch his breath while coming down from his climax. He really hoped Cartman wouldn't go on about how easily manipulated he was in bed and how little effort it took to make him go over the edge.
Cartman licked the last of it off his lips. "I didn't think Jews could taste so good."
Kyle glared daggers at him. "S-Shut up."
"Hey. It's a compliment," Cartman laughed before laying down next to Kyle, turning him on his side and spooning him. "I got Kyle's cabbage in my muff!"
Kyle blushed furiously when he felt Cartman's bare erection brush against his back.
"C-Cartman?"
"Yeah?" Said male asked as he yawned tiredly.
"Why are we stopping?"
Cartman smirked and leaned down to whisper in Kyle's ear. "You want me to fuck your brains out or somethin'?"
If he wasn't in full maximum blushing mode before, he definitely was now.
"No... I mean, yes, I- I mean, well, maybe... eventually," Kyle stuttered. He turned his head to meet Cartman's brown eyes. "But don't you want... you know, to get off t-too?"
"Well, unlike someone here, I can control my urges," Cartman snickered, but in all seriousness simply wanted to start off by showing Kyle his affection and nothing more. "Believe me, I got what I wanted. Let's sleep."
Kyle blinked his green eyes, but nodded and turned his head back, effectively cuddling back against Cartman, allowing him to be completely consumed by the other male. He had a natural early alarm clock in his mind, anyway, but it might be a pain to get Cartman to leave in the morning. He didn't care right now, though. He just wanted to lay in Cartman's arms and fall asleep.
He had been right about the fatass before. He really was comfortable to cuddle with.
see i'm not afraid to post smut
*twitching*
anyhow this may become a two-shot if I decide to extend cartman's personal encounter with kyley b I just love him so much, his argument with snooki is one of my favorite south park scenes of all time I can't handle it he looks so fire and his accent is adorable
a lot of people really liked my other kyman one-shot with the s/m but they hit a home run in that one so let me know if you want another chapter with more goodness :*
-luna