Won't let you talk me
Won't let you talk me down
Will pull it taut, nothing let out
"roslyn", bon iver + st. vincent
"I haven't been fair to you, Leia."
She looks over the desk to her father, sitting with his fingers steepled on his chest and a grim, wistful look in his eye. They stare at each other for several moments, before Leia replies:
"Father?"
He takes his time to answer, Leia can see the words struggling on his tongue. Her father shakes his head and shifts to place his chin on one of his palms. His office is modest compared to most, sparsely decorated and small. It's only vanity is the wide, glass topped desk that sits between the father and daughter. Leia has loved this office since she was a little girl and sat on her father's lap while he did paperwork and drafted bills.
"Are you sure you wish to travel aboard the Tantive?" his eyes are no longer years away when he looks at her, "The Iago is much quicker and you will need speed on your side."
Leia frowns when he changes the subject on her, something her father does all too often these days. "Taking the Iago would be suspicious, it is not the usual corvette the royal family uses," she points out.
Her father sighs, "You are correct, my dear, it is only your safety I worry of."
.
When Leia was ten, her nurse was a vast woman from Coruscant. She had secrets in her eyes and stories on her tongue she would humor the young princess with. Rumor around the palace was that she had once been an opera singer —she certainly had the elegance of one— and Leia wondered how she came to be a nurse.
"No, never an opera singer," Nurse chuckled, when Leia inquired, but she never said anymore.
Nurse had a large cabinet in her room full of games. Leia's favorite was a dice game that was based mostly on the luck of the player. She had a knack for visualizing the results of the dice in her head, her nurse had joked that she had turned the princess into a gambler.
Leia just likes the chance. She's good at predicting the outcome, but anything could happen when Nurse throws the dice in the air and it thrills her.
Leia turned eleven and her parents had decided she was too old to have a nurse and Leia never saw the woman again.
.
Leia is fifteen when she goes to Coruscant for the first time. She had been elected as a junior senator to work under Senator Adeline for a year in the Imperial Senate, she has little power and the title is synonymous with 'intern' to some. Senator Adeline, however, doesn't see it that way and spends long nights with Leia discussing the state of the galaxy and introducing her to powerful allies in her future career.
Her father was against it, as was her mother, but she argues with fire in her eyes and cunning words on her tongue. And her father looks at her, his eyes cloudy and years away, and Leia can feel the pride rising in his belly and an unknown sorrow growing in his heart.
She squeals with delight and wraps her arms around his neck when he lets her go, but is quick to contain her excitement after.
Coruscant is unlike any planet she had ever visited, tens of billions of people layered atop each other and all trying to fit into the sleek buildings, the result is a loud scream of cultures and sensations all foreign to the young princess.
In the next year, Leia sees little of anything outside of the embassy and the senate building. She sits beside Senator Adeline when the senate is in session and wants to cry in frustration at the uselessness. Months later, she wants to punch something, to tear it apart with her own hands, and scream that they are useless and why can't they see that!
But Leia knows the Emperor is always watching, so she keeps her back straight, her expression neutral and notices the other senators doing the same thing.
.
Two years later, Leia takes Adeline's place as senator. The Senate becomes her outlet, Leia has always loved a good fight, an uphill battle, and years of beating the odds in childhood dice games gives her a silly courage. She campaigns, protests, and petitions and she notices the Emperor's smirk when he watches her, like she's a particularly interesting holo program.
The least she can do is make it the best show he's seen in years.
(she also sits at Mothma's elbow when the women plan late into the night, and she can't wait till the Emperor sees the finale)
Leia makes a powerful enemy as well. The rare times Darth Vader appears in the Senate are the days spent with debates between them. Outside the ring, she is the only one who dares contradict Vader (and the only one who lives) and their arguments will continue, even if they are spoken under polite pretenses. It is dangerous to be on Vader's bad side, her father chastises one morning, his black eyes full of dread. She knows he is right and knows she is being foolish, but she revels in their discussions, full of ferocity and a shared hate between them.
When she is eighteen, she realizes she enjoys fighting with Darth Vader, looks forward to it even. He is clumsy with words, but never willing to back down. He challenges her and she rarely meets someone who can rival her fire and passion.
"You would have been a welcome ally, Princess," Darth Vader rumbles after one senate session.
Leia reels at the idea and feels ill, but she smirks and says, "But then, you would have no one to disagree with you, my lord."
.
She is scribbling furiously on a bill Naberrie had asked her to look over. Leia frowns and chews on her pen, scrunching her brow together as she worked through the complicated word structures. The Naboo senator had a flowery way of talking that translated poorly when writing.
When her office doors opened, Leia looked up, expecting Naberrie. Instead, Mothma sat herself on the other side of Leia's desk.
The Chandrila senator clasped her hands in her lap. Her eyes were expressionless, but a quirk in her mouth exposed a giddiness Leia was not accustomed to.
"I have the file you were looking for."
Leia's eyes widened when she understood Mothma's code. The Alliance had located the Death Star plans, now they needed to be retrieved.
"And you are sure you want me to look over it for you?" Leia asked.
"I can think of no one better."
A chill went up Leia's spine, she had been involved with the Alliance for many years now, but this would be the first time she could be directly implicated with them. The danger was thrilling and more than a little terrifying.
Leia smiled.
.
Leia wrapped her arms tightly around her father before she boarded the Tantive IV. It was unseasonably cold and when she spoke, her breath was visible as it curled into the air.
"I'll be home soon, Father."
"I know, I know," he smiled, more than a little sadly, "But father's are always worried about their children."
She didn't respond and studied her father's face instead. He was old, he always had been, but today the lines in his face were deep and his skin sagged around his sad eyes. Leia frowned.
"I am so proud of you," he reached a hand out to cup her round face.
"I know," tears welled up in her eyes.
Leia does not look back when she boards the Tantive IV, her face steeled and heart pounding.
a/n: I had worked on this a little bit a few months ago to get better practice at writing Leia, and then I saw the new Star Wars trailer and just had to write something