Title: The Rules: Part I
Rating: PG-13
Disc World/Good Omens Crossover
F/F content.
May contain spoilers.
Characters and places are not mine I am just borrowing.
Originally written for the Yuri Challenge on Live Journal
Collections of stars dot the blackness of space creating intermittent pools of color. The stars are all worlds, some are dead, some live, and some are just masses of collected gases and minerals, though it could be argued that those live as well. Some worlds are round, some egg shaped, others are like hour glasses, and there are the occasional square worlds (which tend to produce accountants, humorless lawyers, and corporate synergy in terrifying amounts). In the vastness of the multiverse nearly anything can and will happen. Everything changes and moves, swirling along happily until something comes along to throw the whole system off kilter.
Sometimes that something is generally bad for whatever it is about to run into.
Sometimes that something is generally good.
And quite often it's all just a matter of opinion (and quantum, quantum usually has a lot to do with it).
Something was moving very quickly in a streak of red glowing light towards a flat world on the back of four giant elephants that stood atop an enormous turtle swimming through space.
The world was the Discworld.
The turtle was the Great A'Tuin.
The elephants had never been asked their names, and no one who had ever seen them was in a position to stop and ask.
The streak of red light stopped its furious journey and paused, a glowing orb of red, before a large man atop a horse in the middle of space.
"Where exactly do you think you're going?" The man asked, and it should be noted that he was not a man at all. He was, in fact, War. He was big and burly with red hair and a bushy beard. He was dressed in armor; a helmet sat on his head, and from the saddle of his horse hung the severed heads of fallen soldiers.
The glowing red light took shape, and it took the shape of a beautiful young woman with long red hair, wearing a red leather jacket, and riding on the back of a motorcycle.
The young woman grinned at War.
War folded his arms across his chest and sat up a little taller in his saddle. He hadn't been grinned at like that since he'd met his wife. It was an attractive grin, but it was the sort of grin that cats liked to give mice before devouring them.
"Well, I haven't all day." He stated, trying to sound authoritive.
"I'm just… traveling." The young woman replied.
War shook his head. "You don't belong here."
"At the moment I don't belong anywhere." The young woman said, her eyes glowing red for a moment, and then she added, "I'm not after your job though, if that's what you're thinking."
War grumbled. "Look, there can't be two of us."
"I'm not planning to stay. I'm just passing through."
"Right." War nodded. "Alright then, girl, you can touch down, but don't let me catch you messing about with my business."
The young woman smiled. "I wouldn't dream of it."
*****
The skeletal hand of Death reached out and hovered above the chessboard. It was about to touch a black pawn but then hesitated and moved to touch the bishop instead. The skeletal hand withdrew from the piece about to move on to another, but the motion was stopped by the sound of his granddaughter's voice.
"No take backs grandfather." She said and then drummed her fingers along the arm of the chair she was sitting in.
Death moved the bishop.
CHECK MATE. He said.
His granddaughter sighed and looked over the board. She wasn't sure why she had agreed to stop by. She liked to keep her life as normal as possible, even though she had come to the conclusion that it never would be. She liked to pretend at least, but when the invitation had arrived she could not turn it down.
She brushed back a strand of white blonde hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear. Her hair had a tendency to have mind of its own and very often in Death's realm it would do as it pleased. She glanced up as she saw the errant strand making a move. It stopped, and then obediently tucked itself behind her ear once more.
ER… SUSAN?
"Yes, I know time's nearly up." She hastily picked up a piece and set it down. It took her out of check for the time being but if she had looked carefully she would have seen it was a lost cause.
Chess was just about the only game Susan would agree to play with her grandfather. It was very hard for Death to lose at games, even chess, but there was at least a sporting chance since he often forgot which way the pieces moved.
Susan took a mildly deep breath. This visit was not about playing chess. She had a feeling why he had invited her over and while deep down the sentiment was sweet there were just some things she was not prepared to talk about with her grandfather.
ABOUT-
"I don't want to talk about it," Susan said quickly.
OF COURSE, YOU ARE NOT READY.
"Grandfather, even if I was ready I'm not sure I could talk to you about it."
WHY NOT?
She rolled her eyes and sighed. She wasn't sure she could make him understand. "I just… I have to go. Thank you for the lovely game."
Susan stood up and began to walk away.
IT WAS NICE TO SEE YOU, SUSAN.
She stopped and looked at him. She smiled weakly and then continued her exit.
Death looked over the pieces on the board and then stood up. There was a slight scuttling along the floor boards as the Death of Rats entered the room. It stopped and looked up at Death in a quizzical manner (well as quizzically as a rat skull can look at anything).
SQUEAK?
NO. SHE DID NOT WISH TO DISCUSS IT.
SQUEAK?
NO, I DO NOT BELIEVE GOING AND HAVING A CHAT WITH THE YOUNG MAN WOULD BE…APROPRIATE.
Death moved through his house and stopped at a door that led to the life timers. He entered it prepared to get back to work, but noticed something odd. There was something floating in the middle of the room. It was a life timer but it was translucent and no sand was running through it, at least not yet. It also had a slightly red glow about it. The name on the timer was somewhat blurred and consisted of three letters. The letters would change depending on which way Death glanced at it.
THIS IS VERY INTERESTING.
The Death of Rats moved along the floor and then scurried up Death's robe to perch at his shoulder.
SQUEAK.
OF COURSE, THERE ARE RULES. IT MIGHT BE SOME TIME, HOWEVER, UNTIL THE CORRECT RULES ARE APPLICABLE.
********
No one on the streets of Anhk-Morpork noticed Susan. No one ever did if she didn't want to be noticed. She walked with swift purpose towards a part of town that respectable school teachers generally did not walk down. She needed a drink. Well, perhaps not a drink, but Biers, the pub for anything and anyone that went bump in the night, seemed like a good place to be. Amid the odd assortment of bogeymen, vampires, werewolves, and the occasional tooth fairy Susan found an odd sense of normalcy. Of course her classroom was a haven for normalcy as well (because nothing pulls one into reality faster than having to clean up after a child that's just eaten one too many crayons), but school was out, and, at this point, it wouldn't be enough, not after the visit with her grandfather.
He was trying. She knew that. He always did, but she had to wonder who suggested that he may want to make himself available to discuss her failed romance. It might have been the raven, but it was probably Albert. She held fast to the hope that it had been Albert, but only because the raven got on her nerves.
The thing was she did want to talk about what had happened and why everything with Lobsang had gone wrong. She really did, but not with her grandfather. It was really something to be discussed with a close friend or even one's mother, but Susan didn't have close friends and her mother was dead. Her grandfather was all she really had at all, but there were just some things she could not talk to him about. It felt too awkward.
Romances ended sometimes. It was inevitable and she knew why things with Lobsang did not work out. It was because while he was mostly human he had taken on a duty that was not. He had tried to maintain a balance, but the problem was that after a while the balance shifted. And he was still sweet, and he was still him, but he was different, and ultimately, and as funny as it sounded, he just didn't have the time to dedicate to her.
He didn't have the time and she had things she wouldn't sacrifice either, like her classroom. Things fell apart, and things were said that should not have been said. She never liked to admit that it was all her fault but maybe it was, or maybe, like her grandfather, she was just destined to be alone.
Susan's thoughts were shaken by the sound of coins hitting the ground. She stopped and looked over to see a monk sitting near the edge of the street. He smiled at her and then looked at the ground where three coins had fallen.
She stepped over to him, but before she could speak the monk picked up the coins and handed them to her.
"Ask a question and throw the coins. I will tell your future" The monk said.
Susan didn't think much of fortune telling, because if she had really wanted to know the future then she could remember it, but she tossed the coins up anyway. She didn't think she had asked a question either, but the mind asks questions all the time without a person really being aware. A question had been asked and it was going to be answered.
The coins came down making a little clinkclinkclink noise as they hit the street.
The monk looked them over and nodded. "The wind blows low across the mountain." He said. "Work on what has been spoiled."
Susan arched an eyebrow, tossed the monk a coin, and continued walking. That wasn't exactly the kind of fortune she had wanted to hear, especially since it rang true in an odd way.
********
The wind blew low across the mountain and the bandits had just jumped up out of their hiding places surrounding the oddly dressed young woman with long red hair. They approached with swords drawn. The leader of the group was about to speak, and then, without warning, he turned on his fellow bandits.
The young woman crossed her arms over her chest and watched as one by one the bandits began to fight each other over petty things like who had more right to be the leader and who was a better bandit altogether. The fray lasted for about ten minutes until only the young woman was left standing.
She glanced around at the carnage, bent down and took one of the bandit's money pouches, stood up, and shrugged. It was all too easy sometimes to get people to do what she wanted. She stepped forward, prepared to continue her journey, but she decided to wait for a second. She grinned and turned around to face a hooded figure on a white horse carrying a scythe.
"Very traditional," she said.
The figure dismounted and tapped the blade of his scythe; it glowed with a blue light for a moment before he swung it over the fallen bodies of the bandits. Their ghostly figures stood up and looked around in bewilderment.
"I told you it was bad luck trying to rob a mysterious young woman traveling alone. 'Ere, and she's nicked Billie's pouch as well." One bandit said to the rest before they all faded from view.
The hooded figure turned towards the young woman. She smiled upon seeing his skeletal features.
DO STAY OUT OF TROUBLE WHILE YOU VISIT. Death said and then asked pointedly, YOU ARE JUST VISITING?
"Just passing through," the young woman said, looking around at the scenery for a moment before looking over at Death. "Though, I must say I really like this world, nothing like traditional thinking with magic in the mix. I've already spoken with War."
INDEED…JUST REMEMBER IF YOU SHOULD STAY-
"I know the rules." She interrupted hastily, almost angrily, and turned to make her way back down the mountain.
YOU MAY WISH TO CONSIDER ALTERING YOUR ATTIRE DURRING YOUR STAY, UM… WAR?
The young woman turned and grinned. She snapped her fingers, suddenly in new attire, and said, "I suppose this will have to do then, and please, while I visit, you may call me Red."
Red turned and walked forward, and then disappeared. She could travel fast if she wanted. Nearly invisible to the eye, but she stopped every so often to take in the scenery and have a bit of fun. There was no sense in traveling if one didn't enjoy the sites.
Death stayed behind and pulled something out of his robe. It was a life timer. It was not exactly all there, but it had become slightly more solid since he had last checked on it. He looked at the name, but it still shifted between two three letter words. With care he placed the life timer back into the folds of his robes.
Rules were tricky things when it came to anthropomorphic personifications. It all depended on choices and changes. It also largely depended on the world in which it lived (so to speak). Traveling was not unheard of but it was highly discouraged. There could only be one Death, there could only be one War, having more than that tended to mess things up. There was always room for special cases, the Death of Rats being one, but, again, it was the rare exception to the long list of rules.
There was, however, the little matter of the odd shifting life timer. It meant something. Exactly what it meant Death was not entirely sure of yet. He had never seen a life timer like that before. It was not technically in existence, at least not yet. No matter the eventual out come, once things were clear Death would perform his duty. In the meantime, he pondered possibilities and what they would mean.
******
Just before Red made her entrance at the small pub known as Biers there had already been something of a scene in the establishment. It occurred when a young woman with white blonde hair, and a streak of black hair had entered and ordered a drink. Most of the occupants of the bar had learned, and very quickly, not to judge a book by its cover, but there were some that were new in town and thought that harassing a young lady was a good idea. Those new comers swiftly learned that things like Rule Number One applied to more than just tiny unarmed old men in robes holding brooms.
Red entered the pub.
Most of the occupants in the pub paused in their drinking to look her over. Which said a lot since most of those in the pub were too busy drinking alone (even in groups) to notice anything that came through the door.
Red looked about twenty-five (and she always had) and was of fairly average height. Her hair, which was a true auburn (giving the term natural redhead several new meanings), and usually cascaded down to her waist in waves of luscious locks, was pulled up into a neat bun, although two shorter locks were loose framing her face. She wore spectacles with red lenses and behind those was a pair startling orange eyes. She wore a black dress, with dark red trim around the collar, and red heeled boots. She looked like a librarian from hell.
Indeed, she was a remarkably beautiful woman, gorgeous some would argue (and they were beginning to). However, her type of beauty was like that of an explosion, or an extremely large and deadly fire. It wasn't something one was sure he should be near, look at, or think about, even when doing so at a supposedly safe distance.
Red made it to the bar without any trouble and took a seat. She looked the bartender over and decided to play it safe by ordering vodka over ice. The man serving drinks looked as though he took drink orders quite literally, and she had a feeling she knew what she would get if she ordered a vodka on the rocks.
Her drink arrived just before the first chair whizzed by her head.
She sighed and took a sip.
In the old days she would have grinned and been quite satisfied with herself, but things had changed a bit, and frankly she wasn't even trying. She never remembered trying in the first place. Things just naturally erupted in her presence. Once peaceful locations could turn into war zones in the span of few days, but during her travels things were not the same. They couldn't be because of The Rules. She had to respect the territory of those she was in, but some things were slightly beyond her control, like inadvertently causing bar brawls.
Red ducked to dodge an on coming bottle without so much as looking, when a voice from the crowd pulled everyone's attention.
"STOP FIGHTING THIS INSTANT."
An eyebrow rose as Red turned around to see most, if not all, of the pub's patrons, frozen mid-fight.
That voice she knew, and yet, it was not exactly his voice, was it?
She grinned. She liked this world more and more already.
The patrons of Biers nervously and with much embarrassment shuffled off to their corners picking up tables and righting chairs as they moved along. At the back of the pub dusting off the front of her dress was a young woman with white blonde hair and a streak of black hair. She looked the sort that didn't suffer nonsense, and indeed she was not.
The young woman looked over at Red and swiftly made her way over to the bar. She took a seat, called the bartender over, and upon receiving her drink (a gin and tonic) turned to look at Red.
"Do you think it would be too much to ask that you control yourself and not do whatever it was that you did to make everyone one in here act like they were in the middle of a battlefield?"
"After the scolding you gave them, I dare say, they'll be too afraid to pay attention to anything I may or may not be purposefully doing." Red stated and then added pointedly, "Death's like that you know?"
The young woman looked a little angry.
"I'm Red, and you are?" She held out her hand.
"Miss Susan." Susan said and ignored the out stretched hand.
"School teacher?"
"Yes." She looked at Red suspiciously.
"The powers of Death with the attitude of a school teacher, no wonder they behaved so quickly."
Susan's eyes narrowed for a moment. "Look, I don't know what you are but-"
"War."
"I beg pardon?"
Red took a sip from her drink, looked Susan in the eyes and repeated herself, "I am War. Not the War of this world, but War nonetheless. And you are Miss Susan who is-"
"Death's granddaughter," Susan stated and then added quickly, "It's a long story."
"I bet." Red chuckled. Her laughter was strange in other worlds that had not moved along in technology as her own had, but it often made adjustments. To the ears of many near her it sounded like a thousand arrows rattling into the ground.
"No." Susan muttered and shook her head.
"No, what?"
Death's granddaughter stood up from her seat and quickly placed money on the bar. She looked at the woman before her who was War and she was beginning to sense the truth in it. She shook her head again.
"No, I'm not going to fall into this clichéd trap." She stated, though she was mostly talking to herself. "I mean it all sounds lovely at the start because you seem interesting and we could probably hold great conversations. It would work out wonderfully and we'd end up really connecting as we're inadvertently drawn into a plot to save the world. But…No. I've been there and done that too many times now and I know how it ends."
Red was unfathomably fascinated by this point and couldn't help but ask, "And how does it end?"
Susan stared ahead at nothing in particular and replied, "With both of us alone."
She shook her head and quickly walked out Bier's. Red watched her go and once the door shut she turned to the bartender and called for another drink.
"What's your name?"
"Igor, miss."
Red looked up at him over the top of her spectacles and said, "Tell me what you know about Miss Susan."
The bartender looked ready to protest, and then, without knowing why, he told what he knew, which wasn't much, but it was enough. Enough to make Red a little more curious and by that action it led her closer to the dangerous area of The Rules and what happened when they were broken.
*****
There was howling wind blowing low across a mountain.
There was a flaming sword.
There were tears being shed and brilliant orange eyes looking on with dawning and sad realization.
Susan's eyes flickered open and she sat up in her bed.
"Damn." She said and got up out of it. She moved to her closet and pulled out a dress. She started to change.
"Damn. Damn. Damn." She said again hurriedly and moved in front of the mirror. Her hair styled itself into a bun.
She took a deep breath.
It wasn't fair. Life hardly was, but it really was not fair. She didn't want to remember the future. It did not happen often, and generally it was a sign that her grandfather was acting out of sorts but this time… This time it felt rather more personal than that. It was herself warning herself, only it was not doing a good job. She understood the mechanics of defense mechanisms, but honestly sending her jagged pieces of memory was not helpful. It made her curious when she knew it should have made her cautious.
Susan was about to walk out of the door and then stopped herself. She went back and looked into the mirror.
"Right," she said, "I should just stay home. This is stupid. If I go, what I just remembered will happen."
She moved back to her bed and sat on it. She shut her eyes.
There was a flaming sword clashing with a defensively held crown.
There were scales in the snow.
There was wind across the bottom of a mountain howling low.
Susan opened her eyes again. She shook her head, stood up, and walked out of the door.
"I'm going to regret this." She said to nothing in particular.
*****
OH MY.
Death said when he entered the life timer room. Two more life timers had appeared, but these were much more stable than the one that apparently belonged to the visiting War. In fact these were quite solid, which was odd considering to whom they belonged.
MORE VISITORS…THIS CAN NOT BE RIGHT.
He moved to the biography room and pulled out three books. They were mostly empty which was strange. There should have been more to them. It should not matter that the three had just arrived on the Disc. The books should have contained a full history that would continue writing for as long as the three existed. It had to mean something.
Death went and sat at his desk. He tapped his boney fingers along the top and then stood up.
He did not want to do what he was about to do, but everything he should have known he did not know. Things were out of sorts, but there were those that would know what was going on no matter what, and while he greatly disliked them, he found that he was going to have to ask them a few questions. Asking meant bringing things to their attention and if there was something one never wanted to do it was bring things to the attention of an auditor, and most especially not The Auditors.
Death waited. He would not have to call them. They would just show up, and in fact three gray robed figures were now floating in his study.
It was hard to say that Death hated anything, but he was quite certain he hated The Auditors. It was the way they worked that bother him. They wanted things orderly. They hated life, specifically humans, and on more than one occasion had sought to remove its existence. Death, despite his function, really appreciated life, and specifically humans. The charm of beings that could create something like boredom in a world of wonders was utterly amazing.
WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE VISITORS THAT HAVE RECENTLY ARRIVED ON THE DISC?
The robed figures looked at each other carefully and then nodding one spoke, We know they do not belong here. We know they should be dead.
DEAD?
Yes. They were meant to return to human minds.
WHY DIDN'T THEY?
One made the choice to move on, as gods do. She travels and this is allowed so long as she follows The Rules.
AND THE OTHERS?
The Auditors looked at each other, almost uneasily, and then one said, A small fragment of the others escaped into the Universe. There are rules for these circumstances as well.
OH YES. RULES INDEED AND THEY WILL BE FOLLOWED.
The Auditors nodded and the one said, Then all three will no longer be a problem.
Death stared at the three robed figures and then said, I SHALL OBEY THE RULES.
Good.
The Auditors disappeared.
Death stood up and walked into the life timer room. The Death of Rats was inside looking at things.
SQUEAK?
Death looked at the new life timers.
OF COURSE I DO NOT TRUST THEM.
SQUEAK.
NO, NO I SEE NO REASON TO DRAG HER INTO THIS MESS.
Death picked up the two new life timers and put them into the folds of his robe.
SQUEEE-AK. Said the Death of Rats and it hopped up and down.
IF YOU FEEL YOU MUST.
The Death of Rats scampered off. Death wandered back over to the biographies and pulled one out. He began to read and then shook his head.
OH MY. He said and then put the biography back on the shelf before going out to fetch his horse.
To be continued....